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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Would he commit to a second date if he wasn't interested?      Home login  
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 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 3
Would he commit to a second date if he wasn't interested?Page 1 of 1    
Or is he actually really interested but just not expressing it well?


Likely he likes you, dear. He may feel the need to maintain the guy "cool" so you will still be intrigued by him and it seemingly gives him more control in the relationship..

By the way, HAPPY THANKSGIVING ! you Forumite turkeys.. Get out and mingle today with real live people !
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 4
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Would he commit to a second date if he wasn't interested?
Posted: 11/25/2010 11:57:17 AM
If you don't want a pity date, then stop asking him out. You've let him know you are interested, it's in his court now and so far he's been dropping the ball. I understand where you are coming from but it's time to back off and see if he is wanting to see you again. If he doesn't ask you out, then know he's moved on.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 6
Would he commit to a second date if he wasn't interested?
Posted: 11/25/2010 1:56:17 PM
No, a guy does not commit to a second date when he is not interested. The question is, did he actually commit to a second date or just say this weekend would be nice with no definite time specified. If there was a definite time and place he agreed to then he surely wants to be with you. I doubt you are getting a pitty date.

Communication does tend to drop off after you first meet someone, it's not a big deal.

In the U.S., today is a holiday and there is a lot going on which family which can be very stressful. I'm sure the date will work out.
Would he commit to a second date if he wasn't interested?
Posted: 11/25/2010 2:20:58 PM
your vague use of language is what's tying you up in knots. because right now you're discussing dating, not making dates.

So he's commited to a second date

he hasn't committed to anything. he's said something that could be an expression of his desires, or just a politeness. this is the problem with using vague language. you get vague responses.

if you want another date with the guy, be specific: 'i have tickets for the mousketeers revue this saturday. it starts at 8:30. why don't you pick me up at 6 and we'll get a burger first.'

this way, you get an answer that tells you more about whether he's truly interested. if he says yes, you're golden. if he declines with a counteroffer, he wants to date you. if he declines with no counteroffer, he doesn't want to date you.

you don't seem like you're too timid to make moves (good for you), just inexperienced at the right way to to it. you can practice on this guy, or move on to someone else.
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 8
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Would he commit to a second date if he wasn't interested?
Posted: 11/25/2010 3:08:54 PM
Sounds like he's interested ... but keeping his options open. And you've every right to call him on that & get confirmation. Could be he just doesn't understand how his actions -- or inactions -- are perceived. Tell him.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 11
Would he commit to a second date if he wasn't interested?
Posted: 11/25/2010 6:19:57 PM

Really -- if you have to hound him to show up, he's not worth your time.


Do us guys get to use this school of thought also?????

Just askin.

To the OP,,,your young,,,don't fret. If it happens, it does. If it doesn't, it didn't. You have soooooooo many years ahead of ya,don't dwell,don't sit,don't wait. You make the choice if he can't. It will get ya into practise when you have deal with the older,bitter ones later in life.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 13
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Would he commit to a second date if he wasn't interested?
Posted: 11/26/2010 5:45:32 AM
Abelion is right, I'll only add for emphasis that when guys in your age range go through "dating 101," they are often directed to behave in an aloof fashion, so that the woman wont take them for granted. He could be excited to no end, and trying to cover his excitement with a "cool" disguise. Thus, you have no way to know how to interpret that part of his behavior. Most people who are dating for more than the date itself, are nervous and hard to pin down as to their motives. The more confident ones are ironically the most likely to convince others that they are sincere, and also the least likely to actually BE sincere.
It's JUST a second date. Go on it, and see what happens. The fact that he's going with you on it means he's interested ENOUGH to want to spend that much more time with you. Whether it's simply to try to bed you, or to have a hot girl on his arm, or even just to split the costs, you wont know until the event.
Whatever you do, RESIST the urge to analyze every moment of your young relationship life, to try to predict the future from it. Both you and the guys you are dating will be LEARNING AND CHANGING. Even if you could outright read his mind today, by tomorrow, everything might be completely different.
 Wise_Monk
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 15
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Would he commit to a second date if he wasn't interested?
Posted: 11/26/2010 8:55:28 AM
^^^ Agreed @ #1.

He's got you and it's working. These games are indeed silly, but the climate in the dating scene is such for Men who have difficulty, that they resort to this behavior. I realize that a lot of men do this because they've had a hard time with women in the past (i.e. they've had little to no luck) and they feel this is a better way to approach it. It certainly "works", but I don't agree with doing it because it's not authentic. Nevertheless, I understand why guys do it.

I'd suggest that when/if you speak to him face-to-face again, reassure him that you actually like him and games aren't necessary, and that if this is the way he is going to be long-term it's not going to work out, because you don't have time for it. However, if you enjoy the game and it's thrilling to you (as it unfortunately is for many women) then ignore that last part entirely :)
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