Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 2
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.Page 1 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
Is this a fair demand on her part? What would you do if you were in his situation


Continue your FWBs, don't convert and don't get married. "This above all else, to thine self be true"
A wise sage once wrote for his character to say...
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 5
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/12/2010 10:12:36 AM
if this was a deal breaker for her- she should have said so in the beginning...
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 6
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/12/2010 10:16:46 AM

Is this a fair demand on her part?


If this is her belief system, of course it is fair for her to demand he convert. If it's just some sort of power trip on her part (other than the one she is simply passing on from her organized religion), no, not really. But then...her belief system...y'know...

As another person points out,
If your unable to compromise on religion and kids, then what else will you likely be unable to compromise on?


Ideally, they should each be allowed no-conflict access to their own convictions, without denigration on the part of either. After all, really, who knows?

And I believe children should be raised with exposure to all the wealth of the various different belief and non-belief systems and taught not to judge, a pretty much universal tenet that often gets swept under the rug.


What would you do if you were in his situation?.


Insistance that I change my belief system for marriage (as opposed to some sort of true conversion on my part) would be a deal breaker.

I'd expect respect for my convictions simply because I respect my partner's convictions. In my experience this is rare and I've had both atheists and Christians I've been involved with denigrate my more Eastern style philosophy. This made communication difficult and contributed to the demise of those relationships.
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 7
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/12/2010 10:18:23 AM
You dont have to believe in god to have Christian ethics and values. Christians who demand their partners become "believers" fail to realize this. In fact, there are many so called "christians" who do not uphold the values their religion advocates.

Ask her what she would rather have....a good man with Christian virtues, who is respectful, honorable and with strong moral values, or a Christian who cannot keep his vows and is a total fraud. Believing in god does not make you a spiritual person, it is knowing the truth about what is right and representing it in your actions everyday.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 9
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/12/2010 10:22:36 AM
I was a christian and I married an atheist.

I understood that what someone believes in is their choice, you cannot change the other person.

Therefore this was discussed PRIOR to marrying him.

The deal was that I raise the child in the christian faith (I already had 2 from a previous marriage).

He was very accepting of this and never caused any difficulty. In fact he even prayed with us at the table and came to church on special holidays.

When the child was confirmed, he informed me (the child) that religion was not for him, and he will not be returning.

I have since changed my thought process (I am not longer a christian), and moved more into spirituality.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/12/2010 10:31:45 AM
I would personally find her full of shyt, she does everything but actually practice her religion but requires a non-believer to pretend to believe to be married to him. Hypocrite full of shyt and really quite tiresome. I know they make up all kinds of excuses but the fact remains, if you believed it you would be living it. Don't preach want you can't do yourself. But I do see how she could think he could just say he believed and all would be well because she herself lives that lie everyday and sees nothing wrong with it.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 11
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/12/2010 10:35:18 AM
"Is this a fair demand on her part? What would you do if you were in his situation?"

Loving relationships do not involve making demands. My comment would be this woman can't accept this man as he is NOW which is an essential element of having a loving relationship. I'm not going to get philosophical about love and the definitions of love, but when some people say they "love someone" or are "in love" with someone what it really means is there are a lot of aspects of the person they love, but in order to love fully, you have to ACCEPT fully.

It's the equivalent of "I love you, EXCEPT for........". While that may be acceptable to some, that would be a total "no go" for me.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 12
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/12/2010 10:44:19 AM

Maybe she had no idea the relationship would have gotten this far.


i gotcha man- I understand the mindset of where she is with her Christianity. I do. The thing is, I'm gonna pass judgment on her a bit.

If she were that devout in her faith- she would have never considered this guy at all. She would have steered clear of him in the beginning. Not that he's a bad guy- but so this would not happen.

That being said- she's only saying this now, because she knows she'll get grief from her family and the church should she ever reveal that her "husband" is an atheist.

She's got no problems being with him or whatever- but to go that one step further? at some point she KNEW they were spending time together.

of course the worst part is- she must not truly be into that guy...not all the way like she needs to be and perhaps this is just an excuse to not marry him.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/12/2010 11:10:54 AM
well crap......I agree with Boon!!

A true practicing Christian would not get involved with an Athiest in the first place.

Yes, her "demand" is outrageous. She should have never let the relationship get
to a serious level if she will only marry someone of her religious beliefs.
I have no issue with a Christian wanting to marry another Christian....that is quite
understandable.
Just another tale of a woman thinking she can change a man to suit her needs.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 14
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/12/2010 11:13:36 AM
^^^^no worries Micki...I break 'em all down. Bigger fish have fallen to Boon!

;)

lol


Just another tale of a woman thinking she can change a man to suit her needs


her needs.

ugh...
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 15
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/12/2010 11:13:44 AM

I have since changed my thought process (I am not longer a christian), and moved more into spirituality.


In my mind, spirituality and religion is pretty much the same thing-believing in a life form after death. I don't think it's wise to get too involved with some one who has an opposite view on life, or what happens after life. Although I know a couple who have been married a long time and the wife is very religious and the husband is an atheist. I think their secret to success is they agreed to disagree concerning religion. She doesn't try to convert him and vice versa. Their daughter usually went to church with her mother and they explained at an early age why the father doesn't attend church. But I think this is the exception to the rule. It most cases, I don't see it working. People only want to get involved with people who agree with their views.

Slightly off topic: For those who are religious, is there a heaven and hell for animals? I've asked religious people, and no one was able to give me a straight answer. They usually answered with a lot of religious mumbo-jumbo BS that didn't make any sense.
 UpToEverything
Joined: 5/2/2010
Msg: 16
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/12/2010 11:18:52 AM
Hi TDH49

LOL … from the two of them I feel more respect for the guy. At least he is hones. Sometimes a lifelong atheist is more spiritual that a religion person.
“the bible does not believe in sex before marriage, but these two people have a very full sex life”

The woman’s religious practice sounds little phony … excuse my French. Attending a church doesn’t make anyone religious. Religion is a specific system of values, believes, and a framework for ethical behavior that the members must follow.

You cannot be a half-religious: either you do or you don’t. And if she doesn’t follow the Christian rules of ethical behavior why would she demand this from him? … there is something else … hidden … she isn’t saying everything or this “something” is on her subconscious level that even she is not aware of

My advice – find out what the REAL (hidden) problem to marriage exists … and take it from there
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 17
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/12/2010 11:19:15 AM
Since marriage is such a scary thing, he can take his proposal off the table and continue the relationship. Everyone should win.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/12/2010 11:22:39 AM

The scenario I discribed is nothing like a FWB situation. These two people are in a exclusive long term relationship.


It's none of our business.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 19
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/12/2010 11:29:00 AM
I know it's a bit late/useless to you now, but I've been here/done this before. As a result, I do not date anyone who is a believer. Leads to problems in the future.

Good luck.
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 20
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/12/2010 11:58:47 AM

If she were that devout in her faith- she would have never considered this guy at all.



A true practicing Christian would not get involved with an Athiest in the first place.


Not necessarily. Many Christian sects see conversion of non-believers a sought after objective. In theses groups, whether a person starts an involvement casually and then gets serious or whether it's the intention all along, conversion is considered a step on their own path to Heaven.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 21
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/12/2010 12:24:07 PM
Is this a fair demand on her part?

Sure. Her demand may be stupid, but if that's what she wants, it's her prerogative.

What would you do if you were in his situation?.

I've sort of been in that situation with someone I hit it off with here when I first started dating on pof, but we didn't get as far as a relationship. That's why I added a line to my profile telling religious zealots to not bother contacting me. If I were him and I was interested in anything more than casual sex, I'd look for someone else and stop seeing her when I met someone who was more tolerant.

The scenario I discribed is nothing like a FWB situation.

If he's hoping for a more permenant relationship with someone, he better start thinking of it that way, since it doesn't look like this relationship going any further than it already has.

devout christian don't even talk to atheists.

Given that she's having sex with a guy to whom she isn't married, I'd say her devotion is a rather selective devotion of convenience.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 22
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/12/2010 12:24:24 PM

Many Christian sects see conversion of non-believers a sought after objective


oh yes of course- conversion through the holiest of holies....and the magic flute.

I got ya.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 24
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/12/2010 12:48:49 PM
maleman999


In my mind, spirituality and religion is pretty much the same thing-believing in a life form after death.


I disagree with you. Spirituality and the thought of afterlife is totally different then the idea of religions heaven and hell. When I'm referring to religion, I am talking about the man made rules that humans are suppose to follow.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 26
view profile
History
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/12/2010 1:28:30 PM

Not necessarily. Many Christian sects see conversion of non-believers a sought after objective. In theses groups, whether a person starts an involvement casually and then gets serious or whether it's the intention all along, conversion is considered a step on their own path to Heaven.


Hmmm.......so now Christians are having premarital sex with Non Christians
so as to "convert" them and secure their path to Heaven! Where do I sign up?!!

This chick isn't trying to convert her man to Christianity to "save his soul"......but
for her own self serving needs of marriage. Wonder how that will help her path to Heaven?
 DemonLeather
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 27
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/12/2010 1:36:00 PM
Demon's can't convert,. you just gotta fukk me fer who I am I guess..
 mingo88
Joined: 10/12/2010
Msg: 28
view profile
History
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/12/2010 1:37:27 PM
i agree with her although i'm even pickier. i'm not devoutly religious but i will not even date an atheist/agnostic. obviously we do not have the same beliefs and values, so why even bother??
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 29
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/12/2010 1:47:50 PM
Your scenario shouldn't/wouldn't have happened if either party had any convictions of the own beliefs. I'm talking BOTH of them. No "true" atheist would hang with a Christian, and it goes the other way also.

It's the problem with believers(including "atheists",,,especially those that enjoy this time of the year,,,but yeah,,,they don't believe ). Most believe went it suits them, after that they start interperting things to make sure it fits their needs.

I agree with at least one poster here. There is no way in hell this would have gotten past the first date if either of these people had any convictions at all. No way in hell.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 30
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/12/2010 1:50:27 PM

Is this a fair demand on her part?

I think it's fair to ask anything one wishes to ask.

What would you do if you were in his situation?.

6 years ago, I met someone, we fell in love. He knew going in that having a child or children was not an idea that I would entertain ~ EVER. Time goes by, life is good, we're happy. Out of the blue, he says, "Let's have a baby." Post-shock/disbelief and when I settled my own internal thoughts down, we sat down and I reminded him of my views on that subject. He looked at me with the saddest eyes I'd ever seen on that stunning face, and said, "I just thought you loved me enough that you'd change your mind." Within a month, I had moved out. I didn't leave because I wanted to, I did so to afford him the opportunity to have what he wanted in life. I simply could not, in my heart/mind/soul be the person to deprive him of something he truly did want.

I'll never understand why we meet people that later want to change us, but it is a theme all too often. There's no way that I would stay with someone who refused to accept my religious (or lack thereof) preferences. And there's absolutely NO way I'd stay with someone who gave me an ultimatum to change or else. I think the person on the receiving end of that demand should remember, once you start molding to fit someone else, it won't stop with just one thing ~ there will be more demands. What you accept, you can expect. JMO
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 31
Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.
Posted: 12/12/2010 1:59:06 PM
To be honest, I don't think it's fair. She knew from the beginning that he was an Atheist, therefore, why would she even get into a LTR with an Athiest, if she is a devour Christian? That doesn't make any sense at all.

How in heck is that supposed to work? Christians don't date Atheist, because Atheist are non believers. This scenerio doesn't seem too realistic.

What would I do if I were in that kind of a situation? That question is moot because I wouldn't be.

I may not be apart of any religious organizations, but I still believe in God. An Atheist and I would be highly incompatible. Plus, I wouldn't want to try to change his beliefs.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Christian girl refuses to marry her Athiest b/f unless he converts to Christianity.