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 riolan
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 1
Taking daughter on datePage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I'm a single father, and have recently gotten back into the dating scene. I'm very protective of my child, and don't want her meeting any and every woman I may encounter, but at the same time finding a baby sitter has proven to be very difficult. I've found a way around this, noticing that I've gravitated towards woman with children, I've found myself setting up dates for me and my daughter to meet her and her children. This seems like a pretty good idea for me right now, I believe my daughter takes it as a chance to just meet up and play with other children. Does anyone believe that me taking her on these so called "play dates" can have a lasting effect on her? If so, what other suggestions do you have of how I can work around the issue?

*** I must mention that I've only done this twice, the first time we met at the pool and let the kids swim while we talked, the second time we went to the park. Both times things seemed to go rather smoothly, I'm just concerned about the long term effects of it.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 2
Taking daughter on date
Posted: 7/11/2011 8:20:08 AM

This seems like a pretty good idea for me right now, I believe my daughter takes it as a chance to just meet up and play with other children. Does anyone believe that me taking her on these so called "play dates" can have a lasting effect on her?


Depends on how much touchy-feely your daughter sees you and your "date" doing..
If you typically take your daughter to the playgrounds so she can mingle with other kids and have fun, and you pay lots of attention to HER and not just the attractive mothers there, she will be fine..
You are correct to limit repeat exposures to only that one special woman you intend to keep around long term..
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 3
Taking daughter on date
Posted: 7/11/2011 8:32:04 AM
I think it depends on the age of your daughter (and your date's kids as well).

I doubt there would be any long-term effects from such a play date, but I'm not sure how you could progress past this rated-G scenario into something more meaningful to you.

If possible, I'd try and limit your dating to times when she's with the mother, your parents or some other relative you both are comfortable with.

Better yet, wait until she's old enough to be more independent. Many single parents make the decision to put off dating. It's something to consider at least.

Good luck.
 RachaelReverie
Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 4
Taking daughter on date
Posted: 7/11/2011 8:42:34 AM
It matters on the age of your daughter. When she gets older than 5 she will realize what is going on. If she is still younger, then yes the play date thing is okay. And it allows you to see how the date gets along with your daughter and her own children.

You have the right idea in not wanting her to meet every woman you get with because that can cause confusion. Just keep it simple. After a few play dates with the same woman, finding a baby sitter should become very required because of course it's not just all about your daughter but you need to be sure as well you want to be with this woman.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Taking daughter on date
Posted: 7/11/2011 1:28:32 PM
While I understand the difficulties presented with having children and wanting to date......
I have to wonder just how much attention can you pay to any woman when you should be keeping you eyes on your daughter??
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 6
Taking daughter on date
Posted: 7/11/2011 2:12:38 PM
^^^^^^^^I was wondering the same thing mzmicki mentions.

~OP~ I'd not have been comfortable with what you propose, but I preferred to keep my home-life and my casual dating life VERY separate. I doubt anyone knows the long-term effects this may have on your daughter, as no two children/parents or even situations are the same. I feel pretty strongly that children should be left out of an adult's social life until there is a concrete reason for said child(ren) to meet someone. I think it would be better for you to interview and find a stable baby-sitter for the times when you wish to socialize. (Certainly there MUST be a couple available/responsible high-school girls that are looking for extra cash now days???) I think you are really the ONLY one that can know how your child may or may not adjust to these "play dates" and various women/children. Good luck to ya. JMO
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 7
Taking daughter on date
Posted: 7/11/2011 3:13:49 PM
This situation reeks of desperation. It seems you're interviewing women to see what kind of mother they would be to your kid and how well they interact with your kid. And if a woman brings their kid on a date, it's the same situation-she's interviewing you to see what kind of daddy you would be for her kid(s). I thought the purpose of dating was to see how two people (the adults that are on the date) connect with each other.

I think you need to stay out of the dating game until you are able to have an adults only social life from time to time. You are being too protective of your daughter. If don't trust a baby sitter or relative or the girl's mother to look after your kid for a few hours while on a date, you've got bigger issues to deal with. You are using your child as a shield to keep people at a distance.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 8
Taking daughter on date
Posted: 7/11/2011 3:36:57 PM
Yeah, I think is a recipe for disaster

years from now " I remember my Dad taking me to meet all this ladies and their kids, The kids I met for playdate while he was talking with their Mom, would not want to talk to me ever again"
Kids are never happy to see other women but their Mom's "dating" Dad anyway

Multitasking it's great

Except when someone can get emotionally scarred for life
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 9
Taking daughter on date
Posted: 7/11/2011 4:35:48 PM
NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Hire a frickin babysitter.
If you can't afford one, stay home.

Never drag your daughter into dating situations.
It will kill it for you.
and confuse her.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 10
Taking daughter on date
Posted: 7/11/2011 5:31:11 PM
BIG FAT MISTAKE!!!!!!!!

If you can't "find" a babysitter, you shouldn't be going out. Simple, no??????

And if you want to do "play dates" for your daughter, do them FOR your daughter, not FOR you, with an added bonus for your kid.
 MsMuscleChick
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 11
Taking daughter on date
Posted: 7/11/2011 6:11:49 PM
Oh dear, this is just not right. On many levels. :: sigh ::
 Lolita_LeBron
Joined: 1/12/2011
Msg: 12
Taking daughter on date
Posted: 7/11/2011 6:25:03 PM
Wow! Desperation at its worst!
 RichenLosAngeles
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 13
Taking daughter on date
Posted: 7/11/2011 6:48:22 PM
OP, this is a serious thing, so give it some thought.
When I split from my wife, I WAS that desperate, and when I met a woman with 2 kids I hoped that they would join with my 2 kids , like the Brady Bunch. That didn't happen, but this woman was a much more responsible parent than their real mother, and we went on many group outings that were good for everyone.
In my situation, my X was (and is) a legal drug addict, taking so many pills , going to so many doctors to get more, I'm surprised that she's still living today. I said I was desperate, that's true: I was desperate for ALL of us, not just me.
We don't know your entire situation, so we can't really judge.
Just remember, you can't be bringing your kids to this woman, then another, and another.
Think it through.
 MissNoWhere
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 14
Taking daughter on date
Posted: 7/11/2011 7:49:01 PM
You say you are protective of your daughter and yet you take her on dates with you. That's a bit of a contradiction.

The best bet is to not go on group dates until you are in an established relationship, otherwise you're going to confuse your daughter.
 Spider_MacGyver
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 15
Taking daughter on date
Posted: 7/11/2011 8:50:31 PM
It sounds like you're describing first meets instead of repetitive dating and if so I applaud your creative solution.

Maybe some of the single parents who you meet but find no mutual interest in dating, could be added (cautiously and judiciously as with any stranger) to your network of people with whom you can trade babysitting favors.

Just the fact that you thought to ask this question out of concern for your daughter puts you ahead of many single parents I've seen making threads here, whose posts focus entirely upon themselves.
 riolan
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 16
Taking daughter on date
Posted: 7/12/2011 6:09:13 AM
After reading some replies I've realized my choice of words was poor. Spider_MacGyver said it best, I'm talking about first meetings. Taking my child to the park is a regular occurrence, as I'm sure many parents and single parents do. The fact that we may meet up with someone else who has children doesn't seem to be harmful. Its not like I'm at the park in front of an entire group of people groveling over some woman, its general face to face conversation.
 only1missy
Joined: 2/20/2011
Msg: 17
Taking daughter on date
Posted: 7/12/2011 6:41:11 AM
I am the type of person that must know that there something there before my kids are involved in the situation. I don't want to subject my daughters to alot of "uncle's". But this could also have its upside seeing how someone interacts with your child from the begining could be a plus. Just be carful.. OH and have fun
 newbeginnings460
Joined: 8/4/2010
Msg: 18
Taking daughter on date
Posted: 7/12/2011 9:08:48 AM
I don't see the harm as long as the kids don't know what's going on. Unless you are comfortable letting her know that these playdates are also a way for you to meet women from the internet in person. What you tell your daughter and what the other women tell their kids might be different, so I'd be careful with that. If they are old enough and your daughter is old enough, she might get information you don't want her to hear.

You don't really know how other kids will behave or how they have been brought up or what they have heard from listening to their parents or other adults around them. I understand anytime she meets kids that can happen but at least it won't be personal..."My mommy said your daddy might be our new daddy..."...you get the drift.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 19
Taking daughter on date
Posted: 7/12/2011 9:57:08 AM
You still didn't mention HOW OLD is your daughter??


You are a typical poster

You come here post a question like:
"Does anyone believe that me taking her on these so called "play dates" can have a lasting effect on her? If so, what other suggestions do you have of how I can work around the issue?"

About 20 people gave their opinions, only for you to come back and noe DEFEND and answer your own question with:


"The fact that we may meet up with someone else who has children doesn't seem to be harmful"


So, there, you got your answer

Why come here if you already knew the answer?
You don't think you are doing anything harmful and she is YOUR daughter
She'll go where you take her, so it's all good. right?

And you won't listen to what people have to say anyway
You just came here to find ONE other person who would say
Go ahead, why not?
and you found a few so you are all set......

Have many happy dates with as many different women as it takes to find ONE
you like as much as she likes you
Don't let your daughter slow you down or cramp your style
and don't mind her feelings of attachment or abandonment either
she'll get over meeting people "things just didn't work out with"

Maybe your daughter will grow up to be perfectly normal
maybe she'll be a succesful Madam

Only time will tell



 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 20
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History
Taking daughter on date
Posted: 7/12/2011 10:03:11 AM
My family life and dating life are separate and do not intertwine until I think the time is right! No one meets my son until I am ready, and I think he is ready as well, and if my dates do not understand that.....that is their problem...not mine.

I never ask to meet the family of those I date, until they ask me to do so, and then it is when the situation is conducive to meeting others that are a part of who you are dating. Maybe it is best to concentrate on the one you are getting to know, and no include the total family until you are comfortable with that one first?

cd.................................
 riolan
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 21
Taking daughter on date
Posted: 7/13/2011 4:54:35 AM
[About 20 people gave their opinions, only for you to come back and noe DEFEND and answer your own question with:


"The fact that we may meet up with someone else who has children doesn't seem to be harmful"]

Obviously you didnt read the entire question or post, but let me clear things up for you. My daughter is 3, and if you notice just as many people who say it isnt a good idea say it is. I clearly asked a question, of course I already have my own feeling about the subject. My question was will there be in long term effects, not if you feel I'm being a horrible father. But thanks for your comment anyway.
 JamesDills
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 22
Taking daughter on date
Posted: 7/18/2011 6:52:36 PM
This is only a good idea if your daughter is able to drive you home if you get too inebriated.
 north-coast
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 23
Taking daughter on date
Posted: 7/18/2011 7:02:42 PM
Not a good idea. Find a babysitter or leave your daughter with friends or relatives.
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