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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Have you reached SOME of your goals?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 KIWI3nme
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 1
Have you reached SOME of your goals?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I had this conversation a few days ago with a pal. We are 37/40 and were talking about BACK THEN to our early 20's and how we saw ourselves at age 40 where we saw ourselves ect. HOUSE.. KIDS, HUBBY, WIFE, CAREER, CAR, TRAVEL, ec t.

Now that some of us are nearing the big 4-0 soon, how have you done? Have you acheived what you set out to do? Still some unfinished business to do? Some of course crashed into a mountian or 2, but are you proud of yourself for setting out to acheive the life you pictured at 20??

Im curious to see if ppl have created that "picture" in thier mind of life at 40 and how cool it would be if they filled thier wishes.

for me, I only achieved a bitter taste of marriage, great kids, some travel to europe no huge career but i love what im doing, im doing a pay to own on a THouse, have a car, but now i need the happily ever after.

so peeps im curious to see how the rest of you have fared and want to HELL YA! If you have.
 drifter73
Joined: 6/15/2011
Msg: 2
Have you reached SOME of your goals?
Posted: 7/26/2011 8:33:23 PM
Hmm, what I have accomplished in a nutshell (Without being to specific)

Lots of mistakes
Lots of learning experiences
Lots of Smiles
Lots of Tears
Lots pain
Lots of Pleasure
Lots of setbacks
Lots of rewards
Lots of accomplishments
Lots of adventures
Lots of Traveling
Lots of child support payments
Lots of Loses
Lots of Wins
Lots of broken hearts
Lots of Love
Lots of new friends
Lots of memories
And most of all, Lots more to do......
 KIWI3nme
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 3
Have you reached SOME of your goals?
Posted: 7/26/2011 9:00:16 PM

Lots of mistakes
Lots of learning experiences
Lots of Smiles
Lots of Tears
Lots pain
Lots of Pleasure
Lots of setbacks
Lots of rewards
Lots of accomplishments
Lots of adventures
Lots of Traveling
Lots of child support payments
Lots of Loses
Lots of Wins
Lots of broken hearts
Lots of Love
Lots of new friends
Lots of memories
And most of all, Lots more to do......


i coulnt agree more!

LETS SEE... lots of heartache, pain, frusration, anger, new begginings, new love, acceptance, new jobs, new home, new car, new pals, new memories, new outlook, new attitude, some wins some losses, and lastly ...NEW HOPE.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 4
Have you reached SOME of your goals?
Posted: 7/26/2011 9:25:06 PM
Well this is an interesting thread, unfortunately not 40 anymore.

Let's see, I achieved my goals in career, in fact unfortunately way early. I set a goal for 30 achieved it by 28! Reset the goal higher, and hit that before 40!

Now for the downside. It ended up costing me my first marriage at 42. My second not long after that.

I never lacked for ambition, ingrained from my youth. But ambition is not life, or living, just where you want to be, versus where you started.

Past that, my two girls turned out fantastic, being a parent, I couldn't be prouder. Sadly to say, I missed some things I should have seen by my ambition.

Money makes things easier, BUT it's no substitue for living.

Past that you can have some horrendous things happen, not only to you, but to friends. Then you can even have(as I) have something happen that alters your whole way of thinking, the way you view life and relationships.

Best to live your life as though every day was your last, you never actually know when that will be true!
 KIWI3nme
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 5
Have you reached SOME of your goals?
Posted: 7/26/2011 9:39:18 PM
vey, I had the papers in my hands to apply to university. I slept on it, thought it through, and realized AT THE TIME if I went to school full time that day I would NEVER see my kids until bedtime. This was a personal sacrifice I put away in a drawer to bring back out again dus it off and go for it when the time is right. I lost SO MUCH TIME with them when they were very young doue to working so much, that I vowed to be with them more NOW , work less, scrimp more and live without the finer things. Im home by 3pm, and yes, my career is on hold ATM, but im working. we dont go without and now I can happily say YES ill go to the school picnic, skating party at school, bake with them, and watch sports day and make them dinner and put them to bed.

My mom didnt start her dream carrer until 40, until we were old enough to take care of ourselves and thats the way it will be with me. Put away but not forgotten.

( now i just need to narrow down my chioces in schooling)
 country_grl_24
Joined: 3/26/2011
Msg: 6
Have you reached SOME of your goals?
Posted: 7/26/2011 10:06:34 PM
I am 30 about to be 31. I have been married but only for about 1 1/2 years. (caught him cheatn after 8 months). But a blessing. My goal was to have a family by 30. Def didnt get it. But i do not let it get me down. I still feel like i am in my early 20s and i have traveled all over the world. Just gotta get to Alaksa, Hawii and Austrailia to check em off my bucket list. :) Age is only a number!!! I cant believe kids that are 14, 15 and 16 are havn kids. They are the ones i feel sorry for. But it is what it is.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 7
Have you reached SOME of your goals?
Posted: 7/26/2011 10:41:01 PM
Sounds good KIWI, you have the right idea.

I have to be clear for you and Coutrygrl, the kids are more important than your career. Now I know I will get grief about this. But you can live to work, or work to live.

That choice is yours and yours alone. One offers a great future in work, the other only the love of your family. It's obvious which choice I made. Would I change it, well obviously now. But the rewards would make me say absofukinglutely!

Countrygrl, I have been to hawaii 10 times, in fact 17 countries, 46 states. Was it great? Yes. Would I change it now? YES!!! My choices were dictated by my upbringing. At this point, in my life,I can honestly say I would trade those 12 or so weeks to have them now with my kids.

Beyond that I cannot say more. But I hope you get the point.
 KIWI3nme
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 8
Have you reached SOME of your goals?
Posted: 7/26/2011 10:49:54 PM

Sounds good KIWI, you have the right idea.

I have to be clear for you and Coutrygrl, the kids are more important than your career. Now I know I will get grief about this. But you can live to work, or work to live.

That choice is yours and yours alone. One offers a great future in work, the other only the love of your family. It's obvious which choice I made. Would I change it, well obviously now. But the rewards would make me say absofukinglutely!

Countrygrl, I have been to hawaii 10 times, in fact 17 countries, 46 states. Was it great? Yes. Would I change it now? YES!!! My choices were dictated by my upbringing. At this point, in my life,I can honestly say I would trade those 12 or so weeks to have them now with my kids.

Beyond that I cannot say more. But I hope you get the point.


yes i get you absolutely. Even married i had to go back to work at 6 months, it killed me. Then single i worked my ass off to take care of my family. But i can happily say we have gone to disneyworld, and to the carribean next year most likely. Yes we dont live in a mansion, but we have a nice house nice car, good food momy is HERE every single day for them, and kisses them goodnight. So. there are regrets for NOT being proactive at 22 like I should have and STOPPED the fun life and hit the books but such is life. It just means I will be more dedicated and commited and more mature in class.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 9
Have you reached SOME of your goals?
Posted: 7/27/2011 5:06:30 AM
Well, I just turned 50 and I'm still kicking. Pretty happy I'm even here actually. Got a great daughter who has turned into a productive member of a society and whom I love with all my heart. After that, everything else is gravy.
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 10
Have you reached SOME of your goals?
Posted: 7/27/2011 8:06:53 AM
I'm 34 and I've been mulling over this for a little while lately, being on a short medical leave for surgery I've been thinking of it almost the whole week, unfortunately.

I'm still on the younger side of my 30's but I don't think I'm where I wanted to be at this age. Looking at what I thought I would be when I was on the younger side of 20's.

On a career aspect I've done pretty good for myself. Yes it could be better, as for a most part we could all just about do better, but it could be worse. Every job I've ever had I've been considered a hard worker and one of the best. I'm always willing to learn new ways and I generally always do what is asked of me.

ON a personal aspect though my life is sorry. Unfortunately due to a lot of overturn in changing jobs the last few years I'm back living with my mom and step-dad. It's a hard pill to swallow, but I'm saving up to put a down payment on a house. I was thinking of renting but I'm tired of wasting my money...So if I can save up a little more and sell a few items use that for a down pymt on a house and move out.

Because of me living at home my love life has suffered and I'm smart enough to see it. And yes there where some uncontrollable issues that happened but I'm not putting sole blame on those. I'm the constant and its partially my fault. Because of living at home I'm also holding myself back on asking out women. Why bother, I know my situation is different than the usual "mooch" but from the outside looking in it has the appearance of just that a "mooch".

The surgery I had was for a belly button hernia and it kept me from working out hardcore. Thus giving me a little bit of a belly. I hate it so once I heal hello gym I've never been overweight in my life, I was always the guy that could eat a whole pizza and never gain a pound, never mind I was trying my butt off to do. So it is a hard transition to go from trying to gain weight because I was so underweight to trying to loose weight...This new found belly has made my self esteem suffer too...

There is many many more things where that came from with me, but unlike some people I don't solely blame anyone for my problems and mistakes...

Best of luck to everyone
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 11
Have you reached SOME of your goals?
Posted: 7/27/2011 8:56:56 AM
good catch, some thoughts...we're in different spectrums of life. I shared what I did, hoping to change or show, what I now consider important, as opposed to what I actually did.

I checked your profile, reading that and your post, while not being a doctor, I think your a little depressed and negative.(not judgin, just sayin)

My thought for you is simple, you can't change the past, anymore than anyone else can. Perhaps you could walk away, clear your head(maybe an early morning walk) come back, then read your profile and post as though it wasn't you or about you.

I think you'll see what I'm talking about. You can get help for free, from a therapist, consult your local government agency. It might help. After that try and look at things more positively.

I believe women can see negativity, I doubt that is what they want. A more positive profile, should bring better results. Also try and do some things IRL, maybe a meetup group about things that interest you. Also try and attend any POF events in your area, face to face is so much better than face to computer!

Just some thoughts, be well
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 12
Have you reached SOME of your goals?
Posted: 7/27/2011 9:20:26 AM
OyVay...thanks for the advice. truthfully I tend to do much MUCH better IRL than on here, when it comes to women. I'm pretty much here for the forums. Like another poster said before I don't watch TV so this is my drama for the day lol.

I know I'm rather depressed and that is why I'm trying to change as much as I can on my own. I know there is help out there but I want to help myself 1st...I've recently thought about seeing a therapist, my job actually has a 800 number for us to call for help and its free, mainly to talk to someone that wouldn't see my comments as "personal".
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 13
Have you reached SOME of your goals?
Posted: 7/27/2011 11:48:16 AM
In my 20s, I was a very comformist sort of guy who ONLY wanted a few things in life. All I wanted was to get married, have children and a career I loved.

I ended up gettibg marriedm having a son and had an AMAZING career! Then of course, I got MS and had to refocus on what I wanted. I seperated from my wife and was put on disability from work :(

But in the end, I am still VERY pleased to know that I had achieved all that I wanted while growing up!
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 15
Have you reached SOME of your goals?
Posted: 7/27/2011 7:58:13 PM
I have a double sorry here!

First to Valencia, sorry to say from what I know of life, it isn't a checklist.

While I admire your tenacity to check off the things on your list, what have you learned with age? There was no one better than I, at checking off the list, in fact different than you, I mainly checked things off, years in advance of when I expected.

Let's call it, over-achiever-itis! My friend, I was the poster boy for that. Worse, once I achieved the list, I raised the stakes, made higher goals which I achieved.

Problem was, I was achieving, not living. Please don't debate me, just reflect on your list and what I said. Ask yourself, if you had it to do over, would you do the same? Marriage? Kids(you call it snipped)? The rest, sorry to say, are things.

I'm not indicting your life, just askin if things are enough? Think about it.


To the OP, what a wonderful thread you made on music in the relationship forum. It pleased me no end. I'm sorry it was deleted. Perhaps you could ask where you could post it that it wouldn't be deleted, or not, as you please. But thanks!
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 16
Have you reached SOME of your goals?
Posted: 7/27/2011 9:44:19 PM
Got almost all...lost it.....got almost all...lost it....On my third life now, being a bit more cautious...we'll see!
 KIWI3nme
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 17
Have you reached SOME of your goals?
Posted: 7/27/2011 11:05:31 PM

To the OP, what a wonderful thread you made on music in the relationship forum. It pleased me no end. I'm sorry it was deleted. Perhaps you could ask where you could post it that it wouldn't be deleted, or not, as you please. But thanks!


VEY, i thank you. I heard it on the radio and was singing at the top of lungs at work ( im so lucky i can do that!) and I thought HEY.. this is MY SONG and you know what ill bet other ppl out there have THIERS that defines THEM so why not go ahead and do a shout out to all the peeps and say HEY... WHATS YOUR SONG? its cool to hear becasue some ppl have the same, and also. you kinda of go hmmmm yes.. that really DOES suit you.

i remade the thread in OFF TOPIC so revisit as i think it may fit in there more than the other section. Hopefully they let it stay there.
 Easygoin68a
Joined: 5/17/2011
Msg: 18
Have you reached SOME of your goals?
Posted: 7/28/2011 6:54:34 AM
Goals achieved -

healthy awesome kids - check
stable and rewarding business, 14 years running - check
retiring in 2 years - check
nice house - check
travel - 24 countries later - check
expensive luxury car - check, and turned back in. waste of money
refusing to say peeps, other than when referring to your post or easter - check

a companion - hmm, still working on that:)

fun post topic for discussion, thanks for posting it
 BlueEyedGuy1974
Joined: 3/20/2010
Msg: 19
Have you reached SOME of your goals?
Posted: 7/30/2011 10:34:41 AM
I've never been one to set goals for myself. When I was younger I never thought about what I would want my life to be like when I'm 36 like I am now, or even 40. Even today I don't think about what I want like to be like when I'm 50.

I've always been the type of person who enjoys taking life one day at a time. To me the journey is far more important than the destination.
 boarderdad50
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 21
Have you reached SOME of your goals?
Posted: 8/2/2011 7:35:40 AM
How many "mid life crisis's" are we allowed?

Goals are ever changing and to some extent I never had any really hard goals other than live live to the fullest and help as many others do the same along me way. I have done okay with that and will continue to strive for more.

I succeeded a lot of the customary goals very early on to realize its not all its cracked up to be and done with worrying about that. I had the family, owned my own house, had my truck, and ran my own business by 24. The only things I care to worry about now is the family, not really into locking myself down to big bills again or one house for that matter.

I am reflecting a lot more on my life to this point and what I want looking forward and am considering some changes for sure, not cause I did not reach any goals but we grow over time and want different things. My youngest will be 18 when I am 42 and at that point I would like to have my life in a position to scale everything back and volunteer overseas full time.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 22
Have you reached SOME of your goals?
Posted: 8/2/2011 9:11:35 AM
When I was in my 20s I thought for sure that I would be married and have a child by age 30, when it had not happened by that point I thought it would by age 40, then at 40 decided that maybe I was supposed to be single all my life, and went about accepting the happy with who I am where ever I am philosophy (bloom where I am planted), now at soon to be 54 I find it both amusing and sad that people tend to feel sorry for me at times they say because I have not been married or had children. I sometimes feel sorry for them because I cannot imagine how they get everything done without the help of their spouse and have no time or money left for themselves after taking care of children and spouse's needs, etc. My ideas of marriage are not the same as theirs, so maybe I have been blessed to have met the men i have met, when marriage was not the thing to do with them at the time. I still want to go to Europe, learn to play the piano and speak Spanish fluently, all of which I am trying to acheive within the next few years. Meeting a compatible man would be icing on the cake.
 moun10dew
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 23
Have you reached SOME of your goals?
Posted: 8/2/2011 9:39:31 AM
Well...I just graduated from college in May at the age of 40. That was a huge goal for me. I have a great job so that's another goal. I did figure by now I'd be married and have at least one child of my own by now....living in a nice house. Those things have not happened. HOWEVER....it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. Meeting someone that wants to be with me as much as I do them would be nice...but I've survived 40 years without. I had some other stuff to say, but it would take away from the OPs topic so I'll just leave it at that.
 TruckerPohl
Joined: 11/16/2010
Msg: 24
Have you reached SOME of your goals?
Posted: 8/4/2011 7:39:39 AM
Married/divorced....done
Travel the world....done
College edmacation....done...could use more though, a pottery class sounds fun
Having a wonderful son...done
Changing careers a couple of times....done
lots of friends....done
Bought a house/sold a house....done
Owning lots of cars...done

Finding soul mate....not so much
 rlynninmo
Joined: 8/19/2011
Msg: 26
Have you reached SOME of your goals?
Posted: 9/3/2011 11:54:40 AM
My goals are way different now than in my 20's. I didn't reach any of my goals that I set in my 20's. But I have different goals now and I guess and differnt picture in my head. Happily ever after could mean lot things. Right now my HEA is rasing happy , healthy well adjusted kids & finishing Vet tech school! When I was youn i wantwed to be a hair dresser.. Oh well Sometimes God has different plans!
 substance01
Joined: 8/31/2010
Msg: 27
Have you reached SOME of your goals?
Posted: 9/4/2011 6:31:44 AM
began life wanting to become an air hostess for air nz...ended up a tax agent for IRD lol..had the doting loving husband and two great kids...he died sudden, ended up with a stray cat instead.. loved university and wanted to stay...started an accounts biz in its place ...wanted to travel ...and achieved this...found the need to surround myself with good friends...wouldnt trade them for the world (maybe lindt chocolate ;o) instead)..aimed to appreciate my humble beginnings and the people who make me me....am doing this now

so when life throws us lemons...lets continue to make L & P ;o) xox
 Tervis
Joined: 5/18/2009
Msg: 30
Have you reached SOME of your goals?
Posted: 9/10/2011 2:58:02 PM
Wow suresh that is bad your whole situation that is I made it all the way until I was 19 lucky some girl asked me out and saved me. Don't worry about the lack of responses on here though girls just do not respond on here no matter what you say that often.

You really should just forget about this online stuff and just go talk to real girls. I did this after my first girlfriend I just asked out one random girl everyday. Some of them will defiantly say yes the trick is not to be bummed out by the ones that say no. It does not even matter if you are really bad at talking... I was.

Girls will turn a guy down for all sorts of silly reasons. I know more than one girl that will only date blond haired blue eyed men go Nazi's go Hitler. Go figure. I just keep going and guess what plenty of girls out there that are not like that.

I had a friend that was 37 with this same problem he could not ask a girl out. We actually brought him to a hypnotist. Why? I was in a show once and a hypnotist at the end of an act told me to feel good about myself and I actually did for 3 or 4 months before it wore off. We had him hypnotized to ask girls out and feel confident and he did lol. Even after it wore of it did not matter he was over his lifelong hangup anyway.

To sum this all up just do whatever it takes to go out their and make a move. Forget about POF or any other dating site there just a cop-out for people who want to feel like they are trying for the most part. Yes there are girls on here and yes one of them may meet you, but you really need to do something more serous than sit and wait.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Have you reached SOME of your goals?