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 Yew4ics
Joined: 9/30/2010
Msg: 2
HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Religion can be a powerful influence in a persons decisions about sex. I do not think masturbation is cheating....especially if his bride to be is who he is thinking of when he does it. It would be wrong for him to go elsewhere, because they are officially engaged. If he breaks up with her because of this, then that is his business. Nobody else can tell him if that is right or wrong. There is no cheating involved. But is it smart on his part? That would be on him to decide.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 3
HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?
Posted: 7/20/2011 11:14:14 AM

She says its on religious grounds but she does practice oral with him.

Now which religion is it that says bj's are OK, but intercourse is not?

Seriously, the only problem I see is the difference in any religious beliefs that may have an impact on their future decisions regarding children, attending church, religious holiday participation... there can be MANY things they may have conflict with.

Waiting 6 months is the least of his problems, if they don't see eye to eye on other issues.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 4
HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?
Posted: 7/20/2011 11:19:03 AM
Why not instead he watches her masturbate while he masturbates. They can then tell each other all the naughty things they are going to do when the become one couple.

How, if they are engaged, bringing a third party in a non-consensual way would be considered cheating.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 5
HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?
Posted: 7/20/2011 11:22:17 AM
If someone loves someone, they don't go somewhere else to get sex....they COMMUNICATE with the person they love.

If saving sex for marriage isn't important to him, why would he have dated someone and become engaged to them knowing that saving it for marriage IS important for that woman? Choosing to pressure her or go elsewhere shows he has NO respect for her or her choices...and honestly, a marriage built on lack of respect is NOT going to work.

Now for me, I always figured I try on shoes before buying them and they're only going on my feet! But, I'm not religious and I'm not this woman. If she believes oral is okay FOR HER but intercourse is not until after marriage, then that's her prerogative. If she gives him oral, why is he complaining anyway....wouldn't he still be getting off?

YES it most certainly would be wrong to go elsewhere! This woman believes she's in a committed relationship and about to marry the man she's chosen to give her virginity to....how, in any stretch of the imagination, would going behind her back and f*cking someone else be okay?
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 6
HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?
Posted: 7/20/2011 11:30:31 AM
people will find endless reasons to justify their strange behavior. sometimes they have to get pretty inventive about it. here are two GREAT examples.

like the other poster said, please ask the religious zealot to quote chapter and verse where god smiles upon extra-marital BJs because fornicating is a sin. is that like "thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife" but whacking off to her picture is okay? no wonder people turn away from religion in disgust, when they see how badly it fuks with people's simple, childish minds.

then ask your brother why he agreed to marry this woman if he is not willing or able to accept her strange value system.

you are asking if he should see a prostite or a common street whore who gives it away casually, when what you should be doing is telling them both to get some decent marriage counseling immediately.
 distinct_purpose
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 7
HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?
Posted: 7/20/2011 11:35:28 AM
He hasn't had sex for a year and 7 months and she is willing to do oral, and now he can't go without sex for the next six months???

He's not looking to have sex with other women because of the lack of sex, he's just looking to cheat and using that as an excuse!

Probably a case of cold feet or he just wants out of the commitment he made and hasn't got the guts to say so. Figures if he cheats and she finds out she'll leave him and he can blame it on her unwillingness to have intercourse and he's absolved himself of any responsibility for the breakup.

Tell him to grow the F*** up and be a man.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 8
HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?
Posted: 7/20/2011 11:39:46 AM
Ugh. This whole thing makes me sick.


Is he right or wrong to continue the relationship if he's thinking about sex with another woman more and more.
As others have said, perhaps your friend could communicate this with the woman he presumably wants to spend the rest of his life with.


If he did it would it mean he is unfaithful and therefore not really in love?
The two do not necessarily follow, but yes it would be cheating.

Unless he's got the idea that its not cheating until they are married, I've heard that one before too.


Is masturbating being unfaithful?
Wtf?! Is that a real question?


Is she right to withhold knowing he wants it?
It's obviously important to her to wait until marriage, and unless he talks to her about how he feels.. she will assume he is on the same page.


She says its on religious grounds but she does practice oral with him. Is this hypocritically of her.. is she bending the rules? It's obviously sexual but not intercourse..?
Well the bible doesn't specify anything about oral, does it? Not mutual masturbation or other non intercourse ways to be sexual with someone you are not married to. If I'm mistaken, feel free to point it out.

That's what blows my mind, people who let a friggen book written thousands of years ago, riddled with contradictions and mistranslations dictate their whole entire life!

Imo yes she is being a hypocrite. But he has signed up for it, so..


Would he be wrong if he simply satisfied his need elsewhere?
Are you seriously asking that?


And if he does.. should he go with someone casually or should he go with a prostitute?
Yes clearly religious boy should go ahead and give himself to a hooker because he can't discuss things with her or wait 6 more months, after he's already waited over a year and a half. That is exactly what your friend should do
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 9
HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?
Posted: 7/20/2011 11:49:10 AM
It's kind of ironic too, considering sex with a prostitute was the original meaning of 'fornication'..
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 10
HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?
Posted: 7/20/2011 12:10:28 PM
My brother is getting married in 6 months. His partner won't allow him to save sex with her before marriage. He wants sex, so does she but she doesn't allow it. He's beginning to think about going elsewhere, but just for sex. Is he right or wrong to continue the relationship if he's thinking about sex with another woman more and more. If he did it would it mean he is unfaithful and therefore not really in love?

I think it means that after his fiancee finds out, acts surprised and dumps him, he'll think twice about dating another woman who wants to wait for sex until marriage.

[Is masturbating being unfaithful?]

Only if you're religious and don't suffer terrible remorse for it.

Is she right to withhold knowing he wants it?

It's her kitty. She's right to do whatever she wants (or in this case, doesn't want) to do with it.

She says its on religious grounds but she does practice oral with him. Is this hypocritically of her.. is she bending the rules? It's obviously sexual but not intercourse..?

Of course she's being hypocritical. Principles always come with a price. She just isn't willing to pay it, so she's haggling.

Would he be wrong if he simply satisfied his need elsewhere? And if he does.. should he go with someone casually or should he go with a prostitute?

I personally would think it's wrong, but I wouldn't have gotten myself into his situation in the first place. However, he accepted the conditions, so the only thing he can do and still claim to have any integrity is (1) Wait untill mariage; (2) break up with her first and then go get laid; (3) hope she changes her mind. Cheating on her is not an option a guy with any integrity would choose.


Now which religion is it that says bj's are OK, but intercourse is not?

The Church of Sacred Convenience. Sacred Convenientists know that god wouldn't forbid them to do anything they could rationalize.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 12
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HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?
Posted: 7/20/2011 12:43:33 PM
Some serious BS here. Pretty hard to believe, actually -- could this be a troll post?
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 13
HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?
Posted: 7/20/2011 12:44:30 PM
If he's getting regular BJ's and he can convince her to masturbate together I would say that he would not really be going without... in fact he might be getting more sex than some "happily married men".

I wonder if her religious also dictates that the BJ's stop as soon as they are married
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 15
HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?
Posted: 7/20/2011 1:14:40 PM
Paddy o Lantern:
If he's getting regular BJ's and he can convince her to masturbate together I would say that he would not really be going without... in fact he might be getting more sex than some "happily married men".
Hahahaha!
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 16
HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?
Posted: 7/20/2011 1:20:18 PM
^^haha.

Some serious BS here.

yeah i noticed that but i said what the hell, i'll pretend too.
op are you writing a blog?
all 3 of your readers will be thrilled.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 17
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History
HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?
Posted: 7/20/2011 1:53:37 PM
Ok, this guy (if it IS a guy) comes to us directly from the "intimate encounters" section, so it's no surprise that he's mystified about people who have any sort of principles.
Troll? Maybe. I don't know how a troll would manage to create a profile dated from 2010, but then I'm not a hacker.

OP: 'Right' and 'wrong' are RELATIVE TERMS. No one is 'right' or 'wrong' in and of themselves, as there is no universal authority to assign those values.

It would be more accurate to ask what the likely CONSEQUENCES are for a given choice of actions or inactions.

As for your idea that your alleged brother could screw around on his fiance and justify it, that would depend entirely upon HER. If he chose to try to hide his behavior from her, he would be establishing a marriage based on lies, which has as it's usual consequence, that neither partner ever really experiences real closeness or trust in each other.

Is she bending "the rules, with the 'BJ=OK' thing?" Ask her. She is in charge of her rules.

Rules about "really in love" don't actually exist either. There is no "in love" authority to set any. The same possible consequences (as mentioned above) for choices he makes in his, apply to that as well.

Mostly, I would say that all of this is none of our business to be talking about to other people. It's HIS life, and his FIANCE'S life, not yours.
 HarDayKnight
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 18
HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?
Posted: 7/20/2011 2:00:12 PM
Now which religion is it that says bj's are OK, but intercourse is not?


Clintonerian?

 goodquestion
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 19
HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?
Posted: 7/20/2011 3:15:39 PM
I never did understand this. However religion can be powerful, what I don't like is when it is used as an excuse like this:

<div class="quote"> She says its on religious grounds but she does practice oral with him.
Now who is to say what acts constitute sex, simply put people can find a way to legitimise anything they want. Use religion as an excuse I suppose while she does practice oral with him they are both clothed and he just wips it out and she goes at it, what kind of oral is that. I know that is not what was said but think about it. If both or one of them was undressed does that lead any closer to what constitutes sex. I suppose if it is agreed on both sides fine but if you are going to wait for marriage I would thing that would mean anything that involves the sex. Making out does not count. Oral or mutual masturbation does. It seems to me that if it makes her happy and he does not mind and she can justify that oral is not the act of intercourse fine. I would be more worried if it were myself and my wife to be said something to that affect I would think something is wrong some where. It is different if she does not have any type of sex I don't see a problem there. It reminds me of the women who say anal is not conciderd sex......right,,,, or very young people say they will not have sex and want for marriage but have oral and say that does not count.
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 20
HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?
Posted: 7/20/2011 3:15:44 PM
Seems to me like he is attempting to marry someone with opposing values to his without discussing and compromising on things first and simply letting her practice her values her way. I don't think its going to work in the long run.
 Yew4ics
Joined: 9/30/2010
Msg: 21
HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?
Posted: 7/20/2011 3:42:33 PM
I'm not one to bash another persons religious beliefs, as long as nobody is being harmed, and animals aren't being tortured. Apparently this woman has no problem with oral, because nothing is being altered. The breaking of the hymen has a spiritual significance to her, and she is trying to preserve it for when they say I DO. Who am I or any of us, to contradict her in her value system and tell her she's wrong? I don't follow this belief system, but I respect it. I was brought up to respect beliefs that were different from mine.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 22
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HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?
Posted: 7/20/2011 5:24:46 PM
I'm not one to bash another persons religious beliefs, as long as nobody is being harmed, and animals aren't being tortured. Apparently this woman has no problem with oral, because nothing is being altered. The breaking of the hymen has a spiritual significance to her, and she is trying to preserve it for when they say I DO. Who am I or any of us, to contradict her in her value system and tell her she's wrong? I don't follow this belief system, but I respect it. I was brought up to respect beliefs that were different from mine.


I am going to have to side with Yew here..who am I to say what is wrong with one's religious beliefs?

I note that the OP said the girl was "practicing" oral sex, not completion of it..sure would bring some blue balls into the equation..more like torture if you ask me..

Traditions of the various religious sects..differ greatly. She will have to justify her actions to herself and her beliefs.

My first thought..troll post..my second thought..read what others had to say.
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 24
HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?
Posted: 7/20/2011 5:29:00 PM

She says its on religious grounds but she does practice oral with him.

Now which religion is it that says bj's are OK, but intercourse is not?


The religion of THEBIGFLICK

also anal to completion is perfectly fine
 gunz058
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 26
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HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?
Posted: 7/20/2011 6:09:36 PM
Sex before marriage is wrong. I mean you wouldn't believe how many girls I come across that say oh I was engaged so I had sex with them but then things didn't work out. Now they are used goods. Its not so much of a religion thing but you don't know how many end up pregnant for their own wedding. Thats disgusting and often upsets the parents and people attending the wedding if the bride is pregnant. I mean if 2 people have waited this long to have sex whats a few more weeks or months when you have the rest of your lifes to have sex together?
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 27
HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?
Posted: 7/20/2011 6:34:16 PM

Is she right to withhold knowing he wants it?


Personally I find withholding sex from someone a weird thing to do.
If you love someone, why would you do that?

I remember when I was engaged to my first husband, we discussed sex before marriage with our minister.
Our minister was his Dad.
His Dad stated that the actual engagement was considered marriage in Gods eyes.
Those were the days when I still believed in religion.


She says its on religious grounds but she does practice oral with him. Is this hypocritically of her.. is she bending the rules? It's obviously sexual but not intercourse..?


Religion creates a lot of screwed up people in my opinion.
God .... how many wars are started because of religion?
How on earth can anyone answer this question?


Would he be wrong if he simply satisfied his need elsewhere?


If you love someone you don't satisfy your needs with another person.


And if he does.. should he go with someone casually or should he go with a prostitute?


I would advise him to keep his peeker in his pants where it belongs.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 28
HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?
Posted: 7/20/2011 6:47:04 PM

Sex before marriage is wrong. I mean you wouldn't believe how many girls I come across that say oh I was engaged so I had sex with them but then things didn't work out. Now they are used goods. . . . many end up pregnant for their own wedding. Thats disgusting and often upsets the parents and people attending the wedding if the bride is pregnant.


Well, how about sex after a divorce? I mean, what're the rules for us "used goods"?
sheeeesh.
 gunz058
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 29
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HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?
Posted: 7/20/2011 7:02:54 PM
I don't believe in divorce...
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 30
HELP! -- Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?
Posted: 7/20/2011 7:04:04 PM
???? IS SHE a virgin? If not, did she EVER have sex outside of marriage?
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