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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.      Home login  
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 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 1
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
When I was much younger sexual chemistry was VERY important to me. While mental chemistry I didn't give a second thought to. If the girl was hot and we had great chemistry between the sheet, I didn't care if she had the IQ of a house plant.

But now that I am getting older mental chemistry has become exceptionally important to me. Maybe even more important that sexual chemistry. These days if giving a choice between fantastic sex and dumb conversation and so so sex and fantastic conversation. I would choose the so so sex with the great mental chemistry.

I can alway work on turning mediocre sex into fantastic sex, but I can't practice my way to mental chemistry. Obviously the perfect scenario would be having both, but we can't always get what we want.

I wonder if this is just a product of getting older?

I know the mental aspect has always been more important to women than men. So does that mean that me getting older and feeling this way mean I am getting more in tune with my feminine side?. Is it this way for most, or am I just an anomaly?
 06mc69
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 2
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.
Posted: 12/5/2010 11:59:29 PM
I see your point, but, I still think there needs to be both mental and physical chemistry to rattle the cage so to speak.

I wouldnt say it would be something that happens when you get older, but a word to the wise, even tho we may have it now, when we get older, we lose all, due to aging bodies and minds..
 Canadian Ink
Joined: 7/12/2009
Msg: 3
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.
Posted: 12/6/2010 1:06:01 AM
I think you really need both to have a truly fantastic relationship. Chemistry is any form is important but finding someone you click with on both of these levels is something to strive for. Look at it this way. In my opinion, and I obviously speak for no one but myself, mental chemistry with no sexual chemistry is a friendship. Sexual chemistry with no mental chemistry is a (for lack of a better word) f*** buddy. Put them both together and you have something that might be worth holding onto for the long haul.
 Maddiex76
Joined: 11/17/2010
Msg: 4
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.
Posted: 12/6/2010 2:50:00 AM

Obviously the perfect scenario would be having both, but we can't always get what we want.


Why not? Surely having both is not that hard. Unless of course you want the ones with the Goodlooking Chemistry, Sexual Chemistry and Mental Chemistry. Men like to think the Goodlooking Chemistry does not plays a big factor in the relationship, but it does.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 5
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History
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.
Posted: 12/6/2010 4:02:57 AM
Having never experienced a time when mental chemistry DIDN'T matter to me, I can only suggest things. It only took me once having sex with someone with whom I had no mental affinities, to decide not to do that again. So I would suggest that it isn't the AGE that changed you, it was the experience. If you are like me at all, you never lost your purely sexual ATTRACTION to incompatible women, you just came to realize that following through with that would not be satisfying to you, just as you learned that good sex COULD be taught (at least sometimes).
I would also not agree that calling this "being more in touch with your feminine side" would be valid, since (as you have described, at least) your reasons for CHANGE were entirely practical, and for personal satisfaction. That doesn't show any PARTICULARLY feminine thinking. Just my opinion of course.
Are you unusual in your maturation? Not from my experience and observation. More unusual by far, are those who never stop looking for sex for the sake of sex, with no concern for the quality of the experience. Of course again, this is my own view, it COULD be that the only reason most people stop looking for meaningless sexual encounters is social pressure, or laziness, or fear of losing their chosen LIVE-IN sex toy. I doubt it though.
 Max Schnell
Joined: 10/11/2010
Msg: 6
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.
Posted: 12/6/2010 4:10:15 AM

I wonder if this is just a product of getting older?

Sure. But I define "getting older" as the space between 17 and 21.
It's all relative.

 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 7
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.
Posted: 12/6/2010 5:12:58 AM

I can alway work on turning mediocre sex into fantastic sex, but I can't practice my way to mental chemistry.


"Chemistry", the way it is most often used, seems to be that bundle of ineffable energy that sparks between two people. It seems either to be there, or not. I have yet to see anybody sufficiently explain it- it's just magic. And it doesn't really break down to the mental, sexual, or the "good-looking" kind that seems to be a distinct operative factor in AU.
"Compatibility" seems to be a more workable term, e.g., you can find it in similar "activities", lifestyle, or the types of athletic events where you compete, but to me, it's just a lesser form of "chemistry". (When you speak of "mental chemistry", if you're referring to educational, or "IQ" equivalence, I don't think that gets you much beyond the surface, a dead end, that ime, fails to explain the "chemistries" , and women, that have best mated with me).
I have a close friend, a woman who kayaks, camps,hikes and talks, about everything, with me. We even agree on what's important, and what's not. But there's no sexual chemistry; we've looked, damn near everywhere for it.
OP, without the total "chemical" spark, I don't think "mediocre sex" ever gets to "fantastic" levels.
Maybe I'm confused by the way you pose the question, and the definitions of your terms, and that stuff about the "mental aspect has always been more important to women than men", and "feminine side" gender attributions, starts you in the wrong direction every time. imho
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 8
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.
Posted: 12/6/2010 7:03:38 AM
I have a son who is 19.

He is willing to jump into bed with a female for the pure sake of Sexual chemistry.

So yes, I would say it is an age thing.

I would agree that as you age you would desire more mental chemistry with a woman.

tdh49, this is what baffles me. I check your profile and it states that you are 50, and you write:


But now that I am getting older mental chemistry has become exceptionally important to me. Maybe even more important that sexual chemistry. These days if giving a choice between fantastic sex and dumb conversation and so so sex and fantastic conversation. I would choose the so so sex with the great mental chemistry.


I would have expected this to end around the mid to end of your 20's. That is when boys become men, and decide that they must live with this woman for the remainder of their years. So obviously they want someone who they can relate too.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 9
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.
Posted: 12/6/2010 7:27:16 AM

I would have expected this to end around the mid to end of your 20's. That is when boys become men, and decide that they must live with this woman for the remainder of their years. So obviously they want someone who they can relate too.


I dont know who made up this myth ...guys typically mature around the age of 52 ..before that they are just life support for a penis
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 10
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.
Posted: 12/6/2010 7:41:24 AM

I would have expected this to end around the mid to end of your 20's. That is when boy becomes men, and they decide that they must live with this woman for the remainder of their years. So obviously they want someone they can relate too


Try explaining that to a 70 year old rich guy who marries a 20 year old bimbo. Or Jackie and Joan Collins, women in their eighties who married men half their age. The millions of cougars around the world. Or guys who refuse to date women even remotely close to their own age range.

When I was 35 I started a relationship that lasted until I was 40 solely based on beauty and sexual chemistry. Besides I never said I just had an epiphany last night and started this thread. It's a gradual process that's gotten to the point now where the mental aspect is more important to me than the physical. I used to be able to look past a lot of things while dating if the physical chemistry is there. Now I don't even waste my time checking to see if the physical chemistry is there if the mental chemistry is already missing.
 hemanmachostudlovegod
Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 11
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.
Posted: 12/6/2010 7:41:36 AM
After sex I am usually stupefied, so intellect would be irrelevant then. Before sex I am stupid trying to get some, so, again, no need or hope of smarts then, either. During sex I am decidedly brainless. The only times left are those not before, during or after sex, which I suppose should be spent engaged in stimulating conversation about important matters, but I also have other things to do like laundry, grocery shopping, and finding my sun glasses. In theory I would prefer a very intelligent partner, it's just that in practice there is some question about my being able to provide her with that sort of company in return.
 smartypants24
Joined: 8/3/2009
Msg: 12
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.
Posted: 12/6/2010 7:50:55 AM
Dunno...I've always been that way, it's definitely not entirely an age thing.

I've never been willing to put up with getting "less than" in a relationship...less affection, less emotional connection, etc etc. I'd rather be single, and wait for a relationship that works for me and my partner in all aspects of it, than be with someone just for the sex, or to avoid being single.
 DoubleParked
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 13
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.
Posted: 12/6/2010 8:43:16 AM

I know the mental aspect has always been more important to women than men.

I don't think that is necessarily true. I know quite a few women who have ALWAYS gone for the 'movie star looks' kind of guy, regardless of mental chemistry. Some women don't care to have in-depth conversations with their guy, so it's not important to them. They just want a handsome man with whom to have sex with and to be seen with when they are out and about. Nothing wrong with that;we all want what we want. I don't know, OP, if you are more in touch now with your feminine side or not, whatever that may mean to you. Perhaps as you are getting older, you are needing different things from women, so you are choosing differently. Hope you can find a happy medium.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 14
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.
Posted: 12/6/2010 4:25:22 PM

I don't think that is necessarily true. I know quite a few women who have ALWAYS gone for the 'movie star looks' kind of guy regardless of chemistry


I would venture a guess that guys going for bimbo's far uutnumber those women.
 DemonLeather
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 15
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.
Posted: 12/6/2010 4:33:06 PM
I can't have one, without the other,.. well.. I CAN,. but I've LEARNED,. it never works.. for me it's a waste of time..Hot is great,. but loses it's appeal as soon as she opens her mouth.. and nothing is there,..I went sooOooo beyond just breeding by the time I was about 14..
 hotmerlot
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 16
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.
Posted: 12/14/2011 7:04:52 PM
Mental chemistry creates sexual chemistry (at least for me).
 Sisyphus76
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 17
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.
Posted: 12/14/2011 7:33:33 PM
You are talking about distinction without difference. There is no such division of chemical attraction.

When you are sexually attracted to another human; you either follow your body's biological urges or you choose not to.
 Yew4ics
Joined: 9/30/2010
Msg: 18
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.
Posted: 12/14/2011 11:28:37 PM

Mental chemistry creates sexual chemistry (at least for me).


Agreed. They go hand in hand.
 BountyHunterMike
Joined: 10/5/2011
Msg: 19
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.
Posted: 12/15/2011 5:48:49 AM
I don't think it's more intuned to the female side, I think its more intuned to YOU. I would have to agree with you in the aspect of getting more Mental chem than sexual Chem....
However I dissagree with turning mediocre sex into fantastic sex....That has to be done as a indivual base's..as a general rule I think if they suck in bed, they will always suck in bed. I dont mind taking the time to train them.(I'm sure I might get a repsonce to this one..lolol)..thats not the problem...The problem would remain in their past/history...Ok getting off subject..lolol

I just think your more concerned with your menatl needs VS your sexual needs...Also your Testosterone level has drop alot...sadly thats a fact for us all men as we get older...

Good Question TD!
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 20
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.
Posted: 12/15/2011 6:34:02 AM

I wonder if this is just a product of getting older?

No, I think it's just you. I've never been able to have sex with a woman I couldn't talk to and have an enjoyable conversation with. That rules out anyone who I wouldn't have considered intelligent enough to talk to for reasons other than sex. Basically:

mental chemistry + physical attraction = sexual chemistry
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 21
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.
Posted: 12/15/2011 6:49:19 AM
Sex is a complicated subject. Mutual knowing or anticipating your partners desires speaks volumes on compatibility. This is how one night stands turn into life time relationships. It does go hand in hand but like alcohol strips inhibitions sex lowers barriers. Biblical term of 'knowing' does have some truth to it.

What is more important? You can't have one without the other. I believe it is impossible to have sex with someone you find intellectually repulsive.


I dont know who made up this myth ...guys typically mature around the age of 52 ..before that they are just life support for a penis

Well that's a little harsh. Physically frontal lobe does not fully develop before the age of 30. Sexual maturity (obviously not physical capability to procreate) depends on a variety of elements. I would love to see a study on a subject.
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 22
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.
Posted: 12/15/2011 12:26:58 PM
Not sure whether it's an age thing.......... maybe it's just a shifting of priorities? Though for men it might have to do with dropping testosterone levels???

As for me, at 51 I'm less willing than ever to compromise one for the other in a serious relationship. That of course poses quite a dilemma, as the men I meet usually turn out to be either intellectually or physically a match, never both in one person!
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 23
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.
Posted: 12/15/2011 12:42:10 PM
I have always had to have both.

A dumb man doesnt turn me on no matter how sexy he looks from the outside....Ive been accused of being too picky, but it is what it is.

Glad to see men closer to my age beginning to feel the same way!
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 24
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.
Posted: 12/15/2011 2:54:30 PM
As to mental aspect I've set the bar very low.
We just have to get along.
I'm mental enuff for two.
LOL

But seriously, this thread sounds like folks who are DETERMINED to be single
looking for yet more reasons to remain so.

People aint custom designed.
The aspects folks want always come with aspects you don't.
You might as well try for five aces in Vegas.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 25
Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.
Posted: 12/15/2011 3:00:41 PM
the two times I have married in my life time .. I held out for someone who was smart and intellectually stimulating ....God I wish I had married the bimbos
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Sexual chemistry versus Mental chemistry.