Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What stops a man from cheating?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 3prong
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 1
What stops a man from cheating?Page 1 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
I had casually dated my mechanic prior to hooking up with my current boyfriend. We never got as far as actually sleeping together but we had gotten into heavy petting as well as oral sex.

I went today to get my car looked at and although he knows I am in a committed relationship, he propositioned me. He totally understands I am in this committed relationship so only propositioned me with "having a bit of adventure" (maybe a bit of petting).

I told him no but a couple things ran through my mine. My thought process went along this route:
Evil voice: the bf would never know
Good voice: don't matter, he's too important to me to go there
Evil voice: whatever would happen wouldn't be emotional so it wouldn't really matter
Good voice: it would thought - I wouldn't want him to do it to me so I wouldn't do it to him
inner quandary done

I was a little disappointed with myself for even having this inner conversation so I reflected on it. I examined the idea that if me and my guy were in the middle of a heated fight would the decision have gone different and I believe I would have held on to the high road here. Then I started thinking about what he would do in a similar situation.

I don't mean to be disrespectful here but guys are hard-wired for the procreation urge. As I am not a man, I can't honestly speculate as to how he would think and act. I am not meaning to imply men are cheaters as I do know there are many men who are faithful to a fault.

What I am ultimately wondering though is what does a man's inner discussions look like? Really, what ultimately stops a guy from cheating?
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 2
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/15/2011 10:35:57 PM
I would think that it would be his values and not taking his car etc where he knows his ex hookup is working.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 3
view profile
History
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/15/2011 10:36:30 PM
I'm not a man, but the men I have met during my life who don't cheat, don't want to cheat. No one makes you cheat, you have to want to, you have to find a place and a willing partner and you have to make up stories and plan out the lies and you know in the end, only cheaters cheat. Those who cheat with them or engage them in trying to get them to cheat, are the same as the person cheating on someone.

You might want to read the posts in the thread...Did I Accidentally Cheat? It seems to be the next level of what you were doing.
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 4
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/15/2011 10:38:15 PM
I don't mean to be disrespectful here but guys are hard-wired for the procreation urge.


I don't mean to be presumptuous here, but the mechanic was not thinking about procreating.
More likely he wanted a BJ.

Next time have your car looked at someone else's who doesn't know you too good.


 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 5
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/15/2011 10:42:50 PM

What I am ultimately wondering though is what does a man's inner discussions look like?

I've never had that ``inner discussion.'' Cheating is just something I would not consider.

Really, what ultimately stops a guy from cheating?

His sense of ethics.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 6
view profile
History
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/15/2011 10:49:07 PM
I've never had that ``inner discussion.'' Cheating is just something I would not consider.



Same goes for women, the thought of cheating never enters their mind.


Aren't you the same OP who was so worried about your boyfriend being committed to you? It doesn't seem like you are ready for such a relationship if you had to talk yourself out of cheating. As some one else said you could of took your car to another mechanic.


We never got as far as actually sleeping together but we had gotten into heavy petting as well as oral sex.



Oral sex is still sex so this statement does not make sense.
 Moe is Better 4 U
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 7
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/15/2011 10:49:10 PM
The thing that stops a man from cheating, is the same thing that would stop a woman from cheating: Morals, respect, faithfulness, unconditional love for partner, as well as the over all theory, do unto others as you would want them to do to you. Karma can kick you in the AZZ, so I think subconsciously it enters a cheaters mind and confuses their thought process, because they may start to feel bad (internally) or different around their partner. Even though the partner has no idea about their act of cheating. I had a similar experience, in which a former co-worker wanted to give me a BJ on my lunch break and she knew I had lived with my lady. I thought about my lady and just could not bring myself to disrespect her in that manner. It would have bothered me inside, to go home and look into my ladies eyes, see the innocence and love, I know I have just betrayed her beyond belief. Some people can cope with the cheaters mentality, for me it is too morally compromising and can cause a lot of unnecessary confusion. And believe it or not, I told my lady about my co-worker proposal to give me a BJ on my lunch break and my lady gave me the BJ of my life after telling her, which made me even happier I was open, honest and faithful about the situation. Makes me want to be open and honest more often.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 8
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/15/2011 10:55:36 PM
WTF???

basically- you blew your mechanic, who you continually goto for his ""tools""


and now you are questioning the character of whether your man would cheat on you or not?



yes, men are hard wired with the urge to procreate....as are women....

men just have a different urge than women do.



would it make you feel better to know that """ALL""" men will cheat- so you might as well get urs when u can?


don't worry about the men in your life.



worry about yourself.


not all men cheat.
 RubyWaxxx
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 9
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/15/2011 10:58:19 PM
I think most men would have similar mental conversations to you, OP. What stops them is ultimately what stopped you: love for your partner.
It's flattering to be desired; but if you love and respect your partner, you don't want to hurt them, especially consciously.
I think people start cheating when their sense of entitlement wins over love and respect.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 10
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 12:33:43 AM
hard wired for procreation.....

where does this drivel come from. When we were in our 20 NONE of my friends wanted kids. then they got married and a few of them acquiested, a couple were down right resentful against being trapped in it.
hell I got snipped early.
Not every swinging sausage out there things rug rats and carpet pets are the end all beat; hell I bet if you push hard for an answer you will find a sizable number didnt want, werent ready for, whish they never had munchkins.

procreate pfft, like there is a population shortage.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 11
view profile
History
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 12:38:09 AM
The suggestion you review the other thread about the salsa dancer is a good one. That you seriously considered for a moment that you could have done something with this mechanic, means that you aren't committed to your official guy.
Rather than pondering what might make a guy turn away from women, you'd be wise to seriously figure out whether you really do love the guy you claim to be with, and re examine what YOU mean when you say you are in a committed relationship.
And by the way, the idea that "guys are hard-wired for the procreation urge," while women are somehow different, is an insulting, ancient, worn-out, and long challenged and thoroughly disproven myth. Forget about using it as an excuse to "get loose" yourself as an imaginary reprisal.
 FranklinLA
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 12
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 1:16:27 AM
Really, what ultimately stops a guy from cheating?

- The same thing that stopped you. Duh.


What I am ultimately wondering though is what does a man's inner discussions look like?

- Not cheating -
Good Side: Is this b*tch better than what I already have? Nah.
Bad Side: Do it.
Good Side: She probably sucks in bed anyways. She can't satisfy me the way my girl does.
Bad Side: Do it.
Good Side: She does have a good body... and them DSL's...
Bad Side: Do it.
Good Side: Nah, I'm good....

- Cheating -
Good Side: Well you aren't really in love with your girl so it doesn't matter.
Bad Side: Do it.
Good Side: Yeah, I'll do it. She's been acting like a b*tch lately anyways.
 cooldude
Joined: 4/26/2004
Msg: 13
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 2:33:27 AM

I don't mean to be disrespectful here but guys are hard-wired for the procreation urge. As I am not a man, I can't honestly speculate as to how he would think and act. I am not meaning to imply men are cheaters as I do know there are many men who are faithful to a fault.


You are throwing out a loaded question. While you claim men who are faithful, they must have something keeping them from cheating. So either way, they are still cheating men. And while I am still a man, we men all are still individuals so we are not hardwired to do anything.
 Island home
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 14
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 3:15:23 AM
I think most men would have similar mental conversations to you, OP. What stops them is ultimately what stopped you: love for your partner.
It's flattering to be desired; but if you love and respect your partner, you don't want to hurt them, especially consciously.
I think people start cheating when their sense of entitlement wins over love and respect.

This male agrees with the above quote

Only the OP knows how much she values her relationship
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 15
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 3:23:39 AM

What I am ultimately wondering though is what does a man's inner discussions look like? Really, what ultimately stops a guy from cheating?


What would anybody from cheating is their moral values, other than that nothing will stop anybody it's all a choice.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 16
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 4:32:02 AM

What I am ultimately wondering though is what does a man's inner discussions look like? Really, what ultimately stops a guy from cheating


You are assuming EVERYONE has these "little discussions" in their head when faced what you face. You also assume EVERYONE has to face the situation you did. Some of us don't even get into a situation that you did because of our previous choices. It's called seeing before things actually happen,which involves thinking.

In other words, some people don't need to "stop" from cheating cause it's not even an option for them. Never. Then there are others that face this decision everyday,and then they have to sit and wonder why.
 ChillinChill
Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 17
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 5:13:51 AM
I don't cheat and it has nothing to do with the man I am with. I don't cheat because I have to live in my own skin. I would never want to wake up and look in the mirror knowing I cheated on someone. I wouldn't want to hate myself like that.
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 18
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 5:18:40 AM
good god, woman. i can't believe you would say something so incredibly presumptuous and sexist about men just because YOU had some evil thoughts that were so readily prompted by the raunchy invitation of some skanky guy YOU played "eat me" with before you met the BF.


what stops anybody from doing anything they know they shouldn't do? the fear of getting caught in flagrante delicto? maybe. or maybe it's something a lil' bit more advanced and abstract on the wide scale of human consciousness.... let's call it integrity. do you see the difference between those two options?

why don't you stop projecting and raise the bar a little.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 19
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 5:32:44 AM
Ruby:

I think most men would have similar mental conversations to you, OP. What stops them is ultimately what stopped you: love for your partner.


I've had g/f's and partners during this life that I didn't love...and never once thought about cheating...I've never had that mental discussion...wtf...mental discussion???

Yanno...some of us aren't wired like the rest of us.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 20
view profile
History
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 6:17:18 AM
The same thing that stops women from cheating, they are not all that different from women.

PS: Find a new mechanic
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 21
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 6:22:43 AM
What stops a man from Cheating? its like asking why does a Big Mac taste like sh1t?
A good man with morals and values doesn't cheat, a man without them does, the question should be why does a man cheat in the first place? here is where you will find a myriad of answers
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 22
view profile
History
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 6:39:22 AM
Generally, I find that I don't want to cheat because it takes way to much energy. Purely laziness. Men and women are pretty well driven to interact by the biological system we are part of, so interact we do. Once the sexual issue is solved by finding a compatible partner, interest in others may be passing, my is not all that motivating. We all like to dream, but the search for a sexual partner is, in my view, not much fun, and if you already have one, why bother?

If you love your sexual partner, the issue is even more clear. When a couple are in love, the idea of a sexual encounter with another is, to me, really like eating a Big Mac.....just plain disgusting.

Now, when your SO displays a lack of interest, pure biology will drive you to solve the problem. If you happen o be in love with your SO and she/he has no interest, then you will end up cheating, and hating every minute of it all. The moral majority will, of course, rail that you should first fix or dissolve you current relationship, but that is just a fantasy in many cases. By the time people are cheating, things are way beyond fixing.....

In a fundamental sense, at least with older people, I don't really believe there is any such a thing as "cheating".
 Civilized Rebel
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 23
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 6:48:33 AM
He stops himself if that is what he chooses to do. He might be indoctrinated in all that morals bunk or simply looks at consequences. No matter. He decides for himself and should not be questioned about it.
 ferfoxache
Joined: 2/4/2011
Msg: 24
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 7:00:12 AM

I don't mean to be disrespectful here but guys are hard-wired for the procreation urge

So are women.
You are talking about lust.
Men and women get ready for sex with each other as soon as they come into contact.
Everyone's body goes through subtle alterations in terms of hormones and chemicals when you come into contact with someone you find attractive of the opposite sex, that are meant to push you into having sex.
The only difference is mental focus.
Men tend to react mentally to the idea of sex at the same time they react physically.
Women take more time to react mentally to focus on sex, even though their body naturally reacts and prepares themselves for sex the same as men, their mind takes a while to warm to the idea.


I can't honestly speculate as to how he would think and act.

The same as you, but more quickly. With little to no emphasis placed on consequences that wouldn't really directly affect him (i.e. pregnancy, your husband, social judgment).


Really, what ultimately stops a guy from cheating?

Could be a couple of things.
If the guy is in a loving relationship, he thinks about the love he has with his partner, that will cool the lust. Love conquers lust.
Could be fear, fear of the consequences and drama. If he isn't in a relationship, not married, then he's not really cheating, he's poaching. Huge difference...at least IMO.
Could be self image, he sees cheating (on someone, or helping someone) as bad, and tries to overcome his natural physical reaction in order to maintain his self image as an individual and/or as part of a group.
 niagara45
Joined: 8/15/2010
Msg: 25
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 2/16/2011 7:38:02 AM
I have never had to have the internal dialogue of which you speak. I think you'd have to be somewhat unhappy in your relationship if you had to be talking yourself out of cheating all the time. Just as I don't have an inner debate about whether to steal my newspaper or pay for it, I have never debated cheating on a partner. There is no decision to weigh, because the answer is a predetermined NO.

I don't believe that men cheat more than women. I think men and women cheat for different reasons, though, and the internal debate probably varies from person to person. If you want to cheat, I am sure you can talk yourself into it. That goes for both sexes.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What stops a man from cheating?