Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Interesting Flake Situation      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 hbk99
Joined: 10/1/2008
Msg: 1
view profile
History
Interesting Flake SituationPage 1 of 1    
So I just got flaked out yesterday. Here's how it all started. We went on our first date on christmas day. I thought it went pretty well and when I got home she messaged me right away and we had a little chit chat. For the next few days, she would be the first one messaging me first everytime, but I always keep it short cause I don't wanna talk too much when we are not in person.

I then asked her out for a 2nd date for Sunday (yesterday), but she said she's busy that day, so we decided on Monday. A few hours later she would text me back and say lets hang out on Sunday afternoon again. So we both agree on that. Well yesterday was Sunday and she calls me and says that she has a packed schedule today and needs to postpone it. She said if tomorrow was okay, but I have to work tomorrow. I told her that it would have to be Monday night after I get off work, but she said she has a girls night out thing. At that point I just said okay we'll do this next time and ended it.

Is she still interested even though she flaked? Reason I ask is that she did counter offer for the Monday afternoon when she called to flake out on me, but I can't tell. I think I'm gonna not talk to her for at least a couple days and then give a her a hard time about flaking on me in a humorous way.

What do you guys think?
 smartypants24
Joined: 8/3/2009
Msg: 2
Interesting Flake Situation
Posted: 1/3/2011 7:01:55 PM
OMG. Why play the games?

Yes, people who are actually interested in making plans, offer a better time and try to reschedule if they're interested...she tried to reschedule, you didn't
 rocketship51
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 3
Interesting Flake Situation
Posted: 1/3/2011 7:14:06 PM
OP...

I'm uncertain yours qualifies for a "flaking out" situation.
You proposed Sun, she was busy, and you agreed on Mon. She rescheduled for Sun, then couldn't make it and tried to reschedule for Tue. You couldn't make Tue and proposed Mon, which she couldn't make.

I grant it all sounds a tad frustrating, however....her interest appears to be genuine (she'd not have been msging you, and offering other options to days that didn't work for her, otherwise). To me, it sounds like plain old scheduling conflicts, which can be worked out....

If your interest is, likewise, genuine, I'd not "play games" w/ the girl (your comment that you won't talk to her for a couple of days). Instead, do the mature thing and talk (not msg, but a phone call, in which there is real-time dialogue) and go over both your schedules for the upcoming week and find a mutually suitable day. IF, once again, she calls at the last minute to reschedule...THEN (if I were you) I'd not care if she was interested or not....I'd make a decision based on this being someone who seems to lack the ability to keep a date!

Good Luck!
 Crabby_McCrabberson
Joined: 8/11/2010
Msg: 4
Interesting Flake Situation
Posted: 1/3/2011 7:15:11 PM
In my book, postponing with advance notice is not a severe flake. I'd give her another chance. If you don't feel like talking, ok to not talk, as long as it's not a punishment/game. And I like it that you plan to bring it up to her... that part, I'd definitely do in person or on the phone where she can hear that your voice is friendly, and be able to tell you are joking.

She could be interested but taking bad advice from friends or the internet such as: don't show you like him; don't be too available.

I can't roll my eyes far back in my head enough, to show how much I hate the confusion caused by stupid advice like that even when it's well-intentioned.
 hbk99
Joined: 10/1/2008
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Interesting Flake Situation
Posted: 1/3/2011 7:21:21 PM
Thanks for all ur advice. I agree that playing games is stupid and I won't do that. I will give her a hard time in a humorous way. I will call her and reschedule something.
 rocketship51
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 6
Interesting Flake Situation
Posted: 1/3/2011 7:49:44 PM
Ahhh, how lovely :) An OP who actually listens to the advice he asked for! Refreshing. Yes, do mention (in a light-hearted and humorous way) that all this back & forth HAS been a bit frustrating, nothing wrong with that...In case this situation HAS been the result of her getting "play hard to get" advice from friends, you might as well be upfront that it doesn't "work" for you.....

Good Luck to you!
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Interesting Flake Situation
Posted: 1/3/2011 8:34:56 PM

What do you guys think?


You call it "flakery" and I may call it "the runaround" and the next person would call it incompatible schedules. It doesn't matter what label you assign to it because the behavior and occurrences are still annoying.

I think a really good way to gauge whether someone is interested in you or not is to watch how they break the news to you. I truly think people who are very intrigued by you will express some disappointment or anger if they have to cancel on you. It shows they actually think you're worth their time and like to savor that time when they get it with you.

But if they cancel on you and it's about as emotionless as floorboards then maybe that person doesn't find you too terribly exciting. So using that little train of thought I honestly can't tell you if she's interested or not because your story lacks any emotional context from either of you.

If I could tell you anything other than that it would be to find a distraction between your meets. You'll soon realize that your frustration or confusion about this situation will easily blow over if you don't put your everything into this woman so fast.
 mingo88
Joined: 10/12/2010
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Interesting Flake Situation
Posted: 1/3/2011 9:07:27 PM
why on earth would you have a first date on Christmas?? i mean don't either of you have families?? just seems odd that you wouldn't be spending that day with your family and friends.
 hbk99
Joined: 10/1/2008
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Interesting Flake Situation
Posted: 1/3/2011 9:09:52 PM
The reason why we had our first date on Christmas was a spur of the moment type deal. I didn't have my family dinner until the 26th and she happens to not have any Christmas traditions. I pretty much just asked her out that day to come hang out. Nothing to out of the ordinary.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 10
Interesting Flake Situation
Posted: 1/3/2011 10:29:57 PM
asked for Sunday= no can do
Made plans for Monday
few hours pass....
Lets hang out on Sunday
Sunday arrives= no can do
asks about Tomorrow= you have to work
so make plans for Monday= no can do
so your going to do it next time....
except you ended it....
now your going to play games with her head....
and you think she's the flake?
sounds like some psycho-drama-romantic-comedy-time warp thingy
"Mean Girls At The Lake House"
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 11
Interesting Flake Situation
Posted: 1/4/2011 12:43:20 AM
What do you guys think?

I don't understand why you were able to set up a date on Monday and then all of a sudden you had to work. Were you giving her the runaround because she tried to make it on Sunday after saying she couldn't and then had to cancel?
 NarcissusTemple
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 12
Interesting Flake Situation
Posted: 1/4/2011 1:52:48 AM

I think I'm gonna not talk to her for at least a couple days and then give a her a hard time about flaking on me in a humorous way.

I think you should text her that you love her, but leave all of the vowels out of your text, then randomly insert numbers throughout the text.
This ALWAYS works on me.

She countered--what more do you want?
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 13
Interesting Flake Situation
Posted: 1/4/2011 3:55:53 AM
If I was really interested......My girlfriends would have given me a rain check
and been happy for me..but

You need to talk to HER..

So you know Mondays are out....



Ask her out a certain date and time or propose Is Friday or Saturday ( whatever days) at 8 good for you?..Then be done if she can't make it.

You aren't high on her list if she can't choose a day IMO.


I think you should text her that you love her, but leave all of the vowels out of your text, then randomly insert numbers throughout the text.


Don't however insert a 6 or a 9 ...................
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Interesting Flake Situation
Posted: 1/4/2011 4:57:30 AM
She was originally free Monday, but when you postponed Sunday, suddenly she had plans for Monday? Serious flake. Move on. Sounds to me like she's avoiding you and hopes you'll go away.
 hbk99
Joined: 10/1/2008
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Interesting Flake Situation
Posted: 1/4/2011 6:07:47 PM
The reason was that I originally wanted Monday night after I got off work. When she countered with Monday afternoon, I told her I can only do nights on a weekday and that's when she said she had plans for Monday night
 ThatGuyinFtWorth
Joined: 1/4/2011
Msg: 16
Interesting Flake Situation
Posted: 1/13/2011 9:05:20 AM
Geeze..ppl have to reschedule all the time...especially during the holiday season and work.

You shouldnt worry about whether shes flaking out or playing games etc. In reality, those kinds of petty stuff are uncontrollable by you. And you shouldnt let uncontrollable events bother you. Too many controllable things out there to worry about.

Bottom line is, if you're interested in her and want to see her, make the time. If shes interested in you, she'll make the time. If that involves tweeking around a schedule, then so be it.

But dont let this single event change what you're doing or feeling. The worst thing you can do is overthink something for fear its not there while sabotaging something that really was.

Things work out at the end. If she's not interested, she'll fade by her own accord. As i hear, theres plenty of fish...no need to stress about 1 that doesnt have interest. So just live like she has interest... its more fun that way....
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Interesting Flake Situation
Posted: 1/13/2011 10:37:05 AM
If someone is interested, they will set a date and stick to it.
If something happens that makes it impossible for them to make it, then they will let you know and reschedule. They'll stay in touch, and you'll never be left in the dark.

If they flake, they're not interested. It's not hard for someone to send you a quick message or call up quick.
 district
Joined: 1/3/2011
Msg: 18
Interesting Flake Situation
Posted: 1/13/2011 8:01:11 PM
In this situation, it seems like there were conflicting schedules. Not someone being a flake.
 MaybeAsk
Joined: 2/8/2012
Msg: 19
Interesting Flake Situation
Posted: 2/15/2012 1:36:41 AM
try this:

tell her its cool and text you in a month.

seriously, give her the pimp hand.
 starofgaia
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 20
Interesting Flake Situation
Posted: 4/21/2012 10:33:59 AM
OP:

Jeeze, she didn't flake out on you. She had the audacity to let you know that she was unavailable!

I can almost guarantee that if you give her a hard time about it, you won't be hearing from her anymore.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Interesting Flake Situation