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 sex_cee_bbw
Joined: 4/10/2011
Msg: 1
started out as just sexPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
ok I got online to get laid and found a guy, we had sex right away we only talked a few weeks on the phone. The sex was incredible and we have been having it for a year, we both are still online but do not admit to having sex with others (but I think so).

Anyway the point is after all of this time having great sex together we have gotten to know each other and have a great time together (mostly having sex though) I really want to take this further is that even doable? and how?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 2
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History
started out as just sex
Posted: 6/28/2011 8:30:51 PM
It's something that can work if you both feel the same way, but if he doesn't, then you will have to forget the idea. How do you do it, you tell him the truth.
 lubdub_lubdub
Joined: 6/21/2011
Msg: 3
started out as just sex
Posted: 6/28/2011 8:33:15 PM

I really want to take this further

Why?


is that even doable?

Unless you believe in conspiracy theories men have walked on the moon.
You think it's impossible to simply redefine a relationship?
It's doable.
Probably not advisable.
And it's going to be even more difficult than starting a whole new relationship.
Simply because all of the boundaries and expectations you have now that you don't even realize you have need to be reset and redefined, with the old ones discarded and forgotten.
Basically the same thing as your mom coming home and saying "I'm going to be your father from now on. If you in any way treat me like your mother, I am going to shoot you in the head."


and how?

First off you probably have to talk to him about it.
See if he is interested in going "further."
And then you have to ask yourself "is he just telling me he does want to go further (assuming this is what he says) or is he buying time to keep the sex going, and to keep me from judging him?"
And then you have to talk to him about that.
Basically you have to relearn everything, question everything a couple of times, spend tons of time together and basically stifle each other.

Although I have to say I found this absolutely hysterical

I got online to get laid ...we only talked a few weeks on the phone...we had sex right away

You got online to get laid...you met a guy...talked to him for weeks on the phone...and then had sex and you think it was right away. So basically you took weeks to do something that should have (and could have) taken a couple hours at most, and feel like you went fast. Do you work at the DMV?
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 4
started out as just sex
Posted: 6/28/2011 8:33:34 PM
yes it is do able but yeah you'd have to talk to him on it tho. Be honest with yourself.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 5
started out as just sex
Posted: 6/28/2011 8:35:36 PM
Anything is doable doesnt mean its going to happen, why not talk to him about it and take his temperature on it .

I just looked your profile and I think probably he's not taking you serious, I know I wouldnt.
 AlreadyTakenBootboy
Joined: 11/5/2009
Msg: 6
started out as just sex
Posted: 6/28/2011 8:41:55 PM
tell him how ya feel, and if he feels the same bloody way, then go to the next level.... and i fhe if he doesn't.... move on.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 7
started out as just sex
Posted: 6/28/2011 8:54:18 PM
Anything is doable doesnt mean its going to happen, why not talk to him about it and take his temperature on it .
It's only doable if you are BOTH on the same page. The reason these things never work out in the long run is because one person usually want to move it to a relationship(this time it's you)because the are now emotionally involved.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 8
started out as just sex
Posted: 6/28/2011 9:01:30 PM
Yes it is doable. DO IT. Forget all this nonsense about talking to him and such. The BS that has been showered on him up to now will only muddy the waters.

Look... YOU ARE THERE! All that remains is that you acknowledge it. With all the lame "we gotta talk" propaganda going around out there, he might not fully realize it as you certainly don't. Plant your flag and get it moving. Start calling him your boyfriend to other people (because he is). At first he might be taken a little aback, only because he probably hasn't given it any thought. He will warm to it. The chances of him responding indignantly are remote. If he does then you misjudged the situation. Don't give him a chance to waffle just consider it fact and operate on that basis.
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 9
started out as just sex
Posted: 6/28/2011 9:23:33 PM
If you've been sleeping with this man for a year, you are already in a relationship...sexually at least. I think once the sex is covered, the romantic aspect might be gravy.
 Sportsfreak89
Joined: 12/28/2010
Msg: 10
started out as just sex
Posted: 6/28/2011 9:48:44 PM
There's no doubt in my mind it can be done. It's going to take work, communication, and a diversification of activities. It takes more than a good sex life to have a relationship even though a healthy sex life is a key part of a good and healthy relationship.
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 11
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History
started out as just sex
Posted: 6/29/2011 2:46:35 AM
Hey, never say never.

But if all you've enjoyed is a physical connection, and now you want to open up the intellectual and emotional components, too ... well, make sure you're compatible and have the same goals. It can be challenging to change a relationship so dramatically.

Personally, I've never seen a relationship start in sex and evolve into something greater. One parter typically likes the casual nature and doesn't want to rock the boat.

Me? I maintain that casual sex should be called "casualty sex" because someone always gets hurt.
 xox_renegade_angel_xox
Joined: 3/14/2009
Msg: 12
started out as just sex
Posted: 6/29/2011 4:50:32 AM
That's no easy task, but I won't say it can't happen! Just be really careful trying to redefine the parameters of the relationship that already exists, in trying to create what we want a relationship to be there is the slight possibility that we end up pushing away the ones we care about....

but then if that turns out to be the case, maybe it was only meant to be fulfilling sex for a time and it's a sign of now needing more something more solid because we've grown and we move on....

Good Luck!
 Skotch
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 13
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History
started out as just sex
Posted: 6/29/2011 5:39:49 AM

Plant your flag and get it moving. Start calling him your boyfriend to other people (because he is). At first he might be taken a little aback, only because he probably hasn't given it any thought. He will warm to it. The chances of him responding indignantly are remote.

Somewhat sleigh of hand, this might actually work. He will probably be "taken aback" but hell, if he has that much problem with it he'll bring it up with you and have "the talk". Otherwise he's just gunna have to say to himself, "really wasn't sleeping with anyone else anyway, so why not?"
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 14
started out as just sex
Posted: 6/29/2011 6:08:35 AM
It can be done, but never assume you are 'in a relationship' and make any choices thinking you are in one when the man has not at least verbally agreed to it. You did say you believe he has been having sex with others and my dear, that is not a good foundation to assume you are in a relationship from. The only way to truly flush out his needs and wants is to be an adult and tell him what you want and hope he agrees.
 Kitten189
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 15
started out as just sex
Posted: 6/29/2011 6:14:56 AM
Sorry,Op,but im going against the grain here in guessing its not going to become anything more coz i figure it would've already happened by now.
I mean,has *HE* made any indications towards you that he'd like 'more?
I'll bet he's more than happy with the status quo.

The only way you're going to find out is to ask him.
Good luck!
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 16
view profile
History
started out as just sex
Posted: 6/29/2011 6:28:25 AM

You got online to get laid...you met a guy...talked to him for weeks on the phone...and then had sex and you think it was right away. So basically you took weeks to do something that should have (and could have) taken a couple hours at most, and feel like you went fast. Do you work at the DMV?




Well said, lubdub. I noticed that little discrepancy myself.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 17
view profile
History
started out as just sex
Posted: 6/29/2011 6:51:58 AM
"If you are looking to hit it and quit it that is ok"

Quite a profile you got there 'mam. A man will take you far more seriously when you conduct yourself that way.
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 18
started out as just sex
Posted: 6/29/2011 7:23:35 AM
if you make yourself even more available for sex than you already are, the amount of time that you spend together going at it like minks may sort of just naturally spill over into other areas of your life.... eating, sleeping, shopping, talking, taking a shower, watching a movie, visiting the doctor, reviewing the test results, sharing the antibiotic prescriptions, whatever! that way, the only thing that really stands between you and a real relationship is how you define "further".
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 19
started out as just sex
Posted: 6/29/2011 7:44:48 AM
Hmmm ... maybe in between one of those "hit it and quit it" episodes you could try talking to the guy and see if he's interested in something more?
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 20
started out as just sex
Posted: 6/29/2011 8:34:43 AM
Caution :

Chemistry in the bedroom doesn't equate to potential for a great relationship AT ALL !

Isn't it interesting how people usually get along great when they're having sex ?


I think once the sex is covered, the romantic aspect might be gravy.


I had to let 2 of the most amazing lovers go because the "gravy" was too lumpy !

 mr_ultimo
Joined: 6/26/2011
Msg: 21
started out as just sex
Posted: 6/29/2011 11:34:41 AM
Not gonna happen. If you want the real thing, you're going to have to work at reinventing yourself first. And lay off the sex. Good luck, though.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 22
started out as just sex
Posted: 6/29/2011 11:54:38 AM
But of course it's possible!

In order to have this happen, you need to talk to him about yourself and NOT himself. So forget about asking him how he feels about you or where he would like this to go as, you should simply be honest and upfront about it with him.

So to take it to the next level, approach him and tell him how you felt about him in the beginning and how that had seemed to change and evolve over time. Explain to him how you now feel and what you would be ready to do in your arranement with him.
 livluv1
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 23
started out as just sex
Posted: 7/1/2011 9:29:47 AM
I read your profile. REALLY!!! ok I'm old school and have at least some morals. Any way, You still have your profile up. And if he is still on line, wellll come on, I'm sure you are getting all kinds of "hits" If I was going to do what you are doing or at least was doing, ( I assume that from what you said) you should have made some money at it. I would also think, if I was him that is what you are doing "hitting it and quiting it" wow talk about STD" !!

I quess anything is possible, but yes, but you will have to talk to him about it and you might not like what he tells you. Sorry!! I quess I wouldn't get my hopes up on this turning into a real relationship but humans do all kinds of things and except all kinds of things. Could be why we get hurt so much!!

Why do we think sex is just a game? Not that I haven't played it once or twice (the game) but the problem with this FWB or just casual sex someone always gets hurt unless it is just a one time thing or maybe real quickie, like wham, bam.. But if you get to know the person, then someone always gets hurt. Now if you are saying no I've had relationship with just sex and friends, and It was good and everything was fine, well then you are not the one who got hurt! Even if they don't tell you they are hurt just like this lady.

Sex is the only time a human becomes one with that person, when it involves love you feel it in your heart and it is wonderful. Not saying that its not wonderful when no love is involved because it is. But if there is no connection what so ever then it might have been good for that very short time but the heartache can last a very long time when it is over or the disappointment.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 24
started out as just sex
Posted: 7/1/2011 2:31:12 PM
What I'm wondering is, if you've been together for over a year with great sex and companionship... you seem happy enough that you want more -- but what is it you want to change? Seems pretty good to me. I guess that might be his concern, too.

I think you need to be specific about what is it you want that you're not getting now.

Otherwise, why fix what isn't broken?
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 25
started out as just sex
Posted: 7/1/2011 4:12:27 PM
Your screen name screams "I want something serious" NOT
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