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 MsSookieStackhouse
Joined: 4/26/2011
Msg: 2
Woah confusing.....advice please?Page 1 of 1    
If I had a dollar for every awesome first meet I had with someone that never went anywhere after that I'd be a very wealthy woman.

This is just how it goes. I had an awesome first meet with someone last month. It was the best first date I've had in a year. We discussed seeing each other again, etc. After we parted ways, you know what happened? Nothing. He texted me once and dissapeared in the middle of a text conversation.

 808md
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 3
Woah confusing.....advice please?
Posted: 7/28/2011 1:47:22 PM
What's confusing? He thinks the two of you are "too different". "He has gone quiet".

He is not into you. Very simple.
 MsSookieStackhouse
Joined: 4/26/2011
Msg: 5
Woah confusing.....advice please?
Posted: 7/28/2011 1:56:04 PM

would like it cleared up really


hun, he did clear it up. He felt like you guys were too different from each other to give it a go. No biggie. There's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with him. It just didn't work out - and he told you why.
 808md
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 6
Woah confusing.....advice please?
Posted: 7/28/2011 1:58:00 PM
Why do you need to judge him? You had a good time. You like him. He liked you.

And later he reflected on the date and decided that you are not the one. Fair enough...isn't it?
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 7
Woah confusing.....advice please?
Posted: 7/28/2011 1:58:18 PM
Or is this what online dating has become? one big game? find as many sweeties in the sweet shop

WAS this a "first meet"?? So the FIRST time you two got together IRL ?

If so, then it was very typical.. 95 % of those never go anywhere DESPITE all that previous chatting up..



So why do men pretend to be into someone when they aren't? it shows a lack of respect, I couldn't pretend to like someone because what is the point anyway? what is there to gain from it?

He gave it a quick shot.. So you could possibly be the THIRD woman this week that he was INTO?
(Sorry just had to say it) One of the others apparently made him a "better offer"..
 NotHereRightNow
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 8
Woah confusing.....advice please?
Posted: 7/28/2011 2:00:41 PM
Just brush it off and on to the next one.

Its not about find as many sweeties in the sweet shop and see how many dates you can get in a week, its more like, get as many sweeties in the sweet shop and pick out your favorite one.

I've meet girls and things went well, at least from my end, but then things went stale. He probably was in the moment and liked you, but he thought about it or talked to someone and his thoughts changed, normal realy.

Just brush it off and on to the next one.
 psytle
Joined: 3/7/2011
Msg: 9
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Woah confusing.....advice please?
Posted: 7/28/2011 2:03:12 PM

So why do men pretend to be into someone when they aren't? it shows a lack of respect, I couldn't pretend to like someone because what is the point anyway? what is there to gain from it?


Because men, as human beings, can sometimes believe that they are ready for something when they are really not ready for something.

I went out with a woman for the past couple months that also works 80 hour weeks. At first, she said that she was looking for a relationship, but she and I soon realized that her work schedule was a huge impediment to that. We recently decided to remain friends because of her work situation, and she outright told me I shouldn't wait for her.

It hurts, but it's not like she was purposely trying to hurt me, it's just that she didn't realize that it's hard to see someone when one doesn't have free time.

The point is that something might have changed that wasn't your fault at all. Forget about this guy, because he probably wasn't the right one anyway.
 GypsyEyes50
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 10
Woah confusing.....advice please?
Posted: 7/28/2011 2:04:22 PM
OP....repeat after those of us more experienced in this arena: Nothing is anything until it is something....

It happens to women, it happens to men too. A male friend new at this called to say he'd had the best phone conversation of his life (he is in his 50s) with a gal from here, that they laughed so hard he had tears in his eyes, and they planned a meet. He called to confirm and...nothing. He (foolhardy newbie!) called again and...nothing. WTF was his question. I told him: it happens. Get used to it. Who knows why...who cares.

Many first meets go well, and many tentative plans for future meets are made and they come to....zip. Don't pay much mind as to his "reason why"....people are just trying to be polite and say something inoffensive, that's all. There is no sense in arguing w/ the "reason"....just say "Oh...Ok, well then good luck to you!" and move on.

I don't think it's a game....there might have been things about you that he found iffy from the get go, he might have had another date that went even better, again...who knows.

Count your eggs only after they hatch....wait until you've a real 1sr date, a 2nd and a 3rd, and all is going well, and there are plans for a for a 4th and THEN allow yourself to get a little excited this *might* be something...

Better luck next time!
 Jackal123
Joined: 12/6/2009
Msg: 11
Woah confusing.....advice please?
Posted: 7/28/2011 2:07:01 PM

So why do men pretend to be into someone when they aren't? it shows a lack of respect, I couldn't pretend to like someone because what is the point anyway? what is there to gain from it?


Because it is easier to just be nice in-person to avoid awkwardness and let them down over email/IM later. To be honest, you pretty much justify this kind of behavior because even after he tells you VERY clearly over IM he is not interested (regardless of what he said in-person), you still pretend like there is "confusion". This is precisely the kind of insecurity you don't want to deal with in-person.

On a side note, since when is it not ok to change your mind about wanting to see someone again? ONE good date does not automatically mean you get another just because at the time the guy said he wants to see you again. What if he met someone he'd rather date in the meantime? What if upon further reflection he doesn't think you're a good fit? Your sense of entitlement is unreal.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 13
Woah confusing.....advice please?
Posted: 7/28/2011 2:19:47 PM
Two people can have a good time and be very attracted to each other yet ( one) knows there's a major issue of at least one of the main compatibilities.
It's the basic law of numbers. This would be easy if we liked everyone we met or had a good time going out with -
 Jackal123
Joined: 12/6/2009
Msg: 14
Woah confusing.....advice please?
Posted: 7/28/2011 2:22:51 PM

I think is quite simple, you meet someone but aren't keen on them don't go all over them and start asking to meet again?


Ok, got it. If i'm not 100% sure i want to see someone again, i will never even HINT at a second date from now on. Little did i know i was entering a legally binding contract with you that was established the moment i started discussing the potential for a second date. Good to know.

I look forward to your next thread titled "Great first dates but why won't they ask me on another??".
 4x4fan
Joined: 4/29/2011
Msg: 15
Woah confusing.....advice please?
Posted: 7/28/2011 2:40:05 PM
Because you like him you are reading too much in to everything he did, everything he said, and everything he asked you. Maybe you're not cute enough for him. Maybe you had something about your personality that he didn't like. Maybe he met someone on POF orin real life that he'd rather date than you. The possibilities are endless. Bottom line is that he's not into you and you're confusing a guy being nice to you as a guy being interested in you.
Stop pushing the issue with him and move on. He hasn't responded and as much as you (and other people, including myself) usually don't like it we need to understand that no response is in fact a response.
It takes two....a "good date" to you does not necessarily equal a "good date" to someone else.
 MsMuscleChick
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 16
Woah confusing.....advice please?
Posted: 7/28/2011 2:55:28 PM
Actually he did clear it up. And be glad he told you. Even if it seems like a game to you, maybe it was not. He had manners, he was civil. A lot of people can go out once or twice without it being an exclusive deal. So what if he asked you out again. Geez. He was being nice and maybe he thought he wanted to see you again. Got home and realized no, I better not play games with this chick.

Playing ames would be if he dated you, claimed to like you a lot, have sex with you, then tell you a couple months later he did not see you as his type.

Also try speaking to these and not texting . It may save you some wondering so much. Sometimes you get a more clear picture of someone by NOT living on text messages.
 cuteasianchick
Joined: 5/22/2011
Msg: 18
Woah confusing.....advice please?
Posted: 7/28/2011 4:58:20 PM
He changed his mind.

Women have 39 things on their list in regards to qualities they look for a man. A man may simply have 4. 1 thing off that list and they can change their mind for whatever reason.

He had a good time but after some reflection after the date, decided you're not the one. If he feels you two are different people, he feels as though he doesn't want to waste his nor your time.

He had a good time...but it doesn't mean he is obligated to pursue a relationship with you. You can be attracted to various ppl but be compatible with very few.

Let it go, atleast give him the kudos for being honest about things. Not a big deal...life goes on.
 jblack187
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 20
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History
Woah confusing.....advice please?
Posted: 7/28/2011 5:42:24 PM
You've had one bad experience with one guy, that doesn't mean online dating is "one big game". I say ditch the dude, end the pity party, and move on to the next one. Even if you somehow convince him that he wants to move forward with you, it will probably not end well.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 21
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Woah confusing.....advice please?
Posted: 7/28/2011 5:59:13 PM
Fuss, fuss, fuss. You really seem to have a whole plan laid out, with a script and everything, and this guy failed to perform to your directions, so you are mad at him, and everyone who looks like him.
"One big game?" You set up rules for the game ("I didn't put out as he knew I couldn't at the moment from day 1", whatever THAT means), and now that it didn't result in you usual ego reward, you are mad. Puh-leeze.
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