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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > would you rather post your best pics or just regular downplayed ones?      Home login  
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 last1standing79
Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 1
would you rather post your best pics or just regular downplayed ones?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Would you rather post pics of yourself that make you look more attractive than normal or do you downplay it with pics that are a bit more regular looking. I only ask because first impressions are important when meeting so you don't want the other person to be dissapointed but on the other hand you also want to attract their attention on this site. Thoughts, comments? What would you expect your date to look like compared to their pics.......
 last1standing79
Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 2
would you rather
Posted: 12/21/2010 5:21:14 PM
lol fair enough.
 softy63
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 3
would you rather
Posted: 12/21/2010 6:45:33 PM
Up to date, natural photos are of the upmost importance to me. I actually prefer outside shots where the lighting can't be strictly controlled.


What would you expect your date to look like compared to their pics....


I would therefore expect my date to look like his pic. Any profiles with professionally taken photos I skip them. I'm sure many men skip females with Glamour Shots too.
 rocketship51
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 4
would you rather post your best pics or just regular downplayed ones?
Posted: 12/21/2010 8:01:07 PM
Nothing wrong w/ posting an attractive photo of yourself, so long as it is natural and not intentionally meant to be misleading (weird angles, soft lighting, air-brushing, studio shots, etc). Some people are photogenic, and naturally look better in photos than in person (if you've seen some models/actresses in real life, you already know that!) and others are not and will look better in person. Either way, it's reasonable to expect to be able to pick your date out of a group, and not be "shocked" at the differences between the photos and the person.

What anyone hopes to accomplish by posting photos that are nowhere near representative of how they look, today.....that's beyond me. The gig will up asap you meet, no?
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 5
would you rather post your best pics or just regular downplayed ones?
Posted: 12/21/2010 8:07:02 PM
the girls I've met on here and dated- they have all looked better than the pics they posted.

I like that batting average.


Either look the same or better than your pics.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 6
would you rather post your best pics or just regular downplayed ones?
Posted: 12/21/2010 8:31:36 PM
I post pics that are natural, everyday pics- downplayed. I want to look the way I do in real life. Everyone I've dated has said that I look better than my pics, so I'll be sticking to the real life saga. I even put one on here of me in my sweats and little makeup to show the real me. It's all in good fun.
 Munchausen
Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 7
would you rather post your best pics or just regular downplayed ones?
Posted: 12/21/2010 9:27:57 PM

Thoughts, comments?

My thoughts and comments are pictures should not be put on profiles at all.
That they should not be shared until a final decision is made to meet.
That they should be used for identification purposes when finalizing plans to meet.
It would cut down on site traffic, but increase actual interaction, dating, and potential "matchmaking" IMO.

As too many people tend to form first impressions and preconceived notions of what a relationship and/or interaction will be (or do a potential ROI from weighing a picture and profile) from a picture and their interpretation of impersonal email.

IOW the whole "focus on the picture first, second, third, fourth, then skim through profile to give a first line to try and stand out in a first contact" leads to simply seeing this the same as looking at an eddie bauer catalog; looking at the model and then trying to figure out how happy you'd be buying what's pictured, or if what is pictured is a good representation of your "style."

IMO the "meet me" feature is pretty much the culmination of everything wrong with having pictures on online profiles.


What would you expect your date to look like compared to their pics......

I tend to not look at pics so much as scroll down through them after doing a search.
At most I will compare them to the things they say in their profile to determine inconsistencies (i.e. doesn't have /want kids, all pictures are nothing but them with kids or 'traditional girly girl' while all pictures show on atv covered in mud holding up a beer and a fish standing in front of a moose they just shot).
But I have no problem meeting people for a simple lunch, dinner, or coffee.
I don't lose anything by meeting someone I am not physically attracted to via a picture nor see it as a waste of my time. Only if they can't participate in the interaction or conversation, or especially if they do not show up. That wastes my time, but has only happened once so far.

I think pictures do more harm than good in facilitating people interacting.
There really is no defensible reason to have pictures on a profile.
And at worst it leads to a false sense of security and knowledge.


Would you rather post pics of yourself that make you look more attractive than normal or do you downplay it with pics that are a bit more regular looking.

I have found putting up a bad picture actually improves the quality of the people that contact me.


I only ask because first impressions are important when meeting

You aren't getting an accurate impression when meeting people online, it's meaningless until you actually meet.


you don't want the other person to be dissapointed but on the other hand you also want to attract their attention on this site.

I don't see myself as a business, my purpose here is not to generate traffic/attention, or to market myself to a niche.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 8
would you rather post your best pics or just regular downplayed ones?
Posted: 12/21/2010 11:54:29 PM
I always post the best pics, and as long as people look the same like I do in my photos, they have no worries. The men I've met off of POF looked better than they did in their photos, and not to toot my own horn but I looked much better to them compared to my images. Some people's pics does them no justice, that's in a positive way, of course.

@ MisterD, I can relate in a way. When I had naughty by nature images up, some men thought my profile was a model/advertisement for POF. You definitely get the haters, because I've had several of them myself.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 9
would you rather post your best pics or just regular downplayed ones?
Posted: 12/21/2010 11:55:26 PM
^^^^ya, ur tooting ur own horn and meant it...

meaning to say "I can do hotter than those guys"
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 10
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would you rather post your best pics or just regular downplayed ones?
Posted: 12/22/2010 4:42:03 AM
Since you are allowed to post MORE than one pic, you could always post one or more of each version of yourself. Kind of saying "this is me on Saturday Morning, before I shaved, and here's what I look like in a tux, pretending to have more money than I do."
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 11
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would you rather post your best pics or just regular downplayed ones?
Posted: 12/22/2010 5:23:32 AM
My thoughts: Look your best in your photos, and look your best when you show up. Even when messaging people looking for Friends or Activity Partner, I have gotten angry rejections from people saying they wouldn't want to be seen in public with someone looking like my photos! You never know how people will react.
ED BEAR
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 12
would you rather post your best pics or just regular downplayed ones?
Posted: 12/22/2010 6:21:53 AM
My thoughts and comments are pictures should not be put on profiles at all.
That they should not be shared until a final decision is made to meet.
That they should be used for identification purposes when finalizing plans to meet.
It would cut down on site traffic, but increase actual interaction, dating, and potential "matchmaking" IMO.

great, let's remove the pictures and then we can all wait until before the first date to be totally rejected, instead of before the first email. progress!



As too many people tend to form first impressions and preconceived notions of what a relationship and/or interaction will be (or do a potential ROI from weighing a picture and profile) from a picture and their interpretation of impersonal email.

you don't have any say in what "too many people" tend to do. also, under your model, those kinds of people, by their very nature, would keep doing exactly the same thing they've always done anyway. except without immediate access to a picture, they'd just be forced to make the decision at a later point in time.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 13
would you rather post your best pics or just regular downplayed ones?
Posted: 12/22/2010 7:28:42 AM
I like to post pictures of myself taken outdoors in natural sunlight, however, I usually wear sunglasses. For some reason my eyes always photograph really dark, like two piss holes in the snow---yet when people see me in person, they alway comment on how blue they are. I've been told that I look much better in person.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 14
would you rather post your best pics or just regular downplayed ones?
Posted: 12/22/2010 9:34:36 AM
I just make sure my pictures reflect the way I'd be found in my day to day.

Everytime I have met someone, they tell me the pics didnt do me justice, and Id much rather hear that then see them wrinkle up thier face in that 'who the hell are you cause you dont look anything like your pics' face.

If someone actually does thier hair and makeup to the nines everyday, then I dont have an issue if they post a pic like that. But I wouldnt recommend posting a pic like that if you only get around to looking that way once a year or something.
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 15
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would you rather post your best pics or just regular downplayed ones?
Posted: 12/22/2010 12:10:11 PM

and she told me the pic doesn't do me justice as i look way better in person.

I can relate to this statement too as I have also said to one exactly the same thing when I met him in person several weeks ago.

Upload a picture(s) that makes you feel good about yourself. Who is there to please and who cares? BTW, misterdynomite, your pic was a nice one, a very easy on eye.

 Munchausen
Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 16
would you rather post your best pics or just regular downplayed ones?
Posted: 12/22/2010 5:09:06 PM

great, let's remove the pictures and then we can all wait until before the first date to be totally rejected, instead of before the first email. progress!

That wasn't the point.
If you wait to see a picture until after an impression is made, the picture is made to fit the impression or desire.
Whereas now the impression is mostly based on a picture rather than how someone presents themselves. with what is said, their personality, being interpreted to fit the impression based mostly on the picture. An idea of a persons personality is formed before interacting or communicating with them, just by how the pictures are interpreted.
To me that seems backward.
It's (IMO) somewhat akin to looking at the picture on the box at IKEA, trying to put it together, and then reading the instructions.

I think if people spoke with each other, took time to fill out their profile with something other than cliches in order to facilitate conversation and the desire to continue them there would be more dating and interaction, and less immediate dismissal or rejection before even going out (it would eliminate, IMO, the threads like "you ever dated someone that you emailed/rejected before, you read/unread delete, or they do, yet you go out with them in the future")


you don't have any say in what "too many people" tend to do. also, under your model, those kinds of people, by their very nature, would keep doing exactly the same thing they've always done anyway. except without immediate access to a picture, they'd just be forced to make the decision at a later point in time.

Yes, they would continue to do it...on sites where pics are the first things to be seen.
As I said, it would cut down on site traffic, as people that want to do "exactly the same thing they've always done anyway" would go to other sites that cater to them. It would be mandatory to have a picture, it just wouldn't be public until there was some interaction, for my "model."
I am not saying my model is an absolute everyone has to follow.

The idea is to make the decision at a later point in time. Because in that later point of time they would have been exposed to more information. Which, generally speaking, makes for better decision making.

I don't have a say in what "too many people" tend to do, but I can notice and observe what "too many people" tend to do.
Evidence is in forums and profiles of the people as well as talking with them.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 17
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would you rather post your best pics or just regular downplayed ones?
Posted: 12/22/2010 5:27:02 PM

the girls I've met on here and dated- they have all looked better than the pics they posted.

bingo. almost everyone i've met looked better than her photos, some astoundingly so. it is far more difficult to take a good portrait than a lousy one.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 18
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would you rather post your best pics or just regular downplayed ones?
Posted: 12/22/2010 6:58:12 PM
since I have many looks.....I have pics of most of them!
and since I don't think I photograph well....I'd say none of them are the best...
but they are definately me!
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 19
would you rather post your best pics or just regular downplayed ones?
Posted: 12/22/2010 7:50:42 PM
The one I have on now is really bad, made with a cell phone first thing in the morning. I don't have a camera so it is hard for me to add pics. So my pic is very "downplayed"

 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 20
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would you rather post your best pics or just regular downplayed ones?
Posted: 12/22/2010 10:40:38 PM
I started online without pics really looking forward to that "meeting of the minds" thing. HA! I'm not sufficiently evolved enough yet to handle the specific type of rejection one gets when it has all been great right up *until* you swop pics. YIKES! I immediately posted some pics.

My pics are out of date cuz I'm not looking but I took the regular approach; under promise and overdeliver. Not wearing make up in at least a few of them and in one, I'd been painting all day without a shower.
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 21
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would you rather post your best pics or just regular downplayed ones?
Posted: 12/23/2010 8:02:04 PM
I just post photos taken in a photo booth because I don't want people to see my picture on here and then be disappointed if we met. I'd rather they just saw a standard picture. Strangely enough, some of the guys I've met have offered to take pictures of me (no, not those types of pictures!). I'm not sure why they think I need more pictures as I don't even like having my picture taken. Maybe they think the online one are rubbish. Perhaps folks on here could explain why someone would offer to take pictures when I haven't said I needed any? Anyway, I've never taken them up on it.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 22
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would you rather post your best pics or just regular downplayed ones?
Posted: 12/23/2010 9:02:55 PM
My pictures are as close to reality as possible except for the one with me in a suit. This is especially true of my non-smiling nature since I never force a smile for my profile pictures if I'm not genuinely feeling it. I purposefully have pictures of myself alone without too much outdoor bullshit so that my viewers don't feel that I'm hiding or pretentious.

I want my viewer to know that I'm modest enough to downplay myself at will. So, I have these long captions on all my pictures that poke fun at myself. In fact, everything on my profile has a purpose behind it now that I think about it.

I honestly don't have a checklist of requirements in terms of pictures and how well they match up in person. I care more about the "About Me" and whether or not it's worth messaging them in the first place. That alone is regularly the tallest hurdle to even jump over considering nobody in my locality even likes self-expression or just openly admits they suck at it.
 ALMOSTABLONDE
Joined: 9/30/2010
Msg: 23
would you rather post your best pics or just regular downplayed ones?
Posted: 12/24/2010 11:17:24 AM
since i haven't met anyone from the net in at least 2 years it doesn't matter...i learned how to find 'em in real life...and that has nothing to do w/ pictures
 thetrick123
Joined: 7/16/2010
Msg: 24
would you rather post your best pics or just regular downplayed ones?
Posted: 12/25/2010 1:49:46 PM
The pics I have posted are me, I wear dresses and jeans, so I posted pics of me in those clothes...I have never been told anything other than you look like your pictures. Not sure if thats a good thing or not since I have been here for 3 yrs....lol.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 25
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would you rather post your best pics or just regular downplayed ones?
Posted: 12/25/2010 2:17:58 PM
I just posted pictures I have..didn't think of putting my 'best" ones out there..because I never really considered any to be that. Is that confusing or what?
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