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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Attracting the right girls.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 sshuliak
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 1
Attracting the right girls.Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Never bothered to actually get advice in this. But after reading a dozen threads, the community seems to be pretty good, and knowledged.
Figured I've got nothing to lose :D.
So I don't necessarily feel I have an issue... Rather am perhaps just not entirely fulfilled.
I don't have issues talking to women. I also don't have issues... having fun... with them. I haven't been in a relationship in over a year now though. A year and a half. It almost seems pathetic. After my relationship I became a bit of a man whore. Helped me recover. Boosted my ego. It's sort of become stale. I'm actually a bit love starved. I've honestly felt like a peice of meat more than once.
I know it's totally my fault though. I'm attracted to the wrong girls. (For example) I was dating a really awesome girl for a few months who totally had her head on her shoulders and was frequently commented on as being very attractive, but after a while I got bored, and lost attraction towards her.
Meanwhile these girls who just want a week of fun, with no attachment I just can't seem to get over! (as far as attraction goes). They actually crush me !
My post is a little messy. I'm a bit all over the place here.
In short, I'm wondering how to attract, or be more attractive to more... goal oriented, non shallow, overall good people?!
The type who doesn't need to get drunk all the time... go clubbing... etc.etc.
I must note. I am a bit shallow. Attraction is huge for me. (As I'm sure it is with everyone else). But looks are a large part of what I'm looking for.
Perhaps my standards are too high.
Do I need counseling? Hehe.
Just looking for a discussion. Maybe learn a bit more about myself.
Thanks in advance.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 2
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History
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 12:38:20 AM

Do I need counseling?


YES for the fact that you want to be with non-shallow women but admit you're shallow yourself. Double standards.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 3
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 1:45:32 AM
I haven't been in a relationship in over a year now though. A year and a half. It almost seems pathetic.

Why? Why is not being in a relationship pathetic? What brainwashing made you believe it's like being unemployed or something? lol Pathetic is being in a pathetic relationship... or being with someone your ugly friend could do better than....

In short, I'm wondering how to attract, or be more attractive to more... goal oriented, non shallow, overall good people?!

You mean, how can YOU be attracted TO such girls! Because, as you said...

I was dating a really awesome girl for a few months who totally had her head on her shoulders and was frequently commented on as being very attractive, but after a while I got bored, and lost attraction towards her.

That's your problem right there. I think your underlying issues make you in some ways be like someone whose standards are too high. Having crazy fun with chicks with no obligations or attachments IS fun. It's a rush.... it's great. But the dessert bar can only go so far for so long. But when you get too used to that, you start to expect that rush with a gal you begin to date, thus get bored because, well, it's not as fun (in that way, and that's all your desires pay attention to).

In the end, it's YOUR attraction, not theirs. You basically need to get off that rush. Many get it out of their system or get bored with it (the rush dissipates), and when they do run into someone who's attractive AND a good match, it clicks.

I think a lack of self-esteem makes one keep giving someone that rush that usually drops with the normal person. You need to just settle down within yourself, first and deal with the need to want to bang even hotter chicks NSA... once that gets diminished, THEN you can worry about where to find the relationship-worthy girls (part of that is your persona that shines through; and that's tainted when underneath it all, you're broiling with a desire to hook up with the short-skirted cutie at the other end of the bar).
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 4
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 2:30:21 AM
Sounds like you have not gained appreciation for stability yet. You say you want a woman with a good head on her shoulders but your actions tell the real story.

Knowing yourself better would help.
 NarcissusTemple
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 5
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 3:39:39 AM
I hope, at the very least, you've been honest with your women.
I abhor misrepresentation--when one knowingly courts someone who they know is looking for an LTR when they, themselves, are not.

Maybe you don't need counseling, but another year or so for your behavior and choice-making to mature.
The latest research shows that the brain doesn't fully develop until age 25-ish.*
The attribute of being able to predict the future consequences of present behavior is among the last cognitive functions to develop.

* http://www.examiner.com/parenting-education-in-newark/a-child-s-brain-fully-develops-by-age-25
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 6
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 4:19:41 AM
The first thing you can do is quit pointing at the young ladies and telling us that they are not the "right girls". If they are not the "right girls" than what are YOU doing with them????(most of these questions YOU will have to answer). Why do YOU pass on the others????? Why do YOU feel the need to running around with the girls for only a week???

It's YOU,,,,not the girls. Once you start there, YOU will realize YOUR choices are YOURS alone. Unless you have been kidnapped by aliens or sumtting.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 7
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History
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 4:26:36 AM
As femaleconnection said, Know thyself. You are the one in charge of you, you are the one choosing.
I notice that you don't say that you want to settle down and go somewhere with your OWN LIFE, just that you want a stable relationship. If YOU aren't stable, including having a stable idea of what you want from yourself and your future, you wont be able TO choose another person to go along with you.
"I'm wondering how to attract, or be more attractive to more... goal oriented, non shallow, overall good people?" If you listen to what goal oriented women say, they look for a GUY who knows what his goals are.
So chart a course for YOURSELF as an individual, then start looking for women on a parallel course.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 8
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 6:38:08 AM
You aren't ready.

Keep on having fun until you are disgusted with your lifestyle and actually can recognize the right girl.

Run into some hottie that knocks you down a bit .
Date different types..Only when you vary your menu can you really choose.

Hope by then you have not contacted something you can't get rid of or you have to move because of your reputation.


Maybe you don't need counseling, but another year or so for your behavior and choice-making to mature.
The latest research shows that the brain doesn't fully develop until age 25-ish.*
The attribute of being able to predict the future consequences of present behavior is among the last cognitive functions to develop.


Tis a fact..your hormones are out dewing your reason/frontal lobe.^^^^^^^^^^^
 XtaylorX
Joined: 4/1/2010
Msg: 9
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 9:56:07 AM
Hoes come and hoes go
but the thing to know
is to keep with the flow
just like H20
and when your through with that hoe
she needs to know
that shes got to go
cuz we men are pros
when it comes to hoes
once we rail, we bail,
and from their we sail
on to the next hoe!
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 10
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 10:07:34 AM
Perhaps my standards are too high.

Or perhaps they are too low and you aren't offering women with higher standards enough to attract them.

YES for the fact that you want to be with non-shallow women but admit you're shallow yourself.

Everyone's definition of shallow is that which another person wants, but which excludes themselves.
 the_indescribable
Joined: 8/31/2010
Msg: 11
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 10:50:24 AM
Not to sound rude but you sound a little pompous. It seems like you're posting here to have your ego stroked more than anything. The fact that you get crushed when a woman who doesn't want a relationship bails on you, yet you have no interest in an awesome girl who does, speaks of immaturity.

Why would it crush you, an admitted man whore, when you get used and ditched by a party girl? Girls look at a guy who sleeps with anyone in much the same way as a guy views a girl who sleeps with anyone. You're good for a lay -- not relationship material.

The fact that you're upset about this is probably just an ego thing. When these girls bail after the fact it's more a blow to your pride than anything.

If you ACTUALLY want a relationship with a great girl, stop sleeping around and be more selective. Have some pride. If that's not what you're looking for and you still want to just sleep around, then don't complain about it.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 12
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 11:29:19 AM
Leftofnormal


http://www.examiner.com/parenting-education-in-newark/a-child-s-brain-fully-develops-by-age-25


Checked it out ... Awesome information!

I had always thought that the date of maturation was 20 not 25. This makes a whole lot of sense.
 sshuliak
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 13
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 12:07:18 PM
Ouch!
I think I said I was a bit of one to help cope with getting out of a relationship. Things are different now. But I still have a sex drive that needs to be fulfilled... As I'm sure this goes with everyone else.
I appreciate the comments trying to actually help.
Not sure about the personal attacks. The marine corps comment is a funny one. You're right. I'm not American, therefore I am not eligible for the American army. I have considered joining the armed forces. Not because I need guidance in being a man. But rather because I have pride for my nation and would love to assist my brothers south of me to keep peace in an uneasy world.
Anyways that's off topic.
Maybe I should reiterate my initial post. My comments about being a bit shallow were poorly worded. I still put a lot of weight in physical attraction. This isnt uncommon. I'm being made out to be a terrible person for this. I also put great value in personality, sense of humour, and overall intelligence.
Regarding the statement that my standards are low, but I don't have enough to offer to the good girls. How do I go about doing this? I will be volunteering for my local police station soon. I have a full time respectable job and go to school. Would you suggest i take classes on socialising?
Remember im looking for advice here. This isn't a place for people to take shots at me. If I came off the wrong way I'd rather you turned away and kept it to yourself... There's a difference between rude criticism and constructive... Maybe I shouldn't have bothered...
 sshuliak
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 14
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 12:10:03 PM
And I regret saying im a bit shallow after reading my post. I should have said I need someone I'm physically attracted to, as well as mentally.
 the_indescribable
Joined: 8/31/2010
Msg: 15
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 12:24:03 PM
I don't think the personal attacks were meant to be hurtful. Your opening post is just crazy full of contradictions and silliness that it's hard to take serious.

I'll reiterate that most relationship type girls don't want to end up with someone who sleeps around all over the place. It's the same way guys look at girls. If you're a man whore, that suggests your standards are low. You might be fun for a romp in the sack, but it's a huge problem sign and sets off a few warnings:

1) You're a horny little dude who will get with anything, and thus might be hard to trust

2) You probably have self-esteem issues (you mentioned you like the ego boost) and thus your self-respect could be low and tied in to getting laid.

3) You're not a challenge and there's no mystery to you.

I'm not really trying to cut you up. I've had lots of friends just like you. If you want the affection of a great woman, however, you have to set some standards and show some confidence and satisfaction with yourself. Guys (and girls) like you are a dime a dozen and to be honest it makes it a lot easier for people NOT like that to stand out.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 12:33:17 PM
You are not ready for a relationship and you're trying to force it. They say lessons are repeated until they are learned, so when you stop making the same mistakes and expecting different results things will change.
PS: Being a man-whore at your age is perfectly normal. Better now than when you are 40 and married with kids.
 NarcissusTemple
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 17
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 12:41:00 PM
Not sure about the personal attacks.

Given the kindling you provided in your OP, it's a wonder this entire thread isn't ablaze with the hellish fire of sarcasm re. your character.
Do you ever READ the threads where OPs like you are cut off at the knees?
My gawd, OP, you're being handled with kid gloves and you think the replies are personal attacks?!!
I think the advice here has been uncharacteristically kind and fair given the admissions of your man-whoring and leaving a path of caring, hopeful women in crumpled broken-hearted heaps in your wake as you plow your man-path of sexual satiety.
 sshuliak
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 18
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 1:23:39 PM
Haha. I clearly stated my sleeping around was an attempt to cope with separating from a ralationsip. I suppose I didn't spefically say that I dont anymore, however, I did say for a period of time following my relationship. But thanks for th insight. From what I've gathered I'm hopeless. Such crimes committed like incorrectly filling the void of an ex girlfriend... I'm going to let this die down. Appreciate the comments. Maybe I am not ready yet. Hell. Maybe I need to connect with more women.
 sshuliak
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 19
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 1:24:26 PM
Connect in a social... Friendly way. Before I get in trouble for that.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 20
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 1:29:18 PM

Meanwhile these girls who just want a week of fun, with no attachment I just can't seem to get over!

Have you considered that maybe you like the chase and this is why you can't seem to get over them?They are unattainable thereby making themselves attractive to you.
 sshuliak
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 21
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 1:41:55 PM
Absolutely. I think a thing that became unsttractive about the most recent girl I dated was how mch she liked me. It's terrible... I'd love to figure out how to avoid this. I don't decide what I'm attracted to...
 FunkTheMillenium
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 22
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 1:58:43 PM
how did this topic ever get past the moderator's?
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 23
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 3:49:04 PM
sshuliak,

Ignore the flack from bitter folks.


for your age, you are quite normal.
Everyone is abit shallow to some degree.
(tis why we are single. If we weren't shallow at all we'd be with the first person to ask)

So now you're done playing and ready to get serious.

I'll get flamed for this.
(by more bitter peeps)

But I suggest among other things, you try to be astrologically compatible.
As a Scorpio, you will easily jive with another Scorpio, or a Pisces, or a Cancer.
With these three signs there will be easy emotional rapport as that aspect is as strong in them as in you. Cancer would be best as far as control issues go.

You're less so but still good with Virgos, Capricorns, and Taurusii.
They may seem emotionally less intense than you but very practical peeps and
generally successful in all their endeavours(if so motivated)
With those signs your stengths and weakenesses dovetail with their strengths and weaknesses. So still a good match.

You can work with all other signs, but will take more work than with one compatible.


As a Tiger born Scorpio you should seek out someone born in a horse, dog, snake, or pig year.

go here for more info on that:
http://www.suzannewhite.com/new-astrology/ScorpioTiger.html

I know, I know. the above sounds very lame.
But I have dated A LOT and have dated all the wrong signs and years for me.
Still single.

Other than that advice I couldn't tell you to do anything different than what you are doing.

Since you are confident and able to attract women, I suggest no need to sell yourself too hard but instead start out by letting a girl know any of your negatives(personality or circumstances) upfront. And be picky as to what you are seeking or wish to avoid upfront. Hopefully that should weed out the incompatible early.

Be thankful you are able to attract and choose a mate.
Many guys cannot, nor know how.
So just take your time and choose wisely.
Use the Force only for good Luke.
LOL
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 24
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 5:10:06 PM
The poor guy is from the lowermainland,the home of bambi(and not the ones in the wild) and young wannabees.

Okay, straight up. You are NOT gonna find "long term" at your age in the lowermainland until about 30(if you are lucky). The ones your age that are serious about life, have no use for boys(sorry) at this time. They are busy,at school, setting their careers up,etc. The ones that are availible, look good,on Saturday night, but awful nasty on Sunday afternoon,if and when they wake up. The other ones have one or two children by 25 and are looking for #2 or #3 guy by now.

There are very few mature, relationship "looking" females your age in and around here. So do what ya gotta do, and if the ones that are availible are not fulfilling, DON'T indulge!!!!!!! It is simple. But it does take some will power on your age, cause some of the young ladies do "look",well, kinda tasty. Just don't try to have a conversation with em.
 sshuliak
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 25
Attracting the right girls.
Posted: 1/10/2011 5:39:25 PM

Question, re: the girl who bored you. She was frequently commented on as being attractive -- but was she attractive to you? Or was she someone you were trying to grow an attraction for,cuz you thought you should be able to, based on her being sensible, and not like the other girls who are content to hit and leave it, --your usual kind.

She was attractive to me at first. I met her at a club... Saw her in line. She, like me, was relatively bored of clubs. I managed to find her in the club and talk to her because I saw instant attraction.
Anyways. She just started to get on my nerves... And I gradually stopped enjoying sex with her... And eventually just didn't find her attractive at all. Shame, because at one point I was contimplating something very very long term with her.
As for the other few posts on this page. I appreciate the comments.
I was beginning to wonder if I was actually just a terrible person despite saying very little about myself.
But I noticed a trend in the angry comments towards me... So I started to find them funny, more so than anything.
Cool.
Appreciate it, y'all.

And the lower mainland bit.
You're right. There's a strong chochie vibe down here. Ed hardy wearing, hummer driving ego freaks who look for nothing other than a fight. Plenty of girls to support that crap too...

As for the astrology.
Heh.
you're not the only one. I've gone on a date before with a girl from here. First thing she asked was my sign. Apparently it wasn't the right one. Heh :D
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