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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 7
No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

If you have no intention of having sex with him this time, do you tell him this upfront, or wait to set your boundries as things unfold?


I would not expect him to be making a sexual move until we discussed that that was the next course of action.
Therefore, I would let the evening unfold, and he would be told when he attempted.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 8
No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.
Posted: 6/25/2011 6:46:30 PM
Ladies you're on the first, second, or third date with a man and he suggest you go back to his/your place and you accept.


That would never occur with me, because I wouldn't go back to his place or invite him to mine unless I'm prepared to have sex with him. This is for safety reasons. I'm not ready for sex after two or three dates, therefore, I wouldn't put myself in a vulnerable position where I could be physically overpowered by a man I barely know.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 10
No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.
Posted: 6/25/2011 7:22:35 PM

So once you accept the invite you plan to have sex, no playing childish games?


That's right. To do otherwise would make me a tease.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 13
No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.
Posted: 6/25/2011 8:06:23 PM

Now, on to where the "to some extent it depends" thing comes into play. If I get there and the house is a complete disaster, looks like a frat boy is living there, or something about the house really freaks me out about his lifestyle, or makes me wonder whoah, what the heck have I gotten myself into? Then no, sex wouldn't be on the platter at that point and I'd reserve the right to change my mind at that point. Woman's prerogative, and all that, lol.


Interestingly, I haven't encountered that issue since my college days. When I've finally gotten to the point where I'm ready to have sex, I've already judged the man's character and have screened him pretty extensively. One could easily determine if he were slovenly just from picking up clues from his grooming, his vehicle, and other possessions---sometimes even the exterior of his home.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 14
No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.
Posted: 6/25/2011 8:58:41 PM
...Once I deem him "sponge worthy" then we will have sex...haha. Been waiting a long time to use that line...

But seriously, it might take two or three dates before I accept an invitaion to his place...and that doesn't necessarily mean I'm ready to do the horizontal hula either. It just means I trust him enough and am becoming more comfortable. Hopefully when the time is right we will both know it and let nature take it's course without a whole bunch of discussion...

...mae
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 16
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No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.
Posted: 6/25/2011 9:40:37 PM
In my experience when a woman is ready to have sex with me, whether she says it explicitly or not(most often not)I know it. I can tell just from the way we're interacting whether or not it's going to be on that particular dates agenda. Frankly, I've never found myself guessing about when we were going to be getting to it. It's been my experience that she's sending all kinds of signals that indicate the state of her readiness; either way, they tend to be pretty obvious.
 16pearls
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 18
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No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.
Posted: 6/25/2011 11:37:01 PM
Of course you state the boundries before things get hot! And if its really good "what's the question" ??? But expected?? are you serious?
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 19
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No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.
Posted: 6/26/2011 5:01:04 AM
I met one lady for coffee..she was very adamant..she has a vibrator, didn't need sex with a man, she wanted a man to take her out to dinner, movies, travel to places with and spend money on her.

She had to finish her coffee without me. I simply got up and walked away.

I didn't go to the meet and greet looking to get laid, but I do want to eventually..
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 22
No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.
Posted: 6/26/2011 7:34:21 AM

So ever step of the dating process is discussed with you? The dainties never just hit the floor without a discussion before hand?.


First time .... you got that right!

However when the gate has been opened, that's when the fun begins.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 25
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No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.
Posted: 6/26/2011 8:42:33 AM
^^ completely agree with Janet!

I think at this point in my life.....any man I would date would be capable of reading my "signals" and I in return would be able to read his intentions!
I don't feel the need to proclaim anything beforehand......if we go to his place and he pushes for more than I'm ready for.....I'll simply leave.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 26
No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.
Posted: 6/26/2011 9:55:35 AM
I have known women that when invited over my place have made some negative remark regarding sex, and yet they came to my place, and we ended enjoying a great evening where most of the time we had sex. I once wondered about that. So one time I was reading and this guy said, that most of the time when women start to talk to you about sex, tends to be more in the negative way than a positive way. It's not the "Yes I want to do you." But the I don't know if I am ready, or want to." He says that is actually a positive thing because while before she was not even contemplating the idea of having sex with you, when the idea crosses her mind, the "Slut Patrol" in her head comes to the surface and voices it's opinion.

Once that voice is put in check, and as some other ones have indicated, that you pass the test, meaning being a good kisser, or good at caressing or even have a clean place that looks non-threateing then she is willing to move to the next stage. However, I do feel that these things are better handled by non-verbal communication.

I once invited this girl to my house to have a glass of wine. She agreed to have "only one glass, and she would have to go, because..." She didn't say what. We went to my place. We sat by the kitchen area, I opened the bottle of wine. Served it. And sat on a chair facing her. I did not do anything but slowly take a sip of wine and look into her eyes. She took a zip of wine, and then she said "Aren't you going to..." And she stopped, took a zip of her one and came to me and kissed me. We had a great evening together. And this was our 3th date so it was not like a one night stand.
 trinity818
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 27
No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.
Posted: 6/26/2011 10:02:32 AM

If you have no intention of having sex with him this time, do you tell him this upfront


I would definately tell him. In fact, I would be very hesitant to go even after telling him. In my experience, they usually think they will be able to convince you and it turns into a hassle.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 28
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No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.
Posted: 6/26/2011 10:50:20 AM
I was working one night, scheduled to get off at 0100, and had been chatting with this woman from POF. She seemed to be enjoying some liquid libations that particular night. All was going really well, and I was about to get off duty.

I get a text from her, asking if I could bring her something to eat and she text me her address. I text back, asking what she would like. She told me..I had it already...

Hmm..not fitting the stereotypical mode of horny POF men, I asked if she was serious, and she replied that she was. I had seen her pictures, really quite attractive.

Thinking it was the alcohol that was talking, I declined. Her texts stopped..

The next day I got an email that smoked when I opened it, nasty, calling me names, saying I was a faggot. Saying I had missed the best sex ever, and that no one .. NO ONE .. had ever turned her down before.

Oops..

She blocked me and now she has left the area completely (Jacksonville FL folks..watch out..couple of frys short of a happy meal there), and she works as a dating consultant.

 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 29
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No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.
Posted: 6/26/2011 10:53:48 AM

We had a great evening together. And this was our 3th date so it was not like a one night stand.


Did you date her after that particular evening?
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 30
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No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.
Posted: 6/26/2011 10:57:43 AM

Men are not the uncontrollable horn dogs some people portray them as on these forum threads...

MOST men aren't. There's always the rare exception. One in particular I remember - seemed like a nice guy, I'd known him for several months as well as some of the other women he'd dated. We went to dinner, went to another place for a couple drinks, he invited me back to his place for wine. So far, so good, I'd already made up my mind whatever happened would happen... Until we got in the door and he practically attacked me! That was the one and only time I ever had to get seriously physical to protect myself. He got nasty and called me some names, and I said 'if you'd just stayed as mellow as you were, we'd be in bed now. Now as far as YOU are concerned, it's not gonna happen, not here, not now, not ever in my lifetime."
 illmatic_one
Joined: 5/23/2011
Msg: 31
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No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.
Posted: 6/26/2011 11:27:32 AM
Its been my experience, and not that its my intention however, that if a woman accepts and invitation back to your place, she's already 90% decided she'd sleep with you. Now if she gets there and your place is a mess, or you've haven't been truthful about certain aspects of your lifestyle, that may change her mind, but for the most part, the first time at your place is really to feel out how your living, and if she doesn't do it the first time, generally by the second time at my place the clothes are coming off. Especially after a good meal and some laughs, and the fact that most women feel totally comfortable with me in a short period of time, and thats really what its about how comfortable they are with you, and if you know the rules of attraction, because every woman is different .... Now thats just MY experience however... But its happened enough times, and been told likewise, to be pretty sure I know what am I'm saying......
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 32
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No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.
Posted: 6/27/2011 8:07:56 AM
Well OP, the only time I recall telling a guy "no sex for you" (or the equivalent) was on the phone BEFORE our first date...my first online encounter, and it scared me OFFLINE for about 4 months. He was coming to my area (45 minute drive). He asked if he could spend the night - I was like, WHAT? He says "what if we get really drunk, I don't want another DUI"...LMAO - I said, I am NOT planning on having sex with you. He asked - are you SURE?

Needless to say there was no date. Funny story though.

I think in my actual experiences, the "let's go to your/my place" comes up BECAUSE there's going to be some naked fun. So there's not really a question...
 IcarusWings
Joined: 6/21/2011
Msg: 33
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No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.
Posted: 6/27/2011 8:30:00 AM
I think the less expectations you have in a situation like that, the better things often turn out. In those kinds of situations it is better to let things happen. Most of the time the woman doesnt even know what she is going to do, even if she tells you one thing, later on the situation may change and she might not want to do what she told you she was willing to do previously.

If she accepts the invitation, it means she trusts you enough, that in itself is very hard to come by, you dont want to ruin it by being aggresive. It would be nice to know right away, but if I don't thats OK too, cause if it happens it happens.

If a woman told me upfront that there would be no sex, it shouldnt make a man renege on the invitation, just have to do things than what you originally planned.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 34
No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.
Posted: 6/27/2011 9:45:06 AM

We had a great evening together. And this was our 3th date so it was not like a one night stand.


Did you date her after that particular evening?


That particular lady and I lasted about a couple of months.

The lady that I ended dating for 3.5 years, was someone that I invited for dinner on the second date, and yes we did have sex that night.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 38
No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.
Posted: 6/27/2011 2:53:59 PM
I think guys who have a set script or formula as to dating,
are trying to do it on autopilot.
Instead just concentrate on throwing off her script or formula for better results.
With that in mind....
I neither ask nor care when or what will happen on a date.

If discussed, it will be during morning when she wakes up fetchingly naked in my arms...
all curious how that came about and how her usual ploys didn't work.
:-P
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 39
No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.
Posted: 6/28/2011 6:28:56 AM

If discussed, it will be during morning when she wakes up fetchingly naked in my arms...


This tends to be my attitude about it. Also as it happened to MsSookie, that would be a turn off.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 43
No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.
Posted: 6/28/2011 8:54:24 AM

Yeah - throwing the sex thing out there too soon ruined everything...he totally blew me off so at least I know what his intentions were. But had I known ahead of time I wouldn't have been as hurt. Because up until that point I thought he was actually interesting in getting to know me.


Let's assume the above would have turned out the way you would have liked, would you have then at some point slept with the guy? And I do not mean here on that first date, but from a natural progression? Would you have?
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 46
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No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.
Posted: 6/28/2011 12:19:59 PM

FML


I think he wanted to..really. But, that didn't work out...
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 50
No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.
Posted: 6/28/2011 3:58:47 PM
Ladies you're on the first, second, or third date with a man and he suggest you go back to his/your place and you accept. If you have no intention of having sex with him this time, do you tell him this upfront, or wait to set your boundries as things unfold?

If I have NO intention of having sex with a man, there won't be a second date, let alone a trip to his residence. As for going to his house with NO intention of sex? I've done that MANY times over the years and I don't recall verbally confirming or denying sex ever before he's at my home or I'm in his. I've had less sex than more in the past 10 years as single person, that would suggest to me that I let the evening play out without expectations one way or another and apparently the men I've dated more than the one-n-done's have been "go with the flow" types also as I just don't think there has ever been a "I'm NOT having sex with you tonight." conversation coming out of my mouth. JMO
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 54
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No sex for you! Damn I wish you had told me that earlier.
Posted: 6/30/2011 6:56:23 AM

atheistscholar:
Frankly, I don't understand why men even WANT sex like this


This statement sounds so ..... I hesitate to say ignorant, as I don't mean to insult you. Maybe "lacking in knowledge" is a better way to put it?

I would really expect anyone old enough to be on a dating site to understand biology, and the male sex drive.
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