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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Inappropriate age difference?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 2
Inappropriate age difference?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

He is 32; she is 23.


The nine years might be creepy at say.....16 or 17 and 25 or 26. But nine years isn't at their age...IMO. If maturity of the younger is not an issue.

My parents were ten years apart. I think 21 and 31.

I guess to each his own...and he knows what he would be comfortable with.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 3
Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/6/2011 10:29:47 PM
My general rule is if they're closer to my parents' age than mine, it's getting into creepy territory. That generally means I'll date up to about 12 years older than me. I do not date much younger though -- a year or two at most. I find, having been a single mom since my early 20s, that now that I'm in my early 30s, I don't have much in common with 20-somethings and so choose not to date them.

Some people use the formula of 1/2 your age plus 7 years to determine appropriateness. In your friends' case, 1/2 of 32=16+7=23 as the youngest acceptable. Ultimately though, it doesn't matter whatever formula/reason someone has for dating or who tells them it's okay, if THEY aren't comfortable with a large age difference, than nothing else matters.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 4
Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/6/2011 10:50:17 PM
That would be close to the extreme edge in my dating range of 10 years younger.
So I would not jump at the chance.
could be different tastes in everything from music to life trajectory.
could be quite a chasm to cross over.

at 32 he may want to be settling down,
yet at 23 she may not even be thinking about that yet.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 6
Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/7/2011 3:13:41 AM
I dunno, I would leave it up to him - after all, its *his choice* isn't it?
Maybe he doesn't find her particularly "mature"? I mean, at 32 he could be more looking to 'settle down' into something more serious, and if she comes across (to him) as somewhat immature and he doesn't think it'd work out (ie, a "waste of time" for him), that's his choice.

Do I think he's "right"? I dunno, I don't know either of them so it would be impossible to say from the information given. Relationships are about a lot more than age y'know. ;)
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 7
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Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/7/2011 6:56:46 AM
It totally depends on the people.

A friend of mine is 20, and her boyfriend is 29. They've been together for more than a year now, and are very happy.
Another's friends parents have a 10 year age gap, and have been married for over 20 years with several kids.

It can work, it just depends on the people.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 8
Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/7/2011 10:07:26 AM
23 and 32 well isn't that bad, it isn't the worst Ive heard , I know I wouldn't date a 23 year old if im 32, but that's me.

If they like each other and they have things in common and knows the age difference I guess its okay.
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 10
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Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/7/2011 12:51:55 PM
Personally, I don't see that it's inappropriate for a 32 year old man to be dating a 23 year old woman. But if this dude thinks it's inappropriate, if limiting his opportunities works for him, who cares??
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 11
Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/7/2011 1:58:56 PM
Was it really an age issue or could it have been a difference in maturity or experience?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 12
Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/7/2011 2:02:48 PM
You're kidding? You think a 32 yo guy and a 23 yo old woman might be too large of an age gap? When I was 33, I lived with a 19 yo gf. I personally see nothing wrong with it. If both parties are legal age and it works for them, go for it, whatever the age gap.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 14
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Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/7/2011 9:48:38 PM
If your friend is being truly rational, and not just reacting as though THIS girl is the PREVIOUS girl, then the trouble he probably has is that he perceives her MATURITY level as being beneath his. Kind of a "it's not the years, it's the mileage" sort of thing.

In a very GENERAL way, I think that the number of years between two average people that is too much, changes as they go through life. The younger you are, the more of a difference a few years life experience can make. A ten year difference when you are over 40, is probably meaningless (until one hits retirement while the other is still working their butt off). But even a FIVE year difference can be way too great when you are in your teens or twenties.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 15
Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/8/2011 8:48:35 AM
when I was 15 I wouldnt go near 13 !
Now 42/25 never happier.
sounds like he made his own decision, leave it be.
 johnnyj218
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 16
Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/8/2011 10:24:34 AM
Oh c'mon, 9 years?! That's nothing and who the hell cares? As long as she is over 18 and they get along, what is the problem? The last girl I dated was 18 years youger and we got along great. Unfortunately family pressures on her end prevented anything further. Sometimes that's the sad reality to big age differences.
 tchntm43
Joined: 11/2/2007
Msg: 17
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Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/8/2011 11:14:19 AM
As long as no age of consent laws are being broken (which is 16 in most states but 17 or 18 in others, perhaps 19 in one or two) and they are both happy, I don't really care what they do.
 myrgth
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 18
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Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/8/2011 3:10:10 PM
Considering he is the one who got cozy with her and he is the one who feels the age difference is too much - it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

It could well be that the time he spent getting cozy with her highlighted how they are in different points of time in their lives. It may not necessarily be the actual age but how she responded and acted during the time they were cozy.

Nothing wrong with a 32 yr old dating a 23 year old but the 32 yr old has to always understand that the 23 yr old is still going through life transitions and in a year or two may be a completely different person with completely different wants and needs. Perhaps he has been there, done that and doesn't want a repeat.
 jezziezen10
Joined: 8/17/2010
Msg: 19
Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/8/2011 4:35:02 PM
I think there is a double standard. Guys who are 18-20+yrs younger than me ask me out a lot. I didn't expect that...but?? I dated one guy for almost a year and hardly ever noticed the age difference. I think it depends on the people.
 tchntm43
Joined: 11/2/2007
Msg: 21
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Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/8/2011 4:50:49 PM
funny story... when I was in 6th grade there was this other student who had, uh... interesting parents. His dad was 60 and his mom was 30, both biological parents, and he was 12 at the time, so they would have been 48 and 18 when he was born. Of course, they didn't meet when he was born, so you wonder how long before that things were going on... On the other hand, they were still married after 12 years which is probably more than can be said about a lot of marriages.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 22
Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/8/2011 6:36:48 PM
When I was 32 I would never have dated a 23 year old....but now that I'm 45 I would!
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 23
Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/8/2011 6:38:32 PM

When I was 32 I would never have dated a 23 year old....but now that I'm 45 I would!

Never to old to learn, eh?
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 24
Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/8/2011 6:40:25 PM
^^^^ NOPE! ......and in a week I WILL be dating a 23 year old....it's my GF's birthday!
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 25
Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/8/2011 6:47:36 PM
Better eat your wheaties!
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 26
Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/8/2011 6:57:13 PM
I'll be eating my sweeties all right!
 johnnyj218
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 27
Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/9/2011 10:03:14 AM

When I was 32 I would never have dated a 23 year old....but now that I'm 45 I would!


Lol, my thoughts exactly and I couldn't agree more! She's beautiful bro and good luck to you guys.
 antiquities
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 28
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Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/9/2011 11:26:50 AM
Didn't seem that much of an age difference if they got on. Most probably was worried that they would be teased about the age thing rather than just seeing where it went. shame!!
 nmarty1
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 30
Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/10/2011 9:33:25 AM
Why don't you take a seat over there?
 Beachgirltoo
Joined: 2/5/2011
Msg: 31
Inappropriate age difference?
Posted: 7/27/2011 4:47:36 PM
I married a man who was exactly my age, but I never dated anyone my age before marriage or after. When I was 18 I dated a 24 year old, when I got divorced a while ago I went out with a 29 year old..quite some years younger than me, but he was mature. It definitely depends on the level of maturity and where your head is at .
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