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texting vs. callingPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
anyone who's spent any time on these boards knows communication issues are a huge part of the success or failure of the courtship dance, and that people frequently get completely muddled while making the least effective form of communication - written - their first choice.

so my question is primarily for the generation that's grown up with text messaging: do you choose this means because of habit? or are there tonal issues that reinforce the use of text? that is, is texting considered more appropriate for certain stages of courtship? are people who prefer calling waving some kind of red flag?
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 2
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texting vs. calling: a question for 20-somethings
Posted: 11/22/2010 5:06:24 AM
I'm answering on behalf of one of my sons, though I am obviously myself out of the age range. I cannot get my son to TOUCH a phone book, and when he was in his early teens, he INSISTED on texting rather than phoning ANYONE. It had nothing to do with a thoughtful choice about how to express himself, or about 'tonal issues,' or even about habit, really. Rather it was that he had grown up with the computer being his primary tool for all communicative interactions. He only therefore felt COMFORTABLE texting.
Now that he's even older, he has grown past that stage, and prefers the phone for its more rapid and direct communication capabilities. So NOW, if he texted someone, he MIGHT make some of the choices you describe, but more likely he would simply be texting them because he wanted to continue sitting at the computer for other reasons (gaming), and texting would permit him to do so, AND to communicate simultaneously with several other people.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 3
texting vs. calling: a question for 20-somethings
Posted: 11/22/2010 5:16:14 AM
Just watched a program last night about the young ones and their "social" skills. What came out of it was that they are finding that the younger ones have an amazing grasp on the technology aspect of games,texting,etc,,,,,,but couldn't hold a face a face conversation if their life depended on it. Public speaking was/is something that is looked upon with major fear and confusion.
"They" were pointing out that the kids don't have the skills to pick up on the non-verbal communication that people will put out when having those face to face convos,,,,just cause,,,,well,,,they don't do it very much anymore. But, boy,,,can they type.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 4
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texting vs. calling: a question for 20-somethings
Posted: 11/22/2010 5:30:57 AM
With me, my female friends like to text while my male friends like to call. I think it's kind of a gossip thing. Men aren't really ones to gossip nearly as much as women. Phone conversations with guys are normally centered around making arrangements for something, so the conversations will peak at -maybe- 5 minutes. Women will talk just to talk. Also, pretty much everyone that I know has unlimited texting on their cell phone plan, but limited number of minutes. So they're just playing into that.

I will project that people in my generation have lost their backbones somewhere. It is not uncommon to see people asking other people out, saying, "I love you," or breaking up through text message. They want some short easy alternative that allows them to hide from the person they were talking to and minimize the confrontation. It's very similar to IMs and forum posts, and with there only being 160 characters to work with, they will do whatever they can to condense what they have to say and be as blunt as possible. My personal feelings is that the -lack- of calling is more of a red flag. I have accepted that people these days will call more than text, especially with how busy people [claim that they] are (I've had countless times where my call was ignored, but they would text me back). But there should still be phone conversation to some degree.

Something I have noticed about people in my generation is that they use texting as an escape from social discomfort. If Jane is amongst a group of people doesn't feel included in the conversation, she will find someone to text. If Zach is in line at the DMV, instead of striking up a conversation with the stranger next to him, he will find someone to text.

Just my 2 cents
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 5
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texting vs. calling: a question for 20-somethings
Posted: 11/22/2010 6:06:18 AM
I'm 20. :)

I often text because I have unlimited texts on my phone contract per month, while I get 200 minutes for phone calls in that same time. Seeing as my parents pay my phone bill (basically, they like knowing that if I need/want to contact them, I don't have to worry that I don't have enough credit on my phone), I don't like to take advantage of that. My contract is £10 a month, so I feel guilty if my phone bill is more than that.

I do call people sometimes, and I don't have any problems with doing so. (When we get a phone for our house soon, I'll be able to call my family for longer/cheaper etc, and so will use it more.)

Habit does come into it a bit. I got my first phone when I was 13, and have had one ever since, so texting is second nature to me really.
It can also be useful if you're in a place/situation where you need to be quiet (so long as you remember to put the phone on silent! ).
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 6
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texting vs. calling: a question for 20-somethings
Posted: 11/22/2010 6:24:33 AM
I heard a report yesterday that female teens are texting appx 110 texts a day.....
and boys are at 87 a day.
I personally think it is absolutely ridiculous that parents are allowing their children
to zone out of the real world around them and have their brains stuck to these phones.

I was at a friends house this weekend......her child had to be asked 2 and 3 times any question because she was texting. She was texting throughout dinner also.
I think some there needs to be "phone" times and then "family" times where the phones have to be turned off.
And what's with this posting on Facebook (from their phone) during school hours??
See one last week.... "In math class and bored....text me"
WTH is up with that?!
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 7
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texting vs. calling: a question for 20-somethings
Posted: 11/22/2010 6:52:36 AM

I heard a report yesterday that female teens are texting appx 110 texts a day.....
and boys are at 87 a day.
I personally think it is absolutely ridiculous that parents are allowing their children
to zone out of the real world around them and have their brains stuck to these phones.

I was at a friends house this weekend......her child had to be asked 2 and 3 times any question because she was texting. She was texting throughout dinner also.
I think some there needs to be "phone" times and then "family" times where the phones have to be turned off.
And what's with this posting on Facebook (from their phone) during school hours??
See one last week.... "In math class and bored....text me"
WTH is up with that?!


And won't it be just grand when these are the same people that are running the world? 2024 elections....oh yeah.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 8
texting vs. calling: a question for 20-somethings
Posted: 11/22/2010 6:53:00 AM
Yup, the parents of today are raising a bunch of social misfits who have no idea how to interact face to face anymore. Well done, parents.

As for the newest generation's typing and spelling, that's become an atrocity, as well. I'm very glad my son chose to be more cerebral and social and didn't become another one of the dumbed-down herd. But then again, I wouldn't have allowed it anyway.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 9
texting vs. calling: a question for 20-somethings
Posted: 11/22/2010 7:00:40 AM
I think it has more to do with the technology.
I didn't have the option of texting, or redial or caller ID,
or computers, or fancy phones, or video games and 24
hour tv.

Kids nowadays are growing up with all these options and more.

I also didn't grow up with a computer to type my reports or a
spell check to check my spelling. Not sure why people are surprised
that kids can't tell time, make change, or tie their shoes because it's
just not necessary anymore.

I think it's funny though, people are always down on the younger generation
calling them misfits, etc, when I seriously wonder at the numbers of adults
who have retreated to their recliner and computer world?

I don't think texting is the end of the world...it's just a new way to communicate
and not for everyone.

And as we can see from the forums, it's not just kids that have no idea how
to interact face to face anymore.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 10
texting vs. calling: a question for 20-somethings
Posted: 11/22/2010 7:15:33 AM
Personally, texting is not my favorite. But I've been around enough people to see some of the issues you raise...



do you choose this means because of habit? or are there tonal issues that reinforce the use of text? that is, is texting considered more appropriate for certain stages of courtship? are people who prefer calling waving some kind of red flag?


1. Habit has plenty to do with it. Once kids start using texts, they become somewhat addicting. The only nice thing about them is the ability to send a discreet message when among others you may not want hearing what you say. However, this goes too far when people try and engage in text message conversations. I had a date with a girl once, and she texted me constantly after that. When I called and she didn't answer, rather choosing to send a text to reply, I checked out and haven't seen/heard/read her since.
2. None what so ever. There are ways to convey tones like :) or ;) symbols, but texting is toneless unless you know the person REALLY well. It's not appropriate for courtship, in my opinion, at any stage. It creates too much confusion and lets people off the hook by giving them lots of time to formulate answers. I like when a girl answers on the spot, it's much easier to figure out their personality that way. One reason I liked my gf so much at courtship was because she commented how she liked the fact that I called her rather than drag her into annoying text conversations like some other GUYS (I thought this was a girl thing, I was wrong evidently) had in the past. To this day our texts are 4 or less words, no more than 1 or 2 a day.
3. If it was a red flag that I called, I wouldn't call anymore, I'd check out. Nothing more annoying to me, or more meaningless, than a conversation conducted with text messaging.

When I read on these boards that people are actually referring to texts as "events" in a relationship, I cringe. I cringe even more when these people are in their 30s, 40s, even 50s!

Texting is fine for quick "I'm running 5 mins late" or "my address is ....." but for actual conversation, NO WAY. If I have children, there will be no texting from their phones for any reason. If they really need to communicate with friends or call me for a ride, they can use their voice. Nagging has never worked on me

I also find it funny how the very generation that raised us rags so hard on texting. But hey, your parents hated rock and roll, so...
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 11
texting vs. calling: a question for 20-somethings
Posted: 11/22/2010 8:10:40 AM
I am not a twenty something but play one on TV..KAY????

My 25 year old say that's the thing..with idiots .
BUT then he is so superior in intellect to everyone else on the planet what does he know what "average" 20 somethings do?

My friends daughter..22 texts all the time.
I mean ALL the time.



When our universal health care is on target in 10 years maybe it will pay for all those arthritic wrists and fingers when they are 30.

Maybe if we are lucky it will be a form of birth control..All that sexting..Heck STDs may become a thing of the past.
No one will actually have to touch or hear a human again pretty soon.


And as we can see from the forums, it's not just kids that have no idea how
to interact face to face anymore.

^^^^^^^^^^3 pointer boo
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 12
texting vs. calling: a question for 20-somethings
Posted: 11/22/2010 8:51:37 AM

Also, I find telephone calls to be intruding, we are all very busy these days.

Sorry about the shyness, that's a tough barrier to deal with.
However, I'd question a couple things about the statement in quote above...
- Is one 20 minute phone call more or less intruding than a dozen text messages spread out over significantly more time? I would think I can accomplish the same thing with 20 minutes worth of phone time vs. having to stop what I'm doing to compose a text. Plus, if I don't get around to texting, will "she" get mad or wonder if I still like her until she gets my reply?
- Sometimes, I find myself on the road, or going for a walk, and texting is too hard, or, more intrusive, than a phone call. I'd rather talk in those cases.
- If phone calls are intruding, how about personal one on one interactions? Wouldn't you rather set up a time to hang out with someone over the phone? Case in point, my gf showed up at my house way too early due to mis-understanding of a text I sent her. We both laughed about it, but it would have much easier to talk about it and I could have specified the details better.

To each their own, Pit, I wish you luck with the shyness thing!
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 13
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texting vs. calling: a question for 20-somethings
Posted: 11/22/2010 10:17:17 AM

I heard a report yesterday that female teens are texting appx 110 texts a day.....
and boys are at 87 a day.
I personally think it is absolutely ridiculous that parents are allowing their children
to zone out of the real world around them and have their brains stuck to these phones.

I was at a friends house this weekend......her child had to be asked 2 and 3 times any question because she was texting. She was texting throughout dinner also.
I think some there needs to be "phone" times and then "family" times where the phones have to be turned off.
And what's with this posting on Facebook (from their phone) during school hours??
See one last week.... "In math class and bored....text me"
WTH is up with that?!


Ohhh no... I never have my phone at the dinner table. When I come home from uni, I always respect "family" time, and leave my phone in my room. Actually, it's my dad who sits with his Blackberry on the dinner table, rather than myself and my siblings, and who answers it during mealtimes.
I consider it rude, like saying someone who MIGHT call/text me is more worth my time than the people I'm dining with.


In response to another reply on this thread, not all of us are neglecting our grammar and spelling, thank you. I'm at university studying English Literature, and I can't stand poor grammar/spelling. (Unless there's an actual reason for it of course... some of my friends have dyslexia, and a couple of them have learning difficulties to the extent that sending me a short email asking how I am is hard for them to do.) I've earned a reputation among my friends for being a grammar Nazi... I even correct peoples' Facebook statuses and comments. I also type out text messages in full, and rarely, if ever, use abbreviations or "txt spk" (oh, how I hate that!).
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 14
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texting vs. calling: a question for 20-somethings
Posted: 11/22/2010 10:24:02 AM
May I also point out that it's not just the younger generations who lack manners with mobile technology? The number of middle-aged business people who are glued to their Blackberries etc, who leave it out on the table during mealtimes in case they get an important call...

My own Dad is one of them. We'll be sitting around the table having dinner as a family, and if he gets an email or something on his Blackberry, he'll answer it at the table, during the meal. I've never known it to be switched off.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 15
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texting vs. calling: a question for 20-somethings
Posted: 11/22/2010 11:03:08 AM

May I also point out that it's not just the younger generations who lack manners with mobile technology? The number of middle-aged business people who are glued to their Blackberries etc, who leave it out on the table during mealtimes in case they get an important call...


I am willing to bet that your dad's call/email was significantly more important than the party that's going on Friday night or person X cheating on person Y. Are there older generations that have fallen into this whole fiasco? Obviously yes, but go to any high school during passing period and just see how many people are typing away with their thumbs.

Jerry Seinfeld was in town doing a stand-up and he was talking about how reliant people have become with their phones (talk about satire...haha). It seems like people have become more and more glued to their phones, they're always on hand, and GOD FORBID your phone dies because now your life has come to a halt because you don't know what's going on out there in the big bad world. Oh, and you'll be d@mned if you have to borrow someone else's phone. You've got your own phone with your own face-grease all over it.

 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 16
texting vs. calling: a question for 20-somethings
Posted: 11/22/2010 12:13:51 PM
any one who buys their teenage daughter a cell phone with texting and a sports car ..should be tried for murder ..I have in the past year seen six wrecks with fatalities where a teenage girl while texting pulled out in front of someone ..in every case the teenage girl was killed ..In one case while we were cutting her out of the car the cell phone was continually receiving texts ..I did buy my daughter a cell phone ..but I blocked texting and only bought the smallest package of minutes and forbade her to use them up ..I explained the cell phone was for emergencies only ..she is older now and has thanked me for it
 spark_in_the_dark
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 17
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texting vs. calling: a question for 20-somethings
Posted: 11/22/2010 12:34:44 PM
I'm probably a bit of an odd duck with this one, but I'm not much for either texting or talking 0n the phone, so I tend to go along with whatever my SO prefers.
Three of my ex's preferred talking on the phone (two of them didn't own cell's, so no choice there), and one of my ex's refused to talk on the phone for any reason (he would actually go so far as to ignore my calls and then text me right back to ask what I wanted).
I don't text constantly throughout the day, only if something really exciting comes up, or if I've already made plans with someone and we're just finalizing them. Usually phone is quicker though, and less frustrating (and cheaper, I have unlimited minutes but only 100 texts a month). I enjoy hearing the voice of the person I'm talking to as well.
At this point I think that people who refuse to call for any reason are more of a red flag for me (turns out my ex didn't want his friends finding out we were dating).
Is the purpose of the contact a quick hello or something short and funny that happened? Texting is fine. A full conversation discussing one another's days is better over the phone however.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 18
texting vs. calling: a question for 20-somethings
Posted: 11/22/2010 12:43:20 PM

are people who prefer calling waving some kind of red flag?


Indeed they are. With a number of people complaining about text these days, you can tell from the tone of their posts how much text messages turn them off.

Personally, I don't like talking on the phone but I do it any way. Since communication is key, too much texting isn't necessary. At least not in my book.

Frankly, if I had an s/o that despised texting as much as many people do these days, I would hope he had a landline.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 19
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texting vs. calling: a question for 20-somethings
Posted: 11/22/2010 1:08:03 PM
I am not a person to chit chat on the phone. I work in sales and spend half my day on the phone, it is the last thing I want to do at night. A text or two I can handle but when my daughter sends me 4-5 in a row I become unglued, its very distracting and annoying.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 20
texting vs. calling: a question for 20-somethings
Posted: 11/22/2010 1:14:18 PM

Personally, I prefer texting because I'm terribly shy, and I don't like talking on the phone more than the necessary. Also, I find telephone calls to be intruding, we are all very busy these days.


Not picking on the author here,,,but THIS is exactley what the kids of today are saying. Busy????? Busy doing what????? And what the hell are we soooooooo busy doing as adults that we can't pick up a phone to make a call if we need. The verbal word is soooooooooo much more easier to understand and comprehend,when done correctly. That IS the point of communication,,,is it not??????

.Universities are now having "problems" with what their students are doing while attending seminars. Between laptops, I-pods,etc, the kids don't even know that someone is speaking at the head of the class. One prof actually stopped speaking for 10 minutes before anyone noticed. Funny,,,but not. Another, actually makes "breaks" during class so the kids do their texting. We must be raising some very important children if they HAVE to text every half hour or so.
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 21
texting vs. calling: a question for 20-somethings
Posted: 11/22/2010 1:18:43 PM
Generally I write off a teenager as being a teenager if they text too much, but when we're talking about other adults, that text TOO much....chances are, I wont even bother with someone like that. Something is terribly wrong with an adult that texts as much as a child does.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 22
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texting vs. calling: a question for 20-somethings
Posted: 11/22/2010 1:36:20 PM
Wanna be amazed?!
I've never texted in my life!
I have a pre-paid cell phone.....that absolutely no one has the number to!
I have it for when I am driving long distances....and for winter driving.
I work from home.....so if you need to reach me......call!
If I'm not at home.....I'm most likely at the Vet's Grounds that I volunteer at.
All my family and friends have the phone number.
If I'm not there........and I haven't told you where I'll be......I don't want to be found or
bothered!!
I am truly amazed at how many people cannot even get through the grocery store
without thier phone going off 3 or 9 times!
Yes, I understand there are times when they are needed......
but you will never convince me that a teenager needs a cell phone with unlimited
texting, internet and all the bells and whistles.
Let alone the costs of such things!!
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 23
texting vs. calling: a question for 20-somethings
Posted: 11/22/2010 1:39:32 PM
^^^
And this, ladies and germs, is how all of us survived back in the day. Everyone did just fine before cell phones.
I'm jealous of you but if I ditched my phone now... Sheesh, I can't even think how mad people would be at me.


Not picking on the author here,,,but THIS is exactley what the kids of today are saying. Busy????? Busy doing what????? And what the hell are we soooooooo busy doing as adults that we can't pick up a phone to make a call if we need. The verbal word is soooooooooo much more easier to understand and comprehend,when done correctly. That IS the point of communication,,,is it not??????

Too busy to talk on the phone a few minutes, but NOT too busy to sit and compose text messages? I can do some things while talking if I'm busy, but texting consumes 100% of my attention while I compose the message.

I get what you're saying and I agree with it, but Pit's take is probably along the majority these days.

Bad news, it's getting worse, as the parents of teenagers well know.

Stupid phones...
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 24
texting vs. calling: a question for 20-somethings
Posted: 11/22/2010 1:44:03 PM
^^^^ we all survived back in the day before electricity, phones, cars,
refridgerators, television and radio.
Everyone did just fine back then too.
But who wants to go to back then?

It's all relative for pete's sake. I'm sure when a family got their first
car people complained how pop wasn't home much anymore.
Everything in moderation...including modern technology.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 25
texting vs. calling: a question for 20-somethings
Posted: 11/22/2010 1:46:51 PM

so my question is primarily for the generation that's grown up with text messaging: do you choose this means because of habit? or are there tonal issues that reinforce the use of text? that is, is texting considered more appropriate for certain stages of courtship? are people who prefer calling waving some kind of red flag?

My SO and I text often ~ even when we could be talking on the phone if we wanted to do so. I guess that means it's not generational to us.
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