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 The_Gamer_Girl
Joined: 11/9/2010
Msg: 1
Cant find a datePage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Okay I tried everything from being a girl with a bunch of Confidence in herself from a shy girl who needs to feel protection from a guy to Loving and caring to a hard to get girl and none of these approaches work. I tried making my profile look nice and have it so detailed that a guy would love to talk to me to short and sweet......This is starting to hurt I am starting to feel nobody wants me. I am not a bad person I love going out and having a few social drinks and even working to get back into school. As you can see I am trying to do something with my life because I have a child to support too. What do I do to make any guy out there want to talk to me and be friends with me and maybe something more?
 MsMuscleChick
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 2
Cant find a date
Posted: 6/26/2011 5:22:09 PM
Child you are 19. Seriously worry about College and becoming someone in the future so you do not need to be a number of personalities to get a man !!! Seeing this scares me because your age...what do you really expect to find? Seriously? Boys your age are not very serious and you will end up a statistic. Pregnant, kids and all that because you " needed" a guy. You already have a child so really what you want is someone to support you??? Worry about that child. Most men your age ( most ) will not be looking to be a daddy ! You cannot do anything to make a guy want you. And you will get more respect from ANY guy if you take care of your child and College first. This crap is just unreal. 19 with a kid, on a dating site looking for a man. UUGGHH. Also, your profile is about as tragic as can be. Guys don't want a girl with morals yet you are 19 with a baby ? Did morals land you a pregnancy???? Fix that profile to something mature and stop expecting Prince Charming Daddy War Bucks to come along. You need to offer way more than 19, a kid and I am guessing living at home with Mom & Dad?
 The_Gamer_Girl
Joined: 11/9/2010
Msg: 3
Cant find a date
Posted: 6/26/2011 5:25:43 PM
No rape did.....I am sorry that your out there to make me sound like I am a bad person. I maybe should of added the detail about a sexual assault.
 MissyTrouble
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 4
Cant find a date
Posted: 6/26/2011 5:28:27 PM
Its very simple..... You will NEVER have self esteem if you look for it on a dating site!..

Change your profile to positive.. and forget about it. IF someone mails you.. great..if not.. oh well.

I can tell you i mostly attract men who are 10 to 20 yrs older on here when i try..(which is just dang silly)

Everyone wants younger, prettier, skinnier, richer.. etc.

You really cant take it personally. It is happening to us all

But at 19.. you really should direct your love to your child and your dedication to school.. hang out with your besties and enjoy life.. and someone will find you. Just make sure your smiling alot!
 The_Gamer_Girl
Joined: 11/9/2010
Msg: 5
Cant find a date
Posted: 6/26/2011 5:37:20 PM
Okay I spend a lot of time with my daughter and I spend a lot of time at church and with my friends. The woman who put that post before you was rude and I made sure she got reported since she was accusing me of not having morals. as for this being for pity its not. I wanted advice not assumptions. just because I want a long term relationship means nothing its the fact I come here with relationship issues and I get called a troll looking for pity. and date can mean anything. Like looking for a friend to go out with and have a good time with don't mean someone to have sex with.

I just find it disturbing nobody wants to talk to me and they all ignore me when I try to talk to them and get to know them as friends or something more.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 6
Cant find a date
Posted: 6/26/2011 5:37:29 PM

Okay I tried everything from being a girl with a bunch of Confidence in herself from a shy girl who needs to feel protection from a guy to Loving and caring to a hard to get girl and none of these approaches work.

You can't make dating work. It either happens or it doesn't. In fact, when you try to make it happen, it eludes you. Until you're in your mid to late 20s you'll wonder what was so great about it the minute you get involved anyway. Curiosity killed the cat. Enjoy life - don't ever worry about dating. Date only when and if it happens in a way that works for you.
 RERE1026
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 7
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History
Cant find a date
Posted: 6/26/2011 5:39:06 PM
I agree.......keep your nose to the grindstone and work at school and caring for your baby. You need to emerge as your own person who can stand on your own two feet. Keep busy by bettering yourself and keep a kind but watchful attitude and I am sure a wonderful relationship will surface when you least expect it. Best wishes!
 MsMuscleChick
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 8
Cant find a date
Posted: 6/26/2011 5:40:28 PM
Yeah you left that little part out. If you were raped and kept this child , more power to you. But relationships will happen in due time. Are you past this rape/assault? My first thought would be are you and this child getting counseling? With this being the case, you really need to be careful who you bring around. I am not making you out to be bad but the way you are going about finding a guy is very dangerous !!!!!! VERY ! I hope you get some help and have the ability to pursue College and a career. No man will ever take place of what you can do for yourself. People WILL come along who will be friends with you . I would think a lot of the problem is you have a while different life than they do . maybe meet other single Mom's your age who can share common discussions with . That might be a little safer than a man on the internet with a child. :(
 LargoMaNonTroppo
Joined: 6/23/2011
Msg: 9
Cant find a date
Posted: 6/26/2011 5:41:59 PM
Such judgemental forums still I see.

Having a child while single doesnt mean someone doesnt have morals- how quickly we leap to condemn the OP instead of helping.

OP- it's hard for anyone to find the right person, at any age. SOme people can find a date easier than others, but still, meeting that person who is right for you is the challenge everyone faces. So you may go on less dates, but that doesnt mean you cant meet someone to have a productive relationship with.

It might not be right now- for your own reasons you decided to keep and raise your child. That, and developing your life, is going to be what occupies you for some time to come.

Maybe concentrate on that, and developing some good friendships along the way. Things will happen when the time is right. I know that might not sound like what you want to hear, but really for your own good and the good of your child- focus on building the life you want and need to have for now.

I hope some of this helps, and ignore people who will judge you without knowing you.
 MissyTrouble
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 10
Cant find a date
Posted: 6/26/2011 5:42:53 PM
My point was that .. most on here have HIGHER than reality expectations.

Its not necessarily you.

and these forums.. many will just roast you when you post a problem.

Im sorry about the rape thing. Hope you got counseling for that. As it could hold you back in the trust dept.

I had my first baby at 24.. and my marriage collapsed while i was pregnant. I directed all my love and attention to the baby and it kept me sane.

Good luck.. just dont pin your hopes on this site.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 11
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History
Cant find a date
Posted: 6/26/2011 6:01:04 PM
You need to get your sh1t together before you are ready for a good healthy relationship. You are 19 with a baby you say is the result of a rape and you are on here hoping some great guy can get past the obvious self destructive attitude?
You need counseling, an education and a b1tch slap of reality. No one likes someone that pretends to be something they are not. Be yourself and get healthy.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 12
Cant find a date
Posted: 6/26/2011 6:01:18 PM
You are very young.

And you have a responsibility to your child.
That is a huge responsibility.
Your job is to educate yourself and put your child first.

What are your goals?
Are you working towards those goals?
If you are not, then I suggest you take some time to create them, and find a way to accomplish them.
Your child will benefit from this.
Your child will see how you have excelled while dealing with adversity.

Your child needs you.
I am sure you are a wonderful person, you don't have to sell me on that.
You have to believe that you are.

At this age, no man/boy is going to want to date a woman with a child.
I have a son a year older then you, and that is not in his plan.
He is out to have fun in life.
Being responsible for himself is enough of a goal, that he could not take on a woman with a child.
So this is going to be a time where you have to concentrate on YOU and your little one.
Remove the idea of finding a mate ... at least for now.

In the mean time ...
Join some groups.
Single parents
Parents without partners
Night school courses that interest you, or help you upgrade your education
Exercise classes
Hicking

There is so much that you can do!

You go girl!
I'll cheer you on!
 The_Gamer_Girl
Joined: 11/9/2010
Msg: 13
Cant find a date
Posted: 6/26/2011 6:06:12 PM
I tried all kinds of therapy and went to people who say they can help you with these problems and it just don't work. I feel sometimes in my life my friends don't even like me and its the town. Here leads to so much harassment and so much hate its starting to make me feel I have no choice but to date on the net. I mean I go out and people whisper when they get a look at me. Yes I have my hair cut short and I have odd things done to my body like tattoos and piercings in the Most awkward of spots but that's just who I am. I am really kind and caring and really loyal all though I am 19 and most of you say I am not ready for the long term yet I am sure in my heart mind and soul I am. yes I know it seems its kinda high of me to want a solid good relationship right now but I want to find the right guy start off slow with the going for coffee or a movie as a friend and then progress from there or even go to the bar have a couple of drinks and listen to the music playing and dance and have some fun.

found someone I want to be with in church but you know me being shy and worried I will get turned down because I am not how most girls look makes me debate with myself about telling him how I feel. I asked him to coffee to get to know him but were both busy with school and work and me trying to get funded for school that we both had to postpone going out to talk.

any advice for this. and Also should I bring my little one to church I know some of my friends who are not all that much older then me bring their kids along.
 bmeerbott
Joined: 12/3/2007
Msg: 14
Cant find a date
Posted: 6/26/2011 6:07:17 PM
just be yourself hun. i have been on here since 2007 and no matter if i get a message or a view i now that the person for me is out there. if you start showing insecurities in yourself it will start showing in your attitude ( the way you talk and message people).
don't try changing your profile just the way you react to new people. remember that you are single now(with a child yes) but it is like being 17 all over again. just try to get out and have fun not just looking for a long term companion(that takes time)
 The_Gamer_Girl
Joined: 11/9/2010
Msg: 15
Cant find a date
Posted: 6/26/2011 6:11:29 PM
Okay all this support and Advice makes me feel like I am missing out on what a true family is supposed to do. I don't feel I can talk to my parents or grandparents and hearing all this makes a lump appear in my throat and tears come to my eyes.

I came here looking for support and Advice. Certainly not pity
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 16
Cant find a date
Posted: 6/26/2011 6:12:00 PM
First off quit using rape as an end all excuse!! I say this from experience.
If you still have issues with it (which is normal) then do something about it.
Therapy, counseling...ect.
After that quit trying to be someone or everyone that you're NOT!!
Fix those two things and concentrate on your child. You are NOT emotionally ready to date PERIOD.
UkrainianSensation is not trying to be rude... she's telling you the straight up truth weather you want to hear it or not. As far at the comment about morals....She's just saying it like a guy your age would see it. Do you understand the difference?
Get yourself together!!
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 17
Cant find a date
Posted: 6/26/2011 6:17:14 PM

I came here looking for support and Advice. Certainly not pity

You're getting advice. If you don't want pity (like that would happen here) then quit whining and LISTEN. Don't just read the words... pay attention.
 The_Gamer_Girl
Joined: 11/9/2010
Msg: 18
Cant find a date
Posted: 6/26/2011 6:22:38 PM
Autism makes it quite hard to get a message sometimes.....and that is no excuse you might wanna look it up before you freak out at me for saying "stop using rape or disabilities as excuses" Having smaller details like that would make life more easy on people.
 bmeerbott
Joined: 12/3/2007
Msg: 19
Cant find a date
Posted: 6/26/2011 6:23:25 PM
it's not pity Hun, it is simply advise from friends that you do not know and don't know you. no matter what your past may be always be yourself. and please .....your parents and grandparents are always willing to help with advise.
 The_Gamer_Girl
Joined: 11/9/2010
Msg: 20
Cant find a date
Posted: 6/26/2011 6:32:51 PM
It seems like my nan don't want to listen when I have problems and she thinks Buying me things is showing me that she "Cares" my mom I don't know how to tell her. I guess where I have Autsim I find it so hard saying "Hi mom can I talk to you....I am having a bad day for such and such a reason."

All my life I been hiding my problems and not telling anyone but the air around me thinking well if I talk to people that are not there maybe I will feel better. I try talking to my friends but for some reason I choke on the words that need to be said but when I am completely alone or talking to someone on the computer I find it so easy to get things off my mind.
 bmeerbott
Joined: 12/3/2007
Msg: 21
Cant find a date
Posted: 6/26/2011 6:50:09 PM
when you start choking on your words with your mom don't stop. it's just your emotions trying to come out and you need to let them. bottling them up will only make you sick. believe me, you have let go and just say what you have to say or you will never be happy or healthy, and you need to make sure that you can teach your child everything you learn. if you let go with your emotions your mother will know and remember what she needs to do.
i pray you find what you need
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 22
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History
Cant find a date
Posted: 6/26/2011 7:23:31 PM
Have you been in the maritimes your whole life? You are you new there?
 The_Gamer_Girl
Joined: 11/9/2010
Msg: 23
Cant find a date
Posted: 6/26/2011 7:43:41 PM
I been In Newfoundland all my life. The same old thing is getting boring to me and I guess it can set me back as well. when I get one of my novels sold I plan on taking my family to some place nice to just experience something new maybe a change in what I am seeing everyday will make me feel better as well.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 24
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History
Cant find a date
Posted: 6/26/2011 7:47:53 PM
My family is from there too.
You have to try and find joy in your day. Do something different, read something different, perhaps going to church with your baby will help.
 lubdub_lubdub
Joined: 6/21/2011
Msg: 25
Cant find a date
Posted: 6/26/2011 8:11:00 PM

I tried everything from being a girl with a bunch of Confidence in herself from a shy girl who needs to feel protection from a guy to Loving and caring to a hard to get girl and none of these approaches work.

Guys generally don't really want to date Sybil.


What do I do to make any guy out there want to talk to me and be friends with me and maybe something more?

Maybe stop approaching it how you think they want you to be, be yourself, and find enjoyment in talking to them rather than waiting for them to talk to you?


I wanted advice not assumptions.

Advice on what?
No one here knows you.
You think a paragraph, maybe even 2, can tell anyone enough so they can pinpoint with laser accuracy how you need to change your entire life? Assumptions have to come with the territory.


I just find it disturbing nobody wants to talk to me and they all ignore me when I try to talk to them and get to know them as friends or something more.

Ohhhhh, I see.
So is this another one of those "those I like don't like me, the ones that like me I don't like" threads?


I tried all kinds of therapy and went to people who say they can help you with these problems and it just don't work.

So what do you expect to get from the opinions of average, non specialized in emotional or psychological therapy or understanding, everyday people that have never met you in their life?
Can you see why people take this as a troll for pity and attention?

If some girl came up to you on the bus and said "I was raped and have a kid. No one likes me no one will talk to me no one will date me. I've tried therapy, it didn't work. I've tried adopting the personalities that I think people want me to be, that didn't work. Nothing works. What should I do?" What would your reaction be?


I have odd things done to my body like tattoos and piercings in the Most awkward of spots but that's just who I am.

When did odd things being done to you become who you are?
You are who you are despite what other people do to you.
All you've done is pay people to mutilate you.
Is that who you are?


most of you say I am not ready for the long term yet I am sure in my heart mind and soul I am

So what's the point in actually giving you advice when you won't listen to it, or simply dismiss it?
So basically paid opinions and therapy didn't work, so you seek out free unprofessional ones?


All my life I been hiding my problems and not telling anyone

Welcome to the human race.


when I am completely alone or talking to someone on the computer I find it so easy to get things off my mind.

Ohhhhh, I see.
You feel a lack of control over your life. You like to play the victim.
That's why you enjoy coming to a highly controlled environment where you feel you can control who you interact with and how you interact with them and how they can perceive you. You get to make it all about you alone.
Okay. That makes the original question so much more easy.

So

What do I do to make any guy out there want to talk to me and be friends with me and maybe something more?

Cleavage and ass shots.
And then when guys come after you, you can call them jerks and after only one thing.
Because all you are really seeking is attention and to control the relationship to what you want. And that's how you do it. You imply you will give certain guys what they want, so they will come here and give you what you want. Then when you get what you want you can go back to playing the victim, blaming them, and in a couple days, weeks, months, you can start another trolling, pity, redundant thread about why guys only want sex, where are all the good ones, etc. and get people to say "there there honey, it's okay, everything will be all right, yes, here's some validation, you are smart enough, good enough, and gosh darn it, people should like you."
All with the added benefit of being able to avoid having to really give up or change anything or listen to anyone at all, you can just get what you want and it's their fault for doing so.

Easy.
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