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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How to date an American man?? European woman needs help      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 2
How to date an American man?? European woman needs helpPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Multiple dating is not an American thing.

It's a thing when your guy is a great big stain
and isn't truthful with you from the beginning.

Now he has brainwashed you into thinking
this is an acceptable occurance.

Your friends are right.

They are mocking you because well- he has
totally bullshitted you.

Get it?

Dump him. That's my tip.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 11
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How to date an American man?? European woman needs help
Posted: 4/4/2011 7:09:28 PM
You're not exclusive......till you have the "exclusive" talk.

To me........dating means nothing more than spending time with someone to find out if we are compatible enough to become exclusive.
Dating more than one person is quite acceptable.

When sex becomes part of the equation......then discussions need to take place.
I do not want to be one of many in that regard.

Not sure how you can put all the blame on him when you just "assumed" you were exclusive and didn't actually have any discussions regarding your views of dating/relationships.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 16
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How to date an American man?? European woman needs help
Posted: 4/4/2011 7:23:59 PM
Even in Europe.........sex does not equate to a committed relationship.
Actually having a discussion about being in a committed relationship is what makes it a committed relationship!
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 18
How to date an American man?? European woman needs help
Posted: 4/4/2011 8:02:42 PM
When you date many individuals it is called causal dating (or so my daughter tells me).
Causal dating does not include sex.
When sex becomes an option, then you ask for exclusivity.

Does everyone in the UK meet, kiss and then become a couple?
Odd.
There is lack of communication there.
Lots of room for error.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 22
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How to date an American man?? European woman needs help
Posted: 4/4/2011 11:04:44 PM
Really? It's not a cultural thing, it's a person thing. Why would dating one person at a time make one better than someone who is causally dating more than one at a time? That's what dating is, a way to get to know lots of people and at some point, if and only if they want to get more serious about someone, then narrowing down to end up with the one person they want to be with and only with. People who serial date one at a time but end up dating just as many people in the long run are deluding themselves that they aren't actually doing the same thing. And I usually only date one at a time too, but I know full well that doesn't make me more moral or any such special thing.

If he's been lying to you, that's not cultural either, that his character. If you didn't bother to ask and find out what the relationship was, that's on you, it's your job to know who you are dating and what kind of a relationship you are in. At any rate, it sounds like you are two people who aren't compatible, so I don't see the point of doing something you aren't happy with. Find someone more your style.
 AquanGold
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 27
How to date an American man?? European woman needs help
Posted: 4/5/2011 4:34:38 AM
Of course I have done a little research since then, and believe that dating more than 1 person at the same time is a typically American thing I pretty much despise (sorry for the harsh word).
You must be in total denial. The best tip anyone can give such a nice person like you is to dump your so called BF. I wonder if he`s aware about your hatred for the Good Ole USA!
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 28
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How to date an American man?? European woman needs help
Posted: 4/5/2011 5:02:01 AM
Asking us to tell you how our culture differs from yours, requires us to KNOW your cultural situation, and we do NOT. You've hinted a bit, by saying that you felt justified in assuming that a kiss means monogamous commitment. If there are more differences like that one, we can't know what they are, unless you tell us.
I do have a general bit of advice, along the lines of what some people have already said. That is, that you should establish, and COMMUNICATE to the guy what YOUR expectations, limits, and requirements are. And resolve that a DIFFERENCE in culture you might encounter does not mean you have to ACCEPT it. Even relatively well-intentioned people, when given an easy excuse like "oh, my culture is different, so what I do is okay even though you don't like it," are likely to get sloppy and selfish.
So far, it sounds as though you have BOTH been guilty of ASSUMING things about each other. HE assumed that you would speak up about your boundaries and expectations, if you had any, and YOU assumed that he would adhere to your expectations.
As for giving him another shot, I would ONLY agree with our friends (and those here who are also calling for you to dump him) that you are being foolish, if you blindly accept "cultural differences" (or any other excuse) as a reason that you put up with behaviors you don't like. I recommend instead, that at each point where you discover that his expectations and yours differ, that you COMMUNICATE to him what your expectations and boundaries are. If he adjusts to you, and/or you are comfortable adjusting to him, then things will go well. If he wont adjust, or you can't feel right adjusting to him, then you break off.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 35
How to date an American man?? European woman needs help
Posted: 4/5/2011 8:50:35 AM
It is not an American thing, or a European thing, or South American thing. Also it is not wrong, or right. It is what you allow it to be, it is what you too talk about and agree.

If you decide to date and date other people. It is your prerogative. If you do not like him to date other people, make it your prerogative as well. If he agrees to the exclusivity, then him going with other women is called cheating. If you live it open then it is not.

You need to talk to the guy, but do not ignore this issue. It will not go away because you do not talk about it. In fact it can bite you in the a ss big time, when he gives you the gift that keeps on giving such as an STD.

Be aware that whatever you want or decide may involve walking away from this guy from good. Or accepting the consequences.
 starlight334
Joined: 6/18/2010
Msg: 43
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How to date an American man?? European woman needs help
Posted: 4/10/2011 9:32:04 PM
Someone said before: Multiple dating is not an American thing.
Multiple dating is not an American thing ? Its very American.

Women here date 5 guys at the same time and bullshit you forever and try to keep you as a stupid idiot on the hook. Your friends told you to continue dating ? What friends? Women or Men? It could be important. You can stay with him and realize they want the same thing like guys from your country.
 ImJayZee
Joined: 11/20/2009
Msg: 45
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How to date an American man?? European woman needs help
Posted: 4/11/2011 1:35:45 AM
OP,

Don't assume anything. Some people go out with one person at a time, others go out with different people at a time. It doesn't make one right and the other wrong, they're just different in thinking. Also, a kiss doesn't mean commitment. Sex doesn't mean commitment. AGREEING TO BE COMMITTED MEANS COMMITMENT. Again, don't assume anything, communication is the key.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 46
How to date an American man?? European woman needs help
Posted: 4/11/2011 2:24:09 AM
I am very glad to have asked the users of this forum for opinion. I see now that dating depends on individuals. I made a general comment about people in US and I am sorry if I offended anyone, it was certainly not my intention. I guess I will have to stick to my own values when it comes to dating. It was a good lesson to learn.


That is the key, OP... its not about how to date an "American" man, or any other nationality... its about what *you* find acceptable in a relationship, your values. Then its up to the other person as to whether your values and theirs are "compatible".
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 50
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How to date an American man?? European woman needs help
Posted: 4/11/2011 7:38:33 AM

And thank you to the poster who said that if I sleep with someone, it is NOT wrong to assume that this person isn't sleeping around with others.


So you are looking for people to side with you, and you are not looking for the truth. We all know what assuming will get you. No one owes you a commitment just because you opted to have sex with them, if you didn't get one before the deed, you assumed something that wasn't true. There's no rule, not even where you live, that someone hops into your bed so they therefore are committed to you and you alone, if you want that sort of thing, get married first. And getting married first is probably more to the moral code of where you live, now isn't it. I mean if we really want all these moral codes followed by the people we drop our pants for, then we should really be following them ourselves. Otherwise, don't assume, ask/talk/take responsibility for your own actions and don't blame others for accepting what you offered freely.

It's simple, it's you job, since it's your body, to know who you are sleeping with, and just where each of you are in a relationship. It's up to you to know if a man is married, dating someone else, up to no good, exclusive to you, etc., that's part of your dating info that you need to know so you can make informed decisions. Oh he had sex with me, I being a willing participant, so he owes me a firm commitment now....who's that silly?
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 59
How to date an American man?? European woman needs help
Posted: 4/18/2011 9:45:11 AM

Of course, I assumed we were exclusive, from the first night we kissed.

LOL. Nowadays, giving a guy one of your kidneys isn't considered "exclusive."
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