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 AUTHOR
 RUFunny
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 1
Tattoo of his ex-wife!Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I've recently begun a new relationship with a man who claims he loves me and wants a future with me. We have been dating exclusively for over two months now and everything seems to be moving forward. My question has to do with a large tattoo on his back of his ex-wife's face. There are some days when I can successfully ignore it, and other days when it bugs the crap out of me. Just being honest! With it being on his back, he doesn't have to look at it and probably often even forgets that it is there. But I have to look at it all the time. I can tell by looking at it that it would probably be quite an effort to have it removed. I would never ask him to have it removed, but I secretly wish that he would. What I want more than anything is for him to volunteer to have it removed. That way I know he is doing it because it is what he wants, and not because I asked him. They were together off and on for years, have kids together, and divorced recently after many unhappy years together. Our connection is still very new, but will it ever be appropriate for me to expect him to have it removed. Or will I just have to learn to live with looking at her every day?
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 2
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/16/2011 4:38:29 PM
Unless YOU bring it up and insist on him removing it.....
best learn to live with it.

Maybe he has looked into it and it isn't possible to remove or too expensive.
That would be the only reason I'd keep a tattoo of an ex.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 3
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/16/2011 4:46:02 PM
That's one way to have a threesome.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 4
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/16/2011 4:47:46 PM
Id be inclined to tell him it bothered me.

It aint gonna bother you less later, that's for sure.

I wouldnt ask him to change anything, just let him know it bothers you to see it all the time, and see what he says.

If I were him Id always wear a tshirt around you so as not to 'offend' without you even having to ask. Thats alot to expect someone to have to see all the time.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 5
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/16/2011 4:47:46 PM

But I have to look at it all the time
Why would you have to look at it all the time? I can't even think of how you would be seeing it while having sex? Fact is it just annoys you because he has a picture of another woman on his body.


I've recently begun a new relationship with a man who claims he loves me and wants a future with me
Yet he still has a tottoo of another woman on his body. Well obviously none of what he says can be taken seriously. If he was serious he would be able to read your mind and get rid of that damn tattoo, right?
 RUFunny
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 6
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/16/2011 4:49:03 PM
Thanks for your reply... just to put the size in correct perspective. It it on the upper right side of his back... about the size of my outstretched hand. Can you imagine how weird it is for me when I rub his back, which I love to do... but sheesh! Looking at some other woman's face while I try to intimately touch him is a challenge for me. Is that over-reacting?
 jojoaus
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 7
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Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/16/2011 4:49:50 PM
My guy has his ex wife's name on his shoulder. I don't honestly mind and haven't brought it up. But I think that it is less confronting than having her whole face staring at me when we are spooning.... I can see how that would be difficult to deal with. IDK- if it really does have an effect on you, maybe at this stage just mention that it is confronting, so he knows it DOES bother you, then let him think about it for a while. Having a big tatt removed may be expensive and painful (though I don't know for sure) and as your relationship is fairly new it may be something you can discuss over time.

Tricky.
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 8
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Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/16/2011 4:53:24 PM
maybe he could have a moustache added to it. or black out her teeth. or make her nose blue. or give her antennae. or a mohawk.
 kristyfromfl
Joined: 4/17/2011
Msg: 9
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/16/2011 5:30:42 PM
I'd live with it... get over it... I've gone through the tattoo removal process and it is incredibly painful... it's like rubber bands snapping you HARD in the same place over and over... I wouldn't ask anyone to do that, ever.
If he wants it removed, kudos to him... that's a lot to ask for such a new relationship... maybe if you get married or something.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 10
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/16/2011 5:39:12 PM
Take a picture of it and see what an artist can do with it. I've seen pictures of re-do's and they look nothing like the original. Get an estimate and offer it as a gift.

Perhaps a monkey. A trade...one monkey off his back for a replacement.
 UglyFroggieCritter
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 11
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/16/2011 5:43:35 PM
Like another poster said, you might as well bring it up sooner rather than later cause it ain't gonna change overnight.

I'd mention it to him and ask if he ever thought of having another tattoo placed over it? It can be done and quite successfully, too.

And OP, you're probably right when you said he more than likely doesn't give it a second thought because he never sees it. I always forget about the tattoo on my back.

Good luck.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 12
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/16/2011 5:53:25 PM
"It it on the upper right side of his back... about the size of my outstretched hand. Can you imagine how weird it is for me when I rub his back"

OK, you have two choices here OP:

You either stop giving him back massages

Or you can do percussions right on her face
make a fist and pummel his back , percussion is a stroke in massage,improves circulation by stimulating blood flow and eliminating waste.
The massage term for this technique is the French word "tapotement" meaning to tap or pat.
But you can also slap, same area.

Would that make you feel better?



 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 13
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/16/2011 5:54:50 PM
I'd mention it to him and ask if he ever thought of having another tattoo placed over it? It can be done and quite successfully, too.
I'm confused, you posters do realize that the Op has only been serious with this man for a few months right?. The simple fact it he had the tattoo when he met her. He had it when they first started getting naked together. And it's a VERY VERY new relationship. What tattoo the guy has on his body at this stage of their relationship is really none of the OP's business. If the Op don't like what his body look like she should stop having sex with him and go find somebody who she find more appealing.

The Tat was there before he met her. Why should he have to go through a very painful experience just to stroke her ego?. Simple fact is the number one reason for relationships crashing and burning is one person trying to change something about the other that they were ok with in the beginning. If she had no issue with it in the beginning, she should have no issue with it now.

The Op need to find something else to stress about besides this guys tattoo. I bet dollars to donuts the guys ex is quite attractive, the more attractive she is, the more the OP will stress.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 14
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Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/16/2011 5:56:07 PM
It doesn't bother me at all because I won't be looking at his back 7/24
,unless he is always half naked and I am always behind him ( like a good Geisha) staring at his stupid tattoe of his ex wife.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 15
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/16/2011 6:00:20 PM

The Op need to find something else to stress about besides this guys tattoo.


Like why she is dating one of the less than one percent of the male population stupid enough to put a tatoo of a WOMANS PICTURE on his back?
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 16
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/16/2011 6:03:21 PM
OP, I think if he had gotten that tat very recently, AFTER you started seriously dating him, you'd have more of a reason to complain. As it is...all I can say is if if you don't like to look at it, then ignore it. No doubt there will be something about you that your boyfriend won't like, but will ignore for the sake of being with you.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 17
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/16/2011 6:15:41 PM

Like why she is dating one of the less than one percent of the male population stupid enough to put a tatoo of a WOMANS PICTURE on his back?




I've never figured out the 'wisdom' of getting a tat of a partners name, much less their face, on your body.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 18
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/16/2011 6:15:56 PM
And I'll be dollars to donuts that, since this man is fairly newly divorced and back on the dating scene, that he's likely going to find more than a few women being off-put by the image of his ex staring back at them every time he takes off his shirt. I don't imagine many men would be too thrilled either, if their new lady had an image of her ex festooned right across her back, boobs, azz, whatever.
Personally I could care less what tattoo she has on her body of another man or where she has it. Simple fact is she is now getting naked with me and not him. That would be all that mattered to me.

I don't think it can necessarily be summed up as "if she had no issue with it in the beginning" though. After all, unless the man mentioned it to her, or unless they were somewhere like the beach where he took his shirt off...then how else was the OP to expect a tattoo of his ex on his back, UNTIL they were getting nekkid?
My point is that the guy was getting naked with the OP BEFORE they got into a committed and totally exclusive relationship with him. She knew about the TAT of his wife before deciding to do the exclusive thing. The time to bring up her issue with it was before making the decision to become exclusive, not after. In my humble opinion.

I would never think in a thousand years to ask a woman I was dating to remove a tattoo because my ego can't take it. Frankly my ego isn't that fragile.
 NYTennisGirl
Joined: 5/28/2011
Msg: 19
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Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/16/2011 7:32:00 PM
The tattoo was there before you were.

But regardless, it's a stupid decision for anyone to put something so specific on their body. (And I love tattoos!)

I can *maybe* see a SO's name, but a portrait??

Unless it's of my children or a heroine of mine, I would NEVER put a portrait on my body... Sheesh!

I'd say the best bet is the tattoo coverup option, but I wouldn't ask him to do it a this stage of the game. I would just let him know I get creeped out about it. You haven't been dating him long enough to give him the "ultimatum".

I know I wouldn't want to see an ex (pretty or not) all the time during intimate moments, and since survey says removal is much more painful and expensive,my final vote is tattoo over it.

----------This brings about a question that gives me the creeps... -------------

How much of a pre-established house do you feel should be changed and/or items re-purchased together as a new couple if the house (furniture, etc.) was from a previous marriage/relationship and the ex was the one who selected the majority of it?

Would you be okay with:

A. Sleeping in the same bed (frame and mattress) that your loved one used to sleep in with his/her ex (and maybe even procreated children in...)

B. Sleeping in the same bed (as a furniture piece, but the mattress has to at least be changed)

C: Sleeping in the same bed and mattress, AND the same sheet set!! (eww ?)

.... and this can go into more of the same....

Would you be okay with:

A. Putting your undies in a dresser your new loved one's ex used to keep his/her undies

B. Eating off of the china he/she picked out as part of the wedding registry.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 20
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/16/2011 7:40:11 PM
Tramp stamps are a deal breaker for me, so I won't ever have the issue of an ex's name or picture on a woman's body. My ex brother-in-law had an ex's name tattooed on his arm. When they split, he got a tattoo of some sort of symbol placed on top of the name. It covered up the name, but the tattoo ended up looking like a mess. It was hard to figure out what it was suppose to be unless he told you.

This brings up another issue. If the guy had his kid's pictures or names tattooed on him, would that be just as troublesome? Would that be too much of a reminder of the ex?
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 21
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Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/16/2011 8:06:24 PM
Hmmm.....I'm pretty liberal when it comes to being friends with ex's and all that.....
but even I don't think I'd want to see the ex's face every day of my life!

I'd straight up ask him if he has considered doing something about it.....and if he said he planned on keeping it as is......I'd have to be honest and tell him I didn't think I could be in a LTR with a man that had such a "distraction" on him.
I love washing my man's back in the shower.....and giving back/body massages...and I
honestly don't think I'd be able to enjoy either with the ex staring at me!

Wish I could be as nonchalant about it as TDH.....and I usually am when it comes to ex's being friends and such.....but this......nope.....not something I'd want to have to "ignore" for long.
 RUFunny
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 22
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/16/2011 8:34:09 PM
tdh49 asked me this question... "Why would you have to look at it all the time? I can't even think of how you would be seeing it while having sex? Fact is it just annoys you because he has a picture of another woman on his body."

Since you don't know me at all tdh49, I think your comments have been very unfair. This was just one of several very negative responses of yours. I asked a very innocent question to gauge my own reaction to this issue against the thoughts of others who may have had similar experiences. Your responses are almost hateful, and not helpful in the least.

Your past relationships must not have had much intimacy involved, because in answer to your question... Yes, i do look at my boyfriends body all the time, every lovely piece of it... in bed while I hold him from behind, in the shower while i wash his back, while i straddle his waist so i can massage him.... Fact is... you seem like it's been awhile since you have had any of that... it must be where all your negativitiy comes from. Sad for you.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 23
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/16/2011 9:04:50 PM
Yes, i do look at my boyfriends body all the time, every lovely piece of it... in bed while I hold him from behind, in the shower while i wash his back, while i straddle his waist so i can massage him
And you only started doing these things AFTER deciding to be exclusive with him? Did you hold out for a commitment from him before getting naked? Because if you had sex with him before becoming exclusive and had no issue with the Tattoo of his ex. And if you decided to be exclusive with him knowing about the tattoo of his ex. Then that tells me that it wasn't an issue with you before, thus it should not be an issue after the fact.

Simple fact is that most rational people go over the pros and cons of becoming exclusive with another. Things they can live with and those they can't. If I find something I know is going to bug me in the future..... I bring it up BEFORE I make a committment to the person. We talk about it and resolve it if we can. If it can't be resolved to my satisfaction, then I will not go forward with becoming exclusive. One thing I would never do is become exclusive THEN start whining about issues that I should have talked about while we were having the talk about becoming exclusive.

Your magicians trick of trying to distract from my argument with personal attacks I will just ignore as they really add nothing to the debate
 SunnyDazical
Joined: 6/13/2011
Msg: 24
Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/16/2011 9:40:02 PM
Bless your cotton socks...sugahplum..I know it bothers you...and I'm pretty sure he knows it too...but baby...don't be bothered with who is on his back...only be bothered with who's in his heart and/or bed.

X marks the spot,
Sunny
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 25
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Tattoo of his ex-wife!
Posted: 6/17/2011 1:03:12 AM

tdh49 me asked....Why would you have to look at it all the time? I can't even think of how you would be seeing it while having sex ? Fact is it just annoys you because he has picture of another woman on his body."


I dont think that tdh49 comment is unfair,he is being logical. As a woman myself,I was confused why the ex wife face is always staring at you hence the tattoo of her face is on your BF back, lucky for him he doesn't see his ex face ........... so you wash his back,do you concentrate on just his back ,that it annoys you seeing the pic of his ex?

Your past relationship must not have much intimacy involved ,because in answer to your question...Yes i do look at my boyfriends body all the time,every lovely piece of it...in bed while I hold him behind,in the shower ,,,,,,,,Fact is you seem like it's been awhile since you had any of that....it must be where all your negativity comes from.Sad for you


,LOL remember that tdh49 is a man and he do his own thing when it comes to phucking or love making he doesn't roll the way you do. You can't anticipate that he is not having intimacy because of his reasoning. unless you can prove that he is your roommate and you witness him physically that he is not having any..

I asked a very innocent question to gauge my own reaction to this issue against the thoughts of others who may have similar experiences. Your responses are almost hateful ,and not helpful in the least...

Your question is not innocent , you are airing your dirty linen in public, I wonder if your boyfriend is happy to know that you put in black and white your private affair here...
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