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 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 4
When is it considered cheating?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Why would you interfere?
Are you secretly jealous that your friend found someone?
Have they agreed to be exclusive?
Maybe they're open?

Some friend you are!
Trying to set him up so you can ruin things... tsk tsk!
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 5
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When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 12:35:10 AM
Sounds like your friend is either making big assumptions about what the relationship is or he's having a good time lying to her. Sounds like he likes her, are you sure he isn't under the impression that they are dating and NOT committed or exclusive? Just because she's hooked doesn't mean he is.
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 7
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 3:11:27 AM
^^^ I was wondering the same thing. OP you say she met a man online and hit it off... Did she actually meet him in real life or have they just been talking online?
 AquanGold
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 9
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 3:52:48 AM
What a trouble maker!I wonder what was really going on? Me thinks, you`re jealous and decided to cause problems for your friend.
On one hand I know it was wrong for contacting him in the 1st place.
Has it dawned on you to mind your own business and stop acting like a child?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 10
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 4:47:46 AM

IS IT CHEATING?

Only if they've discussed and agreed on parameters for dating that would make that cheating. If they haven't, then anything goes. There's a moral here: Assume nothing.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 11
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When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 4:53:08 AM
Everyone (especially my favorite Chill) covered the bases. No, he didn't cheat; yes, you are hampered by prejudice against men; yes, you are, by your own definition NOT a good friend.
The only thing left is the title question: When is it considered cheating?
Aside from the picky, pure semantic answer (It's CONSIDERED cheating as soon as you CHOOSE to consider it cheating), "CHEATING" is subjective. Realistically, it's cheating as soon as the person who defines the cheating lines says it is. Since there are at least TWO people involved, though, if either or both fail to COMMUNICATE where their borders are, they have no right to complain when the other person crosses them.
It's a funny coincidence (to me) that this entry comes right on the heals of another recent thread from an Eastern European woman, who also demanded that according to HER culture, as soon as a guy KISSED a woman, it meant he was exclusively dating her. Therefore, like the OP here (just with different test parameters), she was sure that since her guy DID continue dating others after kissing her, that he was a cheater. She blamed it on his being American, whereas THIS op blames it on his being male.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 12
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When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 4:57:44 AM
I think your second paragraph should have read:



On one hand I know it was wrong for contacting him in the 1st place because as a friend you just don't do that, but I decided to stick my nose in where it didn't belong and test and entrap this guy anyway, even though I really didn't know if they were exclusive or if he even likes her as much as she likes him, because secretly I can't stand to see my friend enjoying herself.
 southaustingal
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 13
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When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 6:44:52 AM
I noticed that the OP is not commenting. Me thinks she thought this thread would go in a different direction.

I think what the OP did is immature, hurtful, manipulative and reeking of jealousy. It almost screams out “Look your new boyfriend is more interested in me”. Not only that, but then you make sure to crash and burn any chances your friend has with this guy. While I do think the friend needs a dating reality check I also think she needs new friends.

I noticed the Phd and being a pediatrician also. If this is true it just goes to show that formal education does not mean the person is really all that smart.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 18
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When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:45:49 AM
I don't blame him for hating you. He was acting like any man that met a new woman and has NO IDEA where it will go. Nor was he in any way obligated to her after a few dates or phone calls.
Then her 'friend' gets involved, the game is called baiting or setting up a sting which is exactly what you did. You probably did more to hurt her chances of a relationship than help her. Don't be a bit surprised if they do manage to overcome your meddling that you are no longer considered a friend by either of them.
I would not want some gal I knew sniffing around a man I was seeing TRYING to cause a problem.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 21
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When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:47:52 AM
^^^ I was wondering the same thing. OP you say she met a man online and hit it off... Did she actually meet him in real life or have they just been talking online?



It's NOT cheating unless they agreed to date exclusively and he is still trying to meet other women. I am in a relationship (2 years) with a man I met through another dating site. Months after we were exclusive he admitted to going on a date with some one else after our first meeting. I didn't like it but it was in no way cheating. I acted kind of aloof at first and he wasn't even sure I was interested. I have complete trust in him that he is faithful to me. I was the one that asked if we should date exclusively after 2 months. Up until that time it was perfectly ok to date other people. I wasn't trying to date others though and he only went on the one date before he realized it was me he wanted to get to know better.




When is it considered cheating?

When someone goes behind the back of the person they are in a relationship with, hiding and/or lying about their actions.

i.e.

I go and email the guy with neither one of them knowing about it


You cheated on your friendship to try and see if he was a cheater.


True!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 24
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 8:13:35 AM
This is something that I don't get. Many women go out with a guy. They hit it off well, but they have not committed to anything. The moment she gets home, she goes online and gets royally pissed off because he is online. Yet finds nothing wrong with her being online. These women would say, "but I am not hitting on guys." Thus she thinks it's okay for her to be here, but not for him.

Then she tells a female to entrap the guy. And they usually do. Why? Because they have not have the talk to be exclusive. Or said. I will only date one person at the time.

Half the forum complaints have a story similar to this one.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 25
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 8:26:15 AM
I'm LMAO...a short while ago...I was emailing back and forth with a woman for 2 days-I never had even spoken with the woman...so, I went into "meet me" and was picking and clicking around...next thing I know...I've got mail...it's from a friend of the woman I was emailing telling me that she (I clicked her in "meet me"), the woman I was chatting with (a friend of the "meet me" woman), and I should all go on a date....and I thought...someone has no boundaries...

OP...you have no boundaries.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 28
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When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 10:30:02 AM
I'd hate you too. You haven't said what motivated you to do what you did. What was it that your friend told you about the guy that made you think he might "cheat", and lead you to try and trap him like this? Or have you just appointed yourself as your friend's keeper, and you do this to every guy she meets?
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 31
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When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 10:50:28 AM
I agree with Outmind!!! I can't tell you how many of my girlfriends have had a date or two, and they are just furious because - he was signed into the website!!!!! My answer to that is...well, you were signed in too, weren't you? OH, but that's DIFFERENT...ye gods.

OP - until two people agree they will not be seeing anyone else, cheating can't exist. If I were your friend, I'd be madder than hell at you. I'm glad you apologized, but I still can't for the life of me understand what you were thinking to do such a goofy thing.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 34
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When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 1:48:02 PM
So a person is obligated in some way after a few dates or phone calls to stop looking at or talking to other people? Good luck with that.

99% of the people you date will not progress past 2-3 dates especially if you treat every one like your personal property. Adults are free agents to do as they wish unless they specifically tell you otherwise
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 37
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 2:27:10 PM
When you meet someone online and you hit it off and that person is still actively interacting with an online "DATING" website is it considered cheating? I have a friend who met a guy on POF and they hit it off great. I sware you would think it was love at first sight by the way she talked about this guy. They talk all the time, text, etc.. So I go and email the guy with neither one of them knowing about it and he "being a guy" responds. Not only does he respond, but he also gets my number and calls me as well. At that point I contacted my friend immediately to let her know what was going on.

On one hand I know it was wrong for contacting him in the 1st place because as a friend you just don't do that, but the guy freaking responded which in her mind never would have happened and on the other I'm glad that I did so she knows exactly what kind of guy he really is.

Bad situation and I know where I was wrong but my question here is.. IS IT CHEATING?

OY!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP? You are old enough to know better. As have been more than stated here ~ you are the very reason many have such a hard time online. Being a "friend" means you are a friend. Writing someone anonymously??? Snaky. You likely ruined something that may have ended up very different than it is. I'd not wish for you to know my personal business. But that's just me. JMO
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 42
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When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 3:16:53 PM
southaustingal
I noticed the Phd and being a pediatrician also. If this is true it just goes to show that formal education does not mean the person is really all that smart.


There is a difference in being book smart and street smart. When it comes to dating she is definitely not too bright. How could talking and texting all the time equal an exclusive relationship. The OP never answered if they have even been on a real date yet.

OP
When you meet someone online and you hit it off and that person is still actively interacting with an online "DATING" website is it considered cheating? I have a friend who met a guy on POF and they hit it off great. I sware you would think it was love at first sight by the way she talked about this guy. They talk all the time, text, etc..




I was emailing my SO every day and going on dates when we could but the exclusive talk was brought up by me after 2 months. I still kept up my profile on the site where we met but updated it with dating some one to see where it goes until I was sure our relationship was serious. Eventually I completely deleted the profile. He went on a date with one other woman before deciding he only wanted to get to know me more. We have been together now for 2 years and neither one of us would ever cheat.


Keeping your options open is NOT cheating until/if a relationship develops.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 43
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 3:21:42 PM
Bad situation and I know where I was wrong but my question here is.. IS IT CHEATING?

Yes.. What you said you did was definitely cheating.. Emailing from anothers profile to test your latest online "paramour"..
But understand it wasn't very original.. Happens often here in POFerland..


So I go and email the guy with neither one of them knowing about it and he "being a guy" responds. Not only does he respond, but he also gets my number and calls me as well. At that point I contacted my friend immediately to let her know what was going on.


Yes you managed to upstage your "friend" and feel a tiny bit of control over another, which may have been your ulterior motive.. Wonderful if you actually DID apologize to him..

As you may be realizing, finding and maintaining a compatible long-term SO relationship IS
the second greatest challenge in life..
Since it REQUIRES giving up about 50% control to another imperfect human being like yourself...
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 44
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 4:31:52 PM
If your friend had not talked of closing down profiles and only seeing one another with her new guy, then he didnt do anything wrong. You did.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 46
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When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 5:23:16 PM
sweetness-one

Your actions seem very odd to me though, especially at your age. Why would you have gone out of your way to test this man in the first place? Your friend is a big girl, so why would you ever have dreamed of interfering in the first place?

Your actions speak volumes more about you than his did about him, IMO.



I agree, does your friend need you to "test" every man she meets? And continuing to let him call you as pointed out in the above post seems odd too.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 51
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:22:52 PM
In addition to the OP's jealousy over her friend finding someone...I found this little nuggets in her profile:

Before you email me ask yourself if I was 300lbs and flipping burgers at Wendy's would you still be interested? If not save your time for someone else im not interested! ;-)


So... OP do YOU apply that to men you're interested in?How many 300# burger flippers have you dated?
Why is that relevent even?

Time to grow up OP! ....And stop sabotaging your friends...
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 52
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When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:30:15 PM
^^^ I noticed that too. It was also mentioned in post number 8 of this thread. I bet she wouldn't date a 300lb guy who worked at Wendy's either.


The OP seems immature and seems to think all guys will cheat if given the opportunity. Maybe that's why she posted that in her profile to keep them all away, lol since she really seems too childish to have a relationship any way.

OP
and he "being a guy" responds.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 54
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When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/6/2011 8:38:48 PM
I'm not saying he was cheating i'm asking to what extent is it cheating?


^^^When they agree to be exclusive and he is still on dating sites trying to meet other women. Meeting some one and chatting with others is not cheating. No matter if he would cheat or not it was none of your business to try and find out by tricking him.

carolann0308
So a person is obligated in some way after a few dates or phone calls to stop looking at or talking to other people? Good luck with that.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 55
When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/7/2011 12:04:32 AM
My question to the OP is who made it your duty to test this guy? Why do you feel the need to interfere with your friends success?
Perhaps working on making yourself more attractive to prospects would be time better spent than ruining your friends prospects.

Or maybe you just need to know that you could steal him away from your friend? Is that it?
Either way, no matter your motivation....you have serious issues!

With friends like you who needs enemies?
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 57
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When is it considered cheating?
Posted: 4/12/2011 5:29:35 PM
No the OP's friend's guy that she just met did NOT cheat. They had no exclusivity agreement.

Oh, if I meet a lady via this medium, and she's got a "friend" who played this sort of game with me like this, and she put a bunch of value on my reaction to her "friend's" actions, I'd be severely non-plussed. Big time turn off for a few reasons (1) poor choice of friends (2) endorses deceptive behavior (3) poor communicator (4) unrealistic expectations (5) overreactive drama queen. All this stuff indicative of a woman I don't really want to get to know much better.
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