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 UglyFroggieCritter
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 2
interesting demand on profilePage 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

"a woman who dates me needs not have a problem with me enjoying the abundance of feminine beauty everywhere when out together in public".


Consider it a public service warning. Most would prefer it over the alternative.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 3
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interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 12:05:08 PM
It is pretty hard not to notice other attractive women when you are out in society. Now, casting a look or so is one level of enjoyment which is hard to suppress, in my experience. Running over and collecting phone numbers is another.

I would say, however, that I have been with women for whom any expression of interest in other women, no matter how fleeting or trivial, merited a stern tongue lashing, educational lectures and varying degrees of punishment in the form of the cold shoulder for varying periods of time.

I mean, if you are with a woman, she should appreciate that you have made that choice, and if every passing beauty sends you into a paroxysm of insecurity, you, in my view, have a problem.

Not knowing the degree of the situation here, I would say that he is not the one with the "issues".
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 4
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 12:14:00 PM
I mean, if you are with a woman, she should appreciate that you have made that choice, and if every passing beauty sends you into a paroxysm of insecurity, you, in my view, have a problem. Not knowing the degree of the situation here, I would say that he is not the one with the "issues"


Clearly ones perspective matters here.. This a very common issue between men & women, and few women are comfortable with a man leering at every beautiful woman walking by..

For a man, most feel that just glancing at a beautiful woman is no big deal, and when tongue-lashed for that by the woman he is with, he feels it's an unprovoked attack and gets defensive.

Ideally he hopes the woman he is with would know that he enjoys looking, just as she enjoys watching George Clooney on the silver screen, and understands the difference between looking and running after them..


so i asked him to elaborate on "enjoying": he wants to be able to verbalize it when he sees an attractive woman and if a date can't handle that then she has self-worth issues


This man is attempting to jump the gun and set some unrealistic ground rules with a new woman..
He may have had a long-established casual relationship in the past with a woman who wasn't offended by his obvious looking and verbalizing..
But demanding that level from the start is like tilting at windmills..

 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 6
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 12:29:29 PM
I personally do not see anything wrong with glancing.

But with that said, how would the guys feel if the woman you are with saw a guy and told you how good looking he was and how she wouldn't mind doing him? Hmmm. Not exactly what you would like to hear.

If you are out and about and your date is not paying enough attention to you, maybe that date is not going that well and you two would be better off with other people.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 7
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 12:33:51 PM
Oh...sometime ago...about 35 years ago...I realized that checking out other women while on a date wasn't cool...it wasn't nice...it was particularly un-cool.

It really doesn't matter if I'm even interested in a woman during a meet n greet...my eye's will not stray...will not glance...just because to do so is impolite...it's, to my mind, the equivalent of being on the phone in the middle of a discussion and saying wait a minute...there's something else I wanted to listen to that's more interesting than you....but, hey...to each their own...
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 8
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 12:44:09 PM
I wouldnt have an issue with it as long as it was also prefectly fine for myself to verbalise when I spot a hot man.

Good for the goose and all.
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 9
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interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 1:16:04 PM
People put all kinds of things on profiles. It's hard to tell exactly what that guy had in mind - he did say "verbal appreciation" - what does that mean? A wolf whistle? Saying to you - hey look at the rack on her? I certainly don't mind if men look, as long as they aren't staring, although I don't believe I've ever noticed that on a date.

OP - I had someone email me that had on their profile that as mature adults, we should be comfortable getting to know each other in the comfort of our own homes...ahh, what? Apparently, since I didn't want to invite this total stranger into my home for a meet & greet, I either had something to hide, or had a mental disorder.

We can demand whatever we want, but that doesn't mean we'll find someone who wants to give it to us.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 10
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interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 1:23:21 PM
I don't need to say anything when I see another beautiful woman. But I will notice, and appreciate beauty wherever I see it. If I happen to miss seeing someone, my SO will usually point her out to me, anyway. SHE's not insecure! She knows who I really care about. I will also do the same for her. Really, it's no different than enjoying a great painting, or a beautiful sunset, and sometimes I will even comment on those.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 12
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 1:29:52 PM

I don't need to say anything when I see another beautiful woman. But I will notice, and appreciate beauty wherever I see it. If I happen to miss seeing someone, my SO will usually point her out to me, anyway. SHE's not insecure! She knows who I really care about. I will also do the same for her. Really, it's no different than enjoying a great painting, or a beautiful sunset, and sometimes I will even comment on those. - ForRumOnly


Agreed

However to have


"a woman who dates me needs not have a problem with me enjoying the abundance of feminine beauty everywhere when out together in public".


posted on your profile, then he has some issues.
Possibly his last SO clobbered him when he did it.

I think he has a few screws loose to even post something so silly.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 13
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 1:35:23 PM
~OP~ I think I've been lucky with the men in my life. I can only remember one man that didn't simply glance, he oogled in my presence. That was a no go for me. On the flip side, however, I've been known to point out women I think are uniquely beautiful, exotic, stunning in my eyes, etc. I happen to think women are beautiful and I learn a lot from other women. (Clothes, hair, make-up, overall style, etc.) I glance at attractive men, I don't oogle, though. As for the profile and that man? I'd not be interested. I'd give him respect for being honest and giving me the opportunity NOT to know him. It really isn't respectful to "check out" others, I do think it's human nature to notice. JMO
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 14
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interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 1:40:26 PM
this.

People put all kinds of things on profiles. It's hard to tell exactly what that guy had in mind - he did say "verbal appreciation" - what does that mean? A wolf whistle? Saying to you - hey look at the rack on her?


context is everything. saying something like 'that woman has nice legs' is not the same as 'i wanna wrap them around me.' but you only find that out by experiencing the person. a free-floating statement like that tends to trigger projection of insecurities, and you have to know yourself pretty well to know where lines like that are.

my SO and i notice good looking people all the time, of both genders. it's hard not to, if you're in a southern california gym together four or five days a week. we compare notes. it's not about 'god, i'd love to fvck her - here honey, hold my towel while i go try my luck.' it's an appreciation of the human form, certainly with a frisson of eroticism as times, but also in the secure context of our monogamous relationship, which we have both freely chosen.

be that as it may, when i was looking and i saw a woman's profile with such conditions - and god knows they're as common as dirt - i figured it was some leftover unresolved conflict. and while we all have em, it's distasteful to see them right up front.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 15
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interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 1:52:14 PM
my SO and i notice good looking people all the time, of both genders. it's hard not to,



IMO, there is nothing wrong with looking at an attractive person as long as done in a respectful way to your SO. I can comment on another man or woman and my SO will not be offended. However, the fact this man had to state this on his profile would be a huge turn off.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 16
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 1:52:57 PM

i told him i thought he had issues with bad manners and was at least borderline misognistic. needless to say he didn't write me back haha! however to my surprise last night some of my girlfriends thought what he wrote was ok? any thoughts?

Although I can ``handle'' people with bad manners, I don't have to put up with them.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 17
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 1:53:35 PM
It is fine to look, but to comment or to hit on another woman would be tacky, hurtful, and rude.

Unless, of course, he was doing it with the intent of a menage a trois.
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 18
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 2:08:19 PM
It is hard to avert your eyes from a walking essence of beauty, or when the 8th wonder of the world enters your range of sight.
But how does he need to vocalize that?
A "Wow!" or "Sweet Mother of God, WTF is THAT!" is forgivable I guess, but if he needs to go up to that woman, genuflect and surrender his heart, soul, property and sexual services for now and forever, then I would draw the line.

 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 19
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interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 2:31:01 PM
What he wrote is fine, it's his world and he can be himself in it. You have the choice of not entering in where you know you don't want to be. He was honest, you didn't like something about him, weed each other out and don't try to analyze other people's profiles. It doesn't matter that he's not for you, other than for you to be smart enough to know that forget him.

Him setting women up by saying they have issues if they do not like his way, that's manipulation and if it works then you both have issues. The answer is to not be interested in a man or woman who doesn't like you as you are.
 romancemann
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 20
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 3:05:32 PM
#1 rule at the Nudie Camp:

look but don't stare.

verbalizing is unnecessary. say it in your own mind but not outloud.

instead verbalize your own date's beauty to her, not another woman's beauty.

and if you are closer than just dating, it's still rude.

after all she's not just your female FRIEND, she's your girlFRIEND. she has feelings.

plus what's the big deal with hott women?

i've had gorgeous women, quite few of them. they're nothing special.

if anything they're a pain in the azz.

regular women are much more fun.

and yes i AM generalizing. sue me.
 dare2c4yourself
Joined: 11/9/2010
Msg: 21
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 3:17:15 PM
Spiritual and compassionate ????????
Give me a break now, come on. (the guy I mean)
The BS doesn't add on, a contradiction in the profile.

Okay, my rant is over. HE has issues and deflects them on whatever partner whom he feels is lucky to be with him. Girls, women who think it's okay should try dating him for a while and see how this feels.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 22
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 3:30:13 PM
I don't find it any more "interesting" that stating.

NOTICE I will not buy you dinner on a first date, then you turn out to
1 be ugly
2 not return my calls afterward.

Dutch or nothing!!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I AM SO SERIOUS!!!

Stupid people say stupid things.

Only a woman with low self esteem would respond to that profile IMO..

NOT as he states, the other way around..He sounds like a doosh and would treat a woman as a doosh would.

He's one of those I love to read and save you time..Warns you first.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 23
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 3:46:39 PM
OP, this really depends on the couple. I know a couple who have a great relationship and most of the time she comments on women while he does not.

Now, I think it is in poor taste for the guy to comment specifically on it and, depending on the situation, can be disrespectful. I don't think people watching is a bad thing, but I do think it is bad to disrespect your date.

By the same token, I've been with attractive women whom guys have gone out of their way to strike up a conversation and as long as she is not disrespectful of me I put up with it.

It's give and take with a few laws rolled in....
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 25
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 4:51:51 PM
Hmmm, I wouldn't put that on a profile either way. It is dumb! All people look at other people and attractive people, male or female, draw the eyes of others.

I dated a guy who commented on women, but it was all sorts of comments and he would be telling me and often forming it in a question - she dances well, I like her dress etc. Sometimes I would mention things to him - it was sorta the "observing" ritual. Also he didn't do it constantly about every woman and didn't comment on every attractive woman he saw. Sometimes, the comments were in relation to something I had brought up or he would suggest that that outfit would look good on me.

It didn't bother me.

It depends on how it's done.

If done in a tasteful fashion, the only way I would be upset would be if our relationship wasn't intact or if I felt insecure and then that would speak to a different issue and the right thing to do would be to bring it up.

If done in a crass manner - no way, no excuses. Ick.

But again, the guy wouldn't even get to a date situation to demonstrate his "comments behaviour" because that line on his profile would turn me right off.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 26
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 5:05:27 PM
"he wants to be able to verbalize it when he sees an attractive woman and if a date can't handle that then she has self-worth issues"

OP I think he is doing a public service by posting that on his profile

This is a great example of someone who had an a$$ hole for a father, that's where he saw his daddy cat calling every piece of a$$ that passed by and his mother probably just looked away like she didn't see anything or was pretending not to be bothered by that kind of behavior.
Now he wants his date to be like his Mommy approving of every one of his bad taste outbursts.
These kind of men did not have anyone teaching them manners, they think women are to be treated like a drinking buddy and if they can't take it, then they are insecure.
I bet you it doesn't stop there either, this is just the tip of the iceberg

I had a friend who started dating a guy like the one you are describing
the first couple of comments he made while they were out, she just shrugged it off and didn't really care one way or the other, then3 dates into it, he not only wanted her to not mind when he said something crude about a woman passing by but he complained because she didn't give him any "feedback" on his comments
He said if she didn't have anything to say she was boring and insecure and HE broke up with her

She told him he didn't need to be out there trying to date women when the only thing he wanted was a wing man to celebrate his misogynistic public outbursts with!

He wanted his date to join him on the catcalling!
He needs to date a guy.

You were nice saying he was "borderline misognistic"
You sure were lucky, not having to date a neanderthal.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 27
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interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 5:31:33 PM
He's an a$$hole. An honest a$$hole perhaps, but an a$$hole all the same. And he wants you to be ok with him being an a$$hole.

What he calls self-worth issues on your part, I call disrespect on his part. It's one thing to notice someone who's attractive, but something else entirely to drool over them in front of your significant other.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 28
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 5:31:46 PM
Ummmm,,,,he put it on his profile because he isn't looking for the majority. He isn't looking for the whiney women that can't handle certain things because of "manners"(or what SOME perceive as "manners"). He is looking for someone that is confident in their own "being", and with that, as a grown adult, can understand someone looking at beauty(any phucking beauty) and commenting on it. I don't think I read that he put on his profile that he would be "hitting" on any women or beauty,just commenting.

As an example of what the majority do,feel and act, I will give you an example from a grocery store visit I have just returned from. A young thing caught my eye, and she caught me glancing. We exchange polite smiles, and I gave a quick compliment to her. In turn I got a bigger smile,blushing face and a thank you.Well, Mommy(about my age) turned around and snapped at me, and commented on my being a "dirty old man".(who would of thought?????) I quickly responded that I would have complimented her on HER looks, but she made the mistake of opening her mouth. Her kid was laughing in the background, but I am sure ready to get a tongue lashing from her Mom, the Webster's version of biatch.

We're tooooooooooo old to be worried about what our partners(or potential partners) are looking at, and commenting on. Well, I am. It's a look and some words for phucks sake. Looks and words.

Rude smude. Half of ya wouldn't be able to handle the true version of rude. Not in the very least.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 29
interesting demand on profile
Posted: 3/24/2011 5:41:43 PM
Yeah really what mother would NOT enjoy
having a man her age, complimenting the looks of her daughter!

That's just creepy. I'm glad her mother was there, with the "young thing"
to let you know that is just not cool.

"Half of ya wouldn't be able to handle the true version of rude."

Most of those guys are probably in jail, but pho ck ing each other ,that's why half of us don't have to
handle them.
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