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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > What exactly is wrong with serial dating?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 endlessbarking
Joined: 6/29/2010
Msg: 1
What exactly is wrong with serial dating?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I get my fair share of dates, the problem is that when she wants to see me again, she wants me to stop dating other women, even though I make it clear that I don't sleep around and the dating is just public-based socializing (usually nothing more than meeting at a coffee shop and then walking around the lake or the mall). I'm having difficulty understanding why most females think that regularly dating the same guy is just a waste of time unless it appears to be headed for a relationship. If you have fun with the guy during the date, nothing is going to change that fact of past history even if you later discover that he doesn't want a relationship. Right?
 Max Schnell
Joined: 10/11/2010
Msg: 2
What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 12/6/2010 3:13:32 AM
It's not a huge problem really unless you date a lot of desperate women who are so chronically frustrated in their personal lives that they feel compelled almost beyond control to glom onto the first man who agrees to date them more than once. Only an emotionally stunted woman would expect an instant relationship. So I have to ask: What it is about you that makes you so attracted to women like that? I have encountered maybe one or two women of the type you describe, but it was never enough of a problem that I thought I needed to ask or wonder or complain about it. Maybe your real issue is one of quantity vs. quality.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 3
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What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 12/6/2010 4:09:45 AM
If you were to think carefully about what you wrote in the OP, you would have your answer. You carefully described that YOUR motivation, YOUR goal in dating is DIFFERENT from theirs. YOU only want to date for the sake of the fun you might have ON THAT DATE. They are dating as part of a process of securing a long term mate.
So what you are actually asking is: "Why can't more women just want to fool around?" For THAT answer, you'd need to speak to who or whatever is in charge of deciding what ALL WOMEN want. I cannot suggest where you might find such an entity or authority.
And by the way, there ARE women who DO simply want to date for the fun of the date, just as you do. Stop trying to get those who don't, to change, and look to the ones who DO, and have fun together.
 AquanGold
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 4
What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 12/6/2010 5:19:40 AM
I have a problem with serial dating,especially, if its clear about what your intentions are.
If you`re having a sexual relationship and the other party has a desire to see others, i would rather not be involved.Often, it becomes a contest with someone else, and the drama surrounding this type of relationship does become evident.being placed in this position truly sucks!
I would rather be upfront about my situation, than learning about it afterwards.
I have no issues with someone who feels the need to date others,but in the same token,i`m not into sharing..
 myrgth
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 5
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What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 12/6/2010 5:33:49 AM
Wouldn't it be easier to date like-minded women instead of focusing on and trying to change the mindset of the women who don't want to date a serial dater?
 Fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 6
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What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 12/6/2010 5:39:32 AM
I think you're attitude is healthy and I wish I could find guys who felt that way.

Dating and getting to know many people is how one goes about finding a partner that's right for them. You're being healthy about it too and you aren't putting others at risk by sleeping around.

I think you've got the right idea, you just need to find females with the same mind set.
 ***Tee***
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 7
What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 12/6/2010 5:49:00 AM

If you were to think carefully about what you wrote in the OP, you would have your answer. You carefully described that YOUR motivation, YOUR goal in dating is DIFFERENT from theirs. YOU only want to date for the sake of the fun you might have ON THAT DATE. They are dating as part of a process of securing a long term mate.


Bingo.
 Steveo480
Joined: 5/27/2010
Msg: 8
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What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 12/6/2010 8:27:05 AM
Make sure your dates know from the first contact of comunicating that your not looking for a relationship and just want to casualy date. There are plenty of women who are looking for the same. Find like minded women to date and that should solve your problem.
What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 12/6/2010 9:11:44 AM
aww pp, didja hafta mention that song? now i hafta beat myself to death with one of those big ol carousel CD players.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 10
What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 12/6/2010 10:02:01 AM

I don't have a problem w/ this as long as everyone is upfront and aware of the dating. Of course this means the woman gets to date as many men as she wants as well.


I concur.

aquangold:


If you`re having a sexual relationship and the other party has a desire to see others,


Why would you have a sexual relationship with someone you are dating prior to having the exclusivity talk?

Dating is just that ... dating. Having fun and enjoying each others company.

However, if it moves over to the sexual portion, then there needs to be a talk about exclusivity.

Otherwise, there is a lot of drama.

Isn't that what they call a player?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 11
What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 12/6/2010 3:26:53 PM
The problem would be if either you or the dates are receiving and sending text messages with the other people you or they are dating while on your date and making arrangements to meet them later. lol.

The main problem with multi-dating IMO is a lot of the women here are husband hunting-they prefer the terms "looking for a soul mate", "Looking for Mr. Right for me" or "Looking for some one to grow old with". These women prefer the hit and miss dating scheme-date one person at a time, and prefer that the guys are not dating others in case he's the ONE, and if there's no potential for a long term relationship, bring on the next potential groom. This type of woman is on a mission, so dating strictly for fun is out of the question. The trick is to find women who are OK with dating just as a social activity and for fun and not thinking of "I wonder what kind of husband he would make?"
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 12
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What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 12/6/2010 3:30:55 PM
OP --

I looked at your profile and was VERY surprised by your age. I was expecting it to say 19 or so -- instead of 39!

Surprised that you don't know by now how "committment issues" work for MOST women over 25 - 30 these days.



Wouldn't it be easier to date like-minded women instead of focusing on and trying to change the mindset of the women who don't want to date a serial dater?


Only 1 problem with that -- many of us just look at the pictures on the profiles to make connection choices. Then they dream that they can get the fish in question to want what they want them to want.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 13
What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 12/6/2010 4:04:09 PM

If you have fun with the guy during the date, nothing is going to change that fact of past history even if you later discover that he doesn't want a relationship. Right?


How have "they" found out in the past that "he"(you) doesn't want a "relationship"????? I'm guessing from the results you are getting from your personal "experinces" is that you haven't been completely honest with your "dates" from the start. Ya maybe getting a ton of dates today,,,,but once you start telling your "potentials" that all you are looking for his "fun",,,,I bet that "ton" turns into a pound,,,,or probably just an ounce,,,here and there.

Then again,,,,if you check out the "sex appeal" thread in the "relationship" section,,,,you may find one or two that don't mind going out for a bunch of evenings with you footing the bill. Of course it will be all for the "fun" of it,,,,right?????
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 14
What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 12/6/2010 5:30:59 PM
Actually the only way this can happen is if you assume the women you're dating know what your intentions are. That can easily be avoided by making it clear in your profile you're not looking to settle down. Surprised you'd not want to be upfront about this.

Then those women will avoid you, and you'll be grateful for it. Everyone wins.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 15
What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 12/6/2010 6:14:33 PM
Tell them that BEFORE you go out with them.
If you don't, you're dating under false pretenses and wasting their time.


Some women also serial date.
Seek those out and take a number.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 16
What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 12/11/2010 11:03:02 AM

Some women also serial date.
Seek those out and take a number.

I sense this is the crux of the activities of someone who tends to date a lot of people who want a relationship yet don't want anything serious. They, ironically, don't want the competition. No problem doing the same thing on their end though.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 17
What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 12/11/2010 5:14:10 PM
~OT~ There's not a thing wrong with multi-dating/serial dating if one is honest about what they're doing. I'm multi-dating at the moment. As of yet, I have not had to explain that to anyone, but when the time comes that I need to, I most certainly will. Oddly? This is the most fun I've had in the world of dating for a VERY long time. Of course, this means I'm back in abstinence mode, but even that is working well. It's like being 16 again. No sex, no worries, just old fashioned dating.
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 18
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What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 12/12/2010 3:58:48 AM

If one is ONLY looking to date around and fill up their dance card, then be UP FRONT about it with anyone they date, from the very start - that is just common sense and common courtesy. I suspect if some of the women you date are taking issue with the fact that you serial date is because you are NOT being UP FRONT with them/poor communication on your part.

Not everyone out there just wants to date a half dozen people at the same time, merely for the fun factor. Just as not everyone who doesn't subscribe to the serial-dating mindset is automatically clingy and insecure and looking to get hitched to the first person that comes along. If dating is nothing more than various outings with very people just for the fun and socialization, then why not just do that with friends? Why even call it a "date"?

There are actually people out there who feel that it takes a few dates to determine if someone is a match for them and when they get to the point they realize this to be the case, it can be rather frustrating to find out that they were developing a slow connection or "click" with someone who was merely window-shopping, or acting like a kid in a candy store.

People and their feelings aren't like a pair of shoes you wear a few times then toss away or replace. Most people seek to establish a growing connection with someone otherwise they'd just hang out with their friends for entertainment/socialization.


Exactly this.
 TooShadows
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 19
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What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 12/12/2010 7:11:47 AM
The problem is that people have different ideas of what dating is. Many feel that it is just a casual thing and doesn't mean you have to be tied down with one person,while others feel it means you're together exclusively. As other posters have said,you have to be sure that the women you're dating feel the same way you do. Ask them when you meet.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 20
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What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 1/5/2011 9:13:27 PM
If someone were dating more than one person at once, I can see how that would work well in the old days, when it was pretty much assumed it was just dating and having fun. And it wasn't anyone else's business who they were dating. Why would it be?

But how does that work today? Even if someone only were dating any one person once or twice, and even if the dates really were just casual fun with no sex involved, how could anyone else assume that? It seems like most people might want to think the person they're out with didn't already have a former bedmate (or a new one) lined up for the next night. But what would give anyone reason to think they didn't?

If a man were considering going out with a woman who dated like that, she could have had it off with every guy she went out with even once, as far as he could know. And even if it were the man who was dating that way, how could a woman considering going out with him know but what most of his dates had been with women who'd wanted NSA sex, just like he had. And had it with him.

That's great, if you're you're both on the same page. Neither of you wants to get involved, you like each other's looks, and you're both horny. Maybe you spend a couple or a few nights together, and that's that--and no one's feelings are likely to be hurt.

Sort of like having an escort provide you a "girlfriend experience," as a guy I once met described it, but better. Whatever you spend will only be going to the restaurant, bar, or theater. And you'll probably get as many repeat sessions as you're up for, get to see her have real orgasms, and have her kiss you with more passion than an escort could afford to show. Have to be careful, though--kissing like you mean it can stir up emotional attachment pretty fast.

Not so hard for guys to keep their emotions out of things, even when they're very thrilling. And novelty certainly helps make them that way. But the women who go for these quick affairs must either just feel they're getting an itch scratched, or they've learned how to have strong orgasms without letting their hearts get involved. Maybe they control things by telling the man just what to kiss, fondle, or enter, and how, and when. Or maybe they've learned to control their oxytocin production, like a yogi training his heartbeat or something--God knows.

But if one of the two--say the man--is hoping for something a little more satisfying than that, just how could it start? Maybe he's aware of the complaints about boorish men who pressure women for sex, and he's not planning to push too hard the first couple dates. And maybe he likes her, and isn't dating anyone else at the moment.

If she is, though, the fact she agrees to see him again doesn't mean she has to stop. And she's not about to tell him what she's doing--after all, it's her business, and she hardly knows him. By your second date, say the next weekend, she could have had sex with someone else, or maybe more than one.

Say she thinks you might offer her something other than sex, and so she agrees to a third date. Before then, she could have had casual sex with yet another guy--and yet it would still no one's business but her own, would it? But if you then had sex with this woman--even if it were great, feelings developed, and you agreed only to have sex with each other--how would you feel?

Or, how would most women feel, I wonder, if you reversed the sex roles in this little scenario (not that it's as likely to happen that way.) I'd guess knowing it would bother them less, because they could be sure that whatever the guy had been doing with other women was "just sex." The research I've seen shows that the idea of sharing a lover sexually tends to bother men more, whereas it seems to cut women deeper to think the man they love is sharing his romantic, emotional side with another woman.

I'd usually think it would be best not to know what had happened. And all the more so, if it had been happening a lot, and at the same time you were first dating someone. If so, better hope that person, or one of their friends who knows about it, never lets it slip out in a careless moment. Is that a situation most people would choose as their ideal--what they'd feel best about? And I wonder how safe, either medically or emotionally, most people would feel in that situation--especially if the relationship developed into something serious.

I can see the advantages of dating several people at once, just for fun--at least for a while. But wouldn't someone have to be pretty naive, these days, to assume that didn't involve sex--even if it didn't?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 21
What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 1/5/2011 10:20:09 PM

I get my fair share of dates, the problem is that when she wants to see me again, she wants me to stop dating other women, even though I make it clear that I don't sleep around and the dating is just public-based socializing (usually nothing more than meeting at a coffee shop and then walking around the lake or the mall).

My best friend and I go out to eat lunch regularly and she's even picked up the tab the last two times, but that wasn't a date. Hmmm... What do you suppose the difference between eating lunch with an attractive woman (which is ok with my fiancee) and dating her (which would not be ok with my fiancee) might be?
 newreality2010
Joined: 10/29/2010
Msg: 22
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What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 1/6/2011 12:50:55 PM
Are you taking all these ladies 'round the same bingo hall? Maybe the rumor mongerin' has got their feathers in a ruffle. Try mixing it up a bit.
 fryan
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 23
What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 6/12/2011 9:34:24 PM
As long as you're honest about it, there is nothing wrong with it. It's when you deceive or mislead people, that's what is wrong. Regardless of what you're looking for, you owe it to the other person to be honest. After all, that's what you'd expect from them, right?
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 24
What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 8/20/2012 12:25:34 PM
There's nothing wrong with your attitude. Yet realize that there's nothing wrong with THEIR attitude.

It would not work for me. First of all, I like sex too much. So if I date someone is with the intent to eventually become intimate and have sex. Plenty of sex. But when I am having sex with one person, I want to see where that will take us. So I would prefer to then have sex with only one person. And as I honor that, for the sake of safety, they honor something similar. So for that to work, going out with other potential partners is not advisable.

So find people that are compatible with your goals.
 That_girl*
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 25
What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 8/20/2012 1:06:02 PM

I'm having difficulty understanding why most females think that regularly dating the same guy is just a waste of time unless it appears to be headed for a relationship. If you have fun with the guy during the date, nothing is going to change that fact of past history even if you later discover that he doesn't want a relationship. Right?



UHHHHH seriously..i will try not to cuss on this 1..

first off i dont know about everybody eles.. but if im seeing/sleeping with the same person regularly YES i expect it to eventually lead to something more then just that.same as if your playing a game on xbox or play station dont you expect to level up after a certain amount of time or trials an errors an successful missions..

otherwise whats the point in putting time emotion an energy into somebody an a situation whom there is no possiable future with atleast long term relationship,,

hell if thats the case then we need to just be platonic friends an keep it at that..

an wrong it does change the whole game why the hell would i want to step up an do everything that goes with being a couple or having a boyfriend to an with a guy who in the first place never wanted to date me or have something meaningful together even worse would be at looking at my time lost with him when he could have just said all this upfront not oh by the way crap..

an as for why some people have a problem with a serial dater

A) competition 1 person agianst 5 to 10 others dancing for the same persons attention isnt fair at all..
S hit halla at me when your serious an are actually free..

B) you will never be number 1 it will be like musical chairs as soon as the song comes on you better hurry up an get to the 1 free chair they have waiting or eles be left on the bench till they personally call your number..

C) wonders how many of these other people are you also sleeping with that you call yourself casually dating..
how many other beds are you laying in 7days aweek before you get back to mine..

D) an in the end there can only really be number 1 if your seeing/fuking more then 2 people at a time best belive there is somebody they have subconsiously picked as their favorite an they will eventually drop the others you just have to hope its you getting picked an not the 1 whos getting dropped..
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