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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating      Home login  
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 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 2
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If the woman/man never initiates contact when datingPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

I guess she is interested or she wouldn't be going out on dates with me. But I just feel that if she really liked me she would text or call me or invite me to do something.


You have had three dates, correct?

How long between dates?

And finally, just cut to the heart of the matter...why don't you call her up, not text her, call her up..and ASK HER...if she likes you for continued dating, or are you just someone to go out with once in a while?
 Nice7Girl1977
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 5
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/7/2011 5:27:59 PM
How about during date #4 you tell her to phone you so that you could arrange date #5. I bet she is shy or old-fashioned or just feels akward asking you first.
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 6
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/7/2011 5:47:14 PM
I wouldn't sweat it too much. The norms of dating are pretty much in flux, and we all have no idea how stuff like that is supposed to be done. Some women will call, while others feel they shouldn't.

The formal Friday night date is kind of a feeling out process. At some point one of you will have to cook for the other and you can both have a little too much to drink.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 7
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/7/2011 5:59:03 PM

I guess she is interested or she wouldn't be going out on dates with me. But I just feel that if she really liked me she would text or call me or invite me to do something. I kind of feel like we are casually dating and she just isn't really into me.

That's what I'd think, too. Maybe you should just stop calling and look for a date with someone else. If she really is interested in you, she'll call you.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 10
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/7/2011 7:18:03 PM

I said I would text her next week to schedule a time.


That's your first mistake. Stop the childish texting and do the adult thing-phone her using a real phone and have a real conversation, using real voices. Getting a text message is like getting a fax. They're not very personable. Would you think someone is interested in you if you get faxes only? Maybe if you two talk by phone, she might think that you're OK and interested in her by wanting to actually talk to her instead of hiding behind a screen, and she might be more open to two-way communication.
 Violet_Tigress
Joined: 4/29/2011
Msg: 11
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/7/2011 7:56:47 PM
Welcome to the friend zone, dude.

Not where you want to be, you say? Maleman999 is right. Be a grownup and pick up the phone.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 12
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/7/2011 8:54:54 PM

I was thinking about leaving the ball in her court but then again I said I would text her next week to schedule a time.

Then tell her you changed your mind.
 jpwrnglrwmn_forumsonly
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 13
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/7/2011 10:50:40 PM
Maybe she thinks you aren't that interested, either. I agree with what one poster said. .the only warning sign would be that she doesn't ask you how your day is going. Maybe she's also of the belief that she shouldn't initiate contact until you do. This sounds so much like the last person I was dating. .he said he didn't like being on the phone, either. Basically, we stopped seeing each other because he wouldn't pick up the phone and call. .we would have these long conversations by text, which was really annoying. It is too new in the dating game to tell, but I think she'd appreciate it if you called her to set up the next date. I'll have to agree with what one poster said, about texts not being personable. .hearing someone's voice is the next best thing.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 18
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/8/2011 5:57:47 AM

Romance and court this girl a little. Dating is not an adversarial situation unless you choose to make it one.

Which is precisely why he should expect his interest to be reciprocated.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 19
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If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/8/2011 6:22:43 AM
--Three dates in three weeks is too soon to be drawing any conclusions from, unless you are insistent that every relationship move at a given, high speed. There IS no way to know what her story is so soon.

-- How many women the OP is dating isn't pertinent to his question, unless this woman KNOWS she is 'third of five.' If she does, her behavior might be either a result of her personal demeanor, or of her not being willing to invest in someone not truly invested in her, or even because she ALSO is dating multiple people.

-- OP, you might want to examine some possibly subtleties on your own side of things: such as, that perhaps your extra interest in THIS woman, is in fact BECAUSE she isn't initiating, and you either take that as a challenge, or what you think is your own interest, is really just your ego wanting her to 'think you're all that.'
Why do you feel the need to wonder, after only three dates, about her interest level like this? Outside onlookers might believe, based on your dating habits surrounding this, that you are only frustrated that you haven't added her to your collection of interested girls. You need to be sure, before you DO ask this of others, and before you take appropriate actions such as asking HER about it, that you know what your own real intentions and interests are.
There's no indication from you here, that you have any plans or goals other than having HER dating pattern follow OTHER women's dating patterns. Until you have a goal, there's nothing you can use the answers to your questions for.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 22
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/8/2011 7:55:40 AM
What are guys and girls thoughts when you start going on dates with the opposite sex and they never text or call you?

That they aren't so desperate for your attention as your ego tells you they ought to be..


Did you come to this conclusion BEFORE or AFTER you cheated on your long-suffering "fiancée" with "the hottest girl you had ever been with?" Or maybe it was after you thought you had impregnated your ex girlfriend and you were afraid the "fiancée" would find out? Your posting history as:
torothin
1hrtofgold4u
bluedevils58
etc. Reveals you to be a self-centered attention hog


True, and some of the wisest Forumites may just push those ephemeral buttons instead of feeding that troll..
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 23
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/8/2011 8:02:37 AM

I was thinking about leaving the ball in her court but then again I said I would text her next week to schedule a time. If I don't do what I say that could be bad.


My experience with different relationships is that YOU the guy, set the tone to what should happen. If you are going to expect a woman to call you, it may or it may not happen, and it has nothing to do with her liking you or not (some times). Some women, particularly those that want the man to be in charge, can be that passive. But this is what you do. Don't tell her, I will call you. Tell her, call me. You have to throw the ball to her. When she feels that she can spontaneously communicate with you, she will.

Mind you. Not all women are like these, of course. There are aggressive women, there are needy women, there are shy women, the who spectrum. There are women that actually do not know if they like you that much.

The problem is that if you are the one that has to initiate everything, eventually she may think that you are the needy one.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 24
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/8/2011 9:06:44 AM

The problem is that if you are the one that has to initiate everything, eventually she may think that you are the needy one.

This ^^^^^^^^
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 25
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/8/2011 9:25:33 AM
I dated a guy who was like you and wasn't sure of my intentions. He called me up one day and flat out asked me if I was interested in taking it further.

I really thought that was a good idea. At first I was flustered, but I truly understood where he was coming from.

Just remember there are NO rules. Stop reading this crap on these forums about 3rd date sex. That said, have you indicated your interest by touching her? This should give you an excellent gauge of how comfortable she is with you. So for all the rules I mentioned, for me when I am dating a guy and really into him, he's touching me, I'm touching him - we are kissing. I can tell I'm into him by how comfy I become contacting him.

The last guy I felt a connection with, I outright kinda asked him about how much contact he was into (or something like that). He put me at ease and said to just go with it. After that, I called him, he called me (we weren't freaking out and stalk calling each other) - we saw each other pretty often - more than once a week and talked for several hours on the phone if we couldn't get together. As we talked more, he expressed his want for a LTR in general so I knew that that was his goal, even if it wasn't with me. He married the next woman he dated after me.

BTW - I didn't have a cell phone, there was NO texting. Texting KILLS potential relationships unless there is an instant connection.


Tell her, call me. You have to throw the ball to her. When she feels that she can spontaneously communicate with you, she will.


Very good advice, even I, as a woman who has taken the bull by the horns and now approaches and speaks up can need this reassurance and you can see by my hinting around with my guy above was the root need of what Outmind is saying above.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 27
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/9/2011 10:14:45 AM

To me that's just a manipulative game.
It could easily go "Hmmm, he just disappeared, oh well, must not have been interested in me, why do guys do that? Why do they just disappear? Especially if they tell you they are going to contact you later? What's up with that?"


Yup. As I said, I had a guy call me and outright ask me if I was still interested in dating and getting to know him. It put me on the spot, but it solved any further mystery for both of us.
 druminky
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 28
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/9/2011 10:45:29 AM
OP, many, many women rely upon the guy to initiate, pursue, chase. That includes calling or texting.

Years ago, I had a date with a doctor - she was an in-charge type gal, always took the lead in conversations, and otherwise had many "traditionally male" aggressive traits - including a very competitive side in sports. Yet, when it came to dating, she wanted the guy to always call - period. She wanted the guy to open doors, buy flowers, and all that traditional stuff. It was contradictory to her personality, to me anyway, but nonetheless a valuable lesson learned.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 29
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/9/2011 11:18:26 AM

Yeah I went on 5 dates but so far she is the best while the others I'm not interested in blow up my cell phone.

The reason you think she's 'the best' is BECAUSE she's not blowing up your phone.

Personally, I prefer a style of dating where both persons behave like thinking adults,but this lady has chosen to play quite a traditional role and it seems to be working. This does not make her all bad...I think that if you continue to date her and she becomes more assured that you are firmly hooked, things will level out to a more balanced exchange of who contacts whom and what about.
I do think you need to be paying attention, if you are looking for a "bring home to Mom and Dad" kind of relationship, to her level of traditionalism and deciding whether you are OK with it. None of this courting and marrying an "oldfashioned girl" and expecting the wedding cake to turn her into a modern feminist who will bring home the bacon, fry the bacon AND the sausage, while similtaneously shingling the roof and mowing the lawn.
Cindy O
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 32
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/11/2011 5:11:24 AM
^^^So, even if you are dating and like each other you never call him until you have a commitment from him?!

How do you set up dates? How does anything get done this way?

I mean, I could see where some women do not call men to ask for dates at first; but once a couple is seeing each other alot, but haven't officially started a relationship?!

And if you say that "seeing each other alot" means a relationship, I have to question your "communication".

Men like getting a call from a woman they like just to brighten their day too ya know.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 38
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/13/2011 7:31:06 AM
You know the more I read this thread and the angry men thread, the more it seems obvious to me that some people are so in charge of certain aspects of their lives, that they would like to NOT be in charge in other aspects.

From my experience, the women in my family are "in charge" in that they run the ship at home. However, since the men worked, this allowed the men the chance to NOT be in charge at home in addition to work.

So fast forward to today, where women watched the above at home so the women are not only in charge at work, but AT home. I can imagine that being exhausting for anyone. I see my brother almost faced with that and I feel bad for him. But maybe he's happy?

And maybe everyone should just do what they feel comfy with and screw all these rules, equality business and such.

Isn't it more important to be happy?
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 41
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/20/2011 9:42:40 PM
the next coming friday, blow it off, dont call, go have a good time.
If she calls about it, she is actually interested; if not, then well at least you know you can have a good time without hanging on her every friday night.

50 text messages a day - psycho
3 phone calls a week, just about right, and they should be shared between you, ie not all you, not all her.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 42
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/21/2011 7:11:32 AM

i hate to say this, and i am guilty of this as well, but whenever i call a guy, or initiate communication, ask them out, or do any pursuing what so ever it never works out. now, i DO NOT call men unless it is to return their phone calls.

If my fiancee had played by those rules, we'd have never run across each other. I didn't look in the talk/email section for dates. If she'd have never done any pursuing or taken then the initiative to call me other than to return phone calls, I'd have assumed she wasn't interested enough or self-confident and assertive enough to even be worth meeting, much less date. If you never get what you want, it will be because you didn't do anything on your own to get it.
 Violet_Tigress
Joined: 4/29/2011
Msg: 43
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/21/2011 2:18:57 PM
Maybe she's waiting to see whether or not you will call if she doesn't call first.
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 44
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 5/21/2011 4:01:33 PM
Dude, I know what that's like. That's not right. It should not be just one person showing the interest and initiative. It's very inconsiderate of the man or woman to ever not reciprocate. Because then the one person is likely going to end up feeling like an unwanted pest. A woman I met recently texted me a bit and we communicated. She seemed to like me and have a keen interest in ways. But it soon became me making all the contact effort. I said to her: I'm feeling ackward making all the contacts as of late, and if she wished to still be friends in any way, the ball was in her court.
 SummmerEve
Joined: 7/6/2014
Msg: 46
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 8/31/2014 7:56:47 PM
I know this is an old subject but I am sure the situation described is not.

Dear OP, you sound like you have a lack of self -confidence or as we girls like to call it a " wuss".

WHY should the lady contact you in between if you are NOT contacting her in between?
Start contacting her in between , show some confidence and interest and perhaps she will be more comfortable to do the same.

Something tells me you are not successful in relationships with women. Sorry...
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 47
If the woman/man never initiates contact when dating
Posted: 9/2/2014 6:22:09 AM

I would probably think they aren't that interested in the other person if they don't initiate contact. Although in some cases, perhaps a woman is passive and expects the man to initiate most or all of the contact.


True. Whenever I'm not sure if a woman is interested in me, I would clearly put the ball in her court and see what happens. In this case, I would tell her to contact me after a date or conversation.
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