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 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 2
Separation and Dating. Men vs WomenPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
she is more selective than you are?
she is less selective than you are but a really slow typer?
she is fresh female meat on a dating site?
she offers free blowjobs on the third date?
she answered 4 guys' emails when 98% of all the other ladies out there are reading-deleting?


-----> EDIT


She initiated the contact.

wow, a woman who initiates.... shocking. even better!


She hates BJs

yes dear, that's what she's always told you.

LOL
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 4
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Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 7:53:58 AM
You are cute as a bug's ear and you know it...!

Separated doesn't bother me - however, a lot of WOMEN I know say - separated means still married. To me I guess it means in the process of getting unmarried...but I've got odd views on things.

I've never heard a man say he wouldn't date a separated woman (unless it's one of those deals where she's still under the same roof with the supposedly soon to be ex, that can raise eyebrows).

I think a lot of the times women who are divorced, got divorced because they found out their husband cheated; they therefore see "separated" as cheating, if that makes any sense (married is married, until the ink is on the divorce papers).

And no matter what you say, you are going to get those who worry about being a rebound (since you aren't divorced yet you OBVIOUSLY haven't had time to come to terms with things, right?) or that you will end up back with the ex.

Next time I'm in AC I'll let ya know, we can have a drink and you can up your number to 2.

 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 5
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 7:54:08 AM
I feel compelled to make the joke about how your ex has one advantage you don't: she sets the bar really low. Sorry, but you're a regular here.

When I was using this site for dating, I went on dates with pretty much any woman who contacted me. I was so damn flattered that it didn't matter what her profile said. I think that's especially true when you're above 40 - kids today have different mores. But at our age, men chase and women choose for the most part.
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 6
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Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 7:58:27 AM
I think *individuals* feel differently about marital status. Don't think it breaks down necessarily along gender lines.

Personally, I prefer someone to be completely out of one relationship before starting another. It's way neater for all parties.

And, frankly, until the divorce decree is final, so much can change. Truly, you just never know.
 AtheistScholar
Joined: 6/18/2011
Msg: 7
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 7:58:49 AM
I would venture to say women care more about relationship status than men. Whether we are aculturalized to be like this or if it is a biological "Women are nesters/men are hunters" thing is another argument all together. Regardless, surely everyone has noticed that men care phenomenally more about attaining sex versus a relationship while women tend to be the opposite. As the old saying goes: "guys give love to get sex and women give sex to get love". When you apply that old adage to POF you end up with a woman's relationship status being of less concern to men, than a man's status being of concern to women; because many men will figure: "Separated - that's like NSA sex!", while women are thinking: "Separated?!?! How can he commit to me if he is taken?!?!"
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 8
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 8:08:17 AM
In general, do you feel that men and women just feel differently about marital status? Is this just a unique situation?


Ok Procol, since you asked: Apparently many women ASSume a separated man WILL be getting back with his "wife" at some future point in time.. Despite anything they may say..
So they mostly click next because they have future hopes/expectations of a relationship without Ex-drama..
Whereas many men aren't as focused on that future relationship bait.. They may be just fishing for the best catch of the day, and may overlook many possible future issues..

As well as the usual decent females get tons more attention/emails than most all males online..
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 9
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Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 8:11:34 AM
^^^ what she said. (AtheistScholar)

When I first came on POF, I was still separated, and I caught a lot of flack over that. The few responses that I did get from women were mostly them chewing me out for having the nerve to be on a dating site while I was still married.

Conversely, most men could care less if a woman is separated.
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 10
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 8:29:00 AM
OP, I do think men and women view dating someone who's separated differently. If a man sees "separated" he doesn't overthink the situation. I believe he just sees her as single. He's not thinking about all the "what ifs". Women, on the other hand, being the more emotional sex, we see all kinds of red flags; i.e., what if he goes back to his wife? What if he can't commit? What if? What if?

I'm actually kinda struggling with this same situation right now in real life. I just met a guy who's recently separated (for the 3rd time in 3 years). We click on so many levels. There's mutual attraction and lots of flirting. But I'm also trying to keep things in perspective -- that he may not be emotionally ready for a relationship. He has asked me to go to dinner and a movie this weekend, but I keep seeing those damn pesky red flags.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 11
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Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 9:04:10 AM
Alot of us women have been there, done that......or know someone that has been there/done that.....and it didn't work out well.
While it's not necessarilly fair to judge the next guy on what the last guy did.......it's also stupid to keep making the same mistakes when it comes to choosing a partner.

there are way too many men (& women) that say they are seperated......and their partner has no clue! So yeah......seperated people get painted with a broad brush.....but as individuals we can only protect ourselves the best we know how.....
and for me......that means not dating someone that is still legally married.

I personally think the odds are in favor for women on dating sites and think this has added to the difference in results you and the ex are having.
 Kitten189
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 12
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 9:05:03 AM
I really dont think men care nearly as much as women about the "Separated" status.

So long as a woman contacts them and/or agrees to meet,they couldn't care less coz their mind is jumping ahead 3 steps *wink*
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 13
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 9:07:48 AM
I stayed separated to allow my ex insurance for about 4 years. None of the men I met minded at all... (initially) but eventually ALL made comments as to why I should just complete my divorce and close that chapter.

If many women are different on how they view your separated status, I think they are marriage or long-term minded from the get-go...
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 14
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 9:15:18 AM
LOL you do make me laugh Procol, you might be on to something there, what is really bizarre is , It depends on the physical feature of the woman that is separated, If a hot woman that has 6 kids, and says she separated recently will be bombarded with emails, compared to a average looking woman, and having said that most woman if they say they are separated will still get " bites" from other guys.

For men its different, unless he's extremely attractive, with a 6 pack or appears to have money, the separation status will be overlooked.

Something off topic, I remember a few years ago I joined this site with 3 of my teammates from hockey, one was extremely attractive guy, the other was average looking and they both sent out messages to women telling the women they found interesting that they had a nice rack,the good looking guy had a lot more responses, mostly positive and a few " you're a pig " but no F uck you's the other guy had a lot of read and deletes a few " f uck you" etc.

It makes you wonder why some guys thinks one has to be extremely attractive to meet people?
 Here_In_Florida
Joined: 4/4/2011
Msg: 15
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 9:26:58 AM
There was this one woman local to me, that had "Single" in her profile, upon chatting with her, she actually said she's not entirely divorced....so she misrepresented herself, she is actually seperated....with no real intention (well, as she puts it, no real rush) to get a divorce....she stated she could easily get one due to her connections in the legal industry, but for some reason chose to stay "married" at least by legal standards.


But I am noticing a trend of people classifying themselves as "single" on here, when they really or not. For some reason that is their OWN defintion of single...they THINK they're single but they are not at all...and are lying about it in their profile.

BUT, they probably don't think they're lying, because they figure, considering the conditions and circumstances they might as well be single, so classify themselves on POF as such.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 17
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 9:32:05 AM

But I am noticing a trend of people classifying themselves as "single" on here, when they really or not.

I've noticed this as well. I think it should be changed from single to "never married".
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 18
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Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 9:32:12 AM
Som people do not care about anyones status
And just want to see if they can get laid.

I am sure if you took a closer look these guys were
Just waiting to pounce on her profile and I would wager
The attention has made her overlook a ton of crap and
She is just meeting these guys because she is just the
Most desirable woman on the planet right now.


I will do seperated as long as there is a divorce in place.

Never will I do seperated without lawyers involved or
Them living in seperate ends of the house.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 19
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 9:43:10 AM
I too joined when I was separated.

I don't think men care, as they are more looking to bed the woman.

However, woman aren't (in general), so they look for men who are available.

When I split with my first husband, I met my second husband.
We were both separated.
We both divorced and then married.

With the separated .... getting divorced comes a lot of drama.
Women (such as myself) do not want any more drama.
So why date someone who still has to go through it?

That's my philosophy on the the topic.



But I am noticing a trend of people classifying themselves as "single" on here, when they really or not.


I've noticed this as well. I think it should be changed from single to "never married".


I feel the exact same way.
This would make the process a lot easier to understand.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 20
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 9:46:48 AM
In general, do you feel that men and women just feel differently about marital status?
The answer to your question is quite simple really. Women don't date seperated men out of fear of them getting back together with their ex.

Some men will date seperated women without this fear because even if they did get back together with their ex, at least the guy is getting sex out of it before that happens. And if they did wind up getting back together with the ex, it saves the guy from having to end the relationship himself if it don't work out.
Seperated women to some men are viewed as FWB. They don't put too much emotion into it because they don't expect it to really go anyplace.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 21
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 9:48:21 AM
For me, I
Personally choose not to date anyone who hasn't been divorced for 2-3 years. Those of us who have been know the process that evolves post divorce and it simplifies matters to date someone well out of it. They're in a much different place IMO.

I think it's a case of the men falling out of their chairs when they were contacted and they're taking the opportunity. Good for them.
Keep plugging away Procol.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 22
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 9:50:58 AM
I actually DO think men are less inclined to be bothered by a woman's marital status than women.

But I think part of that reason is because most men don't automatically try to see the 'bigger' picture in the initial stages of meeting a woman. Alot of women, however, will gauge a guys' availability for the long haul right from the start, and a 'separated' status is definitely seen as a roadblock to that end. That's at least my theory as to why more women tend to shy away from separated men than vice versa.

So Procol, have you given any more thought to fathering my children? Just askin'....
 Here_In_Florida
Joined: 4/4/2011
Msg: 23
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 9:52:32 AM

Personally choose not to date anyone who hasn't been divorced for 2-3 years. Those of us who have been know the process that evolves post divorce and it simplifies matters to date someone well out of it. They're in a much different place IMO.


Good luck with that, usually the person actually WANTING the divorce is ready to start dating the moment the ink dries (or earlier) lol

The other person..not so much
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 24
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 9:58:23 AM
My view, also is that most men just aren't as picky about it. I do know that some are very adamant about a woman not being involved in any way though.

In my case I know that unless they have been separated a while and actually want to move on, they are going to go through a bunch of phases during the divorce they just don't know are coming. So while they say they are done and everything is past them (and I believe they mean it), I know they have no clue yet that things will change.

Unless they are in a mutual situation with no accumulation, or until they start dealing with court dates, lawyers, property division, custody and all that they can't possibly know what lies ahead.

Most people I know thought they were SO done with their spouse when they separated and moved out. Those same people now will tell me they didn't expect to feel the way they did once it got legal, once papers got signed, even in the end when it was finally over. Most wanted to date immediately, and now tell me the last thing they should have done was date.

*Shrug*
 URXO2
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 27
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Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 11:20:25 AM
It's an individual thing some people care some don't.. I really haven't kept track of rejections as to separated or divorced, nor my successes..I'll say this on separation, it seemed to me my time in separation was like limbo a purgatory period, everyone has there own reason for extending or ending that period it's your choice PH, my advice would be end it, you've been in limbo way too long..

She's found another man let him provide her insurance, if he's milking the cow why should you pay for the feed ?
One lawyer can handle the divorce you don't need to pay two, fact, in most States you can download the forms file yourself..
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 28
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/23/2011 5:08:00 PM

Here's my question(s)

In general, do you feel that men and women just feel differently about marital status?
Is this just a unique situation?
Or am I just damn ugly? Um...no need to answer this question.


Bottom line ,imo is more then looks,as naturally, money & ego is more importantly now' Then, you have afterwards ones past,negative emotional baggage to follow,in the beginning of sep & also freshly divorce.

Money & ego is always first, it's the most important to them cuz, it helps pay the bills till the cut-off time. lol

So i do understand sep, but still imo, I rather have divorced & have move on for a few years,instead....jmo
 Spider_MacGyver
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 29
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/24/2011 3:03:04 AM
Well, boo. I wanted to support your thread but I got zero insight. Other than that the fact you didn't spell it "seperated" would've had me giving you a second look, when I was looking. If you weren't so far away. Jersey no less.

Remain Calm it's pure platonic pity
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 30
Separation and Dating. Men vs Women
Posted: 6/24/2011 9:32:08 AM
I'll separate ya..
Well maybe just pull somethings out of joint.
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