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 PRSweetie70
Joined: 8/4/2011
Msg: 1
Sex on the first date?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Yay or nay.

What would you do if you waste several weeks talking on the phone, several dates, you like each other...BUT....when you have sex, it lasts a whole 15 minutes and he can't perform any more?

This is just a general question......

Is it better to waste time or know and get it over with.

 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 2
Sex on the first date?
Posted: 8/9/2011 10:07:57 PM
Tell him if he can't perform with his hips he better get busy with his lips.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 3
Sex on the first date?
Posted: 8/9/2011 10:24:35 PM
He may get better with practice.
Sometimes....first times....are not the best.
 808md
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 4
Sex on the first date?
Posted: 8/9/2011 10:28:04 PM
We liked each other...but then he could not perform...once...so it's time to move on.

Get a strong vibrator... with your level of empathy, you don't deserve a human being.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 5
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Sex on the first date?
Posted: 8/9/2011 10:35:32 PM
stray cat
Sometimes....first times....are not the best.



Nay, To me sex is not the most important aspect of a good relationship. I don't want to sleep with someone right away then discover we have nothing in common.

Sex with emotional closeness is more enjoyable to me no matter how long it lasts. Besides I don't see 15 minutes as being that bad.lol
 Tim0066
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 6
Sex on the first date?
Posted: 8/9/2011 10:39:42 PM
It all depends on the situation, the person, how well you've gotten to know them prior to the first date, how well you hit it off... with NO or as little as possible alcahol involved... safe sex, and only if you're both passionate about it... not in the back seat of your car...

Preferably if you had a first date that started as a planned hour or two and ended up going all afternoon into the night and you intended to go on another date with them and felt they would with you too... and then NOT to just "get it over with" but because thats what the date led to naturally...

I've had a couple girlfriends in my life that I had first date sex with... one lasted over 6 years and I had my son with her... thats when I was young tho... and other gf's lasted over a year each... First date sex doesn't always mean a one night stand nor that sex was all you wanted.

Sex is a critical part of a relationship... if it sucks... you wont last. Its one thing you can find out early on if you will last... being friends and having mutual philosophies on life in general takes a long time to find out. People who say they "want to be sure its going to last" end up not lasting because when they finaly have sex they realize something they can't tolerate or it turns out lame.

I wouldn't trust his stamina by just one time... and besides... 15 minutes? The average sex time is 7 minutes, thats a world wide statistic... and if he can't have sex again within 30-60 minutes after the first time... then either he has a erectile disfunction or he isn't turned on by you... (doesn't mean you are not attractive, just that some people aren't turned on by some people, its a subconcious thing)

If you have first date sex... it should be several times over a few hours... or somethings wrong (probably doesn't care if you were satisfied)

BUT don't assume... if you liked him, give him a second chance at least... go slower, take your time... give him a chance to show you it can grow into great sex, it may be that he was just overwhelmed with how damn hot you are... even a guy good at sex can have short stamina the first time with a really hot woman, it all depends on the situation and the girl. I've had times where I was seriously turned on and didn't last long but made up for it the second and third time that same night... and if a guy can only satisfy you one way then either he has to LEARN other ways, or you teach him... men WILL listen if you guide them through how you PERSONALLY like to be satisfied. All women are different as to what and how they like things done... Its one of the few times we don't mind women bossing us around

I used to joke that first date sex always gauranteed me a second date
 StroShow87
Joined: 12/16/2010
Msg: 7
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Sex on the first date?
Posted: 8/9/2011 11:27:38 PM
Was he a virgin?
 blt07
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 8
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himmm
Posted: 8/10/2011 12:46:00 AM
get a viagra and give it to him...
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 9
Sex on the first date?
Posted: 8/10/2011 1:09:21 AM
I'm not sure I would consider it a waste of time getting to know someone I'm interested in over several weeks...however, more than likely, the question of being sexually compatible would be taken care of long before we reached that point.

Interesting question...resonates with testing a product before you make a purchase. Something I'd definately recommend and do in terms of material matter...Not something I do when it comes to matters of the heart.
 buckeye1332
Joined: 5/19/2011
Msg: 10
Sex on the first date?
Posted: 8/10/2011 2:45:22 AM
I don't expect to have sex on the first date, but if it happens it happens. I would prefer it to happen after engaging into a relationship, but it doesn't always take that long.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 11
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Sex on the first date?
Posted: 8/10/2011 3:22:17 AM
Given that you are implying that first-times-sex was the ONLY reason for the entire relationship, I would agree that you might as well boink the guy during the first meet.

Essentially, I think you are over-thinking everything, and objectifying each other, and that this is what CAUSED the sex to last only 15 minutes, and the guy to be unable to perform after.

That, or the reason the sex only lasted 15 minutes is because he didn't enjoy it at all, and the reason he "couldn't" perform after, is because he didn't want to put himself through it again.

I'm not opposed to sex on a first date for the RIGHT reasons, but this sounds like carrying illogical "reasoning" too far. It's akin to my thought years ago, that of someone offers me a beer, I should take it directly to the mens room, and poor it into the urinal, to save time and energy. It only makes sense, if you make a number of unattractive assumptions about why you are there to begin with.
 kadeegirl72
Joined: 8/7/2011
Msg: 12
Sex on the first date?
Posted: 8/10/2011 3:31:26 AM
A relationship should be based on many things- not just sex. disgusting! Way to go giving women a bad name!
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 13
Sex on the first date?
Posted: 8/10/2011 4:02:10 AM
It depends. He could have just been hyped and finished quickly because that can happen with a new person. If he can't do better after a few more tries, then you might want to think about dumping him. Back when I was in my 20's, it was always difficult to last very long the firts couple of times, even though after that, I could last however long I wanted to last.
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 14
Sex on the first date?
Posted: 8/10/2011 4:06:43 AM
your problem is that your formula is ass-backwards.
in the future, please take only 15 minutes to get to know a guy,
then spend several weeks having sex.
you will waste less time that way.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 15
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Sex on the first date?
Posted: 8/10/2011 4:07:57 AM

A relationship should be based on many things- not just sex. disgusting! Way to go giving women a bad name!
Relax cupcake... most grown ups know the difference between an established relationship, and the process that one goes through to form a relationship.

OP... the quick delivery wouldn't concern me nearly as much as his inability with the encore performance...

Personally, I'd rather know sooner than later...
 nowordscandescribeme
Joined: 7/29/2011
Msg: 16
Sex on the first date?
Posted: 8/10/2011 7:57:04 AM
15 minutes, isn't bad at all, you have to mix it up, sometimes the mood calls for a longer session, sometimes you only have time for a shorter session.

Also when you go awhile without sex as a guy, the first time back it's a common tendancy to bust sooner than you'd like, not exactly something a man can always control.

With me when I'm with someone awhile, I progress with time.

As far as your question goes, It really depends on what you both want, with me if I really like a woman, and want to get to know her, I'll put sex off until we've reached on an entire different level.

In order for me to be truly happy with a woman, I need my Mind, Body,and soul stimulated.
 Smiley_mcgee
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 17
Sex on the first date?
Posted: 8/10/2011 8:10:28 AM

Is it better to waste time or know and get it over with.

If my ultimate purpose is to just get laid, I would want to "get it over with."
If I've actually come to know them enough, enjoy talking and spending time with them, and there was something keeping me around other than the prospect of sex, it really wouldn't matter. I'd rather find acceptance and tolerance than a sexual high.

If they were really insecure about it, I'd rather get it over with to see how they approached it afterwards, how it shaped future behavior.

I'd never talk on the phone for several weeks without dating, or without having dated for months and years, though.


it lasts a whole 15 minutes and he can't perform any more?

If I had sex with someone for 15 minutes, and they wouldn't sit there and have fun in other ways, I'd probably move on.
If I had sex with someone for 15 minutes and they couldn't perform any more, at all, forever, I would probably take them to the hospital and then go get tested myself.


Sex on the first date? Yay or nay.

I find I usually have too much to talk about and think about to focus on sex on the first date.
IME if I have sex on the first date it's because we are physically compatible or really attracted to each other, but everything else is pretty much incompatible, and we don't really have all that much stuff in common to discuss and communicate.
So really it happens because we don't have better things to do or say on the first date.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 18
Sex on the first date?
Posted: 8/10/2011 11:30:35 AM

What would you do if you waste several weeks talking on the phone, several dates, you like each other...BUT....when you have sex, it lasts a whole 15 minutes and he can't perform any more?
I wouldn't consider the time spent a waste.

I agree that there are certain incompatibilities that do crop up in the bedroom, but 15 minutes is your biggest complaint? Of course he couldn't perform anymore, there is something called a refractory period after all.

Perhaps you made your displeasure obvious, and so he didn't feel all that motivated to 'get it up' after the usual 20 min refractory period.

I don't think the solution to better sex is to indulge on the first date, personally I think it is backwards to expect intimacy when you have yet to know a person intimately. Their dreams, desires, etc.. but I suppose that all depends on your focus.

It sounds like you should change what you are looking for to intimate encounter.
 Jen_29
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 19
Sex on the first date?
Posted: 8/10/2011 12:08:15 PM

Get a strong vibrator


I agree. They perform for as long as you want and they put up with your bad character.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 20
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Sex on the first date?
Posted: 8/10/2011 12:31:36 PM
First times suck. I don't care if you're a virgin, or a 40 yr veteran. You don't know anything about how to stimulate them or what they like or prefer. I try not to judge based on first times.. but there are exceptions to that. Lol..

Having had one partner that didn't listen when I clearly stated a dislike for certain things, and he continued to do them.. lets just say he's never going to get a chance to try again.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 21
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Sex on the first date?
Posted: 8/10/2011 1:32:36 PM
Well, I've had "first times" that were out of this world.......and then the repeat performances left much to be desired.
And I've had "first times" that were not that great......but the repeat performance rocked my world.

So I've come to realize one time isn't enough to decide if he's a keeper or not.

as to whether or not to have sex on the 1st date........I'd say there are way too many variable to say yay or nay.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 22
Sex on the first date?
Posted: 8/10/2011 4:05:57 PM

What would you do if you waste several weeks


Well, you could be posting comments on a subject that has been done to virtual death in these threads for the last two years?


This is just a general question......Is it better to waste time


Well, lol, it appears the answer is yes, for you. lol


Men's number one fear, per numerous social science studies, is choosing a woman that will cheat on them.


Priceless. I'm a guy. My number one fear is choosing to meet a woman who neglected to mention that she's an axe murderer.
Fear number two is choosing to meet a woman who has some nasty, eventually lethal, disease to communicate.
. . . . . .
Fear number 1,450-fear that she'll release some heinous gas under the sheets.
Fear number 1,451- fear that she might do some other guy without alerting me to her intentions, or even the fait accompli.

 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 23
Sex on the first date?
Posted: 8/10/2011 5:03:37 PM
Well Red Fish, none of that applies as to sex on a first date.
And without knowing the woman well....there can be no guarantee as to quality.

Women seem to think us guys are just walking dildos with psychic powers to boot.
Get us naked first time and hit the on switch.
We will automatically preform to your specifications.

But without knowing you, it can be hard to please you first time.
Some women like to be bitten and spanked while doing it.
Some women liked to be cuttled and held gently while doing it.
Guess wrong and it doesn't go well.

So most guys stick to the basics first time and see how that works.
If you aint screaming after 15 minutes, we tend to loose interest and finish.

Better sex?
Get to know the guy better.

And say what you like.
We are not BOBs and we are not mind readers.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 24
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Sex on the first date?
Posted: 8/10/2011 5:14:01 PM
stray cat
Well Red Fish, none of that applies as to sex on a first date.



Yes I know, I don't enjoy casual sex so would never have 1st date sex. Had a drunken one night stand ONCE too.


The guys I slept with were not the best the first time but it didn't make me lose interest.
 Island home
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 25
Sex on the first date?
Posted: 8/10/2011 5:22:52 PM
Have sex first fill the questionaires out after while waiting for seconds.
Saves time
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