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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Do all single moms have problems with dating?      Home login  
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 lovelybaker4u
Joined: 7/7/2010
Msg: 1
Do all single moms have problems with dating?Page 1 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
I am asking this question because I want to know if I am the only single mom that has problems with dating and/ or geting asked out. Please tell me what your problem was and how you got it changed. I have been trying to get back into the dating game for awhile now and am having some problems.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 2
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Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/2/2011 8:49:04 AM
Nope, I've never had a problem getting asked out on dates or with finding responsible child care if I accepted a date.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 3
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/2/2011 10:23:07 AM
I know this is going to sound bad, but it depends on how confident you are or how hot you are, Hot women and confident women with kids has no/ zero/ nada /bupkis problems on getting dates, average women with low or no self esteem, the ones worried about their weight, finances etc, has the most problems with dating.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 4
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/2/2011 6:04:50 PM
I didnt have trouble getting asked out, I had trouble managing relationships because I didnt have the time.

Face it, being a parent is a big job, and if you also work full time it is very difficult to sometimes spend the amount of time one needs to cultivate a meaningfull relationship. Least thats what I found. I couldnt really put an effort into dating until my son was 12-13-ish-basically when his social life stopped revolving around me.

I accepted this before I left my marriage-I knew as a single Mom I was no longer going to be considered 'the belle of the ball'. When I was single and no kids a single parent didnt hold a ton of appeal to me either.

Added to that, because I do have a son, I am more selective about what types of men Ill date. I probably would have hung out with a bad boy types in my teens, but when you care about who you bring home to your family 'bad' anybodies are just not cool, so I knew going in that I had a very small dating pool. And Im fine with that. Quality is worth the wait. jmo
 Philhelm
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 5
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Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/2/2011 7:19:54 PM
Well, to start, some of your interests are being a mom and hanging out with your kids. Well, I'd hope you'd enjoy it. Then, from the rest of your profile:


I am a single mom and I don't let just anyone meet them. They are my life!


Alright, we get it, you're a single mother.


I am an old fashion type of girl.


What does that mean?


I am divorced and have been for a while.


Your profile already says that in your status section.


I love to cook and bake. I work as a nurse aide and I love it. If you want to know more please ask.


Better.


If you just want sex then you need to move on!!!!!


Yawn. Why does every woman need to put this?


Most of your profile seems to concentrate on negative things, or the fact that your kids come first. I understand that your kids are important, as well they should be, but you're here to meet men. I wouldn't want to have it shoved in my face how I'll always be second best, and I'd imagine most men would feel the same way.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 6
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Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/3/2011 3:18:13 AM
Finding dates is one thing. Finding someone who will stick around is another. Which of the two are you looking for?
 am64501
Joined: 10/25/2010
Msg: 7
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/3/2011 8:19:30 AM
I do have problems with dating, but probably not for the reasons you meant.

Arranging care for my kiddos, etc. is what makes things a little more difficult for me. I work full time, I have a life aside from trying to date - trying to juggle all of that is taxing. :) Surprisingly enough, I haven't met many people who actually take issue with my having children, but then again, I tend to associate more with people who either have children of their own, or have nieces/nephews/godchildren that they love dearly and so are just naturally child-friendly, or they are people I have befriended somewhere along the line and they know that having kids is just a part of who I am - they like me, so they don't take issue with it.

I think if you're having a hard time attracting men that WANT to date you, or that don't have an issue with you having kids - you need to look at the men you're going after. What are they typically like? Are you chasing the rich CEO who says he's a caring, honest man (key word here: says...people aren't always honest) - or are you chasing the 25 y/o guy who maybe has a kid of his own and is looking to find a connection with someone, or maybe the 21 y/o guy who loves going dirt-bike riding and clubbing? You can actually tell quite a bit about people by their profiles here, if you look close enough. 2 of these are probably obvious no's or are going to balk at the idea of dating a single mother, though as always there are exceptions.

If you mean you are having a difficult time actually finding someone to go out on a date with from the site - have you considered having people review your profile and give you some tips for things that might make you stand out and/or encourage more people to message you? (I didn't look through the profile reviews, so I have no idea if you have or not.)

You are fairly young - age may be a contributing factor, which isn't something you can do anything about. A lot of young guys aren't ready for the responsibility of children, let alone children that aren't their own. A lot still see single mothers as looking for a daddy replacement for their kids - and that will scare people off. (Yes, yes, I know, this doesn't apply to all guys before people freak out and go out of their way to prove me wrong. It doesn't mean ALL of them, but there are those out there that view it like this, like it or not.)

The only real advice I can give you is this:

1.) Smile. No matter how bad your day is going, no matter what else is going on, find SOME reason to smile. Even just smile at a stranger. Do it every single day. (Smiling makes you more attractive. No real explanation needed. Plus, it makes YOU feel better.)

2.) Be happy with yourself where you are. I tell pretty much everyone that is struggling exactly this. It's a lot easier said than done, but you have to be happy first. Don't let being single be a horrible factor in your life. Be happy, enjoy life, and let someone come along when the time is right. If you're happy on your own, finding someone to compliment your painting isn't quite so difficult. They become attracted to you by the very idea of you being happy, regardless of what you do or do not have.

3.) Be realistic and honest about your expectations - both with others and with yourself. Don't set out some ideal picture of the 'perfect' guy and exactly what you want. Chances are, you could be overlooking a guy who isn't necessarily your ideal but would be a great partner for you. Keep an open mind and don't slot people into stereotypes - this is one way to miss out on great people, either for friends or romantically.

Sorry, that was a super long-winded response. I'm good at that.
 Singing_Geek
Joined: 12/27/2010
Msg: 8
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/5/2011 3:25:47 PM
Throughout my life I've dated many single moms and I've known numerous single moms.

One thing that I've seen in common with many unhappy ladies and ones in your situation is not having the proper priorities when thinking about your children.

If you have kids thats wonderful. You had a life before them, and I'm presuming you want to have a life after they leave. Yes, you have to take care of them and that takes a lot of time, but who in their right mind wants to get into a relationship with someone that will always consider them to be second banana to the kids.

Kids aren't going to explode if you aren't there micromanaging them at every hour. There are baby sitters, grandparents and, god forbid, the ex. It is so important that you allocate mom-time.

If you are going to date, you need to remember that person you were before you had kids; before the responsility, when you had dreams, plans and all that good stuff.

Kids can be included in those plans and dreams. But you need to be looking for someone who wants to be part of the dreams and be part of all of the stuff you wanted to be.



As for our children comming first in our world, the same principles apply. I have not yet ventured out into the dating world, mainly because many of the men I meet do not understand that I put my child first. Example: "no I don't want to go to this party with you until 2 am because I have a child at home and that 'party life' is something I believe a parent should not be indulging in after they have a kid, just one of the many sacrafices we as parents have to/want to make." I can understand how good men would not like it being shoved in their face, and for that all I can say is I'm sorry too many loser guys have made us believe that we need to shove it in a guy's face for them to realise they are not the center of our world.


Unfortunately this rather severe attitude has effect of chasing away nice fellows that may be interested. I don't mind dating a ladie with kids, but if all we do is go to your place and watch the kids, go to the park to watch the kids, go the mall and watch the kids, then no thanks. I'm looking for a lifetime mate, not someone I can perpetually babysit with.

You need Mommy-time; every person does. If you are serious about dating you need to create time to spend on you and your potential mate. Yes, there are limitations on what you can do, but I've yet to meet anyone who's schedule is so rigid that they aren't actually able t0 date.

I'm not anti-kid. I've just met enough ladies that regret not having spent more time on themselves as their kids grew up. You can tell who these are, by when their kids leave home or become independent they become lost because they no longer remember who they are/were.

Good luck.
 WildAndFree3
Joined: 6/24/2011
Msg: 9
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/7/2011 6:11:56 PM
Have you tried dating the single dads?
 lovelybaker4u
Joined: 7/7/2010
Msg: 10
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/8/2011 11:31:30 AM
Lol, I love it! I wish my ex was that nice. But I do look for single dads but they are the same way as single men.
 irish634
Joined: 10/4/2010
Msg: 11
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/11/2011 6:58:31 PM
[Quote]But I do look for single dads but they are the same way as single men.[/Quote]

I disagree with this. I am a single dad and have no problem dating a woman with children. Hell, I find a woman that interacts wonderfully with her kids very attractive.
 Bladesmith81801
Joined: 10/30/2010
Msg: 12
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/12/2011 9:59:17 PM
My ex was a single Mom when we started dating. We'd mix things up, a date night for the grown ups and dates with her and her daughter and I. I ended up happily adopting her.

It all depends on the kind of man, I guess.
 karenl0523
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 13
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/16/2011 11:52:09 AM
My experience has been awful becuase I live with my parents and the guys don't understand me. I mean i'm a good hearted women with having a hard time finding a good job to move out of the house with, exspecially with this economy. Then the last one broke up with me to go back with his exgf that lives in Texas, but he lives here and she lives there. He not even sure if it will go ok even when she does move here in a year. I think aprt of that he was jsut not into me I think. I mean that was wrong to becuase he was at first into me and now he wanted to be friends. I don't like being friends with some of my ex's , cuz it would make it to ahrd to be friends with him, if I wnated more. I have a 15 year old boy in Sept. and been dating on and off for 6 years. I haven't had much luck in this, but I keep trying and hoping to find the right guy for my son and myself. I would say it can be difficult for me, but where I live shouldn't have anything to do with my dating, but sometimes the guys see it different I guess. It suck becuase I have alot ot offer someone to and I'm a fun mom to be around. I've been asked out by the wrong guys I guess and I'm Catholic to. It is frusterating i know that all to well. Good Luck and I know how it goes gf, it is hard not easy.
 karenl0523
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 14
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/16/2011 11:56:47 AM
I also give myself mom space to and I do put my son first, but I also like to have me time to I guess also...I mean my son understands me and my dating at this point to, so I would say maybe doing mom time for yourself sometimes to....
 tightwrk
Joined: 4/3/2011
Msg: 15
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/19/2011 7:07:32 PM
I'm a single mom and the problem i have with dating is there pretty much isn't anything out there worth a crap. I'm looking for a man that has more to offer than i do and its been really difficult. I stopped looking, if its meant for me it will happen.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 16
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Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/19/2011 7:47:19 PM
For the record, EVERYONE has problems with dating, moms, dads, non parents, men & women alike.
 delynnie10
Joined: 5/25/2010
Msg: 17
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/20/2011 6:33:02 PM
Oh YES!! I have. I tried to start dating after my divorce but to even plan was a process. I could only do things last minute since my ex would never keep the plans in the right direction. When I did go out it was with that wanted to roll in the hay.. I gave up... Seven years later and more grown up kids I am trying but now my deal is that I am so busy between football games, bowling and the work.. I have no personal time for myself and when I am on here most guys dont respond and those that do message me want something other than dinner... Just keep trying that "fish" will come... Good luck
 onemoretimeforfun
Joined: 1/28/2011
Msg: 18
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Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/20/2011 7:40:40 PM
Hey thought I'd drop you a note ..no not an old perv from Canada..I will say this though you are attractive and there are guys like me who are looking souly for single mom type girls..I for one am not through with being a father and am addicted to being a provider..not very romantic but there it is lol..so I think the problem your having is self inflicked your not putting yourself out there enough..I mean look at you ..your gourgous,who would want to be with you..get a sitter and get out there with the girls some night soon and land that guy,.I'd be falling all over myself to impress you if you were here and I was a few years younger..ok ok more then a few years but you get my point..All the best Dean
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 19
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/20/2011 9:47:13 PM
yeah, but I was just too busy

now my youngest will be turning 13 things are a little more settled and I could expand my 'warmth' toward people outside my family and immediate friends...

now I just have to find the desire to share my energy and interests with another person in a romantic way again
 lovelybaker4u
Joined: 7/7/2010
Msg: 20
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/23/2011 2:16:38 PM
Well some of us only have one mirror in our house! Just because you take a photo using a mirror in the bathroom doesn't mean that you just went. Why are you so rude anyway???
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 21
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/25/2011 7:33:09 PM
I had problems going out because I couldn't afford to pay a sitter,& I didn't have any family to help, only on rare occasions. So I started trading babysitting with a friend who was also a single mom. Sometimes we put out not available vibes & don't realize it. Maybe you aren't going to the right places to meet people. Summer brings so many places to go with the kids during the day, fests, the zoo, maybe you'll meet a single Dad at one of those places with his kids. Get out there now, it doesn't get any easier as you get older. I had issues finding a quality guy. Some men didn't want a relationship with me because I was a single mom, but they sure didn't have a problem trying to use me for sex. I would weed those losers out asap. Stay active & out there, the right guy will come along. It's better to be unattached then to be with a guy who's not the right one for you. Give it time, it takes time.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 22
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/25/2011 7:41:59 PM
Was doogle directing that insulting comment to lovely baker? That was so rude, no class at all there. It does not look like you took your pic in a public bathroom. The comment about the bodily functions was uncalled for. Ignore him & his stupid comments that are insulting, demeaning and degrading, he obviously has no class. That was uncalled for and mean.
 batata1219
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 23
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/25/2011 9:44:20 PM
I read a bits and pieces of the comments within the discussion and everyone seemed to have a valid point.

Yes, it can be hard, but only if you make allow it to be. Mypregnancy was MISERABLE. Down 60lbs in first trimester, surgery, 6 months bedrest, then the labor and all the weight back after along with post-pardome and sickness. However, I choose to leave all of the downfalls behind and remember that I have a beautiful daughter and I wouldn't trade her for the world. When we put our kids first, that does not mean we have to stop living. If you truly desire to have a relationship, then you HAVE to put yourself out there. I am not saying to settle for just anyone, but give someone a chance. Yes, there are insecurities. For instance, I am plus-sized, single mom, looking for a new job now, and living with my parents until I finish school so I can regain everything I lost while I was on bedrest. So!? Why should any of that stop me? I can change, and, actually, someone may even accept me for how right now. Change how you perceive yourself. In example, I am a mother trying to better herself while exploring what life has to offer. That makes you seem like you have room for adventure and love and life. Kids do not have to tie you down. I enjoy being with my daughter, but I need "mommy time" just as much as the next person. Lol.

The point is, you are only single because you allow yourself to be single. Take it how you want, but it's the truth in the end. Put yourself out there. It may not always result in Prince Charming, but it sure helps you figure out what you really want. May even make you feel better about yourself. Shoot! Slip on a sexy dress and look good for yourself! Lol. It sure beats the hell out of blogging about being lonely. Gotta love yourself before anyone else can. :)
 mister_right
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 24
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/26/2011 7:56:07 AM
I am going start with saying I am a single dad with my kids living with me almost full time. In fairness I will also point out they are teenagers so I know its different then having young children.
Moms we all know you love your kids, we as dads love our children just as much, we just act differently about it. I believe it comes from a mind set, I myself am trying to prepare my children for their life, the life that begins when they move out. I find MOST single moms I have dated are trying to take care of their children.
I understand this is a fundamental difference between the sexes however if you have a teenager you cant leave alone then I am questioning your parenting.
If you have a child who is older then 10 who cant feed, bathe, serve them self or needs your help to go to the bathroom, barring disabilities I am questioning you as a parent.
The long and short of it gets to be at what point do you cut the umbilical cord? I have gone out with a mom whos 8 year old sleeps with her.... uhhhhh creepy
Now with all this being said I absolutely love good kids, I spend a ton of time with my kids, I spend time with my kids friends, I would spend time with someone I went out with kids as long as they arent suckling at the time.
I dont even mind playing second fiddle when its needed, but if its always needed because you have never taught your child to be independent then should know that you created the situation, and YOU will either have to change it or deal with the consequences.
 Sydney0475
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 25
Do all single moms have problems with dating?
Posted: 8/26/2011 5:31:27 PM
I have been divorced for four years now and have been on one coffee date that lasted about fifteen minutes and included other people. But I like to look at it as a baby step in the right direction.

In all honesty when I think about having an honest to goodness "partner" again in my life my children are all much older than they are now, and independant enough to give me both more time and energy to commit to a relationship.

In the meantime though it would be nice to make a connection, but I do believe that I self-sabotage. Having that sense of mommy-responsibility can be an excuse to not look too hard maybe? Fear of rejection maybe?

I have been told, too, that when my friends and I go out to clubs or wherever that I still act married. It's not easy to switch that attitude for me and I very rarely look around or make eye contact with anyone. Let alone smile or flirt or try and make a connection with someone.

And men are *work*. SO much effort sometimes!
lol - I kid, anything worth while is worth the effort you put into it.

Good luck!
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