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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?      Home login  
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 Lilyinrain
Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 1
Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
We met online and went for a first date. He is a divorced dad of 3 teanage children and works in NYC as a Chief Technology Officer in a telecommunication company. He took me to a bar locally, despite I told him that I had been to that bar and was not particularly crazy about it. We had a few drunks and he talked both about his life and my life, we kissed.

He ended the date in about 2 hours, but saying he wanted to see me again. Meanwhile, he kissed me and almost touched me all over (we chatted online for a while about sex fantasies). But I am by no means just looking for sex and so he claimed.

After one day, he called me and said wanted to see me again. But he sounded like in a hurry and only talked for about 10 minutes. At the end of our conversation, he said "let's talk again later this week".

I was thinking, if he were genuinely interested, he would have talked to me longer after our first date.

Is he weird? Could he be just interested in sex?
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 2
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Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?
Posted: 7/13/2011 6:46:25 AM
My question is: Is he truly divorced?

This scenario has all the sounds of a guy who says one thing about his life, but lives another life entirely.

That's one of the downside's of online dating, alas. People can have entirely different interpretations of the definitions of "divorced" and "separated."
 Megan06825
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 3
Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?
Posted: 7/13/2011 6:48:57 AM

He took me to a bar locally, despite I told him that I had been to that bar and was not particularly crazy about it. We had a few drunks and he talked both about his life and my life, we kissed.

He ended the date in about 2 hours, but saying he wanted to see me again. Meanwhile, he kissed me and almost touched me all over (we chatted online for a while about sex fantasies). But I am by no means just looking for sex and so he claimed.

After one day, he called me and said wanted to see me again. But he sounded like in a hurry and only talked for about 10 minutes. At the end of our conversation, he said "let's talk again later this week".

I was thinking, if he were genuinely interested, he would have talked to me longer after our first date.

Is he weird? Could he be just interested in sex?

you answered the question yourself- he sounds like someone i once dated in NYC too, could he be the same person, LOL?
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 4
Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?
Posted: 7/13/2011 7:04:08 AM

After one day, he called me and said wanted to see me again. But he sounded like in a hurry and only talked for about 10 minutes. At the end of our conversation, he said "let's talk again later this week".

If this isn't the direction you want to go with someone new, wait for a guy that seems more interested and makes getting to know you a priority.

When I met the man I'm seeing now, we spoke several times a day -- sometimes for hours at a time. (and this all occurred before any *touching me all over* happened)

Next time, hold off on the sexual fantasy talk... or if you use that tactic to get a guy interested, don't be surprised if that is his focus and not you on a more personal level.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 5
Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?
Posted: 7/13/2011 7:06:31 AM
Could he be just interested in sex?
I'm not a mind reader I don't know if all he wants is sex. But I do know that if that's not all YOU want you need to stop sending the wrong messages to these men. Start by getting rid of that picture of you on the bed. The the next step might be NOT takling sexual fantasies online with a guy you don't know. Doing that might give the the impression that you are totally open to just sex.

And if your NOT just after sex. Maybe you might want to stop a guy from "Touching you all over" on the first date. That also might tend to give the guy the wrong impression.
 donebeingalone
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 6
Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?
Posted: 7/13/2011 7:27:00 AM
Sounds like he just wants sex, and also probably married or at the very least seeing someone else. If it wasn't just sex you's would be talking for hours about everything and anything but sex. move on your not just a stop along they way to where ever he is going!
 warren_book
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 7
Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?
Posted: 7/13/2011 7:34:00 AM

Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?

So this is another one of those
"I need a guarantee I am going to get the relationship I want from him before deciding on whether or not he is worth my time. And I have negative views of sex, so I don't want to pay him with sex until I get that guaranteed relationship I have idealized in my head" threads?


I was thinking, if he were genuinely interested, he would have talked to me longer after our first date.

What if he's thinking "hmmn...if she was REALLY interested she would have kissed me and touched me back. I can't tell, since she didn't really reciprocate, but she didn't push me away, so maybe try for a second date and then see if anything changes. And if nothing happens, she must not be interested in me."


Is he weird?

To me you are more weird.


Could he be just interested in sex?

Could be.
Could also be he's interested in you and you turn him on.
Could be he's gay and trying to prove to himself he's not, because he's afraid to be gay.
Could be lots of things.


(we chatted online for a while about sex fantasies). But I am by no means just looking for sex

Then don't have sex.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 8
Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?
Posted: 7/13/2011 7:35:40 AM
Sounds like you are giving him the go ahead for sex.

I agree with what tdh has posted.
Maybe you should go back and reread that again.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 9
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Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?
Posted: 7/13/2011 7:36:01 AM
Maybe he wants both!
Maybe he is genuinely interested......and he wants sex.
He had no reason to not touch you all over.......since you didn't stop him.

As for only talking for 10 minutes.......you did say he was a professional man......so you already know he is quite busy.
Never understood why people think everyone has the time to talk for hours on the phone......let alone even want to spend hours on the phone?!!
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 10
Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?
Posted: 7/13/2011 8:09:34 AM

I was thinking, if he were genuinely interested, he would have talked to me longer after our first date.

That ought to be a clue about what interests him and the effort he thinks it's worth.
 RazaMixta
Joined: 1/19/2011
Msg: 11
Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?
Posted: 7/13/2011 9:04:27 AM

He took me to a bar locally, despite I told him that I had been to that bar and was not particularly crazy about it.

This tells two things, one he's only interested in himself and what he wants ... and two, you need to grow a backbone, now!
The rest is ... a variation of the same.

To answer your question: yes.
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 12
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Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?
Posted: 7/13/2011 9:19:30 AM
So you chat online about your sexual fantasies and let him get touchy feely on the first date. Now you're questioning whether all HE'S interested in is sex? That's the vibe YOU are sending out, dear. If you want to keep things on the up and up, save the sexual fantasies for when...you know...you're HAVING SEX with the person. He's not the sole guilty party here, you are sending incredibly mixed messages to the poor guy.

If I had been talking to a girl online about my sexual fantasies and we didn't have sex the first time we'd met, I'd be completely confused. But you let this guy paw you so he's probably expecting sex on the next date.

Not fair for ANYBODY to say that's all he's interested in. Consenting adults mutually attracted to each other...not a crime to have your eyes on the prize (ie. the vagina) when it's being presented to you on a silver platter. Want to clear the confusion? Don't be a tease.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 13
Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?
Posted: 7/13/2011 9:20:43 AM

I was thinking, if he were genuinely interested, he would have talked to me longer after our first date.


After a first date, talking on the phone LONGER does not necessarily mean anything. You are both still at the discovery stage, and I personally would prefer to invest that time instead of on the phone, to be face to face. So my conversation with you would have been about a couple of subjects, and then set the date. And leave all the words for face to face.

I believe those long phone conversations happen after you have been intimate. After you both have opened up about your own fears, desires, family, wishes, aspirations.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 14
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Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?
Posted: 7/13/2011 10:10:34 AM
Chatting online about sex fantasies prior to meeting is about as big a red flag for someone looking for a real relationship as there is. A gentleman would not touch you all over at a first meet in public or within 2 hours. Sounds to me like he is looking for a fling or does not consider you to be a serious partner.
You can find far better then this, do not stoop to this level to get a guy. Real intimacy involves so much more than sex.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 15
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Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?
Posted: 7/13/2011 10:39:01 AM
You chatted online for a while about sex fantasies. Assuming you were a willing participant in these chats, it really surprises you that he's just interested in sex?

You might also considering removing the pic on your profile of you in a dress that barely covers your hoochie.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 16
Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?
Posted: 7/13/2011 10:42:13 AM
"He took me to a bar locally, despite I told him that I had been to that bar and was not particularly crazy about it."

Do you mean he had a gun and pointed it at you and said "YOU, get in the bar!"

In the future, if you don't want to go somewhere, just DON'T, nobody can make you do something you don't want to do

"Meanwhile, he kissed me and almost touched me all over (we chatted online for a while about sex fantasies"

Again, did he put duct tape around your wrists and told you not scream?
or Were you also, kissing him back and touching him too

"we chatted online for a while about sex fantasies"

At least you said WE on this one

"But I am by no means just looking for sex and so he claimed."

And.....you believed him?

"Is he weird?"

No

"Could he be just interested in sex?"

Yes, but his wife only lets him out on wednesday nights
so as long as you are OK with that
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 17
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Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?
Posted: 7/13/2011 10:47:27 AM

I'not a mind reader I don't know if all the wants is sex. But I do know that if that's not all YOU want you need to stop sending the wrong messages to these men. Start by getting rid of that picture of you in bed. The next step might be NOT talking sexual fantasies online with a guy you don't know. Doing that might give the wrong impression that you are totally open to just sex.
And if your NOT just after sex.Maybe you might want to stop a guy from "Touching you all over" on the first date. That also might tend to give the guy the wrong impression.


THIS IS SO TRUE, women complained that there are no good men out there, only jerks who is after sex but it is their wrong messages they are sending to the guys to see them as sexual object...> Cause and effect ..

Thank you tdh, this open our eyes what we are doing wrong.....
 Spider_MacGyver
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 18
Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?
Posted: 7/13/2011 10:54:30 AM
Hold the phone.
OP,
If this is how he acts on the very first date

He took me to a bar locally, despite I told him that I had been to that bar and was not particularly crazy about it.

it is not going to get better.

Agree with above. Don't use sex photos and sex talk to draw in the contacts then complain if they are interested in sex.
 RazaMixta
Joined: 1/19/2011
Msg: 19
Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?
Posted: 7/13/2011 2:38:05 PM
Well said slepyally!
If men are visual and mostly look at pics. might as well make that your #1 medium of communication, after all a picture paints a thousand words. In fact it holds more weight than anything you might say in your profile.
Turtlenecks... hmm jk
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 20
Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?
Posted: 7/13/2011 2:47:15 PM
I can't say after one date and a ten minute phone call.
You'll just have to do more recon on him if there is a date #2.

But as a rule...never talk sex fantasies before a date.
Even a bishop will want some if you do.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 21
Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?
Posted: 7/13/2011 3:26:28 PM

Chatting online about sex fantasies prior to meeting is about as big a red flag for someone looking for a real relationship as there is.

Not everyone who is genuinely seeking a long term committed relationship is opposed to discussing sex. I am one of those that has been blind-sided after 5, 6, 7 or even 10+ dates which finally lead to sex only to find out two things: I really liked him; there was NO sexual commonality or chemistry. It's a bloody shame when that happens, so I learned to just get to the point ~ not usually in email/text/phone, but early on for me. My SO and I had lengthy lengthy communications about myriads of sexual topics. It was mainly "clinical" in nature, but there were some fantasies divulged over time. I'm not talking about phone/text/cyber-sex, rather simply being honest/open/up-front BEFORE wasting one another's time dating only to find out we had NO real reason to date. To each their own, sex is a vital part of my life and I needed someone who was on the same page ~ I'm sure others feel the same way, even if they don't admit it here.

~OP~ Most PEOPLE are interested in sex. Whether or not this man is just seeking sex, only he knows that for a fact. The best way to figure that out is to communicate, date him and see what happens. JMO
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 22
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Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?
Posted: 7/13/2011 3:43:11 PM
My Asian nieces , putting your pictures in your profile as a SNAKE charmers to the pale and dark faces SNAKES,,,,,,,,,surely these sweet SNAKES will rise up stiff and proudly dance to ward you Snake charmers...

Asian niece calling the kettle black when she is the blackest pot lying in a lounger with a tiny cover on her crotch and breast ,her picture in a dating profile,> advice others not to make sexual innuendos to strange man, very funny...

Wise woman Vannili
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 23
Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?
Posted: 7/13/2011 4:53:33 PM
Wise woman is indeed wise, however, must not judge book by its cover...this niece does not engage in conversations about sex for she has only spread her legs for one man

And with that last prevarication, most smart Forumites will know you as that guy troll who conjured up another fake provocative pic profile to post more inanities seeking the attention lacking in his boring life..
 cashleys
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 24
Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?
Posted: 7/13/2011 10:10:37 PM
He is a sportsfisherman---out for sex, catches them then thows them back.
 beerchen
Joined: 5/9/2007
Msg: 25
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Do you think he is genuinely interested, or he just want sex?
Posted: 7/13/2011 11:31:21 PM
You might also considering removing the pic on your profile of you in a dress that barely covers your hoochie.



isn't that the truth!

let him go...its a sounding
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