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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they      Home login  
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 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 1
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I think women are more critical than men when it comes to relationships/marriage. While most men go into these things with a go with the flow mentality. Most women go in I think seeking the fairy tale they imagined all their lives. They have a definite plan and specific dreams. A few years down the road if these dreams aren't realized they wake up thinking "WTH this is not what I signed up for this is not going according to the fairy tales or the movies that I love so much". And they become disillusioned and a little less happy.

A man(simple creatures that we are) wake up everyday thinking "Well I love her today, and I will very likely love her tomorrow, so I am totally happy". But women are just so much more complex than men. They have to have a plan that stretches out well into the future. And that plan is forever being adjusted once certain goal are met. If the goals stop getting met....Whoa nelly. unhappiness tend to set in.

When it comes to relationships/marriage men mind work like they are playing checkers. While the mind of a woman works like she is a grand master in chess always planning 4 or 5 years ahead.

Do you think the expectations of women and men are totally different going into marriage/long term relationship?.

And for the love of all things holy don't think for a second I view the way a woman's mind work in this situation as a bad thing or anything negative. I honestly wish I could think things through years ahead in relationships like a woman
 Spider_MacGyver
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 2
Women are less happy than men in their marriage/long term relationships because they expected more.
Posted: 7/15/2011 4:44:41 PM
Oh, yay. Popcorn time.

Maybe people (I don't say just women) who live for their relationships and/or love to nurture can't leave well enough alone in striving for excellence.

Whereas maybe people to whom relationships are secondary or lower, seem more like "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" because the main focus is somewhere else.

vvv so it's true what they whisper 'round the campfire. Satan's a regular POF poster.
 Seakytten
Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 3
Women are less happy than men in their marriage/long term relationships because they expected more.
Posted: 7/15/2011 4:49:01 PM
I think women are more critical than men when comes to relationships/marriage. While most men go into these things with a go with the flow mentality. Most women go in I think seeking the fairy tale they imagined all their lives. They have a definite plan and specific dreams.


I agree with this statement but only with the 'baby boomer' crowd. I was born in the 50's where I was taught to be a 'candy striper' and never go for being a doctor. I was also under the impression that a man was supposed to 'take care' of his family so yes, I was highly disappointed when my 'Knight in Shining Armor' turned out to be an arrogant, narcissistic puffed up toad. *shrug*

I've since let that dream go because no one has EVER lived up to my expectations and never will. I want that castle, not a mobile home.

Ah, well. At least us Cinderelly's are making our own money, making our own decisions and not having to put up with the "Jester riding in on a donkey" in disguise of our white Knight.

Kytten
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 4
Women are less happy than men in their marriage/long term relationships because they expected more.
Posted: 7/15/2011 4:51:15 PM

Do you think the expectations of women and men are totally different going into marriage/long term relationship?.

Well, I was saving myself for the woman who deserved hell on earth, so draw your own conclusion.
 RazaMixta
Joined: 1/19/2011
Msg: 5
Women are less happy than men in their marriage/long term relationships because they expected more.
Posted: 7/15/2011 4:51:35 PM
Leaving all money aside... Women, generally speaking, personally invest themselves more into such relationships.
Perhaps because of our nature of nurturers, we have an eye for detail and an instinct to protect, and we need/look for the instinct to provide in our mates. When that formula is satisfied then there is harmony. When one of the two falters ... well, we are all too familiar with the consequences.
She supports from the inside, he supports from the outside.
Even females in other species put their males to the test, before mating, to see if he qualifies to do his part. If he does not .... next!!
Some of us girls have not been so smart.
 Vamperella
Joined: 4/27/2010
Msg: 6
Women are less happy than men in their marriage/long term relationships because they expected more.
Posted: 7/15/2011 4:55:53 PM

Do you think the expectations of women and men are totally different going into marriage/long term relationship?.


Yes...that is why the divorce rate is high.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 7
Women are less happy than men in their marriage/long term relationships because they expected more.
Posted: 7/15/2011 5:19:55 PM

Women, generally speaking, personally invest themselves more into such relationships.
Perhaps because of our nature of nurturers, we have an eye for detail and an instinct to protect, and we need/look for the instinct to provide in our mates. When that formula is satisfied then there is harmony. When one of the two falters ... well, we are all too familiar with the consequences.
She supports from the inside, he supports from the outside.
Well said, very valid points.....Welcome back you.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 8
Women are less happy than men in their marriage/long term relationships because they expected more.
Posted: 7/15/2011 6:09:19 PM
I personally think about a relationship as you described men do.

It subjective and objectifying to state that most women think of a relationship as a fairy tale.
It's been my experience with the women I know that they are quite grounded in this respect.

Pass the popcorn MacGyver ;)
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/15/2011 6:16:05 PM
Yes I think they are very different. I think many women go into a relationship thinking that their husband is going to continue to be aware of what her needs and desires are and continue to try and nurture that part of a relationship, while many men, once a relationship is established will stop the nurturing side of the courtship but still continue to expect it from his partner.

You yourself describe how many men see relationships, quite a few men seem to love to reap the rewards of a nurturing relationship yet seem reluctant to continue to invest in the emotional side. They seem to not understand that the reason the relationship is usually doing well is because their partner continues to invest in it, once she feels that her needs are no longer important, her investment wanes, then all of a sudden he cant figure out why the relationship isnt doing well. Many men will tell you that they think women are too emotional and that it is annoying, while all along they are reaping the benefits of a woman's emotional investment. Your favorite meal doesnt appear by magic....
 qwerty07110
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/15/2011 6:30:54 PM
thank you for being so inciteful... thanks
 Floramac
Joined: 7/7/2011
Msg: 11
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/15/2011 6:33:02 PM
No ...............they have more headaches,.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 12
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/15/2011 6:39:24 PM
thank you for being so inciteful

yer a riot


I have never seen any "female profile names" like Damsel in Distress, Cinderella, Snow White or Rapunzel.

How about Princess, Goddess, etc? Did you do a search by name for Cinderella? I found 50, several looking for their prince.

But seriously, is this a gender issue? Interview gay couples, male and female, and I think you'd learn otherwise.

Nevertheless… (pulls up a recliner)
 RazaMixta
Joined: 1/19/2011
Msg: 13
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/15/2011 6:42:54 PM

Yes I think they are very different. I think many women go into a relationship thinking that their husband is going to continue to be aware of what her needs and desires are and continue to try and nurture that part of a relationship, while many men, once a relationship is established will stop the nurturing side of the courtship but still continue to expect it from his partner.


Continue?? Guys this is not a put down .... I honestly don't think that men ever understood or will ever understand the needs of women! That's why we need girlfriends. Not that it's their fault, it's nobody's fault ... we are just wired so differently!
A man can read about women, study and try to understand our natures, but at best it is a distant intellectual witnessing.

In the early stages of my marriage I had to readjust my expectations when realized I was putting so much pressure on our relationship with this notion that my husband could be my best friend, like a GF .... Poor guy...

But I agree with grizzelda, when she states that often they stop nurturing the courtship side of the relationship, which we crave and is so essential! ... and yet they continue to expect it from their partner.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 14
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/15/2011 6:48:06 PM
thank you for being so inciteful... thanks

We Forumites have had to train him a few years.. Sometimes it takes.. a stirrer for the pot

Most of us are the BabyBoom Entitlement generation.. We want more and more and many feel we deserved everything that was sold to us in those Fairy tales.. Some still do carry those unrealistically high expectations.. POTUS has to bring some of em down this month..

When an actual flesh and blood human being enters our life, we imagine they should help us fulfill our fantasies, before it may even cross our mind to help them fulfill theirs..

Lower expectations and more local community living involvement may help instead of us all sitting in our own little boxes all made out of ticky-tacky and all typing into the ether in hopes of someday making a connection..
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 15
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/15/2011 7:08:37 PM

But seriously, is this a gender issue? Interview gay couples, male and female, and I think you'd learn otherwise.

Nevertheless… (pulls up a recliner)


I don't think its specific to either gender, I think its just a simple matter of *mismatched* expectations (or lack thereof) in a relationship - either side (or both) can have unrealistic expectations.

Anyways, *my* expectation is that one of you folks will pass the @#$# popcorn to me once in a while.
 warren_book
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 16
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/15/2011 7:18:56 PM

While most men go into these things with a go with the flow mentality. Most women go in I think seeking the fairy tale they imagined all their lives.

So basically a reiteration of "men go into relationships hoping things won't change, women go into relationships hoping to change it into what they really want," or,"men want women that don't change, women want men that will change."


Do you think the expectations of women and men are totally different going into marriage/long term relationship?.

Based on what you are telling us they would have to.
You can't reach a go with the flow outlook if you constantly have new expectations.
You can't hope to measure and reach goals if your expectations never change.
You are also taking for granted men and women having different roles.
Different roles, different expectations...otherwise there wouldn't be separate roles.
So I think as long as you can say "men and women" rather than just "people" it's an automatic yes, they have different expectations.

Not sure if you mean "totally different" expectations like they are opposites or at odds so much as like men expect the sun to come up every day, women expect the moon to reflect the sun, totally different expectations, their gender roles simply train them to focus on different ones.
 mr_ultimo
Joined: 6/26/2011
Msg: 17
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/15/2011 7:20:05 PM
I guess I was born a woman in a man's body because I always think ahead, but more like 40 years ahead. I guess I'm too evolved for this crowd...

 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 18
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/15/2011 7:30:03 PM
If a woman gets married with unrealistic expectations,
it is generally because the guy fed those expectations.

Like the guy who wants the girl so badly that he promises her a new caddy
on only a Hyundai income. Whose at fault then?

I think anyone who ends up disappointed in marriage
just didn't do enuff recon before they tied the knot.

When I'm seriously dating a girl I have to be realistic with her
about who she's involved with. If it doesn't run her off, I have a winner.
Sometimes we have to be courageous about that.
Instead of timidly hoping things will work out
after she has been suckered in and trapped by vows.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 19
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/15/2011 7:33:19 PM
But women are just so much more complex than men. They have to have a plan that stretches out well into the future.


Then maybe I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body. I also tend to think well into the future when it comes to most things. This could be part of the reason I have never married - when I considered it and put on my fortune teller hat I have always seen divorce and/or much less disposable income in the future.
 RazaMixta
Joined: 1/19/2011
Msg: 20
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/15/2011 7:51:26 PM

So basically a reiteration of "men go into relationships hoping things won't change, women go into relationships hoping to change it into what they really want," or,"men want women that don't change, women want men that will change."

I heard this before and it made sense at the time... but in retrospect, it is an incomplete thought.
It is not about WANTING or not wanting change, I think that change happens and is inevitable, WE have to adapt.
Time goes on, things change, children come, my waistline went from 26" to 106" + and back after every baby. Jobs came and went, kids grew up, etc. etc. etc. -- I prioritized and gracefully accepted the changes and did what was necessary, I adapted, was resilient. I had to change! Growing involves changing.
Why not men?

If it's true that men in general have this Peter Pan syndrome and want things to stay the same, never change and never grow up... can you see how unrealistic that is?
If a woman can see ahead the needs of their family and he does not align himself with what's required .... then he becomes one more child to deal with.

What is sad for me is that it's so obvious that we, men and women, complement each other so beautifully, and instead of cherishing those important differences, celebrating them and working with each other as a team we try to change each other and fight in a battle where nobody wins.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 21
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/15/2011 8:09:08 PM
The problem is women are hormonal creatures. Men use logic and reasoning to figure things out. Women's hormones often override the brain function and women have emotional swings that wreak havoc with logical thinking, especially if they popped out kids. Sometimes, their hormones will never be back to normal after breeding. A woman can go from the fairy tale princess to the wicked witch of the west at the drop of a hat. And then women get totally peed off at men for not understanding them.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 22
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/15/2011 8:20:07 PM

The problem is women are hormonal creatures. Men use logic and reasoning to figure things out. Women's hormones often override the brain function and women have emotional swings that wreak havoc with logical thinking, especially if they popped out kids. Sometimes, their hormones will never be back to normal after breeding.
You can't be serious with this? I don't think there is enough rolleyes to cover this.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 23
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/15/2011 8:35:01 PM
I think the OP was pretty well dead on with the fairy tale theory.

Women do seem to want the fairy tale and when real life gets in the way they wake up and say I didn't sign up for this.

I mean the knight on the white horse in the fairy tale had to go slay dragons.

However the fairy tale doesn't give details of "happily ever after" there lies the problem.

As has been said men think with logic and women with emotion.

When the man is out making a living many times it is seen as neglecting the lady.

However if he doesn't go out and make a living he is neglecting her as well.

So pray tell what is the right balance?

I do have to disagree with the statement that women think years ahead some may but I have seen much more that they live in the minute.

Which is why so many guys seem to get caught off guard when the lady decides she needs another white knight.

While I have seen them plan there escape for up to two years. The man is normally clueless about this as he is busy slaying the modern day dragons.

Which is why I'm a confirmed bachelor now. I slay the dragons I choose to and when I get home I know exactly what to expect.

And if I can save a damsel in distress from time to time good for me!
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 24
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/15/2011 8:35:28 PM
If a woman gets married with unrealistic expectations,
it is generally because the guy fed those expectations.
So men promise things they can't deliver or maybe they think they will be able to deliver in the future? When they can't deliver these things the woman becomes disappointed and disillusioned?

I honestly don't think women are that worried about getting that promised car. I think this is more an emotional investment than anything else. I think men settle into a comfort zone and pretty much think " This is as good as it gets" while a woman in the exact same place is thinking ahead and says to herself " This could get much better if we BOTH keep working at it".
 Sportsfreak89
Joined: 12/28/2010
Msg: 25
Women are less happy in marriage/relationships than men because they expect much more?.
Posted: 7/15/2011 8:51:22 PM
I can't speak for all women but I wouldn't be surprised if this was indeed the case or if it's the reason why women are healthier and live longer being single than men do. Truth be told though I also think the media's erratic messages have given women this misconception of what men do in loving relationships.
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