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 Rozewater
Joined: 10/4/2010
Msg: 1
Men 40+ and ChildlessPage 1 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
I run into alot of men in their 40s and beyond that never had children and it always makes me wonder: What happened? Could you men in your 40s+ explain why is it you never had children (those that don't)? How and why do you think you can relate to a woman that has children? Do you think about having children when you are 50 or older or what? I assume that must cut out alot of women in their later 30s and 40s and beyond for dating.
 Spider_MacGyver
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 2
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/5/2011 6:26:12 PM
Youch, "what happened" sounds sorta like an accusation to my eyes, did you mean it like that?

What might have happened is they didn't become parents like millions do by unintentionally impregnating one or more equally un-thinking, un-safe, un-responsible sex-havers.
 Rozewater
Joined: 10/4/2010
Msg: 3
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/5/2011 6:29:35 PM
It's not an accusation. I am really curious how they missed having children or getting married. Was it on purpose - i.e., they want to be fathers at an older age or what, and what they think then of dating women who do have children. Not many 40+ women on dating sites that don't have children in my observations.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 4
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/5/2011 6:31:46 PM
It did sound odd, didn't it.

There are a myriad of reasons that 40 year old men do not have children.
Just as there are a myriad of reasons that 40 year old woman do not have children.

By trying to get an answer here ... it isn't going to help you.

There is NO SET ANSWER.

You sound like someone pissed you off, and this is the outcome.

My opinion ... choose better men.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 5
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/5/2011 6:32:31 PM
What happened?

They decided not to by being extra careful when having sex
They had themselves "fixed"
Kids are NOT their cup of tea
Their boys can't swim
They just haven't found someone who they see fit
to be the mother of their kids

Could they want to date a woman with kids?

Everybody is different

 Rozewater
Joined: 10/4/2010
Msg: 6
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/5/2011 6:34:42 PM
So, no one finds it odd then. Okay, must just be me.
 Rozewater
Joined: 10/4/2010
Msg: 7
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/5/2011 6:39:14 PM

Could they want to date a woman with kids?

Everybody is different


Hmmph, well you are no fun.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 8
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/5/2011 6:58:35 PM
"Hmmph, well you are no fun."

Yes, I've been told that!

Just think about it
depends on how old are your kids
if they are little you might get guys who don't want to deal with that
others might prefer they are still little

How well behaved are they?
My sisters tell everybody my nephews are angels, who never misbehave
WRONG! they are NOT, so that's another factor
Sometimes your children might like the guy and behave OK
but if they don't ......you know what they do.

So, is it weird that they never had kids?
Not so much.
I have never met a guy who can't hardly wait to have kids

I would be more worried if he doesn't have ANY friends
or if NOBODY in his family likes him
No kids.......not so much!

I bet you have never met one of those guys who has 5 different baby mamas?
That would scare me!
 Rozewater
Joined: 10/4/2010
Msg: 9
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/5/2011 7:10:53 PM
I would be more worried if he doesn't have ANY friends
or if NOBODY in his family likes him
No kids.......not so much!


Those are interesting comments. I wouldnt' say I worry about a guy that hasn't had kids in his 40s already. I do wonder though when they express interest that our life experiences will be quite different and possibly incompatible - yet they go on as if it's not an issue. Additionally it makes me wonder about their ability to commit and/or their degree of selfishness. It could also mean though, as you suggest, they may just be more prudent which is not a bad thing.
 Rozewater
Joined: 10/4/2010
Msg: 10
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/5/2011 7:21:55 PM

I bet you have never met one of those guys who has 5 different baby mamas?


Yikes! Uh, no wouldn't want that either. lol.
 sum1reel
Joined: 6/5/2005
Msg: 11
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/5/2011 8:23:23 PM

I am really curious how they missed having children or getting married. Was it on purpose - i.e., they want to be fathers at an older age or what, and what they think then of dating women who do have children.


Your bias is skewed by the thinking that men over 40 either should (or ought) to have kids.

Many men purposely choose NOT to have children....this is often because of job issues, school, lifestyle, economics....and child-bearing/rearing can be put on hold...remember that men don't have so-called biologic clocks like women.

secondly, don't make the mistake of thinking that these men have few women to choose from!........they have way more than you think, especially in big cities!!!!.....A single man over forty, with no kids, a good job, good health, and who is at least semi-good looking...will be able to date women MUCH YOUNGER than himself....usually somebody hotter than any contemporary....when i was 40, i would rarely consider dating any woman my age because i didn't have to.

I have nothing personal against women with kids...but believe me when i say that there are few men over 40 without kids, who aspire to date women with 1 or more kids (unless they have an incredible yearning to care and nurture young kids)...their ideal is to always find a mate who is often childless...so they could focus all their emotions on each other.......a woman with kids will always put her kids first (and so it should be), and it gets way more complicated if there is an Ex in the picture.
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 12
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/5/2011 8:32:46 PM
Not all women over 40 have children either.
Whether that's by chance or choice, that 's their problem or prerogative.

If you like them with children, there is no shortage of those, either.
Nobody is obligated to procreate.

 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 13
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/5/2011 8:41:11 PM
I know several over 40 guys who never married and never had kids.
(hey, they make great wingmen/LOL)
anyways...they just never wanted to.
They don't feel they missed out.

Guys don't have that biological clock ticking that women do.
And some guys remain teenagers till they die.
Not sure if I pity them...or envy em.
:-P

 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 14
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History
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/5/2011 9:01:54 PM
Uhm............I'm a 40+ woman that never birthed a child......
and I don't mind dating men with "grown" children.
When I was younger, I dated men with young children.
Even married a man with a young son.
Just because I didn't want any for myself......doesn't mean I don't like kids or don't mind being a part of their lives.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 15
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/5/2011 10:46:12 PM

I run into alot of men in their 40s and beyond that never had children and it always makes me wonder: What happened? Could you men in your 40s+ explain why is it you never had children (those that don't)? How and why do you think you can relate to a woman that has children? Do you think about having children when you are 50 or older or what? I assume that must cut out alot of women in their later 30s and 40s and beyond for dating.
I have to say questions like this irks me sometimes, Im one of those guys in my 40's never had children and Im not planning to have any, I have 4 godchildren, was there for their birth, did the burping, feeding, changed diapers, weekends at my place to give the parents a break, so ive been a part time dad, full time godfather.

What irks me is women like automatically assume something is wrong with us because 1) never had children or 2) never been married, look how many single dads out there, half time dads, has their kids every other weekend if at all, bitter custody battles, baby mama drama, you would think we would be consider a decent catch because we haven't been tainted by the stigma of divorced single parent and all the trappings that follows.

I something think its a insult and narrow mindedness of the person that thinks something must be wrong with the guy if he hasn't had children? do you know how many dead beat fathers and loser fathers out there?

Can a single guy relate to a woman that has children? of course, it depends on the maturity of the guy, if he's a party animal that is care free and loose, of course not, if he's mature, responsible and understands single moms are not like their single counterpart and can accept being in second position to the kids then they have a chance to succeed.
 Rozewater
Joined: 10/4/2010
Msg: 16
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/6/2011 4:49:22 AM

Your bias is skewed by the thinking that men over 40 either should (or ought) to have kids.

Many men purposely choose NOT to have children....this is often because of job issues, school, lifestyle, economics....and child-bearing/rearing can be put on hold...remember that men don't have so-called biologic clocks like women.


This is great. Thanks. Yes, I think I am skewed by the bioligical clock thing. It is a real condition and call for women, that's true and thanks for the reminder that men do not have the same condition per se. As for them seeking and getting much younger women... well, there is a saying that age is the great equalizer between men and women and that's true.

As for those that think my original post is a bit harsh, I did not mean it to be. I really honestly do wonder how and why men in their 40s+ did not have children or (many times too) did not get married at least once. And then how they relate to women in the same age range who more likely than not have had children and a marriage. It makes for two very different life experiences.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 17
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/6/2011 4:59:02 AM

I run into alot of men in their 40s and beyond that never had children and it always makes me wonder: What happened?


For both women and men, just because you are "allowed" to do something, doesn't mean you should do it!!!!! Honestly, just look at what is in the media the last day or so, and ask yourself OP, should EVERY person actually be a "parent"?????

I personally don't think so. Only problem is that those that actually chose NOT to have children are the ones that are actually THINKING about the subject, and then chosing not to do so. There are "others" that are soooo stupid they think breeding is like a 5 minute effort and that's it, so their seed is spread with no forthought on their actions.

Honestly OP, do YOU THINK that EVERYONE should have kids???????
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 18
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Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/6/2011 4:59:45 AM
There's a world of difference between someone over 40 who doesn't have children and someone over 40 who has never been married.

Having children isn't automatic when you get married. Some people choose to have children or to not have children. There are all sorts of reasons why people don't have children, and you make it sound like there's something wrong with someone who has never had children.

In my case, it's beause I married a woman who was completely self-absorbed, which included a complete lack of desire to have children. I divorced her after almost 2 years because she was impossible to live with, and quite probably cheating on me.

And at my age, I have no desire whatsoever to start making babies.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 19
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/6/2011 5:32:18 AM

There's a world of difference between someone over 40 who doesn't have children and someone over 40 who has never been married.


Not really. They are BOTH choices that we,as adults make.

I've never been OFFICIALLY been "married",yet, I have a child?????? What kinda guy does that make me????? I do know a couple things. My daugher is still part of my life,and her mother isn't.
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 20
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/6/2011 6:06:43 AM
I am really curious how they missed having children or getting married

i call it.... INCREDIBLY LUCKY or INCREDIBLY SMART.
toss a coin.


It is a real condition and call for women,

you mean like the priesthood? no it isn't. i never felt the "call" to have children, and i wasn't the first. unless you consider that fact as an opportunity to claim that i and others like me are fundamentally defective in some way. maybe we should turn in our womancards and plug up our babyshoots with concrete while we watch 20-somethings breastfeeding in restaurants and wonder what in the hell could be so wrong with us that we don't want that. ugh i think i just ruined my appetite.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 21
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Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/6/2011 6:31:34 AM
I found it really easy to get to the late 30s without having children. Divorce, 20 something career builders, globe trotting women, some 30 something women who had no idea about what they wanted or even how to choose and hold a reasonable job, women who just drifted and explored all kinds of interesting things (to them).

Easy back then to get to 40 without kids, even easier today as people are in school until 30, then can't get a good job for another decade, if at all.....

I know a few men who never wanted children, and have lived the high life and enjoy it. I know a lot more men who have had kids and struggle with finances, interpersonal stresses, support payments, medical, social and educational issues with their children, all on a daily basis.

I certainly don't regret my own offspring, but I can sure understand those who have not gotten into the biological trap. I am less able to understand those that do have kids, even although I did myself.
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 22
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/6/2011 7:15:24 AM
I can't explain "what happened", but I can tell you that my own experience with older men with no children hasn't been good. I find them selfish and totally uninterested in anything family-related. And lately I've routinely turned down guys my age with no kids for that very reason. Maybe you could accuse me of painting them all with the same brush, but like I said, I've had several experiences which has led me to realize that I don't want to be involved with someone who isn't interested in family.

But maybe the flip side of that coin is that men are able to produce children well past middle age ... not saying they should, just saying they can. And should they find themselves middle-aged and childless and they want to change that situation, there's always the hope that they'll find a younger woman who is willing to give them a child.
 mr_ultimo
Joined: 6/26/2011
Msg: 23
Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/6/2011 7:30:51 AM
Hmmm, what happened to you? You had children, married and then divorced? What's up with that? Not mature enough to follow-thru with a commitment? You see, some of us, knew not to marry when we were young and immature. Some us knew not to attempt to bring a child into the world until we had grown as individuals first. Until we had ourselves become mature. Some people just have kids for no real reason. Sure, if I had a family business then I would want to pass it on to the next generation. If I had a particular skill that set me apart from the rest of the world, then I would want to pass it on to the next generation. Unlike many people who just have kids to have kids, I feel it irresponsible to just have kids. Unlike many people, I am not lonely. I don't have a biological need to reproduce. Many out there have kids and then can't maintain their sense of self, or their relationships or have the means to bring their kids up to the highest possible standards.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 24
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Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/6/2011 8:48:28 AM
Who are you judging? Many people pass through relationships which ended for all kinds of reasons having nothing to do with commitment issues or personal maturity. Now someone has to have a "reason" to have children?

The reason to have children is that it is the solution to the fact that bodies don't last forever. Its the way life continues. It can be viewed as a selfish act in that the parents want to continue their life through the next generation, but that is an arbitrary judgment that ignores the biological imperative of survival.

I am glad you have had the kind of life that allows you to believe that everything is both controllable and under your own personal control, but its all an illusion. Born in a different place under different circumstances, and you would have a better appreciation of the realities that most people have to face.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 25
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Men 40+ and Childless
Posted: 7/6/2011 8:53:54 AM
Wow! The generalizations in this thread are very much alive and well!
What it all boils down to, for me anyway, is this....kids, no kids, never married...who cares? Is it not supposed to be all about the two people involved in the relationship and how they mesh their lives to each other's? Past should be left in the past where it belongs...If one is not mature enough to want to try a relationship without judging the why or why nots of another's past, what is the point?
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