Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > How do I start over      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 5
view profile
History
How do I start overPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I'm still working on exactly that myself. So far, these forums have been a huge help, just letting me see some real people's struggles and concerns, so I can get a feel for what both sides is about. There are all kinds of considerations that people lay out here, that have at least helped me get my own mind better organized about it. I found in particular, that because, like you, I was 20 years out of the pool, that my entire inner mental system of behavior was based on being married. Just as I had to move out of my marriage HOUSE, I had to move out of my marriage BRAIN, before I could re-assess myself rationally when it came to selecting victims...I mean potential mates.
The only really good advice I can think to give you is, PLAN on making a fool of yourself a bunch, just as you did when you FIRST started dating so many years ago. Allow yourself that, and it might cushion the frustration a bit. Oh, and realize that no matter what they say in the media, it's NOT a simple matter of putting yourself out there, and swimming in lustful bliss! Just as it's ALWAYS hard to find new long-term employment, it's ALWAYS hard to find a new long term MATE.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 9
How do I start over
Posted: 3/9/2011 9:57:31 AM
OP- just go for it....like when you were 20 years younger.

the women won't bite....not unless you ask them to.

but you have to ask them to first!!
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 14
How do I start over
Posted: 3/10/2011 5:12:55 AM
Honestly, drinking helps. Sometimes a lot of drinking.
If you truely want to start dating, as Igor stated, understand that you must have a thick skin. You're going to meet many in a completely different mindset of what your expectations will be. It's just part of the deal with age. We pick up things along the way that we assume as the "truth" and we carry this with us now when dealing with how chose friends,acquantinces,dating partners,etc.
Some will give advice about being yourself, but remember, with that, you will not attract EVERY person out there. Again, part of the deal. In my case, "being myself" eliminates 99% of the population outta my dating "pool". I understand it and I also accept it.
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 21
view profile
History
How do I start over
Posted: 4/16/2011 9:28:22 AM
I would write a list of things that you like to do or need lessons to do and then do them.Start up a conversation about the event you are at with a lady you have a common interest with. Go for coffee, afternoon movie, ----small things first. Good luck
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 22
How do I start over
Posted: 4/18/2011 2:18:40 PM
The first thing you do is go to the super market and buy yourself a box of condoms.


(Silence in the room, all the ladies turn around and say what ta f...)

Yes. It starts with positive thinking and realizing that at some point the most basic of men's instincts will be back, and that is sex and intimacy.

So first you need to work on your mojo, then you need to work on the most important thing there is YOU. And finally you need to work in how to approach women that will be compatible with the things mentioned above.

So how do you get your mojo? To do that, you start by looking at WHY are you single again. Did she dump you, leave you, cheat on you? Did you dump her, cheat on her, leave her? Was it mutual? Did you have children, young? Older? You need to come to terms with all that. If she died and that is why you are here, then you need to go through the process of grieving. Why is all this some important? Because you do not want to recreate whatever did not work, all over again.

Second, work on YOU. If you do not like wine, or dancing, then don't. Find what you like, but also find activities that may attract people of the opposite sex. Women these days get into Fly fishing, cycling, motorbiking, rock climbing...You name it, they are into it. So find what you like. Start enjoying yourself. Discover the GUY in you. A friend of mine does not like bars, but he loves cooking and is good at it. So guess what, he cooks for women and they love it.

After you feel comfortable with the two things above, then try to remember how were you at approaching women 20 years a go. Were you a natural? What worked for you? What didn't? Did you find your partner by mistake? Was your HS sweetheart? So you may need to learn about it more. Don't feel bad about that. And don't let others tell you "just be yourself."

It's like the guy that wants to be an attorney or a top sales person and instead of learning about debate, communications, sales techniques, delivery and so on, the teachers simply say, just be yourself. So read what you can, learn all that is to learn. You are better off saying that the Latter theory is just a crock of s hit because you tried it, than simply you are told not to read it and blindly ignore it. Read. Read about evolutionary Psychology. Learn why men and women behave the way they do.

Then last but not least, realize that rejection is part of the process. So go get rejected a lot. Expect it, want it, and learn.

Also remember that to get something, you must wish that something. And it could be that you want a long term relationship, or marriage, or whatever.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 23
How do I start over
Posted: 4/18/2011 4:22:59 PM
Outmind- wow. Just wow.

Op- listen. Read and reread that post.

Amazing. Even I learned something.

God - I am speechless.

I could not even offer anything after that.

It's even telling my message is too short-
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > How do I start over