Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Christmas Cheer?      Home login  
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 2
Christmas Cheer?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
No. You should be taking it as a sign that Christmas is not very important to this man, despite that he feels the familial obligation.

Even if that's wrong and it is important to him, given that it's only been a month, I wouldn't expect anything.

Here's what I would expect, though: a New Year's Eve date. If the two of you don't have that nailed down already, then yes, I question his commitment to getting to know you.

Editing: Christ, take it easy. What little we've read of the OP's expectations to date are not out of line at all. Couldn't we please not condemn her out of hand, at least until we know more? The original question seemed quite reasonable to me.
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 12:52:45 AM
how important do you expect to be? like on par with the people he IS buying presents for? it's only been a month. exchanging fluids is not the same as exchanging vows.

sounds like you're panicking because all of a sudden, the fantasy bicycle-built-for-two you're riding just hit a teeny tiny reality seam in the asphalt. if so, is that about him or about you?

if he's not in love with you, that's a good thing, because if he were, he'd be looking more than a little unstable. cool your jets or you might blow a good thing.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 6
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 2:55:41 AM

This may seem trivial

Technically it is.

He didn't get me e thing, but went on during dinner about the presents he bought his family (before I gave him the card.) Should I be taking this as a sign that I'm not very important to this man?



He hasn't bought it yet..and has no clue what to get you or if he should.

He may bring you one back..
If thats your issue."stuck in your craw"..Maybe he isn't aware of your type of arrangement/relationship needs/wants.


Maybe you should have waited til you got what you want before you "put out"....seems a reoccurring theme around here.

"What's in it for me?"..

I would have known what the deal was before sleeping with him..but that's just me.
casual, possible BF..something.

If it's casual and at this stage probably is..You shouldn't expect anything.
AS said before you should at LEAST had given him a heads up you got him something..

You may as well get over it..he will get you something or he won't. different things to different people.

If it's THAT important to you..Mention he knows how you think.
He will appreciate it.

Oh Merry Christmas

Feel better??? 3 gifts and you didn't even sleep with me!!!

Did you expect the gift due to the amount of time you've been dating...or because you dropped your drawers?


Must be gold in that mine...
Water in that well

I hope your card included the commandments of dating you..
I .............Thou must worship no one before me.
2.............Thou plays thou pays.
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 7
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 2:55:56 AM
OP, when you expect something, its a good idea to share that....without telling him what you were up to , you kind of set him up to disappoint you.

You should have hinted ahead of time that you were bringing him a token gift. He doesnt know you well enough to assume you'd buy him anything.... and it is obvious you dont know how he feels about this holiday in general...

Id give him a pass on this season, you two just do not know each other that well. It was nice that you gave him a gift, but giving is the reason for the season. Giving with an expectation is not the reason for the season.
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 9
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 3:10:10 AM

He didn't get me e thing, but went on during dinner about the presents he bought his family (before I gave him the card.) Should I be taking this as a sign that I'm not very important to this man?

Stick around til next christmas...see what happens. On second thought, Hustl......I mean Valentines Day is right around the corner, another "gift" giving "holiday" .
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 10
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 3:20:38 AM
Well.. you met him on here =
he very well may end up reading this thread at some point =
he'll know you came here to tell about being bothered by no gift =
some sort of reaction from him, who knows what.
Didn't you think of that already?

One month of knowing someone...
some people will give a gift, some people won't.

I think he was just focused on what he already had planned for Christmas..
his gift giving will be on Christmas day, and you aren't going to be there for that time.
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 11
view profile
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 3:31:21 AM

WHO bought dinner?

^^^This was my thought too.

I don't really get what a couple of posters have suggested that he's not into Christmas. I do get that you're traveling quite quickly on that road of expectations...and one month along he's already and unwittingly hit a pot hole of trouble with you

Christmas has and creates a lot of needless pressure on many relationships, especially around gift giving/receiving.

Personally, I'd not have loaded him down with that particular burden.

In fact, since you knew you were having a date with him, it might have been better given the new state of your union, to indicate playfully that 'Santa might have a little something for him' would have set the stage so that he wouldn't be feeling that he stepped into something a little awkward, and it would have taken a bit of the pressure off for you.
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 12
view profile
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 4:29:49 AM
I also tend to suspect that this is just unfortunate timing. You got to know each other shortly before a major holiday. To him, it might be too soon to put you in the "must give a gift" group in his head, while to you, as soon as you had feelings for him, he was on your list. Maybe if you'd met two or three months earlier, it would have been different. Or, he could be waiting to give you something later, or through the mail.
As a person who really goes through major angst EVERY Christmas, I sympathize with anyone who struggles with it. I suffer way more than I should over what, if any gifts to give. The only "lucky" thing I have this year, is that my job situation has been so bad, that I can't AFFORD to give any gifts at all, so I'll just feel generally terrible, and not suffer individual anguish over each gift I wanted to get for everyone.
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 14
view profile
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 4:41:59 AM
Funny how the OP has been on POF almost three years, posts this and then leaves the building.
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 16
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 5:12:38 AM
Maybe it's just me , but I'm absolutely amazed that everyone can say she "doesn't know him well enough yet to expect a small gift" or she "hasn't been with him long enough yet to expect that," yet she's SLEPT with him. She's been with him long enough to be intimate with him on the most personal level, but hoping for a lousy small token at Christmas is over the line?

Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 18
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 5:47:26 AM
THis is hilarious....truly....

""he didn't buy ME anything yet..."

OP- what did YOU buy him?
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 23
view profile
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 8:53:46 AM
I would assume it trivial with only the information that you have provided. It sounds like you have not known each other long and he may not have realized that you would be getting him a gift and card due to the short period of time. It can make the other person feel bad if they didn't get you a gift. Sometimes it is hard to decide what a person might like for a gift as well. I have always had trouble determining what to give so I usually ask for written ideas from the person that I'm gifting. I think you should just enjoy getting to know him for right now. If things go well, there will be plenty of time for gift giving and receiving.

Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 24
view profile
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 9:49:18 AM
After a month dating and sleeping together as well, a small gift would have been nice. A poinstetta, movie tickets etc. No one has to spend a lot of money in order to get a kind message across.
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 25
view profile
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 9:58:57 AM
Dear Santa,
I want one of the "yule logs" Heman is talking about!!
Dinner is optional
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 26
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 12:51:07 PM

He didn't get me e thing, but went on during dinner about the presents he bought his family (before I gave him the card.) Should I be taking this as a sign that I'm not very important to this man?

Oh, but he DID give you a present. He gifted you with his family jewels---the most precious gift of all!

Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 27
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 1:03:18 PM
I don't know why sex is considered evil in these forums.
If someone has/doesn't have sex they naturally get what
they deserve.
Yeah, if I've known someone for a month and I've had sex
with them, I'd think it strange they didn't get me a card or
a candy cane for Christmas.

But then, after reading some of the attitudes in the forums
over the years, I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 28
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 2:02:28 PM
Funny thing about these topics and questions is that we only get one little side of the WHOLE story about what actually has taken place during the process of starting a relationship. I know I am guilty of actually LISTENING to what a woman says to me,especially during the first few meets when informations seems to fly out of some mouths fairly freely. And when I act upon what I have heard,there are times I get questioned on why I would do such a thing???? Well, girls, I listened to what you said,,,not what you think you said.

The OP could have easily said that she never look at gift "receiving" as a big deal???? She actually could have said a million zillion things which made this man think that this year was not the year she was getting a gift for Christmas from him,,,,no matter what happens between now and then.
Personally, I've been in a situation or two like this, and have given a gift. (hell, I love Christmas) Each situation there was a different outcome for each relationship that was running it's course. Not one of them was the same. Funny how that can happen.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 30
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 2:33:29 PM
This is exactly why from before Thanksgiving to after Valentine's day, anyone I meet I don't want to celebrate the holidays with particularly. It's frankly too soon to expect gifts or get into stuff like this. If you're still dating next year, then go nuts. However if he's not into Christmas overall and you really are, then you two may just not be that much of a match.
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 33
view profile
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 3:19:56 PM
at least he can say that christmas "came" early that year!
(maybe he should have tied a ribbon on his penis)...

have a funnnnnnnnnnn, safe and happy christmas all...
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 34
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 3:20:11 PM
After only a month I wouldn't buy him anything, nor would I expect anything from him.
I would expect to go out on NYE with him.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 36
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 3:31:27 PM

I think you guys skurred the OP away! She's left the Pond.

She didn't like our gifts of opinions.^^^^^^^^^LOL

I got him a small gift and a nice card.

Note , she didn't say she GAVE it to him..maybe he" Got" her something also but wasn't sure the correct protocol or didn't want to be seen as expecting something in return and didn't fork it over.


We will never know unless she comes back and whines "He gave it to me late, It sucked..I'm worth more than that"..

This likely would have been something I'd discussed outright with the man as the holidays approached though, or suggested "How about we just go for a nice dinner together to celebrate" or some such, just to clear the air so that no one felt awkward about gifts, what to/not to do.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ exactly
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 38
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 3:41:10 PM
OK ... I know the OP is gone, but it is a good topic.

What do you get someone who you have been seeing for only a month.

Well, if you sleep with them, it becomes somewhat complicated.

I've meet someone last month. Have I slept with him yet ... nope. He took me out the other night for dinner and I presented him with a nice box of homemade cookies. All men love to eat, so I thought cookies would be personal, yet not over the top. I was very surprised when then handed me a Christmas bag of "Sweet Cherries" (as I said they were so expensive this time of year, and they were my absolute favorites), and a bottle of red wine. He actually listened when we talked earlier about what I liked.

Bonus points for him!
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 39
view profile
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 7:44:00 PM
a few people in here got it right- the rest are a bunch of nasty grinches who deserve to be alone

AMEN to that, Sister!

But as it happens, we DO know what happened to the OP --

She has e-mailed me a fiew times since she has been on the site. And She recently told me she left because the guy DID give her a gift! A GREAT BIG HONKIN’ DIAMOND ENGAGEMENT RING!!!!

He wisked her off to meet the folks with a companion fare -- and she accepted!

They’re both off the site, now!!!!

So Ha! I say, Ha! And Ha! To all you ol’ nasty grinches! I leave you with this gift=

And to all the good boys and girls who answered her question in a courteous and respectful fashion ---

To all – and to all a good night!

Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 41
view profile
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 8:52:01 PM
Oh come on msg 50, if someone she'd dated for a month asked her to marry him and gave her a huge engagement ring he'd be one crazy dude and she'd be crazy to accept. Of course you are just making up BS hoping to bytch slap the people you think are nasty grinches, but really lame don't you think.

To the run-a-way OP, you feel how you feel, that's why you date, and if he's not a good fit for you, then he's not. I'd give it time, if by Valentine's Day if you are still exclusive and he doesn't buy you a thing but tells you all about what he got his Mom, then I'd assume he's not the guy for you. Wanting something for Christmas isn't right or wrong, it just is and you should be looking for the kind of person whose actions are right for you.
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 42
Christmas Cheer?
Posted: 12/23/2010 8:54:20 PM
Alot of guys aren't that thoughtful as women as far as those kind of things. It doesn't mean they don't care. They will also be the one who goes out in the rain to change the flat tire.

Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Christmas Cheer?