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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?      Home login  
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 KAKI3152
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 1
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?Page 1 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)
Now that I'm in my 50s and single, I find that meeting people has become more diificult. I live in a mid size town in California. I've stopped going to bars (for the most part), am not attending any courses or schools and find that my female friends from my past have all disappeared.
I'm fairly happy being single and don't need to date to be happy but it would be nice to have an ocassional date. Of my male friends, some have totally given up dating while others are resorting to meeting foreign women online. Since I lived overseas for years, I might move to another country when I retire.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 2
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 7/29/2011 4:26:09 PM
Hence the invention of online connections.
 BlueTeaPot
Joined: 6/25/2011
Msg: 3
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 7/29/2011 4:44:42 PM
yes. it is difficult to meet people over 50.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 4
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 7/29/2011 6:20:26 PM
^^^
It's not difficult to meet other people in their 50s.
However, it's more difficult to meet attractive people after 50.
It's even harder after 60.
 KAKI3152
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 5
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 7/29/2011 7:18:22 PM
POF has been somewhat lacking in generating online interest. I 'm trying to avoid bar scenes. What's left, bocci ball at the Senior center? Thinking about Sierra Club events.
 vnufall
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 6
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 7/29/2011 7:49:50 PM
i think its harder to meet guys in their 50's too. sometimes i think they look at a profile and think "how much is this gonna cost me?" i had one online relationship that was wonderful. i think there are some church and temple's who have single groups. this one church has a nite called "like dinner for eight" you come have dinner if you feel comfortable with someone exchange phone numbers to date....i haven't tried that yet...lol.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 7
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 7/29/2011 8:23:53 PM
From my experience?

. . . there are dozens of very polite, articulate, and seemingly genuine gentlemen in their 50's. 95% of them cannot run a mile, hike a small hill, or walk briskly for more than a mile without noticeable physical effects (i.e. sweating, heavy breathing, pace slow down to a 22 minute mile). Over half the singles --who comprise this 95% group in their 50's -- are on some sort of long term meds for chronic health challenges and/or dealing with financial constraints from bankruptcy to long-term unemployment or early retirement due to disability.

The other 5% of single men? (defined as those whose physical health allows them to run a mile, hike a small hill. . .and financial health has them solvent and reaping the benefits of long and steady professional careers) are out here seeking romance. These men have an "upper age range of early 40's but would prefer 30's" (quoted from a profile read yesterday).
 pointoffact
Joined: 7/12/2011
Msg: 8
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 7/29/2011 9:26:01 PM
. . . there are dozens of very polite, articulate, and seemingly genuine gentlemen in their 50's. 95% of them cannot run a mile, hike a small hill, or walk briskly for more than a mile without noticeable physical effects (i.e. sweating, heavy breathing, pace slow down to a 22 minute mile). Over half the singles --who comprise this 95% group in their 50's -- are on some sort of long term meds for chronic health challenges and/or dealing with financial constraints from bankruptcy to long-term unemployment or early retirement due to disability.

The other 5% of single men? (defined as those whose physical health allows them to run a mile, hike a small hill. . .and financial health has them solvent and reaping the benefits of long and steady professional careers) are out here seeking romance. These men have an "upper age range of early 40's but would prefer 30's" (quoted from a profile read yesterday).


and what the hell does all that crap have to do with meeting someone in their 50's?

maybe you're suggesting that when guys in their 50's meet the average women in their 50's they feel the need to run a mile. Or perhaps that women in their 50's are the size of a small hill that needs to be mounted.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 9
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 7/29/2011 10:54:49 PM
Damn near impossible!
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 10
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 7/30/2011 4:18:58 AM
true enough, it's never easier to meet people than when you were in college and/or hanging out in bars. going on line sometimes gives one the illusion of "making it easy", but in fact the people that you "meet" here are often even scarier than the people you meet in bars and sometimes..... even in Dante's seventh circle of hell. also, it is easier to meet people in bigger cities than it is in small or mid-sized towns, generally speaking. but there is the more important question of quantity vs. quality. because if it's "easy" for me to meet 100 people online or in the city and every single one of them are douchebags, what would be the point?

so while it may be "harder" for me to meet people at my advanced age, it's not something that really concerns me and it's not something i think about because it only creates the perception of "imaginary difficulty". somehow, it seems easier and more realistic for me to be frustrated by problems that i actually have the power to solve, like fixing that board that fell off the barn the other day. anyway, unless you live in a cave there are always lots of opportunities to meet people. it's only a matter of finding a few of them that work for you and then going out and doing it.

you might want to check meetup.com. it's networking for local events; but it is NOT a dating site. yet another way to meet people.
 unclezeus
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 11
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 7/30/2011 4:56:14 AM
"" Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s? ""

Not at all. Don't limit yourself to certain ages.

Take some specialized vocational classes, or skill class, or any study at a college.
Check out your community center, see what they have going on.
Volunteer with the Red Cross . Theres a bazillion things you can do , to meet people.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 12
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 7/30/2011 6:05:17 AM
Dear Point of Fact,

Since you've asked (and in less than a gentlemanly manner i might add given your "What the hell" exclamatory. . . ) for a more direct post on whether others have found it hard to meet people in their 50's, i'll be direct:

I do believe that BOTH (meant to be emphasized, but i can't get the italics to work sorry) men and women over 45 have a significant disconnect between what they in fact bring to the table of romance and what they ---- in their quixotic expectations -- demand of a prospective romantic partner their own age.

The above is based upon my own direct observations/experiences since being single for nearly a decade. Just yesterday, for example, a man sent me a very vivid photo of himself (which he said is "recent") surrounded by a dozen or so animal heads. Stuffed. My profile statement is pretty succinct. I do not find hunting or biking to be attractive pursuits. He is also an avid biker whose profile statement clearly states that he'd "love to find a girl to feel the wind in her hair as she holds him on the back of his motor cycle." Finally? He would prefer the woman be "no more than 10 pounds overweight. . . sorry, ladies, I do not mean to be mean, but I'm not attracted to thick women." Well, Point of Fact, unless this gentleman has even more "recent"ly undergone gastric bypass surgery, he is carrying at least 50 pounds of stomach with him on his motorcycle rides.

So. What i am saying -- quite simply is this: something happens to people over 45. And I'll be darned if I know what it is. Which leaves 95% of them in another sphere of reality when seeking romance. I mean, really? Why are so many middle aged people still single after all these years???
 KAKI3152
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 13
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 7/30/2011 7:13:09 AM
Ready_Real does hit some valid points.
From what I see at the gym and at the local scenes are that many over 45 singles are in poor physical condition.L

Luckily, I must fall into the 5% category, since I consider myself in average-good physical condition. Probably since I've been surfing for the last ten years (thats why I live in CA), go to the gym and try to keep healthy. But I digress..

We all have high expectations of what we desire our other half to be like and in our 50s a lot of issues complicate the selection process (Physical attraction,financial security,past family or baggage,etc.) The women who are succesful want the full package and sadly most men don't live up to their expectations. Men are still looking for the eternal eye candy, even though they may be in abysmal conditions. Sad but true.
Living in a small metropolitan area further complicates the situation. Mid town California is my home and I love it here, but it does have drawbacks. To go anywhere, you have to drive.

I'm not really sure there is solution.
 Rain587
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 14
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 7/30/2011 12:11:25 PM
I have physical conditions but it doesn't stop me from living. Mine did not happen because I'm in my 50's. I haven't had any problems getting asked out but some men in their 50's will ask me how long it will take for me to slim down and if I'll have surgery later for those upcoming mid life droopies. Then accuse me of being stuck up when I declined their invitation to a date.

So I came on POF to expand. I have never said no to a date over appearance but lately I'm finding those in their 50's to think they deserve a trophy woman and some of those men are sporting 50+ pounds, no hair, wrinkles, etc. Some show expectation by how they say hi, "hey pretty lady" and "your eyes put me in a trance" and go on and on about kissing and cuddling. I think that is why the phrase, "mid-life crisis" was coined.

I am finally going to meet someone in the next few days. He is 12 years older then me but I also didn't just keep the age group in the 50's. I'm finding 40's and 60's to be the groups without major expectations.

I understand what you said OP but even your profile might scare off a potential match thinking she can't keep up with you.
 chelly55
Joined: 12/1/2009
Msg: 15
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 7/30/2011 2:32:27 PM
I'm finding very difficult to meet guys of any age - let alone in there 50's. A guy will chat - some are very pleasent others are just downright crude. I have even asked guys out on a date and been turned down. Hence home alone again on a Saturday night.
Someone give me a
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 16
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 7/30/2011 3:11:33 PM
^^^^ One problem might be the age restriction on your profile. You are 57, and will not accept messages from men over 56?
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 17
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 7/30/2011 7:50:19 PM
First, get over the idea that online dating is anything like dating "in real life". Sure it's convenient, but the "rules" (such as they are) are very different, and there's also a lot of evidence that even the types of people it attracts are different.

As to alternatives to bars, also try looking into some local volunteer opportunities. Not only will you be doing some good, you'll also meet some good folks!
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 18
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 7/31/2011 10:01:13 AM

One problem might be the age restriction on your profile. You are 57, and will not accept messages from men over 56?


Sorry. I mean, I'm not sorry,but that's freaking hilarious!!!!!!

I've never had a hard time "meeting" people. What I do find a hard time with is finding someone interesting AND intelligent AND one that actually enjoys my company,and I would like to be around for more than 5 minutes.

I do know that as we age, we do "stuff" that we find interesting. I also know that as we age, we don't do other "stuff" just because. So if these others are doing "stuff" they enjoy and that "stuff" is not what I enjoy doing, it's just basic math that more than likely, I won't be meeting them just by chance.

I also believe that our knowledge and wisdom that we pick along the way as the years pass, also eliminates a lot of "others" out of our lives. It's nothing that we should change,but maybe look at "bending" some of our beliefs and thoughts a bit, if we think that's going to help open an extra door or two???? I don't know about that one though, since our experinces have happened, and we should be learning a thing or two from our past. Kind of a Catch-22, no???????
 Ontariogirl1960
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 19
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 7/31/2011 3:02:01 PM
I live in a small town. About 600 people in the whole area. The town that is close by there is 3500 people. There is just not a large pool of people to choose from. I want to meet someone but I want to meet someone who I can get along with and maybe have some simular interests too. I know to well what it is like to be alone IN a relationship. I have no opportunity to join groups and do that sort of thing as there is nothing around here. I have been trying to sell my house now and more to the city so that I can meet more people and possibly have the chance to meet someone. I also know that at 50 sometimes people just don't take care of them selves. I think either a man or a woman that is so overwieght that they can't do normal things like go for a walk should for health reasons start some kind of walking or wieght loss program. As far as some health concerns as long as a person is possitive in nature they can be overcome. I have also come across lots of profile of men that are my age looking for women 20 years younger so that is something to consider. All in all there are some super nice men my age that I have met and I am hoping that the right one will still come along.
 Hegotsoul323
Joined: 9/26/2010
Msg: 20
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 7/31/2011 4:23:14 PM
Its not as easy for me now because I have become more cynical. One friend on here asked if I had even become 'bitter'. I like to think that I am ore realistic now. Oh, I can be a very social outgoing guy if I ignore my inherent shyness. So meeting in itself is not as difficult as getting to know people who are not also becoming rigid and cynical by the time they have seen enough gamers and abusers. But you have to be careful in a world that keeps changing the rules of engagement. So may different vales and moral codes out there, when you stiil dont know all the politically correct rules.
 parrothead 13
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 21
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/1/2011 11:41:54 AM
I have no problem meeting people. Meeting ones that are folks I would like to date is another matter. Its tough because most people are involved with someone, not looking or somehow wrong (age or other things) so its a tough call. POF women, in my experience, are a good group. Lots of nice ladies who want something real out of life so it may well be you are in the best place you can be. I would be very wary of meeting folks from other countries unless you plan to move there. More chances of bad things happening going that route than good things by far.
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 22
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/1/2011 12:21:32 PM
Yep, it's tough. Mainly because the over-50 men are looking for a 20-something.

However, if I wanted to date an under-30 guy I could have all the dates I wanted.
 KneadyOne
Joined: 5/14/2010
Msg: 23
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/1/2011 12:58:31 PM
Yes, the field becomes a lot smaller as we age. Speaking from a mans point of view, women who are posting 10 year old pictures have the highest degree of unrealistic expectations from men.
As Real girl put it, what she is looking for may only be found in 5 percent of the online dating population. She is, however, the exception rather than the rule. I believe most people after 50 are a little more sedate, though there is no reason for letting yourself become a fat slob. You don't really have to run a mile to get a date, but you shouldn't be sitting around watching the chip bowl empty itself into your mouth either.
DO a REAL self-assessment. Strip down and look at yourself in the mirror. If you don't like what you see, then chances are your dream date won't either.

But back to the original question, yes, it's hard to date within that 5 percent. If in addition to being healthy in body, you also expect them to be healthy emotionally and financially, you better get ready for a dang long search.
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 24
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Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/1/2011 4:32:20 PM

Yep, it's tough. Mainly because the over-50 men are looking for a 20-something.

However, if I wanted to date an under-30 guy I could have all the dates I wanted.


I finally did it. I logged out and then opened up POF without signing in and read the first 50 profiles of the men (50 to 65) within 10 miles of myself (don't usually check out men's profiles). Out of 50 I only saw 2 that hinted at anything close to sex. NONE of them limited their age choices to someone their daughters age.

I couldn't find the, "over-50 men are looking for a 20-something" guys anywhere. I'm sure they exist but of the profiles I viewed none showed up.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 25
Do Others find it harder to meet other people in their 50s?
Posted: 8/1/2011 6:36:07 PM
I've never had a hard time "meeting" people. What I do find a hard time with is finding someone interesting AND intelligent AND one that actually enjoys my company,and I would like to be around for more than 5 minutes.


Lol..... My sentiments exactly. Great post btw. Makes a lot of sense.

I've been on a lot of meets over the years and rarely have they led to a second date. Mind you though...I've made a few male friends from this site....nice to have someone's shoulders to cry on.



...mae
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