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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > She wants to take things slow.....      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 6
She wants to take things slow.....Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Should I continue to message and reply to other interested women?


You asked for advice, so here goes from much experience.. Yes contact women you find attractive.. Preferably IN PERSON at your local church groups/meetup groups...

If you meet at least two per month IN PERSON at those events, talk and be funny & friendly with them,

likely you won't still be here in two years as you WILL BE if you "wait" for either of those or any your mother comes up with...
 WaywardWynde
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 7
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She wants to take things slow.....
Posted: 1/27/2011 2:09:47 PM
"Taking it slow" MEANS "taking it nowhere". At least with YOU. And you can spend a lot of time, lot of effort, not to mention a chunk of change "going nowhere".

Go find a woman who wants YOU. There are lots out there, Even if it is only 1 in 1,000,000, that's 3,000 women who want you. How many women do you need? -grin-

Good luck to you.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 8
She wants to take things slow.....
Posted: 1/27/2011 2:48:40 PM

P.S. This is NOT about sex as some of you will no doubt believe.

That's obvious. It seems to be about women friends.
 LinuxD
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 9
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She wants to take things slow.....
Posted: 1/27/2011 2:54:59 PM
Drop both of them and find someone who is into you.

You have been friend zoned by both of them
 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 10
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She wants to take things slow.....
Posted: 1/27/2011 7:38:12 PM
"taking it slow" means I will go out with you.... you will pay for me and my kids.... and I will do this until you realize that I will never be intimate with you..... and walk away...



I am concerned about the kids coming on dates when you barely know each other.... that is risky behavior on her part..
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 11
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She wants to take things slow.....
Posted: 1/27/2011 9:45:25 PM
Girl #1 isn't interested in anything other than friendship

Girl #2 needs to be shot for introducing her kids to a complete stranger

Go meet the girl Mom wants to set you up with and forget and the other 2
 UglyFroggieCritter
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 14
She wants to take things slow.....
Posted: 1/28/2011 2:21:37 AM
Jesus Kerrrist on a popsicle stick, she ain't bringing the kids to the breakfast meet, is she?

I'm with MsMicki, make plans to see the lady your mother wants to set you up with.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 15
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She wants to take things slow.....
Posted: 1/28/2011 4:46:44 AM
OP, your main problem is that you are thinking about and viewing all of this from outside of yourself, as though there is a right and wrong way to go about finding a mate. You need to think about it from your OWN point of view...what you want from your life, not what you might be able to get, if you "play your cards right."
If you are with someone who pleases you, and with whom you enjoy spending THE TIME YOU ARE WITH THEM , then keep doing that. What you are describing here, is that you are thinking about OTHER people, some of them completely imaginary, while you are with the one you are in front of. You have imagined up a fantasy wherein while you are building towards happily ever after with ONE woman, that your dream girl pops up and makes you feel like a cad for dumping the one you've been building with.... BUT BOTH WOMEN ARE IMAGINARY.
Stay with the here and now! If you are enjoying what you are doing with the woman you are with, AND things are progressing towards something OTHER than just friends, then stay with it. If you are feeling restless, like you are following a script that doesn't really interest you, then GET OUT of that play, leave that woman to her own journey, and start your own again.
 Max Schnell
Joined: 10/11/2010
Msg: 16
She wants to take things slow.....
Posted: 1/28/2011 4:54:56 AM
1. That's for you to decide, but at some point you have to ask if the potential prize (whatever that is) is worth your additional investment of time. So maybe this is something you can just play by ear.

2. That's also for you to decide, but personally I think messaging and getting to know other people would be a very smart thing to do especially given the fact that you don't know what the woman's motivations are who you've already met.
but at the same time I don't want to risk meeting someone else and have the girl now decide that she is ready for a commitment.
Dude, if you don't want to take any kind of risk then you should stay home with a blankey and give up on dating. Maybe if you would quit looking at how you relate to women as merely transactional and you're just waiting for The Payoff , then you would have a clearer perspective on what it makes sense to do and whether some things are worth waiting for.

3. You may need professional help.

4. See what I said before about "transactions" and ask yourself how you'd feel being somebody's consolation prize.

5. Apparently so.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 17
She wants to take things slow.....
Posted: 1/28/2011 7:49:54 AM
OP- you go as slow or as fast as you feel comfortable....

do not put all your eggs in one basket before you know if you want that basket and before you know if the basket wants YOUR eggs in her basket...



This is NOT about sex as some of you will no doubt believe.


ok, so you have no intention of wanting to have sex with any of these women?
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 21
She wants to take things slow.....
Posted: 1/30/2011 8:29:39 AM
"Take it slow" means she is not falling for you... do yourself a favor and move on before you get rejected again.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 23
She wants to take things slow.....
Posted: 1/31/2011 10:29:42 AM
No one says "take it slow" with someone they're really interested in.
Not that they wouldn't take it slow, they just wouldn't need to say it.

People who say they want to take things slow are still deciding whether
or not they like you enough to want to consider anything more.

If I say it, I mean with YOU.
 myrgth
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 25
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She wants to take things slow.....
Posted: 1/31/2011 3:10:01 PM
So you pay for her and her kids? Her kids are present at every date? Not only that, but she isn't even the custodial parent - so she only plans or accepts the dates when she actually has the kids even though she has MUCH more time available when she doesn't have them?

Wow!

I guess you gotta feed the kids however you can.

If she were interested in you as a man and not a meal ticket then she would make time for dates that are sans kids.
 Praetorian55
Joined: 1/30/2010
Msg: 26
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She wants to take things slow.....
Posted: 1/31/2011 8:16:39 PM
Woman - "I just want to take it slow"

rational translation

"I'm keeping my options open in case something better comes along"


Women want to fcuk just as badly as we do. The only thing that keeps an "interested" women in line is the stigma of being "easy". Women that want to go slow are not interested plain and simple.

P55
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 27
She wants to take things slow.....
Posted: 2/1/2011 6:38:43 AM
More info... women who actually like you get a baby sitter. This one is spinning your wheels and using you as a food stamp for her and her kids. Move on.
 GlassicGentleman
Joined: 12/12/2010
Msg: 29
She wants to take things slow.....
Posted: 2/2/2011 8:12:03 AM
Whatever you do, it's the pace of the couple that counts, especially the one you feel in love with in the first place. If she wants to take it slow, slow down. For me, I never go past sex because whatever choice you make, it will be final, so it's good that you haven't gone beyond that. Always remember, that it takes two to tango. If that person doesn't feel comfortable with you, it wasn't meant to be. But don't give up hope, there's always someone out there for you. You're a good person, remember to have that self-confidence and you will go far.
 Daisyrose73
Joined: 9/23/2010
Msg: 30
She wants to take things slow.....
Posted: 2/2/2011 8:44:14 AM
Actually yes she did. Apparently her ex brought them over unexpectedly but she never said why. She only has visitation every other weekend not custody. So I didn't get the chance to have a talk with her like I had planned. Is there a sure way to make sure she is not using me? When I'm with her I don't feel like she is, it's only when I start to think about it that I start to get the uneasy feeling about the whole thing. She hasn't asked me for money or anything or really giving me any real reason to think so.


If you are buying her kids breakfast at this point she is using you. There is no reason that she should be bringing her kids to meet you at this point. She is stupid for doing that.


So you pay for her and her kids? Her kids are present at every date? Not only that, but she isn't even the custodial parent - so she only plans or accepts the dates when she actually has the kids even though she has MUCH more time available when she doesn't have them?

Wow! I guess you gotta feed the kids however you can. If she were interested in you as a man and not a meal ticket then she would make time for dates that are sans kids.


This!

Go find someone who is into you and isn't using you as a meal ticket!
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > She wants to take things slow.....