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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?      Home login  
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 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 2
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality? Page 1 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
Can anybody share their expriences with their borderline relationship. Did it get better or worse?


It gets much better when you leave.. And when you finally realize that their cyclical personality changes were not at all your fault..
There are now some medications that help smooth some of those moods..
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 6
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 3/28/2011 4:00:56 AM
It didn't change, in my case.

Borderline personality is a "label diagnosis" problem, like bipolar disease, or sexual addition, or any number of things. That means that doctors can NOT do a biological test and confirm it, and that no one can predict how it will progress, or even if it will. Someone can be labeled "borderline personality" today, by one set of psychs, and be labeled "bipolar" by the next, and labeled something else by another. Many biological things can cause the appearance of such a disorder (brain-related problems), and as time goes by, the biology can change and get better or worse, or even just differently bad.
I went twenty years with someone who was variously described as BPD or bipolar, and they seemed to get better with expensive counselling and medication...only to repeatedly lapse back to exactly where they were before.
 honeycognac
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 8
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 3/28/2011 6:46:22 AM
My sister has this. When she was younger, the psych doctors called it bipolar, more recently their best guess was BPD. My understanding is that BPD is not treatable with meds but there is some success with cognitive talk therapies. There is very often co-existing problems with substance abuse. In my sister's case, she's in complete denial that there's anything wrong with her (everyone else is crazy) and she won't get help. This makes her toxic to be around. She's never been capable of holding down a job or a relationship for longer than a few months. I can't begin to tell you the amount of stress she's caused me, my parents, and anyone else she's been involved with.

Now, having said that, I know there are others who acknowledge that they are ill, and are willing to get help, so the outcome might be better for them and those around them.

I see this thread is about to be deleted for being redundant........ oh well........easy come, easy go....... OP didn't do a thread search I guess.....
 ForumsGee
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 9
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 3/28/2011 12:44:50 PM
Almostablond.....

I agree with you! I am attracted to them, or they are attracted to me - whatever, there seem to be many around especially on this site -
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 10
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 3/28/2011 1:39:39 PM
Those that do suffer from this, can hide behind their computer, enter places like this site, and do their thing. unfortunately for all of us, to many exist when it comes to on line and we all suffer the consequences.

Maybe that is why many of us do not take dating sites seriously, and if we happen to meet anyone.....it becomes nothing more than a meet and greet with no expectations other than having another friend.

cd........
 honeycognac
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 14
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 3/29/2011 10:24:41 PM

They seem so sweet and pitiful


My sister exactly - until you dare to have an opinion that contradicts hers - then she will stop at nothing to destroy you. It's a very black and white way of thinking, a very Jekyll/Hyde personality. I can't let her know where I work or who my friends are. I learned that the hard way.

The posters who commented that there are a lot of them online............ shudder........in that case I guess it's just as well that I've all but retired from online dating. They seem so normal when you meet them. If only they foamed at the mouth or talked to themselves..... but they are often very charming.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 20
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/5/2011 7:17:33 AM
Oh yeah - I took a ride on that crazy train a couple years ago. I'll walk next time, thanks.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 21
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/5/2011 10:42:05 AM

I dated a man that was ADHD and bipolar for a few years. He's not a bad person but I'd never date someone with those issues ever again; I'm just not capable of dealing with all the nonstop chaos and drama that these people bring into a relationship, medicated or not. As said above, it's difficult enough having a relationship with normal people let alone trying to be in a relationship with someone who's mentally/emotionally unstable.


I lived with a woman that was diagnosed ADHD, but also that to take medication for depression. I also believe that she was bipolar, but did not have a diagnosis for that because she also went through Breast Cancer, Chemo and Roid Rage, hormone medications.

So I ask? Or want to share what are their behaviors? In my relationship, everything was a roller coaster of super happy to then almost violently negative and destructive. She was never satisfied about anything. She would engage in an activity compulsively without stopping and doing anything else, and when she was finished criticized the world when other had to then be too busy with work, or with something else.

The negativity was so amazing and it created so much unnecessary stress.

So how did you guys managed to live with these people? Was there a cycle?
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 22
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/5/2011 11:18:40 AM
Destiny:

If someone tells you they have been diagnosed with BPD that means they meet the criteria, one of which is a history of unstable relationships; the key word being "history" ; many lost relationships over a period of time. This doesn't even have to mean romantic relationships, it includes family and friends. That love you/hate you scenario is a hallmark of the disorder. For most with BPD, they can seem better at times, and it can last for long periods but relapse easily if they are under any stress.

Wish things were different? sure. Miss him? sounds like it... but you made the best decision for yourself. You knew you could not do this with him long term, don't feel guilty about your choice.

What you should know is that regardless of who ended it, he will probably try to get back in your good graces. Make a decision and be prepared when that happens.

~Good Luck~
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 26
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/6/2011 6:19:15 AM
Here is the problem. And that is part of the charm. And I have heard this from other people that have dated people like this. These people when they are in the up, they are awesome, they are intoxicating, charming, alive. They can be sensuous. They can tell you things that are special. But then that wears off they will get off at anything. One example fight. I get home, she had not felt good for the last few days and slept a lot, but she is up and about. I tell her "you look great today." And she takes it as "I didn't look great before." And the fight starts. "Look you seem in a good mood, you're smiling..." She takes that as "you mean you think I have not done a thing around..."
And wham!! Any positive statement is turned into a negative.

Now I ask, do these individuals have one thing, or a mix bag of things, like ADHD, ADD, Depression, bipolar, BPD?
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 28
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:14:10 AM

Now I ask, do these individuals have one thing, or a mix bag of things, like ADHD, ADD, Depression, bipolar, BPD?


ADHD/ADD are not mood disorders, for the most part they have a hard time concentrating and are hyperactive.

Bipolar disorder is a mix of mania (highs) and lows (depression). This used to be called manic depression. Borderline Personality disorder is a mix too but not to the extremes as in Bipolar diorder. With BPD, the flip-flop between a good mood and a bad/hostile mood can turn on a dime, making relationships very hard. The main thing to remember with either of these disorders is that people that have them cannot control them. They cannot decide to be well, so ultimatiums and making them aware of the consequences of what they do will not help them. Someone can have depression ( unipolar major depression) without any highs.
 AlphonseO
Joined: 9/6/2008
Msg: 29
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/6/2011 12:44:06 PM
OH YEAH!!!
Been there, done That! I keep the ticket stub to remind me to NOT do that ride again. Add that alot of Bipolar personality disorder, OR Narcissistic personality disorder people often use Alcohol to help them cope and you have a very nice mix. The woman I dated also consumed copious amounts of Rum. She tossed me to the curb several times, and then called and wanted to get back together, never apologizing, always telling me a day later how lucky I was that she was willing to take me back. She often would fight with her family over the littlest things, and then not talk to them for days accusing them of being drama queens. Never allowed me to talk to her family unless she was present, and often talked to my family without my knowing, doing preemptive damage control so if there was a fight my family would think it was something I did to cause a fight. She could charm anyone if she wanted/needed to. But was a self proclaimed mean nasty **** to me, her son, her Ex, and her father. I still miss the person I originally met and fell in love with. But that was not the person she really was.
So all I can add is RUN AS FAR AND FAST AS YOU CAN AND NEVER LOOK BACK!!!
 Captain_Random
Joined: 8/19/2010
Msg: 35
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/9/2011 4:22:06 AM
Never dated someone with BP. However, my elderly uncle's new wife has BP and she's pretty much ruined his life. She forbids him from seeing any of his family. He thinks she could be dangerous, and fears that she would injure or kill him if he tried to leave.

Is controlling behavior something that BP's exhibit?
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 36
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/9/2011 1:08:18 PM

Is controlling behavior something that BP's exhibit?


Absolutely.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 38
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/9/2011 2:17:56 PM
Here's the thing. At least in my case. She was not any different than anybody else. Not when we met. Not when we dated for a while. The little things that began to happen were slow to evolve. So you could not say that they were signs. What began to emerge is when she told me her life story, and you begin to ask, why did this happen or that happened. So many things even though they make sense, because they are told from her point of view, when you add them up, they do not show what happened in the other side.

So when things begin to happen you are already deep into the relationship and believe that if you can recognize it, then you can control it. But that doesn't work either.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 40
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/9/2011 4:29:21 PM

Upon telling their side of the "story" they put the blame on why things happen to the others in their lives vs. their condition?


Well it's hard because when they tell you about a failed marriage. It's always the other person that did something wrong. They talk about the ex reducing them to a maid, that were not even allowed to drive. That they set her children against her. And all this mean things.

Of course when you hear this, you say. What a horrible guy. But now you see what happened, you see that there's a different reality. One time the her older kids are by the house, we have my side of the family there as well and she starts to pick thing about me. One of the kids, screams at her and tells her "not again mom, are you going to start what you did with dad."

I wasn't there when this happened, I was outside grilling, being a host, having a great time, but my Mom was inside the house when it happened and later on, after we split told me.
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 42
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/9/2011 5:02:49 PM
posts 3, 6 and 7 pretty much hit all the important points. pay attention to them

i can only add that you really, really need to take care of yourself and your own needs.

all the best to you.
 Padawan61
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 50
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/11/2011 8:42:18 PM
Judging from all the testimonial posts on people's past experience with BPDs, bipolars ... and whatever other catchy, cool labels out there ... I'm beginning to think that the mentally disturbed was somehow short-changed by God when he was handing out brains. How else can we explain all the defective people in the world??
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 51
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/11/2011 9:03:33 PM
think the rollercoaster ride started once he figured he had me hooked. pay total attention to him, him, him. has started arguments about nonsense.


I know exactly what this is. However, everything that became an argument had a double standard that somehow it did not apply to her.
 Padawan61
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 54
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/13/2011 9:01:00 PM
The thing with imbalanced crazies is that they have become masters at:

1. Hiding their condition (initially) from newly formed friendships ... making it difficult for the "victim" to weed them out at the get-go. Such masters at deception can maintain this facade for many years ... until that deception blows up in their faces.

2. Denial ... desperately making claims that they're sane, when in fact, the more they assert their sanity, the more they revealed their insane nature.

In other words ... if a person must reiterate again and again that they're not crazy ... the more their craziness will show. A sane person feels no need to convince anyone the stability of their mental state. They simply know it in quiet ease.

3. Twisting the facts to suit their perception of reality. That's an extension of the second manifestation.

4. Hear what they want to hear ... without clueing into the black and white. Everything is some shade of grey to them.

5. Not realizing their loved ones may simply be giving a positive assessment in order to keep the peace. Because those loved ones know that the person will probably flip out if told the truth. It's not like family members can "divorce" the nuts so easily. A mere friend can ... and usually do.

With such individuals, it is best to cut them loose and run quickly in the opposite direction. They're just not worth it. As some posters have already said, it is difficult enough to establish and maintain a relationship with a normal person. Add aggression and uncontrolled mood swing loopiness to the mix ... Gawd!! I once said I only want my bipolars in the guts of a TV ... not an S.O.
 honeycognac
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 55
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/14/2011 7:09:38 PM

Everything is some shade of grey to them.


I have to take issue with you there. A BP sees people as black or white - you're either a monster or a saint to them. A mentally healthy person realizes that life, and people, are invariably some shade of grey.
 Padawan61
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 56
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/14/2011 7:52:09 PM
Everything is some shade of grey to them


I have to take issue with you there. A BP sees people as black or white - you're either a monster or a saint to them. A mentally healthy person realizes that life, and people, are invariably some shade of grey

You need to understand that in context of what I said ... "hear what they want to hear". When someone makes a mocking remark point-blank and the BPD thought it was a well-wishing comment in support of them ... that's "the grey" they perceive ... and what I was referring to . Any sane person would've detect the direct sarcasm as black and white. You have to have read the thread to understand.

Furthermore, some of these nutbars exhibit rapid swings between seeing others as monsters and saints ... depending on their moment to moment mood. They could praise you one minute and condemn you the very next minute.
 honeycognac
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 57
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/14/2011 8:34:41 PM
Thanks for explaining your meaning - and yes - the swings can be lightning-rapid. You really are walking on eggshells, and the name of the book I'm currently reading, to help me and the rest of my family deal, is "Stop Walking on Eggshells". The author started the website BPD Central, and that's where he got most of his information for the book.
 Padawan61
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 59
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Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/15/2011 5:12:48 AM
the swings can be lightning-rapid. You really are walking on eggshells, and the name of the book I'm currently reading, to help me and the rest of my family deal, is "Stop Walking on Eggshells". The author started the website BPD Central

You may choose to invest the time in reading a book because you're dealing with family member(s) with the condition. However, if they were just friends or acquaintances ... reading a book on how to deal with such craziness is more trouble than they're worth. I certainly would not even bother spending the $19.99 for such a book. It's better to just kick them to the curb. Who wants to to walk on eggshells for the rest of their lives in a relationship with them ... not knowing if they gonna hug you or axe you to death?? Gives new meaning to the phrase ... "the bigger the smile, the sharper the knife". You have to watch your back around these whackjobs.

BPD Central?? Is that related to Comedy Central??
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 60
Have you ever dated someone with Borderline Personality?
Posted: 4/15/2011 6:21:32 AM

Furthermore, some of these nutbars exhibit rapid swings between seeing others as monsters and saints ... depending on their moment to moment mood. They could praise you one minute and condemn you the very next minute.


This is one of the reasons why they are so intoxicating. When they are on the nice side, wow, they are incredible, they are connected to you. But when the disconnect happens it so drastic that it makes you question all that they did, said, said they felt before.

Now on the Gray statement above. My experience is that they only see in extremes, not grays, and they judge everyone of that extreme. However, their extreme way of judging others do not apply to them, they themselves are tones of gray because in their mind, they have an excuse for every one of their actions. They do not behave irrationally in their mind. You caused it. The boss caused it. The "look at what you made me do" script plays with them all the time.

On the walking on eggshells point, that is so true. You have no idea what is going to set them up. The interesting thing is that since my split, some people were friends of her have emailed me to tell me that now that I am not around, they have become the bad person to whom she has unleashed her wrath.
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