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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Is it possible to "train" a bad kisser?      Home login  
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 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 1
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Is it possible to "train" a bad kisser?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Wasn't sure exactly which forum to post this in. Also wasn't sure how to search for it. I would think this has been covered before but I didn't find it. So here's my question: is it possible to "train" a bad kisser? How?

Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. The guy is immediately ramming his face into you and cramming his tongue down your throat. No warm up. Nothing gradual. Nothing sensual. He's immediately attacking your face. I'm not talking about a 20 year old kid who doesn't know any better, I'm talking about a 50 year old guy who has been married and should have gotten enough experience by now to know better. This is more common than not. In fact, this is my experience with most men.

Backing off and trying to go slowly, showing them what to do, has not worked. I'm not sure exactly what to say to them. After all, I don't want to be busting their balls right off the bat. When I've tried to gently tell a guy I like it slower and gentler (at least in the beginning) they will usually slow down for about 30 seconds and then they're back to attacking my face. At that point, I turn my head and get them to kiss my neck. It's the best I've come up with.

I'm not sure who is better to ask, men or women? Men might know the most effective ways to communicate to them. Women might know what has worked, or not worked, for them.

I'm not sure what the female equivalent for men would be. All the women I've kissed (and there have been a few) were good kissers.

Looking forward to what you have to say. Educate me!
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 2
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/15/2010 9:09:21 PM
Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. The guy is immediately ramming his face into you and cramming his tongue down your throat. No warm up. Nothing gradual. Nothing sensual. He's immediately attacking your face. I'm not talking about a 20 year old kid who doesn't know any better, I'm talking about a 50 year old guy who has been married and should have gotten enough experience by now to know better. This is more common than not. In fact, this is my experience with most men.


^^^Oh yeah, I do know what you speak of. THE WORSE experience one can have if you just meet and you realize they can't kiss.

This may sound harsh, if it's not there I have ZERO desire to train. Plus, I don't think there's a good way of tactfully saying to someone that they suck at kissing. May I teach you? lol!
 Buckets_of_Sky
Joined: 2/7/2010
Msg: 3
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/15/2010 9:17:33 PM
Well, here is my story; I have tried in the past to try to educate some bad kissers but they never caught on. Perhaps I was too subtle or my direction wasn't succinct enough, but I was never able to tell them that I found them lacking in the kissing department. I used to feel bad for dropping their sharped snake tonged or sloppy kissing selves, especially if they were good in all other ways. However, I stopped feeling that way after watching an episode of Sex and the City when Samantha told the other gals it wasn't worth the time dating a bad kisser - I wholeheartedly concur (not that I get all my dating advise from SatC). Kissing is just way too important, at least to me. If they can't kiss by this age then all hope is lost.


Eewwwww, bad kissers, there is no excuse for that!
 Fishalways
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 4
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/15/2010 9:36:00 PM
My experiences have been the same as the other posters. Some women suck, and not in a good way and a few of them improved with some pointers but most didn't. Kissing is way to important a part of what I want in intimacy. If we aren't compatible we go our separate ways. The best kissers are the ones you want to sit there and snog for hours and it doesn't get boring.

P.s. pouting your lips to kiss or pulling them back on your teeth = bad and too much tongue is as bad as not enough tongue.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 5
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/15/2010 9:45:48 PM
Virgins can be "trained. So can bad kissers.

All it takes is a hand, mirror or bed post to practice kissing with.
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 6
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/15/2010 9:47:45 PM

So here's my question: is it possible to "train" a bad kisser? How?


Dear OP: I 'm clueless about the training abilities and the patience of everyone else, and same goes for the learning capacity of the bad kissers, but my take is:
NO!
This is not a boot camp for bad kissers.
I am 53, and anyone my age who can't even kiss like they should, is considered hopeless!

If the first trial fails, there is no follow up study.

 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 7
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Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/15/2010 11:12:10 PM
Well, I've wondered. I haven't had any luck so far but I have to admit that if they start out like that, I don't go any further with them. The things I've tried haven't worked. I figure if a guy is that insensitive, he's not going to be any better as a lover.



Virgins can be "trained. So can bad kissers.

All it takes is a hand, mirror or bed post to practice kissing with.


So, elaborate on that. Have you successfully trained a bad kisser? How did you do it? How old were they?

I was smooching with a young guy who came on too aggressively at first. I let him get away with it initially but when it continued, I told him, very sweetly, "You know, I really like it kind of slow and gentle." And he replied, "And I like pleasing my woman." Wow! Now that's the kind of response you want to hear! And he did slow down and it was really nice. However, that's all we did and we haven't done it again and I doubt we will, or at least not regularly. He's a friend and it was a special occasion, he was just being nice to me. He's also young enough that I think he's still trainable and that I can excuse him for being less experienced but mature enough that he's got some self-control. A guy in his 40s or 50s who's been married, though . . . I dunno, I suspect if they haven't caught on my now they aren't gonna.



I posted about this on the thread "not liking kissing"


I should have gone back and rechecked that. I like kissing. I *love* kissing! But not with a masher. I was talking to a girlfriend about this tonight and told her I'm going to have to start a class. Problem is, the people who need it the most wouldn't show up.
 RubyWaxxx
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 8
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/15/2010 11:23:05 PM
I have no idea. If you really want to sleep with him, I'd do as you do - offer the neck. Or tell him you prefer a slower approach and less tongue - or show him. Bloody hell. Sounds like it could be a chemistry problem? Maybe you're not REALLY into him?
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 9
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Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/15/2010 11:24:46 PM

Sounds like it could be a chemistry problem? Maybe you're not REALLY into him?


Well, I sure wasn't after that!
 hemanmachostudlovegod
Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 10
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/15/2010 11:34:01 PM
If in a parallel universe there existed a not perfect version of yourself, and that you found out to her horror that something she did, she did badly, do you think she could be told about it without the news crushing her beyond repair, and then if she withstood the shock of knowing, would she be capable of understanding and learning? No, of course not! Even in parallel universes it is hopeless to expect of even the best people doubles that they could reform. Here where us originals are, it's even worse. Kissing, using the right fork at dinner, the folding of towels, frying eggs, whatever the skill it is innate and must not and cannot and will not be improved. I know, because I have tried. I have tried to both learn and to teach. As the student I failed miserably. As the teacher I came close but then at the last minute lost my nerve and my grip on the cattle prod and she fled unschooled off into the night, lowing as she went.
 RubyWaxxx
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 11
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/15/2010 11:39:14 PM
^^ Yes, but what about those women who wrote that no matter how many lessons, the man kept reverting back to licking their faces? What do you do with them? Is there any point in trying to train?
 hemanmachostudlovegod
Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 12
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/16/2010 12:01:34 AM
It's not the technique that is the problem. It's the location.

 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 13
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Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/16/2010 2:34:01 AM
Well, I don't know if you can train a man, but I know that you can train a woman to be a respectable kisser. Anybody ever get on of those open mouth kisses that your face seems to fall into?....sort of like trying to kiss an empty pickle jar.

Heman, in msg#11.. that is some really deep sh*t you're putting on us.
 Pilose_Wink
Joined: 11/2/2010
Msg: 14
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/16/2010 3:01:21 AM
It’s not just guys, I’ve known a few terrible women kissers and I’m sure more than a few men have come across those open mouthed no lip or tongue movement women in their time too.

I think you can train a kisser if that person has a true sense of their body as a total sense organ, but from what I have noticed, they’re many who only see the one act as a prerequisite to what they see as the “main” act and there’s little interest or desire to expand their limited repertoire. Those I wouldn’t think are trainable in any way, their too self absorbed to care or notice how they move with another because they’re too detached.

I have been told I’m a good kisser by a few and have noticed how we responded together so I believed them, but, I have also had a few who never said anything and I wonder if to them I wasn’t. In thinking back, I may have not been to them because my interest wasn’t there for Ms. Gapping fish mouth but I’m sure there may have been someone she remembers as a good kisser, it just wasn’t me.

Everyone seems to claim to be a good kisser, but I think it has more to do with how two people really respond to one another. If I can’t kiss them well and find very little interest in there response to me, or my response to them, we just aren’t a match. Put a fork in it, it’s done, why would I really want to train? Now exploring? That’s another matter all together!
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 15
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/16/2010 3:12:14 AM
It is only possible if ego doesnt get in the way and BOTH people have a good attitude about it. In order to accept a 'lesson' in kissing, one must first accept that thier 'style' is not that great. Most wont admit that to themselves, never mind someone else.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 16
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Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/16/2010 4:46:46 AM
Kissing is a physical action, involving muscular control. Therefore it is something that can be learned, from a purely physical viewpoint. Actually, as with ALL physical activities humans indulge in, it IS learned ( unless you believe that we are born knowing all).
Thing of it is, that for a kiss to be more than a crude physical act, requires a universe of other sensibilities, emotions, and personal developments, as well as a matching of both biological chemistry, and philosophical compatibility. I have not myself found any evidence that all of THESE aspects of kissing (or any other element of human interaction) can be taught.
I have not found that I can CHOOSE who I will care about. I can choose what I will DO about what I feel, but not WHAT I feel. If I don't care about someone, kissing them will be unlikely to be a pleasing exercise for both of us.
I cannot control the compatibility of BODY CHEMISTRY involved. Yes, I can control my diet, and if I've been eating something that causes a chemical mis-match in our saliva, I can affect that, but I expect that the larger part of biological chemistry is a result of too many elements for diet alone to make ALL the difference. I've also found that when a persons feelings change, that the body chemistry is affected as well. IN my relationships that went bad, the experience of kissing was an early signal that things had changed.
I agree with those who say that how a person kisses is a reflection or a result of what kind of person they are. Someone who is all about themselves, MIGHT kiss well SOMETIMES, but their partner will find sooner or later that they do not kiss INTERACTIVELY. That is, they will never alter how they are kissing to match YOUR mood or changing sensibilities.
Anyway, all of that is to say that I believe you have to have all the important OTHER elements present already, if weak kissing performance is to be fixable. But if they ARE there, then kissing will tend to improve at least gradually over time.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 17
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/16/2010 4:47:36 AM

I'm not sure what the female equivalent for men would be. All the women I've kissed (and there have been a few) were good kissers.

The female equivalent is a woman who just opens her mouth and waits as if she has no idea of what kissing is beyond putting her lips on a guys lips. I personally don't think a bad kisser can be trained.
 BentonHarbor
Joined: 3/2/2010
Msg: 18
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/16/2010 5:19:26 AM

but my take is:
NO!
This is not a boot camp for bad kissers.
I am 53, and anyone my age who can't even kiss like they should, is considered hopeless!

If the first trial fails, there is no follow up study.


Yeah its always a good idea abandoning something rather than persevere yes?

Boot camp for kissing? Geesh they do exist and since mostly women complain about this its very odd they don't have the solution--and there is one. IF you're into someone sufficiently and want them to be better you simply SHOW them by initiating a long, deep kiss. WHEN they start whatever bad habit or practice you don't enjoy pull back a bit to make a pause then move back in and repeat. This was the way I learned but back in those days it was perfectly acceptable to practice kissing with great opposite sex friends. In my case it was the girls just a bit more adventurous and/or experienced who didn't mind passing along their knowledge. Now that's generous!

Just like so many other things kissing, making out and all of foreplay is a learned experience so the more you do the better you (theoretically) become. Sadly its not something we can do alone so a competent teacher is a must have. Then again some believe they're good kissers or don't like what they receive so blame the offender before themselves, claming if they're not accomplished by a certain age they're hopeless.

Add in once a man understands how kissing is the key to so much, how foreplay can be a thrill all its own the woman's work is done and she can "lay back" simply enjoying her own well translated lessons. I learned this somewhat early but that was with women who wanted to pass along what they knew, enjoying the fruits of their willingness to train or coach someone.

There is ALWAYS hope and a "cure" for bad kissing---just takes a talented and willing teacher I'm thinking, age not an issue!

Smooch earnestly y'all----enjoy!!
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 19
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/16/2010 6:02:11 AM
Yeah, there was at least one thread active sometime in the last 18 months or so, that was pretty hilarious, on kissing, establishing schools, etc.
It's been a while, but I have run into a few women who didn't kiss the way I'd hoped. I was young. I ignored that issue, as they had other assets/skills to offset the mouth-to-mouth disappointment.
Leading by example, even with some mildly spun "instructions", is the only way I can think of to change your guy's approach. The mouth-mashing is probably just his vision of intensity, and while he may start right (comply with instructions), he's probably thinking there needs to be a crescendo of passion in each kiss. Men are lightswitches/women are more like irons. Might be difficult to construct an example of an intensely passionate kiss that suits all occasions, but if you can show him where you want him to end up (with kissing), and where to start, he might not get on the wrong path. lol
 Max Schnell
Joined: 10/11/2010
Msg: 20
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/16/2010 6:32:01 AM
Yes it's possible. Not sure if you have the patience for it. It's merely a matter of calibrating "probability" against your willingness to make the effort and then make a simple "yes I will do it" or "no I can't be bothered" decision about it.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 21
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/16/2010 7:14:57 AM
Yes and no.

Most men want to please you.

If you are finding excessive slobber and choking on the tongue a problem or Lizzard lip peck syndrome ..both common, most men don't mind if you say.............

"Come here..I want to give you the kind of kiss that rocks my world.
Now let ME do it TO you and see how you like it".

Show him..if that doesn't work..Forget it IMO.


I had an aunt who slobbered the face with auntie kisses ICK!!

I can't imagine what my uncle had to endure with his mouth.
So it's not a male issue only.

Some do like to show they have a talented tongue though..They think that gets your MOJO going.
The rapid urgent tongue flipper, the choker and the swirl around types..busy busy..


LOL @ ruby.......* snort*face licks UGH.
MMMUUUUAAAH

 Email Tom Now
Joined: 9/17/2010
Msg: 22
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/16/2010 7:28:51 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^
"The rapid unguent flipper, the choker and the swirl around types..."

the swirl around type is called the helicopter and i dislike it if you do it all the time and is your only move.


it's easy to teach someone what you like because HOW YOU YOURSELF KISS IS HOW YOU WANT SOMEONE ELSE TO KISS YOU (as stated by P.P. above)

if you do the choker or gagger that means you want them to ram their tongue down your throat too.

after a few kisses i ask my lady "show me how you like to kiss regardless of how I myself will like it."

then you mirror the other person's kiss. pretty simple really.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 23
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Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/16/2010 7:34:48 AM
IF you're into someone sufficiently and want them to be better you simply SHOW them by initiating a long, deep kiss. WHEN they start whatever bad habit or practice you don't enjoy pull back a bit to make a pause then move back in and repeat.


That's generally been my approach. It's generally been unsuccessful.


it's easy to teach someone what you like because HOW YOU YOURSELF KISS IS HOW YOU WANT SOMEONE ELSE TO KISS YOU (as stated by P.P. above)


That's what I thought, but if a guy is mashing your face, jamming his tongue down your throat, the moment you start, it's hard to go slow and gentle and sensual because as long as he's getting some contact, he's diving in full force.


The female equivalent is a woman who just opens her mouth and waits as if she has no idea of what kissing is beyond putting her lips on a guys lips. I personally don't think a bad kisser can be trained.


I'm laughing. I've never encountered such a thing. It's weird trying to imagine it.

Well, the guy I was kissing last night is nice enough company. If I end up in a kissing situation with him again, I'll take some of these suggestions and try it again.

Perhaps I'm wrong, but part of the reason I'm reluctant to invest the effort is that if a guy is that clumsy, that out of touch, I also doubt he'll be a very good lover, either. As someone pointed out earlier, good kissing takes a number of elements. Being in touch with your own body, being attentive to the other person, being observant, sensual . . . If a guy is a bad kisser, he's obviously lacking these qualities. I doubt he'll be any better in bed and I also doubt he'll make a good partner for me. A guy who is into "full speed ahead!" from the get-go is not paying attention to details, has no sense of subtlety or nuance. Am I jumping to too many conclusions? Has anyone gotten beyond the bad kissing and found someone to be a good lover in spite of it?


 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 24
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/16/2010 7:52:38 AM

That's what I thought, but if a guy is mashing your face, jamming his tongue down your throat, the moment you start, it's hard to go slow and gentle and sensual because as long as he's getting some contact, he's diving in full force.


Then you push him away and show him.

My method has always worked..Give it a TRY and if he persists in driving the dam thing down your throat, act like you are about to throw up in his mouth..

UCK!! Gag Ack!!!! RRRUK..Then heave with a big Uh Hu Uh gulp.."sorry" gaged me, almost lost it.

They HATE that.

He can't take instruction?



the swirl around type is called the helicopter and i dislike it if you do it all the time and is your only move.


I thought that was the tooth counter LOL.Feels ridiculous IMO.


Perhaps I'm wrong, but part of the reason I'm reluctant to invest the effort is that if a guy is that clumsy, that out of touch, I also doubt he'll be a very good lover, either.

If he is not willing to try and please you in kissing? Maybe not.

I don't think you have tried since your last post have you?

Thought maybe something else was on your mind..You got good advise and then had another excuse..


Do you like this guy enough to worry about sex yet?

Maybe you should forget it after all.

Get past the kissing issue first. SHOW HIM.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 25
Is it possible to train a bad kisser?
Posted: 12/16/2010 10:53:50 AM
I've tried training a bad kisser. It's possible.

But women, don't do it. We all know how bad you hate training.
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