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 AUTHOR
 GeekedNow
Joined: 7/27/2009
Msg: 1
Dating after divorcePage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
How long 'dating around' after a divorce would you consider enough time before getting serious again assuming three things. One, you 'know' yourself living by yourself, two you date plenty and three you were married for lets say about 10 years.

this question doesnt apply to me but its a conversation I had this weekend.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 2
Dating after divorce
Posted: 5/22/2011 1:36:16 PM

this question doesnt apply to me but its a conversation I had this weekend.

5 years.. Next, a question that DOES apply to you please..
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 3
Dating after divorce
Posted: 5/22/2011 1:39:54 PM
Ok, hold on, let me get my slide-rule. Um...alright, you said married 10 years, and um...the natural logrithm of 10 inverse-tangent reads out and then you go on "plenty" of dates, so that's maybe 10? 30? ....I'll have to interpolate and then expand the x-factor as time approaches infinity ( that shows when you'll be ready along the timeline axis)...and we will of course consider this a "closed loop dynamic" because you have your own bedroom to make out - that simplifies the whole variable string to....

...oh, DUDE!!! You were probably OK to get serious after the 5th date. With all this "sleeping around", i.e. dating you've been doing, you can stop the serial-dating train ANYWHERE YOU LIKE.

Be advised that the longer you sleep around, the less value you will hold for future "fixed-value" relationships, i.e. weddings.

Hope this clears it all up. Knew I'd use that slide-rule again someday!

--->> Sorry I'm not like TALL-IQ2 who can do it all in his head!! <<--
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 4
Dating after divorce
Posted: 5/22/2011 1:40:40 PM
When you're serious,
get serious.

When you're not.
Don't.

Time frames are meaningless on this road.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 5
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Dating after divorce
Posted: 5/22/2011 1:44:40 PM
It varies with each person depending on if there is still emotional attachment to the one they divorced and other circumstances. I don't date around but waited a few years before really trying to meet some one. The divorce process took longer because of a bitter custody fight started by my ex. I dated a few men before meeting the man I am with now. My SO was still going through his divorce when he put up his dating profile on another site. He had only met a few other women before meeting me. After two months of dating I asked him if we should be exclusive and we have been together two years now.



Stray Cat
Time frames are meaningless on this road.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 6
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Dating after divorce
Posted: 5/22/2011 1:53:31 PM
Time matters not, oh querying one.

I've known people who were ready after twenty minutes, and some who were never ready, and never would be.

"Knowing yourself" isn't possible for a person to measure by themselves. It's discovered through trial and error.

"Dating around" can be an AVOIDANCE of recovery from divorce.

What does "getting serious" mean to you? Being legitimately being able to make a commitment and stick to it? Impossible to predict, even for someone who HASN'T been through divorce.

Thus the correct answer is "Eeaaauuuh,, I don-noe." And neither does anyone else.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 7
Dating after divorce
Posted: 5/22/2011 2:53:17 PM
In my "one fits all" answer sheet, it says..........between 1 and 10 years.

That's just silly!
Everybody is different!

We know this is NOT about YOU at all
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 8
Dating after divorce
Posted: 5/22/2011 3:21:20 PM
My fiancee was married 12 years. When I met her she had been seperated for just under two years and had dated one other guy (for about 9 months) since seperating from her husband. We've been dating just over two years and have been engaged for about a year or so. No problems.
 smokin49
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 9
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Dating after divorce
Posted: 5/22/2011 3:23:01 PM
So how long did she wait. Oh thats right she was dating him when she was married to you. So how long do you want to wait?
 x_file
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 10
Dating after divorce
Posted: 5/22/2011 4:35:28 PM

this question doesnt apply to me but its a conversation I had this weekend.


Save the question for the conversation next weekend.

Or better, yet here is another question you can tackle next weekend:

Wouldn't it be better to date X number of months before getting a divorce, so that right after you get the divorce you get laid? X is the "average time" it takes a dating-woman to spread her legs.

Where the hell is the devil emotion?
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 11
Dating after divorce
Posted: 5/22/2011 4:58:06 PM
~OT~ I was married and divorced and had a serious relationship begin about a year post-divorce it lasted a year or so. On the other hand, 5 year after divorce ~ I fell in love, had the romantic love of my lifetime that ended for reasons that were very very sad, and I haven't been serious or truly in love since and that's been nearly 6 years now. The length of time married, the marital status means nothing. The feelings involved, the reason for said relationship ending and all sorts of other things will be the answer in how long/what and when to do it again. In other words? Who the hell knows except the people involved. JMO
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 12
Dating after divorce
Posted: 5/22/2011 5:54:18 PM
When you have gone through all your baggage, and corrected every problem so that it does not happen again.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 13
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Dating after divorce
Posted: 5/22/2011 7:20:12 PM
I didn't date immediately after I left my husband, but waited until I knew I was no longer emotionally attached in any way and my past would not impede on my hopes for the future.
When I met my BF I was 100% open to all possibilities.
 ThatGuy1082
Joined: 8/23/2010
Msg: 14
Dating after divorce
Posted: 5/22/2011 7:32:34 PM
Depends upon your situation, if there are children involved, your mental state of mind, heart and how you rebound from (major) life altering changes. How broken a man are you? How much change can you handle and how strong a person you are.
It takes about two years to re-learn how to be single again. If you have kids be careful. They complicate this, don't understand an adults needs and probably don't quite fully know anything other than they hurt. You may be ready, they may not be. A serious relationship involves melding of families too. Divorce changes most people. Makes you twice shy, opens your eyes a bit wider.
 nocatchyname
Joined: 5/17/2011
Msg: 15
Dating after divorce
Posted: 5/22/2011 8:26:22 PM
Knowing yourself is the only factor. It doesn't matter how much you date or how long the relationship was. Like everyone else said, there is no time limit. I mean, if said person is absolutely done with the relationship when it is over, it is easy to move on and could take no time at all for them to be actually ready to date again. On the other hand, some people, even though they know that the relationship is done, need more time before they can move on.

You can't change the way your heart feels, you can only recognize why it feels that way and do your best to deal with the circumstances that you are given.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 17
Dating after divorce
Posted: 5/23/2011 7:02:38 AM

How long 'dating around' after a divorce would you consider enough time before getting serious again


I've only got ONE timeline. Once the whiskey runs out, it's probably time to actually start getting serious, even if it's just a "little bit" serious.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 18
Dating after divorce
Posted: 5/23/2011 8:16:13 AM
It takes exactly 11 months, three days, and 4 hours to get to know yourself again.
It takes exactly 32 dates, with 15 dates evolving into second dates, and 5 evolving into sexual encounter to be ready for what comes next. Now this formula works perfectly only if you were married for 9 years, 11 months, and five hours. If you go past that into the 10 year mark, all bets are off.

In other words.

Just go out there. There are no time frames, there are no formulas, there are no givens. And everyone, and every relationship is different.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 19
Dating after divorce
Posted: 5/23/2011 2:04:10 PM
There is no set timetable as to when it is appropriate to begin a serious relationship after a divorce. Everyone is different. Every divorce is different. Every new relationship is different. Every marriage is different. If you had disassociated yourself from your spouse long before the actual separation took place, then the divorce would be a mere formality. If you were absolutely devastated by the marriage breaking up, then you would need plenty of time to heal.

Just make sure you have healed from any damage the divorce caused. You want to be emotionally healthy before entering a new relationship. It's only fair the you and the other person. And take it slowly. Get to really know one another before committing to something serious.
 NotElvisJunior
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 20
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Dating after divorce
Posted: 5/23/2011 5:23:17 PM
GeekedNow wrote:


How long 'dating around' after a divorce would you consider enough time before getting serious again assuming three things. One, you 'know' yourself living by yourself, two you date plenty and three you were married for lets say about 10 years.


Ok, ladies, gentlemen, and everyone/everything else who is a member of the forums . . let's all say it together.

"There IS NO RULE about how long it takes after a relationship before the person is ready."

THERE IS NO RULE. There is no FORMULA. Nothing. Nada.

It's different for everyone, because everyone's situation and everyone's mental make up is different.

I was ready while I was still married because I was separated for a significant amount of time, and let's face it, my ex-wife's behavior GUARANTEED that I'd be over her FAST.

Some people take a long time.

Some people think that a marriage certificate and divorce papers have some magical effect on people's emotions. Because the LAW says you're together, well, you must certainly still be in love, regardless of circumstances.

You know, because unmarried couples NEVER break up, and when they do, regardless of how long they've been together, they don't have the advantage of highly refined mathematical formulas to tell them when to start dating again - they're ready right away.

*sigh*

I don't know why this utter fiction of "You need time to heal" is applied like a blanket to EVERYONE.

When you're ready, you're ready, when you're not, you're not, no matter what calculations any of us on these forums give you about "FDA minimum recommended allowance of time to yourself."
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Dating after divorce