Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Would you sacriface friends and family?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Would you sacriface friends and family?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
The equations involved with a decision of this magnitude are never as simple as you describe here, OP.
For any person to be willing, and to be WISE to decide to make such a move, requires a particular history of their lives, a particular set of GOALS that they have chosen, and a particular set of circumstances at the moment of the decision.
--they must have no special ties to the place they are in now, so that leaving it will not cause them to completely lose their sense of well being;
-- they must have no obligations, emotional or otherwise, that require them to remain (such as I have, with a permanently disabled child in a special care facility that I will NOT move far away from);
--they must have reasonable confidence that they can FIND employment at the new location, so that they wont be entirely at the mercy or a dependent drag upon the person they moved to be with;
--and they have to be emotionally able to completely break with what they are leaving behind.
This is why the fantasy of "following the one you love wherever they may go" IS mostly a fantasy. It tends to be most successful, if performed at a natural break time in our lives, such as the transition from teen child to independent adult. Even then, it only SEEMS easier, because the transition is so tumultuous ANYWAY, that adding the stress of a cross-country or even international move doesn't seem to be THAT much worse, and can even seem to make the painful adjustments easier, since you CAN'T easily run home to mom and dad.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 9
Would you sacriface friends and family?
Posted: 12/11/2010 9:52:43 AM
I wouldn't move just because she asked me too(if she asked????). I would move for my own selfish reasons,as in, I couldn't live without her, she was always in my thoughts,etc,etc and all that other lovey dovey "stuff". I would add, I would never consider moving south into the States(no disrespect intended),,,I just wouldn't do it.

The only person that I would have to really worry about in my "family" would be my daughter. I've given up job offers of where I could easily 2-3 times of what I take home today,only because of certain situations that involved her. The rest of my family is spread across Canada as it is, and because of the way were raised,we know that no matter how far away we are today,,,it doesn't take long to get back together when it's required.

Same goes with my "true" friends. A handful at best,and many miles seperate us already.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Would you sacriface friends and family?
Posted: 12/11/2010 10:21:08 AM
It would so totally depend on the circumstances, as the other posters have pointed out. Would I move to be with some fantasy relationship, no, but if I were in a solid, stable relationship and he needed to move, sure I would go with him. I would only go if I could still be with my granddaughter though, I waited too long for a grandchild I'm not giving her up for a hope at a chance with a man. When I would younger, I would have packed up and gone with the wind. It would have to be a situation where traveling to visit often was a reality or I could take my youngest daughter and grandbaby with me.
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Would you sacriface friends and family?
Posted: 12/11/2010 11:16:59 AM
I would probably once I knew someone is the one and I loved this person. I would want to get married within a short time if this is the case.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 15
Would you sacriface friends and family?
Posted: 12/11/2010 11:19:38 AM
I'd go where the job is - if it's one I don't like much but it's necessary to get where I'm going career wise AND it happens to be near a guy I'm interested in, bonus. I will always talk to or make friends anywhere and my family isn't local anymore, but no I wouldn't move for a guy alone. There'd have to be more going on than just that.
 jojoaus
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Would you sacriface friends and family?
Posted: 12/11/2010 1:56:00 PM
As everyone has said... circumstance is everything. This time last year my daughter lived at home and my parents within 3 k's of me. Now, my daughter has moved a lonnnnnnnnnnnng way away for uni and my parents also decamped some 5 hours up the coast. It so happened that I found a new job that I love in the town my SO lives, and... here I am! From the outside, it looks as if I 'followed' him here but really, it was serendipity....
 broccolina
Joined: 2/21/2009
Msg: 27
view profile
History
Would you sacrifice friends and family?
Posted: 12/11/2010 4:50:11 PM
I love my city so much (Toronto) that I passed up opportunities to move even for family and I already let a man, whom I thought was 'the one', get away because I couldn't follow him... I am beginning to think that maybe it is not the best place for love though, since I seem to be able to connect with men more easily in other parts of the world... So the seed of doubt's been planted.

I find this very timely question and look forward to more comments.

I started watching 'Going the distance' on a plane that landed before I could see the ending and I couldn't remember the title, so thanks, OP !
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 30
view profile
History
Would you sacriface friends and family?
Posted: 12/11/2010 8:03:25 PM
It would be tough to do......mostly because I absolutely adore my little serene home in the woods......but yeah.....I'd follow my S/O.
I'd miss my friends.....but with the internet.....I know we'd stay in touch.
I don't have kids either.....so that's a non-issue.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 31
Would you sacriface friends and family?
Posted: 12/11/2010 11:56:15 PM
I'm the only one of the nine kids who left. I now have 42 nephews and nieces there, and who knows how many grand nephews and nieces, lol!? My sister, who has 11 kids, LOVES to travel, and does a lot, but she's *rooted*. . . . I've *moved* more than one would expect of one who *doesn't* especially like to "travel." And a number of those moves have had to do with personal, male-female, one on one relationships. Simply because I think that is the area of relationshipville where the most happens. I love my kids, I raised them with joy, and set them free. That is what I believe is supposed to happen. Grands are a trip, a pleasure, and another kind of joy. But as far as I'm concerned the whole megillah is a man and woman trying to make it work, and Godde willing, doing so.

Jus' me.

 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Would you sacriface friends and family?
Posted: 12/12/2010 6:40:42 AM
JRod !!
I vote we bring this tradition back!!
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 39
Would you sacriface friends and family?
Posted: 12/12/2010 8:26:19 PM

Now if I was retired....moving half way around the world with the man in my life would not be an issue.


Might could be. I had one romance here go bust because as a Canadian his health insurance didn't travel with him; and as an American, neither does my medicare. . . Good way to keep the old peeps home, lol!

 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 45
Would you sacriface friends and family?
Posted: 12/13/2010 6:00:18 PM
I like where I am.

I like my house and the woods that surround it.

This is my home, my tastes and my sanctuary.

I would prefer someone move here, however I realize he may feel uncomfortable doing that.

So if he can supply me the same type environment, I may be willing to go.

As for my family, they are all over, I travel to see them.

My friends, well they are all involved in my business, and I can take my business anywhere.

This may be up for negotiation.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 54
Would you sacriface friends and family?
Posted: 12/17/2010 12:56:37 PM
This would not be an easy decision for me, given that I have a disposition, finding a good job would be harder than for other people. In addition, being on the older side and dealing with younger competition further narrows the job market. I wouldn't rule it out, but it would be a greater chance in my case. I'd probably love it though..

I'll have to checkout the movie.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 58
view profile
History
Would you sacriface friends and family?
Posted: 12/18/2010 5:24:49 PM
"Really family and freinds are there for you? Maybe on TV, but not in the real word."

Family is all deceased, but friends are always there for me. A huge part of my real life.
Give them up....................not going to happen.
Why should it?

Years ago, when happily married, my late husband and I were best bests, all to each other. We didn't have close friends. When he died, basically I had no support. Took me years to develope the friends I now have. I won't even be giving them up. I need their support, and they need mine. I will be living out of the country for six months less a day with long term friends in another country when I retire in a couple of years from now. I will return year after year, to my friend support group in both countries.

Secrifice that..................never.

I feel torn enough now between the two countries. I need to be their for births, and deaths, and they need me there. Any partner who couldn't be part of that, would be the wrong partner.

"Family is the one thing in life you can count on for most people."

Those of us who's family is deceased, we know that if we are blessed, true life time friends will show up.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 63
view profile
History
Would you sacriface friends and family?
Posted: 12/19/2010 11:58:44 AM

So....would you go the distance and move away from family to be with the one you loved when you didn't even have a job you liked?
I'm having difficulty trying to figure out WHICH of these you're really placing as being "more important".

While with any sane person....Family is always "more important" than ANY job, it's often the "job" which ends up being "in the best interest of the family". So, if jobs were "equal" then without a doubt....family comes first.

Another issue which seems to have been "unspokenly accepted" as a given is families are ALWAYS something that it's desirable to "move away from". I also have a problem with these "black and white" ultimatums...like, "if you loved me... you'd leave your family"....to which I'd have to reply...."yeah, and IF you loved ME....you wouldn't ask me to do so!"

I tend to believe however that when one is trying to establish some definitive answer to this question BEFORE the situation even arises....or has arisen, but has yet to be discussed....that there IS already a hidden agenda; and that the "question" is being asked to establish some justification (logical, but false, reasoning).

Having once been in a relationship that paralleled this question, I agreed (happily) to drive 150 miles PER DAY (round trip) to MY job, which I would not give up; in order to accommodate his life...which included...a low paying, unreliable job....and a minor child. My "reward" for trying to accommodate his "needs" were endless fights about the long hours that I worked....and the fact that I would take an additional 2 or 3 hours per WEEK so that I could perhaps meet my daughters (all in their early 20s at the time) for lunch before I went to work (I worked 2nd shift...3-11pm).

Therefore, when this question is proposed, I naturally assume that the "hidden motives" are issues of "control" and that the generosity of spirit and compromise are rarely either respected, or appreciated.

IF however, the rare couple is looking for a FAIR and equitable solution to the problems associated with a "long distance relationship"; then there can be numerous factors to be considered; and it's always nice if BOTH partners are willing to bend, or compromise.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 67
view profile
History
Would you sacriface friends and family?
Posted: 12/22/2010 8:34:18 AM
Work is work; we don't all always have the luxury of having a job we like. That's why it's called 'work'; they pay us to do something we wouldn't do for free. Would I move for love? Sure. In a second. Love doesn't come along every day, and I do the kind of work that I can get pretty much everywhere.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Would you sacriface friends and family?