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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Social Media...why do they do that???      Home login  
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 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 1
Social Media...why do they do that???Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
So you meet a guy online, send out links for social media and then start talking about meeting.

You notice other unattached ladies are posting comments on their social media site that seem to be very much an indication that they feel they are *involved; but it is mainly one-sided comments.

So when you click on the photos of the females...you find picture of the guy you have been talking with in lady's profile; (not a picture of the two of them but where the guy main profile picture has literally been copied and uploaded it into photos).

I have seen this with two different guys done by three different females. I understand the females are so desperate and needy they are trying to pretend that person is in fact a bigger part of their life than they are; and a normal sane woman wouldn't do that.

The guys are flattered and using it as a ego boost and say...oh yea the girls love me!

I say the lady is a dangerous obsessed flake who isn't wrapped that tight and for a guy to continue encouraging them shows a lot about their need for ego boost and attention.

I know if some guy uploaded my pictures into their photos without explaining why I would block them in a heart beat. Especially if it was someone I had never met face to face!

So why do they do that? Am I wrong to feel someone with that great a need for attention is a bad candidate for dating?
 UglyFroggieCritter
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 2
Social Media...why do they do that???
Posted: 6/28/2011 11:32:23 PM
If someone's self-worth is based on how many people they have hanging all over them on a social (cough cough) networking site, then yeah, no....not a good candidate for dating, in my books (cough cough) anyway.

Unless I was thirteen, then I'd be all over that.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 3
Social Media...why do they do that???
Posted: 6/28/2011 11:58:29 PM
How is this any different from women cut-and-pasting their boyfriend's head into the groom photos in wedding magazines?

Really -- women spend a dozen years practicing domestic life before they decide which man the trap will be sprung on.

What you see on those sites is probably as harmless as 5-year olds playing with a plastic tea set.

Next you will tell us you are "shocked, shocked" that your date had girly magazines under his bed in a shoebox.

O.M.G.
:0
 CallmeKen
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 4
Social Media...why do they do that???
Posted: 6/29/2011 12:09:29 AM
So why do they do that?

With real life, we as a culture have developed a complex system of do's and don'ts over hundreds of years (in the case of Europe, much longer). Nobody will cart you off to jail if you don't say, "Please," and, "Thank you," but you will be considered rude.

Online culture, especially involving social media, is only what? 20 years old? We (the huddled online masses) still trying to work out, and get everyone to agree on, what's rude and what's polite. So please don't be too upset when they act rudely on social media.

Am I wrong to feel someone with that great a need for attention is a bad candidate for dating?

You are not wrong to feel that anyone is a bad candidate for dating. It's your body, and your mind, and as a divorced guy, I'm certainly no expert on how to choose a mate. All I can suggest is, don't have so many conditions that you rule out everyone. That road leads to sitting alone in a room surrounded by cats.


you are "shocked, shocked" that your date had girly magazines under his bed in a shoebox.

Hey! How did you find out about my shoebox?
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 5
Social Media...why do they do that???
Posted: 6/29/2011 3:12:07 AM
I've seen men.. ok boys, do it too, although I do see more girls that do that.
The word psychotic comes to mind.
Definitely not dating material, unless of course they like drama.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 6
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Social Media...why do they do that???
Posted: 6/29/2011 3:40:00 AM
There are two parts to your concern: the women who the guy has dated, who are acting out in this silly way, and the reaction of the GUY, who you are considering dating yourself.

The only part that matters is the second one. In your post, it seems that you have strong doubts about the guys sense of value, since he has not made the effort to DELETE those dumb pictures from his 'social website.'

I don't have a judgement about such a guy myself, because though I do have a facebook and myspace thing set up, they are ONLY so that I can communicate with my sons, who prefer them to regular email. I can't even figure out how to send someone a message from there, less how to clean out the garbage outsiders post on my "wall." I HATE both those 'social media' sites, BECAUSE they are so hard to manage.

If your guy has the same problems with them that I do, he might be alright, and you might be "looking for trouble," to make yourself feel that you are appropriately protecting yourself. If he actually DOES get off on having a bunch of silly crap like that there, then you have to decide that this makes him "cute" to you, and not childish and egotistical, or you may as well dump him.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 7
Social Media...why do they do that???
Posted: 6/29/2011 4:15:26 AM
The process of being added to someone's social site as an 'expected' and rote next step in the communication process, much less seeing the flow of women on there, is about as high school as it can get.
I wouldn't be communicating with anyone who asked me to be linked to a social site, off site IM, etc.
I would question the motives and maturity of both people participating in that junior ritual.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 8
Social Media...why do they do that???
Posted: 6/29/2011 7:43:31 AM
For a man around my age to be engaging in social media, I would say he is not mature.

Facebook is for the younger crowd.

Sure I have one, but that is how I keep tabs on my kids and grandkids ... not men.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 9
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Social Media...why do they do that???
Posted: 6/29/2011 8:04:32 AM

sowrite:
The process of being added to someone's social site as an 'expected' and rote next step in the communication process, much less seeing the flow of women on there, is about as high school as it can get.




I did a quick check on the OP's profile -- 52 years old, and you are obsessing about Facebook? Seriously?
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 10
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Social Media...why do they do that???
Posted: 6/29/2011 8:07:55 AM
This is another reason social media is dangerous and not under the control of your own self.... remember how gossip in high school affected a persons friendship/dating prospects... well social media is the same but also has criminal and career implications as well...
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 11
Social Media...why do they do that???
Posted: 6/29/2011 8:39:39 AM

How is this any different from women cut-and-pasting their boyfriend's head into the groom photos in wedding magazines?

Really -- women spend a dozen years practicing domestic life before they decide which man the trap will be sprung on.

What you see on those sites is probably as harmless as 5-year olds playing with a plastic tea set.

Next you will tell us you are "shocked, shocked" that your date had girly magazines under his bed in a shoebox.

O.M.G.


I think what you said about the maturity level (in my own opinion saneness) of a person who would play make believe is correct.

Harmless I totally disagree ; based on personal experience with how some women who were obsessed with my ex-boyfriend and what male friends have told me about some of the women they have met. I think some men think that if a woman is Long Distance they are safe but I know three who came home to find a girl they were talking with long distance standing on their front door.

If my date had *girly magazines under his bed I would be no more *shocked than he would by what's in my nightstand! What a person uses for *fantasy is their business; but when that fantasy starts taking over reality and people start pretending involvement that is not real then you are messing with loony tunes.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 12
Social Media...why do they do that???
Posted: 6/29/2011 8:43:43 AM

've seen men.. ok boys, do it too, although I do see more girls that do that.
The word psychotic comes to mind.
Definitely not dating material, unless of course they like drama.


Thank you that makes sense, some people like chaos in their live, they thrive on it ...it makes them feel alive so for a person to engage individuals who they know aren't mentally stable and led them would show a general lack of concern for the person who is unstable.

He is totally disregarding her feelings for him and using it to feel better about himself. (not that we don't all do that in some ways).
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 13
Social Media...why do they do that???
Posted: 6/29/2011 8:51:42 AM

The process of being added to someone's social site as an 'expected' and rote next step in the communication process, much less seeing the flow of women on there, is about as high school as it can get.
I wouldn't be communicating with anyone who asked me to be linked to a social site, off site IM, etc.
I would question the motives and maturity of both people participating in that junior ritual.


^^that is a personal opinion, mine is that my family, friends (over 40 men/women from the POF forums) and some really awesome individuals I have never met but have grown to appreciate their insight into the world (after you block all the games etc it stops being annoying).

On social media you have more information about who someone is, how they interact with their friends and family. I joined to keep in touch with my family in a different state but it grew from there.

Online is a tool you can use to find out information about people, you can use it or not use it; again it is a personal choice but to condemn others for their choice cause it is different from yours is a bit harsh wouldn't ya say?

I had met the guy thru mutual friends not on this site, he was the one who requested to be friends on Facebook.
 vnufall
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 14
Social Media...why do they do that???
Posted: 6/29/2011 9:03:21 AM
i'm a 56 yr old woman and i'm on facebook...i like to argue political issues at the local and national level. my facebook is not left open...i have to decide who i want to friend, it just makes it easier to deal with crazies. i have never used it to scope out men, but any men who know me on there are perfectly aware of my political leanings. i never pay attention to other peoples friends male or female...i guess i just don't care at this point in my life...lol.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 15
Social Media...why do they do that???
Posted: 6/29/2011 9:07:41 AM

If your guy has the same problems with them that I do, he might be alright, and you might be "looking for trouble," to make yourself feel that you are appropriately protecting yourself. If he actually DOES get off on having a bunch of silly crap like that there, then you have to decide that this makes him "cute" to you, and not childish and egotistical, or you may as well dump him.


No he is quite skilled in his abilities on Facebook and has even given me pointers about it.

I'm not looking for someone who thinks it is cute to encourage women to have false expectations; when he had failed to *appear online to chat with her but posted a general statement she immediately flamed his page with "why are you hiding from me" ..."I have been worried about you since we hadn't spoken tonight" etc. Right or wrong this woman feels this man and her are involved. I also feel that her posting this type of comments are her way of telling other women of their involvement. He had the choice to delete her comments but chose to leave them for others to see.

(added note for those who want to read into this etc) when you post a status update it and any comments that others make about it shows on your newsfeed. The urgent tone of her comments to him was what alarmed me since he and I were suppose to have gone on a date Sunday but I had to cancel due to my power being out. He is recently (less than 2 months) out of a 6 year relationship and I think he is just being a kid in a candy store. I think it might be better to let him calm down a bit and get over all the attention of being *fresh meat (his words).

I wasnt looking as much as what to do with this situation as much as to why a person would want someone obsessed with them? To me it is super creepy and I cant understand the benefits.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 16
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Social Media...why do they do that???
Posted: 6/29/2011 11:09:30 AM
I would have to know first, if the ladies are desperate for the man's attention or if they are falling for his lies and haven't yet found that he's saying the same things to several women. As to why they have his picture on their network sites, I see that as a teenager who got a can of beer and holds it up for all to see...Look at me, I got one! Who knows really, I may find some women's actions to be pathetic but they may well think the same of me. I really can't tell if I don't know them. My kids and my grandchild are the only reason I have a social network, I don't display pictures of men, so I'm just not in that league.

To be catty, what cracks me up is when you see profiles where guys have posted pictures of show girls, stray women in bars, the waitress, the stripper, their cousin or other relatives, posing with them and think that women are looking at profiles to find men already attached. If I was looking for a man to date, the last thing I would post in my profile is me with a man, how would that attract someone???
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 17
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Social Media...why do they do that???
Posted: 6/29/2011 4:48:24 PM
I'm sorry, I'm a little confused.

Clarification, please.

You are finding some of these lady friends of your male friend..have taken one of his photos, and (for lack of better words), photoshopped that onto theirs to make it seem like the photo was the two of them together?

Did I get that right? Hmm..if so, that is strange.

And, I don't know, but why do "I" think this was done by the male in this situation to make it seem like he has lots of females after him?

Again, I don't know why, but that's the first thing that popped into my head, was it the guy making these lady friends up and making these photos up himself?

I think I confused myself.. Who's on First?
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 18
Social Media...why do they do that???
Posted: 6/29/2011 5:03:39 PM
2 things.

1) He's single....you are single....you haven't even yet dated.
So unless you do....
you can't hold what a single guy does to cure his singleness against him.

Date him and then get him to change his frickin page.

That a single guy gets hit on online shouldn't surprise you.
That they swap pictures and such shouldn't either.
Face it. You got competition.
Same as us.
deal with it.
same as we do.

2) Unless you snoop for currentness and his online activity,
most of what happens on FB or myspace stays there.
so could be outdated.

I have pictures and flirts on myspace from years ago from women who
are probably married by now. too lazy to delete em. Don't check that
site much anyways.

In FB I rarely accept invitations from a woman I am dating, unless serious.
And if we break up, then I don't really delete her or her stuff.
We're just friends. so why do so?
(Now if she defriends me, then I do delete her stuff out of politeness.)

Social media isn't just for the young.
Alot of women I know use it and expect me to if I date em.
So I do.

You can stay with your horse and buggy ways,
or get with the program.

You can't hold what a guy does online against him.
unless dating him.
I throw a penalty flag on that.
 Laha Math
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 19
Social Media...why do they do that???
Posted: 6/29/2011 5:28:08 PM
Hey! I'm a senior citizen and I'm on Facebook which I find very entertaining, moreso than PoF forums. I've perusaded PoF women to join Facebook to exchange messages with their family and friends. PoF has categories for people who are just looking for friends and activity partners and is not so different from Facebook in that respect. I graduated university in 1971 in math and computing and have been part of the continuing evolution of computers and computer usage. I joined PoF to examine it as an other computer application, not for dating.

Computers are like telephones and CB radios before them. People act differenlty on the telephone and on CB radios than they do face-to-face. It's the same with the Internet. It's a virtual world out here where people can live out their fantisies and adopt personas they can't face-to-face. We're all still getting used to it and exploring it's possibilities, both practial and entertaining. Anonymity is one of the attractions of online dating, and why so many people don't show up for dates or disappear after 1-2. It's 'way more fun to imagine dating than to actually do it. Some people get more carried away with such nonsense than others. I find people to be hilarious and endlessly entertaining. Hurray for the Internet!

OP: I wouldn't get too upset with people acting out their preferences and fanatsies online.You and I don't know what it means to be "involved" with someone online or even to have someone on your PoF "favourites" list. Websites encourge all kinds of participation. Anything to attract people and give their information to online advertisers. Have fun with it.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 20
Social Media...why do they do that???
Posted: 6/29/2011 5:44:47 PM
People copy and steal pictures and add them to thier own pages...because they like the picture.

Plain and simple.

If the man doesnt mind that women like his picture, and he knows they have a copy of it, it is his business. As long as you are not in it, it is none of your business.

As soon as you upload an image of yourself onto he net, it is public, like it or not. Even if they didnt take a copy for themselves, they could flip through his profile a zillion times a day and stare at it.

Personally, I would not like if one of my friends just took an image of me without asking...and to my knowledge none of my friends on fb have pictures of me that they copied from my profile. Although I have had images of me 'stolen' in order to play a prank on me digitally etc...they were returned a little different in appearance...lol

I wouldnt write someone who did this off as mental or anything...I think the more people become comfortable with the net, the more lax they get about etiquett and how they are being perceived online is more likely the issue.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 21
Social Media...why do they do that???
Posted: 6/29/2011 7:51:18 PM
I didnt mean to confuse you Pingshooter.

On a social media site you have what is referred to as "your page or what facebook calls a "wall". You can post status updates (tell what you are doing, thinking, post music videos or news items...it is basically YOURS to do what you want with it). Anyone that is a friend of yours will see the things you are doing and that is done by way of what they call a "newsfeed". You do not have to go to the individual's page; it is basically what you get when you log in. (For those who feel Facebook is for youngsters, you can not be more mistaken, last year when someone let my dogs out of my pen I would have never found them except for the way everyone kept sharing the information about the dogs being missing...someone else saw a noticed that two dogs had been founds and we were happily reunited!) Facebook is a tool, i have obtain good information, people make good recommendations about local businesses etc.

So the ONE guy in question (i mentioned I have seen this done to two different men) posted a status update last night and immediately this girl started grilling him about hiding from her and how she had been worried since he hadnt been online to talk with her; facebook has a chat feature. I clicked on her profile and her pictures and in the middle of her albums (people can group things together like vacations, pet pictures, kids/family etc) she had taken the picture he was using as his profile main picture and posted it with a caption about him being her next husband. I do not believe he made the person up since they had links to other profiles as family members.

I sent him a message and he said "The girls all love me; what can I say" as an explanation.
 UglyFroggieCritter
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 22
Social Media...why do they do that???
Posted: 6/29/2011 8:03:13 PM
^^^And that's exactly why I have everything marked as private and only have a few family members and close friends who are able to see my page.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 23
Social Media...why do they do that???
Posted: 6/29/2011 8:09:33 PM
Well then there you go.
He sounds very honest online.

all the women like him don't ya know...
If you do... best stand in line.

sometimes prose says it best.
 Here_In_Florida
Joined: 4/4/2011
Msg: 24
Social Media...why do they do that???
Posted: 6/30/2011 4:42:45 AM
Facebook is for the younger crowd.
Um...not sure where you got that idea....there are people your age that are on my friends list...in fact, the site is actually used to schedule get togethers in real life.

To say people who use it is immature is way out there.

Now, that might used to be the case in the dawn of social networking, but now most anyone of any age is using it.

There was actually someone I saw on here, she seemed a little too into herself, a lot of "posed" photos of herself, she seemed very self-absorbed. Even in her profile on POF she had a link to her FB acct if you "wanted to see more of her pics". Out of curiousity, I went to the link...she must've had 100's of photos of just HER alone posing in the hallway, out by the pool, on the sofa, smelling flowers,etc she had her own little fashion show going on.

But, anyhow, social networking is what you MAKE of it really, I disagree that it would be limited to a certain age group.
 cheryl1229
Joined: 6/13/2011
Msg: 25
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Social Media...why do they do that???
Posted: 7/1/2011 3:00:35 PM
Actually, users over 50 are the largest growing segment of the facebook population. It continues to evolve, and draw even more diverse crowds.

And an earlier poster is correct--once you put a picture out there, you lose most expectation of privacy. Sounds to me like this guy is kind of low drama. So she put his picture on her facebook. Unless he asked her to, or she's saying something slanderous or libelous, laughing it off is probably the mature thing to do.

Could be worse. There's a Ghanian scammer out there using my photo for his scammy profile....and not a thing I can do to stop him. So, I don't dwell on it, and just move on.
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