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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?      Home login  
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 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 3
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?Page 1 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
I hate to say it Op..

Sometimes to have to stand up strait and stare em in the eye and spit like a man on the ground and wipe your mouth with the back of your sleeve while staring.

I have found this very effective..I watched a lot of westerns.
If he is harmless it will make him back off.



This man gives me the creeps.


Is it just he's not attractive or is he really giving creepy" in your gut" vibes?
If SO more drastic action needed

I suggest asking............
Do you wanna get shot a whole buncha times?

What are youl lookin' at? F1ck head!!
Chipmunk face! Catfish breath...

Them's some big ugly FIKIN' teeth you gott here sh1tbag.
Holy sh1t! Look who got beat with the el creepo stick.



Now you will have some splainin to do to your friends if he is a great guy...BUT it works.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 4
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Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 1:39:25 PM
Yup, that's exactly right. As of now, all you know is that he smiles when you look his way. For all you know, you remind him of a daughter, cousin, ex-something, or sports team mascot. He's doing nothing bizarre or untoward.
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 1:40:30 PM
the problem is he doesn't get clues and hints, so you'd have to be direct, because if you pretend you've forgotten how to speak english or anything like that, it won't stop him from sniffing around.

but if you say, 'stop wasting your time because i know you want to have sex with me and that will never happen,' he'll just protest his innocence and then you have a big argument and he'll continue to stare at you whever he sees you, only it'll be lust mixed with resentment.

so you'll need to say something like, 'i don't want to interact with you. please never talk to me again.' and hope he takes it well.

or you could try to frame him for some sort of problem that will get him kicked out of the building or, better yet, arrested - maybe plant some drugs in his car. or get a gun and fire off a couple rounds by his door and hope he gets blamed. maybe apply a little pre-emptive pepper spray.

or, since nothing has actually happened besides some clumsy attempts at interaction, you could put it down to the idea that life and work arrangements often put us in the presence of people we wouldn't choose to interact with. treat him as you would a panhandler or any other unwelcome stranger with a sales pitch. maybe reframe it as one of those small chapters of the gritty yet life-affirming drama of life in the big city.
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 6
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 2:06:13 PM
Would it really be so hard for her to just be polite, shoot the sh*t for a few moments, and excuse herself? Jesus christ...just because hes not attractive, that doesnt mean he doesnt have a right to chit chat with women he considers to be pretty.


Thus far....all she has really stated was that the dude is "creepy" by her standards....but what exactly has he DONE to be creepy as of yet? Stared at her, and smiled at her? Nah...hes creepy because she finds him to be unattractive.



So, be forward, be friendly, and just shut him down politely. You dont have to pretend like you dont even see the guy standing there. Wtf?
 smittymo
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 7
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 2:11:39 PM
That sounds like a tricky situation OP.

In reality, all we know for certain is that this guy gives you the creeps. He *might* have some level of interest in you, but you could also be overreacting to innocent small talk and the like just due to the fact that you don't care for the vibe you get from him. Based on what you are saying, I think you are doing the right thing... avoid unnecessary conversation, be short if forced to talk etc... he should get the hint. If he ever does express some kind of interest, or disappointment in the way you are acting, that's when it would be appropriate for you to tell him that you have no intention of conversing with him and you would rather him leave you alone. You don't owe him an explanation why, but I would not tell him that you think he is creepy, that might set him off and lead to unforeseen consequences down the road. At that point, if he still doesn't leave you alone, get management, police or other authorities involved.

Good luck!
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 9
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 2:21:12 PM
I can't help you with your problem, OP ... sometimes we can't pinpoint why someone creeps us out, but I go with my gut instinct in these types of situations.

However, I'm going to copy your post to my profile for all the old guys on here who are looking for really young women ... hopefully the "creepy" factor will slap them back to reality ...
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 10
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 2:54:41 PM

As hilarious as Ms Petuntias remarks are the OP does simply need to be just a tad less judgmental yet assertive IF this guy makes some other overt attempt to date her. Already mentioned is the building occupants who seem open to introducing people to one another so perhaps this alleged creepy guy is just following suit?


You know I was kidding around Mr haaaaaaaaaaaba..........LOL
Not everyone has your beautiful baby blues and winning charm..

Read my last sentence OP.

I think we all agree she should make sure its not just his LOOKS that are making her feel this way.

I would ask your friends more about him if they know him ..proceed from there in a kind manner as long as it works.

You have biotch material if you need it..cheers!!
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 11
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 2:56:52 PM
You don't have to be a prick to him,,,,just make sure he knows you CAN BE a prick!!!!! Ya know what I mean?????Cordial,,,but firm. A biatch,,,,but a polite biatch. Talk to him about your gun collection, your nutbar tendencies, lunatic twin sister,,,hell I gotta million zillion of em.

The old man taught me a couple of things when I was younger and confronted with a group of bullies. Act like a crazy man, so crazy that you scare people,,,,and go right after the biggest sonofabiatch in the group. Ya may lose that little battle,,,,but they won't come near ya again. Ever.

Edit:
Oh,,,I am serious here. Women,,,especially women,,,have an uncanny ability to pick up on the creepies and wierdos. Hell,,,they can get enough practise right here in the pond.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 12
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 3:13:16 PM
Sometimes a fib is best.
Just let it drop you are seeing someone.

He could be just socially autistic and shy.
Staring and grinning like an idiot is the best he can do.
so maybe not dangerous.

But still.
If the imaginary boyfriend doesn't work, you'll
just need to be blunter as the ladies above suggested.

good Luck.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 13
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Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 3:23:50 PM

However, I'm going to copy your post to my profile for all the old guys on here who are looking for really young women ... hopefully the "creepy" factor will slap them back to reality

don't think there'll be too many slaps. why would someone interested in young women be looking at this one's profile?
 UglyFroggieCritter
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 14
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 3:48:22 PM
^^ Morbid curiousity, just like me......It just looks off, yanno?

OT

I understand how you might feel creeped out by this man (looks or otherwise) but you must make boundaries. And yup, will probably mean talking to him at least once.

Try to do it when there's someone around or about, not to make a scene of course, just to provide you with some security.

If/when he approaches you, stares, and says hi or smiles or waves at you or whatever, explain firmly yet politely that you're a serial murderer and if the police start sniffing around, he's next.

Or something like that.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 15
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 4:04:38 PM
Most people just don't take rejection very well so just continue trying to avoid him and ignore him as much as possible.It's not like you ever dated this guy so you don't owe him any explanations.If you have to say something to him then make sure it is short and to the point.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 19
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 5:46:31 PM

that's how neighbors are where I am.. very friendly


He obviously mistook you for one of those friendly neighbors you speak of. Why don't you set him straight, tell him you're only friendly to attractive neighbors.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 20
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Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 5:57:38 PM

He obviously mistook you for one of those friendly neighbors you speak of. Why don't you set him straight, tell him you're only friendly to attractive neighbors.

took the words right outta my mouth tdh!!
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 22
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Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 6:31:56 PM
I do think this isn't as cut and dried as some think, obviously just MY opinion.

People who stare, the "unwanted attention" the OP mentioned, that I get is creepy. Now, the unknown is the intent. He could just be friendly, think she's a great looking woman (which she is) or she could remind him of someone. In other words, it/he could be totally harmless. For anyone who even occasionally reads the news, knowing what someone's intent is is not possible to determine.

I think what makes the OP so uncomfortable is that he lives so close to her. If she lives alone, there are times when she may feel more vulnerable. Coming home alone later in the evening, etc. I think it's important that noone ever discounts any concerns for their safety. There may be no reason for concern, yet I for one always trust my gut, as risking one's personal safety, particularly to be "polite" or "nice" just isn't wise.

I'm not saying I have the perfect solution, I do know if someone makes me uncomfortable, at the appropriate time (when others are around and I am comfortable I'm safe) to either confront the person or have someone else confront them. It may be easier for me, because I have two sons, both not intimidating, but protective. Just to let him know that what he's doing causes you some discomfort. His reaction and response will be telling. He may apologize and explain "sorry, you look like my niece". If he is defensive, or angry, then it may be time to take some more aggressive protective measures. No woman (or man) should ever feel badly about dealing with a perceived threat.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 23
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Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 6:38:32 PM
a fairly frequently stated feminine truism states a woman can always tell when a man is attracted. that's what the op has asserted about her neighbor. yet many women are checking in on this thread to tell her she may have him all wrong.

could it be that women DON'T always read our intent correctly? could this even be remotely possible?
 smittymo
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 26
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 6:53:46 PM
I think you have to be really careful though and not just offer this to him unsolicited... I kind of get the feeling you would be doing this just to satisfy some psychological need you seem to have for him to be aware that you are uninterested. If it is, in fact, unwarranted, as many here seem to feel your desire to do this may be, you will come off as impolite and unfriendly at best... pretensions, stuck up, or even crazy at worst. If it is really as friendly of a community as you make it out to be, that will most likely come back to you in some form... you may get singled out or "shunned."
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 27
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Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 6:56:56 PM
"a fairly frequently stated feminine truism states a woman can always tell when a man is attracted. that's what the op has asserted about her neighbor. yet many women are checking in on this thread to tell her she may have him all wrong.

could it be that women DON'T always read our intent correctly? could this even be remotely possible?"

Totally. That's the thing though, "reading" people, first off isn't totally accurate. Secondly, some people do or say things unintentionally that many WOULD interpret as creepy. Thing is noone knows. Geez, if I could always read men's intently correctly, all the time, well I guess you can fill in the rest....haha. I DO know that at times when men (in my case) are interested or attracted, they don't always know how to express it in a way that jives with my comfort level. I'm sure this happens to men, too. He could have been looking at a clock, when she was right under the clock and thought he was staring at her. Point it all of it is theoretical and assumed.

I DO know when I have the creeps, I always trust my gut and do what I feel I can and need to for my personal safety. It could mean walking out of a store, taking my son with me to go get my soda or fill up with gas.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 28
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Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 6:57:58 PM
Jeep ... you wrote that you are getting a creepy vibe from him ... and you're thinking you will tell him that you don't wish to talk to him and for him not to talk with you any more ...

I GET that you're feeling creepy around him and you should never distrust that feeling ... if you're feeling creeped out ... listen to that feeling ... maybe he reminds you of someone who ridiculed you in the 2nd grade or something!

NEVER ignore your own feelings!

BUT ... you also don't want to hurt someone's feelings ... he might just be a high functioning autistic ... or socially inept ... awkward ... low feelings of self esteem ... maybe he stutters ... he might be a completely nice man who's never done anything but smile at you and let his looks linger too long for your taste ...

while I'm NOT advocating you become friends with someone who creeps you out ... I think you should just consider the possibility that, while you don't want him for a friend ... you also DON'T WANT to create an enemy ... especially since he lives so close ...

it's a balancing act ... but I'd recommend that you don't rush to be brusque or rude to him ...
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 29
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 7:02:08 PM
There's a man who lives in my building, who is much older(15 years, maybe more), who I am not attracted to at all,(he's thin, balding with dark hair, a little taller than me) and will never be


I think it's pretty cut and dried what's driving this bus.



The way she is describing it feels like the very very early stages of stalking


Oh wait, you were serious? Really, you were serious?. A guy that lives in her building, happens to run into her twice in 2 or 3 weeks, and he is now a potential " stalker"?. Man I have to go take out restraining orders on ALL my neighbors. How dare they try being nice when we cross paths in the hallway or elevators.
 Worbug
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 30
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Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 7:02:16 PM
Maybe he was in the military and you remind him so much of the "Buy me Drinky" . girls around the base. You are talking about stereotypes right, you have already judged him without merit, maybe he has judge you with out merit as well.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 32
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 7:27:50 PM
I don't go assuming that everyone who looks at me is attracted. But you wouldn't keep looking at someone who you were repulsed by, would you


I would, I do it everytime I go to a circus. I keep paying to see the bearded lady, or the 900 pound woman.... And I keep right on looking until they tell me my time is up.

So far I have read not one single example of why you think this man if attracted to you. All I get so far is a guy being a friendly neighbor and a woman with a possible overactive imagination, driven solely by her repulsion, or lack of attraction to said neighbor.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 33
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Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 8:12:44 PM
It can be intimidating as a female to communicate to someone she doesn't know why she feels the creeps. I know it's happened to me before, but it wasn't totally based on the fact that the male was "respulsive". From that, I take it physically unappealing.

Based on that alone, it wouldn't be something that would give me the "creeps" it's more their actions or what they say, and sometimes it can be someone who's very physically attractive. Great looking men can give me the creeps, physically unattractive men can give me the creeps, the "creep factor" isn't based on what they look like AT ALL, in my experience. I can only speak to what I know and have experienced. When someone says "creepy" for me it clicks on my own personal safety antenna.

When someone I call "creepy" it is because it is someone or something that kicks in my protective factor of my personal safety. For me and I'd hope for everyone else of either gender, their personal safety should always be something that is of the utmost concern, and not a time to ignore their gut reaction. It's never been just because someone is physically unappealing, for me what sends my radar up, my "gut" has been more often, those that are just physically appealing, but do or say something that I get up quietly and get the heck out.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 35
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Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 11/30/2010 9:09:40 PM
You and he were introduced by other neighbers.
A couple weeks later you see him at the lauundromat and he's grinning at you.
You......instantly think the man is "interested in you"......instead of thinking
the new neighbor is just being friendly. How dare him attempt to say Hello to
a neighbor?!
Then, on Thanksgiving......he tries to be neighborly again.......and you can't even spare
a Hello on a Holiday for a neighbor. Maybe he just wanted to wish you a
Happy Thanksgiving.

So tell me...........what action of his have led you to believe he wants to date you?
Are you so egotistical that you think any man that smiles at you automatically
"wants you"?

Personally.....egotistical, rude women creep me out far more than thin, balding older men that try to be nice to neighbors.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 38
Creepy neighbor, should I be direct and say I'm not interested?
Posted: 12/1/2010 3:02:51 AM
OP...this is silly. Just because he is not attractive to you doesnt mean he will go on to do something sinister because he tries to engage you in talking.

If he creeps you out, then write him a note and slip it under his door, telling him you notice he stares alot and it makes you uncomfortable. Or next time you are in a group setting like where you were introduced, joke with him and make a funny comment about his staring....You are the one with the issue, do something about it. Even a lie about a boyfriend would help.

In all liklyhood he is socialy awkward, thinks you are cute and wishes you would speak to him. While doing routine tasks such as laundry, why not just make small talk, be polite and through that process let him know you are not available, but can be a pleasant neighbour? Cant you steer a conversation to drive home a point? Every communication has a back and forth....you scurrying away like some mouse from a cat is not taking responsibility for your side of the communication. Talk to him, tell him in so many words you are not interested...and maybe you will find out you look exactly like someone he once knew or something silly and his staring was not lustfull at all.

End of day, people look at what they like to see. You cant stop that. Take it as a compliment, one day you will lose your looks, as we all will and you'll wish for the days when men would stop what they are doing to take a peak at you. Just because you dont see him as attractive doesnt mean its less of a compliment.
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