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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?      Home login  
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 elkcall
Joined: 1/4/2011
Msg: 1
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
My sister said, " I do think it's important to have mutual attraction on that first meeting. You may not want to jump his bones, but his eyes or his smile should make your heart flutter just a little. Or you should leave hoping you get to see him again...not wondering if you should give him another chance".

The above was in response to a date I went on. The man wants a second date, but I am not looking forward to seeing this individual at all.

Thanks!
 LONLEEnBLU
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 2
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/6/2011 6:42:48 PM
Yes, definitely! I wouldn't even look back if it didn't especially if his feet stank!
 elkcall
Joined: 1/4/2011
Msg: 3
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/6/2011 6:47:59 PM
Here is a question unrelated to my original post. Why can't I access this forum through my POF profile? There is no "Forum" option. I came across this forum accidentally while doing a search.

Is this forum separate from POF even though it is a POF forum?
 smartypants24
Joined: 8/3/2009
Msg: 4
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/6/2011 6:50:52 PM
I agree with your sister...if you don't come out of it hoping to see him again, it's probably not going to work...maybe a "gut" feeling that somethings off, no spark etc.

As for your other question, there used to be a link on the profiles to the forums, but it was removed a few months ago. Most forum frequenters have it bookmarked for easy access
 SingleGuy4912
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 5
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Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:04:32 PM
Depends on what kind of relationship you're looking for.

If you're looking for long term potentially leading to marriage and are making your decisions solely on physical attraction, then you're doomed.

If he has done nothing that is repulsive to you and you had a pleasant evening, you could give him another chance to see if attraction could develop.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 6
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Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:04:55 PM
Are you asking a question, other than about the forums button? If it's the title question, I'd say the answer is, that it's entirely up to you! I've read of people who think as your sister, and some who have other things on their agenda, or other experiences in their past, so that they DON'T need to feel a "spark" right away to try again.
But since the you actually have experienced the feeling that you actively do NOT want to see this guy again, you don't need a general principle of dating to explain yourself. When it comes to how you spend your life, "I don't WANNA" is a perfectly viable reason.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 7
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Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:15:59 PM
The above was in response to a date I went on. The man wants a second date, but I am not looking forward to seeing this individual at all.



There has to be something that makes you want to see them again but physical attraction can grow stronger as you get to know them. However, you can't be repulsed by someone and expect a spark to ignite.


Why would you agree to a 2nd date if you have no interest in this man at all?


You may not want to jump his bones, but his eyes or his smile should make your heart flutter just a little. Or you should leave hoping you get to see him again.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 8
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:16:39 PM
If you're looking for long term potentially leading to marriage and are making your decisions solely on physical attraction, then you're doomed.


I agree there has to be so much more than just physical attraction when considering a fulfilling long term relationship but we don't usually make a decision about marriage or long term on the first date. All we get out of the first date from my perspective is a feeling about whether we want to meet that person again. If that person is a potential love interest then yes there should be physical attraction on the first date ( and it doesen't need to be 4th of July fireworks and trains crashing the first time you lay eyes on each other save that for later ) . If all you are looking for is a friend or a marriage of convienience then physical attraction may not be that important.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 9
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/6/2011 7:53:37 PM
For guys, the answer is YES-unless the guy is really drunk on the first date. Then it doesn't matter because he won't remember the date the next day.

For women, the answer is: it depends. If a woman is a swamp donkey, she'll go on about how people should only look at inner beauty and not be concerned about outer beauty. If a women is hot, a real beauty, her answer will be "Dam right. The guy has to be as hot as me." I've never heard a women who is really hot complain that men are shallow because they are interested in physical beauty.
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 10
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/6/2011 8:14:01 PM
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?


Physical attraction just like any other attraction is there or it isn't and it does not develop over time so with that said I have to be physically attracted the person for me to even consider going on date with that person

 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 11
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Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/6/2011 8:29:20 PM

Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?


Isn't that up to you?
I, personally, don't have to feel physical attraction immediately to want to go on a 2nd date. I'm more of a personality girl. I make my connections with my mind and not my
libido. A great personality can make a person more attractive in time for me.
But as I said, that's me........not you.
Only you can decide what you want in your life. If a honest, caring, funny man isn't attractive to you and you can't get past that......that's all that matters.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 12
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/6/2011 9:06:36 PM
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?


I don't need to experience fireworks---however there has to be enough attraction present on the first date to the degree where I can envision myself being intimate with the guy at some point in the future. If not, there won't be a second date.
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 13
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Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/6/2011 9:26:25 PM
Maleman wrote:

For women, the answer is: it depends. If a woman is a swamp donkey, she'll go on about how people should only look at inner beauty and not be concerned about outer beauty. If a women is hot, a real beauty, her answer will be "Dam right. The guy has to be as hot as me."I've never heard a women who is really hot complain that men are shallow because they are interested in physical beauty.


Not sure if I should Bray or ask you to...... as in, should I call you Jack and strap a sack of coffee beans to your back?
 sukkatash
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 14
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/6/2011 10:07:45 PM

Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?

No. But it helps add incentive for a second date.
Usually you see the person before accepting a date.
Even online you should get a picture to get some idea if there is at least a minimal something there.


The above was in response to a date I went on. The man wants a second date, but I am not looking forward to seeing this individual at all.

Is what you are asking really:
"Should I give someone another chance if I am not attracted to them initially, can physical attraction develop over time?"
It can if there is something there to build on, or a great personality. Not looking forward to seeing someone at all kind of says there is nothing to build on.

Is it both looks and personality that makes it so there is no looking forward to seeing them? Or is it just all looks and the personality is neutral, or mediocre?
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 15
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/7/2011 3:51:18 AM
I'm going to have to say YES also. There has to be something there that 'attracts' me to the person.
With the response the OP gave though, I'd say her mind is already made up. Why dwell on it?
 ALMOSTABLONDE
Joined: 9/30/2010
Msg: 16
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/7/2011 4:34:21 AM
"Where there is marriage without love, there will be love without marriage." Benjamin Franklin

I agree, why do people settle? If you are not into him, let it go & let someoe else who would be into him get w/ him, & also you will be THAT much closer to finding someone who "lights you up"!

WE ALL DESERVE THAT. MYSELF INCLUDED
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 17
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Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/7/2011 5:30:25 AM
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?

OP, as should be clear from the responses so far, this is an extremely subjective question, and everyone has their own feelings and opinions as to what the answer should be. There is no right or wrong answer, only the answer that works for you. As a result, I wonder if you are really looking for validation in not going out with this guy on a second date (my apologies if I am off the mark). Especially considering what you wrote:


The man wants a second date, but I am not looking forward to seeing this individual at all.


Not looking forward to seeing this guy again at all, is a pretty powerful statement. If you feel that strongly, I think you have your answer.
 ChrisD1957
Joined: 12/20/2010
Msg: 18
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/7/2011 6:05:27 AM
There has to be that initial spark of some kind. If you settle thats how you feel which in turn doesnt make you feel good about him or yourself. Besides, do you feel you would be doing him a favor by seeing him again? Is that fair to you, to him? Shouldnt he be with someone that is looking forward to seeing him rather than with someone that would prefer to be somewhere else.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 19
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/7/2011 6:42:01 AM
Every person, including you, are driven by two types of thoughts. One is emotional, the other one is rational. Attraction is driven by a part of the brain that is more primitive. Thus we feel attracted to someone and we have no idea why is that. Then you meet someone that is very attractive yet, you feel no emotion for that person.

Now there is a distinct difference between men and women. Men have a switch on and off button, women have a nob that goes up and down with scales of gray. Now, don't get me wrong here, not all men or all women are like that, but most are wired that way. Why?

Men had to learn to control emotions and feelings because they had to go hunt, go kill for the group. Men that had emotions got killed. Men that controlled their feeling survived.
Women in the other hand had to learn to negotiate what was going on in their group, relate to the emotions of the children, the older women with more power, the elderly men.

So back to your question. Two parts of your brain are sending signals, one set of signals are rational assumptions about the guy you met. The other are processing feelings and emotions that have to do more with non-verbal communication.

Depending to what is important to you, you should arrive at your answer. If a good provider, good man, good sense of person is what is most important, then that will drive your feelings. If a physical sense of attraction, challenge, intensity is what drives you, then you should let that attraction define what you will do.

In my case. If I do not feel the attraction right off the bat, it's game over. The ahmigdala process that information in 3 seconds and says, do not pursue or pursue.
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 20
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/7/2011 10:44:07 AM
First date ? lol

There has to be attraction when I look at her pictures online, otherwise there won't be a "first date"...

Attraction>Compatibility>Personality --- that's how it goes for moi...
 starzgirl72
Joined: 2/23/2011
Msg: 21
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/7/2011 10:58:00 AM
He doesn't have to be an Adonis or anything like that, but I have to at least like what I see in his pics before I agree to meet him.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 22
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/7/2011 12:04:39 PM
When I meet someone (for a potential relationship) and I can't
imagine myself kissing him or getting naked with him, I don't
see any point in going on a second date.

So yes, I would have to say there would have to be physical attraction
on the first date. I would suspect a lot of men feel the same? No?
Cool...I didn't think THAT was why I was single.

 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 23
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/7/2011 1:53:59 PM
Regardless of whether you call it "physical attraction" or feel some sort of mental and/or emotional connection/resonance, why in the world would anybody agree to a 2nd date with someone that they don't look forward to seeing, for whatever reason?

There are, of course, situations where things just got off on the wrong foot,but if there just isn't ANYTHING you can hook your interest onto, continuing to date that person is doing both of you a disservice, IMO.
Cindy O
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 24
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Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/7/2011 2:07:40 PM

Regardless of whether you call it "physical attraction" or feel some sort of mental and/or emotional connection/resonance, why in the world would anybody agree to a 2nd date with someone that they don't look forward to seeing, for whatever reason?



Exactly!
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 25
Does physical attraction have to happen on the first date?
Posted: 4/7/2011 3:26:47 PM
There are all kinds of attraction and physical attraction is painted with a pretty broad brush for me.

I can see someone (visual) and may think they are nice looking, but they may not possess certain physical attributes that would make me take a long second look.

However when they open their mouth to speak to me that is where I become hooked.
I love deep voices and I love voices that are soft and warming.
Kind of like the theory of all anesthesiologists being attractive, because they have that slow nuturing voice.

I also am very sensitive to someones smell. So though they may not be in my type visually .....my other senses usually rule.
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