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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Friends with Benefits... WHY!?      Home login  
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 eightbitzero
Joined: 4/28/2011
Msg: 1
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?Page 1 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
I know alot of threads have been coasting down this track but i have yet to see a WHY thread. So my question is ... why friends with benefits? Why do people need them? Cause they have sexual appetites that need to be met? Thats why they invented toys and porn.

Ive never had, never been offered in any form to be a friend with benefits. In my own opinion though i dont see the point of friend with benefits other then a lack of self control. Especially when women tell me that even if they are getting to know a guy as a potential boyfriend... While they are getting to know him they will still screw a friend on the side just because they are still single! and think the can do what they want... What a lack of respect!

Or why do women put on their profiles... "Not looking for a booty call or randoms" But yet...after talking to them they totally contradict themselves by saying "Oh yeah i have a friend with benefits" And some women tell me that sex is meaningless to them... Then whats the point of having a relationship?
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 2
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/23/2011 9:13:12 AM
I honestly don't think that most women do that....anymore than most men do it (then again, maybe I'm just being naive). I know I certainly never would.

I think that some women have taken to turning the tables on men out of frustration for what has seemed to be acceptable behaviour for men but not for women (sex without commitment). Perhaps YOU are just looking to the wrong type of women if that's what you encounter a lot.
 1osubuckeye
Joined: 1/12/2011
Msg: 3
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/23/2011 9:18:04 AM

I know alot of threads have been coasting down this track but i have yet to see a WHY thread. So my question is ... why friends with benefits? Why do people need them? Cause they have sexual appetites that need to be met? Thats why they invented toys and porn.


My question is why not? It's a natural human instinct to mate just like any other mammal on the planet.
 eightbitzero
Joined: 4/28/2011
Msg: 4
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/23/2011 10:26:04 AM
Yes I've had sex before many times.

I guess I just care about STD's and STI's that I safe guard myself... A lot of people just don't seem to care as much... Condoms aren't 100 percent so


And oldsoul.... YOU'RE AN EFFING GOD!... There's nothing I don't agree with in ur post.. People are lazy and want to side step all the hard work and "drama"... Cause its all about "me me me".. I've never had a random or fwb.. Never will have... And wouldn't date anyone that has ever
 LilGrasshopper
Joined: 4/1/2011
Msg: 5
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/23/2011 11:39:04 AM
Mahagony? Personally i think he is more of an OAK man
 UglyFroggieCritter
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 6
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/23/2011 11:42:08 AM

Then find a FWB who believes in mahagony..


Ahahahahahahaha. Sorry, that was funny. I don't think a type of wood, allbeit a very nice choice, was the word you were looking for.

OT

oldsoul nailed it spot on.
 eightbitzero
Joined: 4/28/2011
Msg: 7
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/23/2011 1:14:30 PM
Ahh but angel3955... The fact still remains that if you NEED a friend with benefits.. The sex is meaningless outside of a relationship.. And surly would be just as meaningless within one because if free sex is not special... Where does that leave making love? The true connection between a man and a woman within a bonded union?... It leaves it cold.. Broken.. Withered and in limbo
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 8
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/23/2011 1:39:48 PM
There's FWB, FB and ONS. They break down like this for me:

ONS (the simpliest to explain): One night stand. One and done. Never to see them again. Why does it happen? End of the night, people are drunk or stoned, and don't want to go home alone perhaps.

FB: F*ck Buddies. Ah yes... f*ck buddies. A living dildo. Having had one of these I can say honestly it's all about the sex. He was 9 years younger and I wasn't ready to be in a relationship. He contacted me and we met. The sex was good and we shared a lot over the time we were active with one another... over about 3 yrs I'd say. There was no pretense or misunderstandings about what we wanted from the other one... There was no expectations... There was always condoms.

FWB: Friends with benefits... I've had several and guess what?? I'm still friends with them! Shocking, I know. Why does it happen? With one.. I'd had a crush on him for years and finally got around to telling him. He was living in another city, between relationships, and I didn't want to be a rebound girl. I didn't want to be in a relationship because I didn't know what I wanted. Another was similar.. guy I'd liked for a while, but my coming out of a relationship and not wanting to be in another one right away. In both cases it was discussed thoroughly before hand. We had needs, we liked one another, there was obviously sexual chemistry, we did things and hung out together as friends.

My current relationship started out as FWB... and 3.5 yrs later we are going strong.

While porn and toys are ok.. there's really no substitute for living flesh. I prefer a real penis to a synthetic replica any day.

Call me a whore or a slut... that's ok. I can take it. I'm a big girl and comfortable enough in myself and my sexuality to know that your opinion is yours, but it really doesn't affect me or my life... unless you're involved IN my life.
 myrgth
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 9
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/23/2011 2:09:42 PM

The fact still remains that if you NEED a friend with benefits.. The sex is meaningless outside of a relationship.. And surly would be just as meaningless within one because if free sex is not special... Where does that leave making love? The true connection between a man and a woman within a bonded union?... It leaves it cold.. Broken.. Withered and in limbo


I don't do FB or FwB. It's just not my cuppa. However, do you honestly and truly believe what you are saying?

It's only meaningless if you live a meaningless life. It's only not special if you don't believe what you have to offer or what you have been offered isn't special. Even within a loving, bonded relationship sometimes you just have sex and it has nothing to do with the bond or the love between you.

Have you never met someone who you were truly intimate with and yet shared nothing sexual? A connection felt to the depths of your soul? I've met people and shared more intimacy with them in 5 minutes than some friends I have had for years and years. I can easily see how that can translate sexually with someone.

So while it's not for me in general, I would never presume to tell others how to live their lives or handle their relationships. Most certainly I would never claim with certainty that they must be hollow, empty, and meaningless. While it might be for YOU, and that is perfectly fine, that doesn't mean it is for everyone who engages in relationships that aren't to your flavor.
 Daisyrose73
Joined: 9/23/2010
Msg: 10
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/23/2011 3:09:31 PM
I have a FWB. I have been single for awhile now. A toy can't kiss, cuddle, among other things with me. We do have a friendship. When there is someone of interest, I do not continue the B part of the FWB and tell him hey I am interested in so and so and he typically knows it is headed in that direction before I ever say the B part will end because we have communication.

I do not do it as a means of securing a relationship with the FWB, I have one we are friends and neither of us wants a relationship more than that. I care about him as a person and vice versa. This arrangement keeps me from pursuing a relationship with someone purely out of the need to be touched.

I still have the desire for a relationship. Sex with someone that isn't a FWB is a different experience as there is a different intimacy there. It is absolutely deeper and means a whole lot more.

I am self aware and I know what I want in a relationship. I am very comfortable with my sexuality, open and honest, and I don't see anything wrong with the situation. A true FWB situation does require a bit of work just like any other friendship. There has to be open communication and the same goals of the relationship in mind for it to work.
 4x4fan
Joined: 4/29/2011
Msg: 11
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/23/2011 7:03:42 PM
Why? I can promise you that 99.9% of the time when someone has a FWB you can bet that either the male or the female is allowing it to happen under the hopes that feelings will develop and a relationship will be the result. One of them always wants it to be more than FWB.
 eightbitzero
Joined: 4/28/2011
Msg: 12
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/23/2011 8:23:15 PM
M_Church... That was well said and I couldn't have pit it better myself... I agree.. Aside from women sometimes being untrustworthy... I personally don't trust other men and their intentions... Thus why I'd never date a woman that has a fwb or is a current friend with an old fvck buddy
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 13
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/23/2011 8:45:25 PM
Why even bother asking "why" when you already have your own arrogant attitude about the topic.......and won't listen to any reasonable explanation from anyone that does have a reason "why".

If it's not for you........don't do it.
We won't knock you for your beliefs........and you stop knocking us for our beliefs.
Sounds like a much better way to live then to start a thread just to be a jerk!
 Anmllvr3510
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 14
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/23/2011 10:05:47 PM
If all they want is the milk then they ain't worth much!!
 maggie538
Joined: 5/21/2009
Msg: 15
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/24/2011 5:53:49 AM
I am a happily married woman with another woman for a fwb. my husband knows and its not a big thing . consider the actual title : FRIENDS with benifits. we are best friends that wanted more than our husbands could give us. both of them are ok with it as long as we share the info of what we did when finished. and dont ever think there is no feeling there . I love her and i think she loves me . but...... we both relize that we live in a fantasy world and that it will end . someday. we have an intimete conection . we are girlfriends .. sex is great but the feeling of girlfriend is better . I gues its not really a fwb because we do have feelings for each other . I would never do any thing that would hurt either of my lovers. but to say that there is no intamacy in this situation is wrong . sex can be sensual and fufilling and down right nasty but it is always good with the one you love .
 eightbitzero
Joined: 4/28/2011
Msg: 16
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/24/2011 9:12:12 AM
jco415

OP... if you want to start a thread just to bash something....why not start a thread about guys who have horrible profiles and post pictures of themselves with the type of women whthey WISHED to get?


Haha ouch I've totally 'not' been insulted. Yeah if you had any brain instead of the minimal brawn i see in your photos you'd understand that it was a simple WHY question, and not a matter of bashing people. This thread is for peoples opinions and debate, if you cant handle playing with the big boys... The toddler pen is just to the left. And for the record the hot blonde with big tits in my picture, is my sister... YOU couldn't even get with her. NEXT!

namrael

Yes, very much this. Though I suspect this is a case of "I want an excuse to spout off about something I've never tried but have an absolutely opinion on anyway, and am looking for people to pat me on the back and agree with me and tell me how enlightened I am because I'm looking for a RELATIONSHIP, unlike all those dirty, dirty whores I feel I have the right to judge."


I dont have to try it, i see it. Anyway you slice it, its lazyness and avoidance of self control. Oh yes we are human we have needs.... HAVE NEEDS, an excuse... "me me me, its all about me, fvck me because i deserve it and im not ready to commit... BUT, i have needs that need to be met in any/every way shape or form"... Exactly. I dont need anyone to pat me on the back for anything.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 17
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/24/2011 9:19:58 AM

it was a simple WHY question, and not a matter of bashing people.


you ARE bashing... otherwise, why this?


its lazyness and avoidance of self control.


that's not WHY? that's you providing the answer - and that answer is bashing other people for their choices.

choices that have nothing to do with you.
 Daisyrose73
Joined: 9/23/2010
Msg: 18
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/24/2011 9:25:04 AM

The problem with that is that many guys (myself included) would not bother having a serious relationship with a woman who wanted to remain friends with her FWB even after the Benefits are ended...
If it became apparent that your 'friend' was someone you had been FWB with, then I'd dump you... I also probably wouldn't bother to tell you why. I'd tell you it wasn't working, or something politically correct like that...

The last thing I would want in a relationship is your 'friend' waiting in the wings for the relationship to end so he can resume 'fcuking' you... Apart from how awkward that would be, he'd have a vested interest in making sure your relationships fail...
Some men would even help nudge the relationship into failure too... a few words here or there, to you, or even to the new guy... and he's back in your bed...

For that reason, I truly believe a FWB should be 'disposable'...


And if they didn't want a relationship with me then we would not be compatible for other reasons beyond that I would bet. My past relationships will tell you one thing about me, when I am invested in a relationship with someone I do not stray. I am a person who is bluntly honest. So it is better in your mind that a women go out and f*ck 15 guys while single than to have 1 monogamous FWB relationship to fulfill those needs? Regardless in your mind that woman is a slut no matter what she does.

As far as me being friends with someone after the B part is done, well I am friends with 2 of my ex's but I can tell you I'd never f*ck them again. I would not choose someone as a FWB that would wish me anything but happiness in whatever I pursued in life. If my FWB decided he wanted to end the B part of our relationship, I'd be cool about that and I would give him any advice as a friend because that is where we were now just friends and I'd want him to be happy.

I agree that FWB isn't for everyone. Not everyone has the communication skills and honesty to make it work.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 19
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/24/2011 9:53:15 AM

What I can say is that as an external observer, it seems like they will never work out in the end.


What I can say as someone that has actual experience, and not just as an "observer".......yes, they can work out quite beautifully.
Myself, and numerous others have testified to that fact in the numerous FWB threads in these forums.

This thread is nothing more than an attention seeking rant to show how "moral" the OP is..........a look at me girls "I have values" but I'm also a condenscending jerk when it comes to OTHER peoples choices.
 eightbitzero
Joined: 4/28/2011
Msg: 20
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/24/2011 10:12:03 AM
@DivineBovine

You've yet to explain how im exactly bashing, because i say is a lack of respect and a lack of self control? Im sorry thats my opinion and not bashingly directed towards anyone particular or even a group as a whole. If that offends you, dont debate about it... To each their own and there will always be people that think a closed minded person is judgmental and an open minded person is a slut or man-whore. Yes thats right Man-Whore, a man can be a whore to.

MsMicki



This thread is nothing more than an attention seeking rant to show how "moral" the OP is..........a look at me girls "I have values" but I'm also a condenscending jerk when it comes to OTHER peoples choices.

I have some feeling that you with the mannerism you exhibit, you wernt raised properly with proper "Religion Christian - other" morals and values... Sad really, but nothing you say within the position you are in could effect me.

Being the better person I'm going to say I'm sorry if Oldsoul_new1911, M_Church and Sum1reel's posts only seem like they bash people (Seeing as i havent directly or even indirectly bashed anyone but yet i get the blame for it), but they are merely just opinions, as mine are in the same link of their line of thinking. Close minded? Not so much, I just have better values and morals than most and dont throw things around so easily.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 21
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/24/2011 10:26:15 AM
I have some feeling that you with the mannerism you exhibit, you wernt raised properly with proper "Religion Christian - other" morals and values... Sad really, but nothing you say within the position you are in could effect me.
tell that to my Dad....the pastor!!
OK lets start with this young grasshopper.......how anyone is raised....whether in a religous household or not.......has nothing to do with individual choices.
and you......Mr. "Non Religous".....can't throw around proper religious "morals" when you don't claim any religion.
and "High and Mighty" isn't a religion......it's an unsavory attitude....

Second.......you are just proving my point by saying "nothing you say within the position you are in could effect me".......
You don't want to know "WHY"...........you only want to throw around your own personal judgements.

To quote your own words from you own profile.....

I don't care what others think

my choices work for me......and that's all that matters "to me".
If you have different choices..........I could care less......what you do doesn't affect me no more than what I do affects you.
See how that works?

and mchurch........once again you throw around what your player friends do as to being the "norm"..........and once again.........many of us do know what our FWB are doing or not doing........so your bar life friends have no bearing on what real, honest people do in their lives.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 22
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/24/2011 10:37:44 AM

You've yet to explain how im exactly bashing, because i say is a lack of respect and a lack of self control? Im sorry thats my opinion and not bashingly directed towards anyone particular or even a group as a whole.


expressing your opinion:

I don't understand why people have FWB relationships. I think they're wrong, but I'm willing to listen.

bashing:

People who have FWB relationships have a lack of respect and a lack of self control.

HTH
 eightbitzero
Joined: 4/28/2011
Msg: 23
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/24/2011 11:09:57 AM
MsMicki


how anyone is raised....whether in a religous household or not.......has nothing to do with individual choices. and you......Mr. "Non Religous".....can't throw around proper religious "morals" when you don't claim any religion.

Im going to have to say this is wrong, statistically if a child is raised in an abusive household, he will just as likely be as abusive as his father/mother or whom ever he witnessed. YES they are his individual choices to lead down that road, BUT! it is the event witnessed as a child that opened the door to those choices. They didnt invent Child Services for nothing.

I've also tasted many religions and beliefs in my small amount of time on this planet, and its come to my conclusion that its merely a tool used for war, thusly i dont take part or believe in any religion. We are here, we live, we experience, we die, and cease to exist any more.


so your bar life friends have no bearing on what real, honest people do in their lives.

Define honest and real? its unfortunately subjective.... Its along the same lines as normality... Because what one person thinks is honest and real another could perceive it as... immaturity or blasphemy. Terms like "Normal" are so utterly subjective that there is no normality. If we all were normal, we'd all be the same and boring.

Divine... Just because i didnt say im willing to listen, doesnt mean i am not.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 24
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/24/2011 11:41:50 AM

Im going to have to say this is wrong, statistically if a child is raised in an abusive household....BLAH BLAH BLAH......

And this WHAT to do with religion or FWB's?!

Back to the topic at hand........
the WHY is an individual choice.......some do it for the wrong reasons.....expecting "something" to come from it......
and others have a FWB because at that point in their lives......it is what works for them.
Who (or why) I've had sex with is none of a future partners business.......
I personally wouldn't be having sex with a FWB if I was to date.....but that's my personal choice for my own personal reasons. But I would still be their friend.
I don't end any of my friendships just because I'm dating or in a committed relationship.....a friend is a friend for life for me.
Any man that has issues with that.......is not the type of man I want in my life to start with.
 DJurg71
Joined: 6/21/2011
Msg: 25
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/24/2011 2:13:27 PM
I gotta agree with that, "even so-so sex beats porn".
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