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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What does it mean when a guy asks "What are you looking for?"      Home login  
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 Tatsinda
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 1
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What does it mean when a guy asks "What are you looking for?"Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I really need this question to be more specific, since I really don't know what kind of information he wants. So far I have it narrowed down to "from a man", but after that, I'm lost. Yes, I'm stupid.

Does he want to know if I'm looking for a relationship vs. a one night stand? And if that is the case, how do I know what HE's looking for? Also, what constitutes "looking?" Just how active do you have to be to be considered looking? Out in bars all the time, or does basically doing nothing but still wanting a relationship qualify?

How am I supposed to answer this?
 Stormwolf
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 2
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What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 6:49:19 PM
Only you can answer that. Have you asked yourself
"what I am looking for?" I believe if you ask ten different
people...you will have ten different answers!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 3
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 6:53:59 PM

When men ask me what am I looking for, and they fail to clarify, I'll ask them to be more specific.

Naturally.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 4
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 6:54:38 PM
How am I supposed to answer this?


Many people who ask you such a question are chameleons..










They want to know what shape/color/style/kind of animal you think you are looking for, so they can begin to try to conform to that in attempting to win you over...




how do I know what HE's looking for? Also, what constitutes "looking?"



Ahh, the age-old gender-bias dilemma.. Trying to see beyond the Basic Instincts to a possible future off POF..

Many people give up always fretting/projecting and finally break down and ASK their companion...
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 5
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 7:07:47 PM
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
How am I supposed to answer this?

It is a simple question, but
it depends what you are doing while he does the asking....

If you have your hand in his pocket, tell him you are looking for change...
If you have only one shoe on, you are probably looking for the other.
If your hand is on his crotch tell him not to bother, you are just 'fondling'
If you are forlornly hovering in the house with a blank stare in your eyes , you don't know it, but you are looking for your pills.
If you have lost your way, tell him you are looking for directions
If you are looking for a relationship, ask him if he's got a spare one.
If you are looking for love, forget about it, nobody lost it for you to find.
These are only sample answers.... just tell him what you are looking for, woman!



 CallmeKen
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 6
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 7:11:09 PM
Man: What are you looking for?

**Putting through Man -> English translator**
Translation: How much money am I going to have to spend on dinners, movies and aardvarks before you'll sleep with me?

Sorry about the aardvarks. Babelfish is not perfect.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 7
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What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 7:19:51 PM
Several months ago, I went out with a bunch of friends. We went to a place we often go to. We didn't know for about two hours that many of the people there that night were at a pof meet and greet.

This man kept chatting to me, flirting etc. After a while, he said "so what are you looking for in a relationship". When I asked if I could be honest with him, he said yes. "Absolutely nothing" was my answer. He disappeared quickly. Saved me dealing with getting rid of him.

I laughed till I had tears in my eyes when I found out the half the people at the place where there for a pof meet and greet.

Men or women can mean many different things when they ask what someone is looking for. We can ask what they mean, but only their actions over time will prove whether their answer is true.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 8
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 7:52:00 PM
I remember when I started dating, someone asked me that.

I thought it odd.

So I went home and started thinking about it.

Back then I wasn't ready for a relationship.

Now that I've worked on understanding who I am, and why I've gravitated towards unacceptable men, I have finally figured out what I want. "Took me a lifetime to get to this point".

And my answer is ... happiness, because I deserve it!
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 9
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What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 9:37:49 PM

Does he want to know if I'm looking for a relationship vs. a one night stand?


It depends on how the question is asked. If someone is asking you this by message or IM, chances are he is looking for NSA situation. If it's someone you have seen a time or two, he may just be finding you hard to read and genuinely wants to know whether the two of you are on the same page.
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 10
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 9:53:07 PM
Everybody seems to be trying to read different motives into this question. To me, it just looks like one of those open ended questions designed to get a dialogue going. It doesn't really matter what you answer, it leads to further talk.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 11
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What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/18/2011 11:01:10 PM
Halftimedad has the only senseable answer I've read. I've asked the question myself and the motives you ladies are throwing out here are way off base. I know who I am, and if her list of qualities don't match, I'm not wasting any more of her time or mine. The smartest answer I ever got was "not sure, but I'll know it when I find it".....it's the same answer I would give, if ask the same question.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 12
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What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/19/2011 5:10:48 AM
The ONLY time I've ever run into this vague form of the question, was during job interviews. In that case, the interviewer clearly wanted to know WHY I was applying for the job, whether I was just looking for a short-term paycheck, or a career. I would suspect at a meet and greet or another dating situation, it would be similar, translating as "are we just her to have fun, or are we exploring each other as possible long-termites?"
And I also suspect that Halftime hit why anyone would ask such a vague, poorly phrased, useless-as-a-stand-alone question: to get you to TALK about something, other than the weather.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 13
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/19/2011 5:33:21 AM
The first thing that came to my mind was "what are you looking for" is "how long will it take till the sex part".

I musta woke up on the cynical side of the bed today.

Okay, so if I shake that off, I'd go with it just being a "lazy" conversation opener?
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 14
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What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/19/2011 6:19:32 AM
Hahaha, Oldladypurple, that was my thought exactly. It means, how soon are you going to have sex with me!
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 15
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/19/2011 8:55:31 AM
It means he wants to know your motivations and expectations.


How am I supposed to answer this?


You answer it in the only way possible....truthfully! Do you want a LTR, just dating, etc.

It's irrelevant to ask "what does he want to hear?". Why, are you going to make sure you only tell him what he wants to hear; twist yourself up to become whatever the flavour of the day wants?

You tell him what you're looking for when he asks, ask him what he's looking for and if you're both on the same page, then there may be a chance in going forward if the attraction is there.

. Why would you want to continue in a relationship if you were both at opposite ends?

Just go by th KISS principle and life becomes so much easier!

TRUTH! It's works and eliminates most of the drama you read about in these forums almost daily. COMMOM SENSE! Lay it on the line, and a man knows exactly what you're looking for, and you'll know what he's looking for. You're either on the same page or not.
 sexyisback!
Joined: 9/14/2010
Msg: 16
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/19/2011 9:37:39 AM
pretty much:

"want to get jiggy tonight?" (hope so..)

or "not." (aw, darn it all!)
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 17
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/19/2011 7:43:13 PM
Anyone who asks this question is about to launch their list of requirements at you, of which you currently fulfill only the First One (visually acceptable).
So unless you are prepared to withstand an avalanche of extra sub-questions clarifying the why's, when's and how's, pretend that you smelled something burning and leave.

 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 18
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What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/19/2011 11:54:06 PM
^^^^Why bother leaving, just don't go out to start with. We have all heard the joke about the next time I consider getting married, I'll just find a woman I hate and buy her a house. The same strategy should work dating as well. Have your date play it safe and send your half of the dinner carryout to your house.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 19
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/20/2011 9:04:40 AM
If you meet someone in Real Life first, (not off the internet) would they ask you:

"What are you looking for?"

If they did ... then wouldn't you find it odd?

However on a dating site it seems that everyone ties in meeting someone to how quickly can I get laid.

So then ... this question is really only used on internet dating.

Therefore, I think it has more to do with "how quickly can I get laid".
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 20
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What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/20/2011 9:15:26 AM

I really need this question to be more specific, since I really don't know what kind of information he wants.


Have you asked the utterer to be specific or clarify the question asked of you?


How am I supposed to answer this?


By asking those who pose a question that you don't understand, by clarifying what it is that they are asking.
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 21
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What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/22/2011 7:51:37 AM
I never really read so much into such a simple question.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 22
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/22/2011 7:57:17 AM
""what are you looking for?""

that's guy speak for determining how to get come at you.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 23
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/22/2011 12:33:32 PM
If someone asks me what I'm looking for, I just assume
I'm not what they're looking for.

Who seriously asks this of a person they have just met,
that they like, and are enjoying their time with? No one
I know.

People only ask this in job interviews or if they are looking
for reasons to say...well we're not looking for the samething
and want a reason to confirm things just aren't going to work
out.

I don't figure sex comes into every question, because frankly
when I meet someone for the first time, I always make a note
to myself whether or not I can see myself having sex with this
person...I just don't say it out loud. I don't see why men would
be any different.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 24
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/22/2011 7:31:13 PM
"If you meet someone in Real Life first, (not off the internet) would they ask you:

"What are you looking for?"

If they did ... then wouldn't you find it odd?"

BINGO! Yes I do, and would and I agree. I've been out and about, in many varied social situations and the things I've been asked from men on this site...yes it'd be odd in any other face to face social setting.

I won't attempt to guess...okay well just a little....it's a different venue, so many don't extrapolate (it's a good word, one I like...) the protocol or behavior, IE they don't say the same things if it's online. Yeah, I don't "get" that either, I do know it's one of the reasons that very few GET to a first meet, and very often that's it.

"What are you looking for", as with many other drearily standing things that are usually asked, not said, it's just an indication, that 1..it's their best effort at attempting "conversation". It's really surprising not that many aren't that "gifted" in that area, but that it's a skill that can be learned and isn't.

In my experience, with any setting or person, conversation doesn't always naturally evolve just from asking (usually stilted) questions. Usually the response to a question in a short response. Followed by silence, until the next question...NOT an impetus to conversation. Conversation usually happens when people share stories about their experiences.

So, bottom line, is it's a sign that someone doesn't know how to broach a conversation, and it won't take long to know they're not that skilled in the art. I'm not a big fan, because I work, but the people who do talk shows, interviewers, the good ones, don't ask broad, general questions, they get their "guests" to talk and share.

Conversation is important to me, so if I'm in the situation where it's 50 questions, at shot gun speed....eehhh...not a go. IMO, that's how you get to KNOW someone, not know trivial facts about them.
 dare2c4yourself
Joined: 11/9/2010
Msg: 25
What does it mean when a guy asks What are you looking for?
Posted: 2/23/2011 1:55:51 PM
It means exactly what he is asking.
Checking what you have in mind, gauging if this will be good or not so good to help decide his next course of action. In a good relationship this can be good, your partner showing support, caring, checking you out, or maybe worried too.

Looking equates checking what your intentions are, what you really want to accomplish.
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