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 iowachevyguy
Joined: 8/14/2010
Msg: 1
what is so wrong with a single dad?Page 1 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
It seems like no one gives me the time of day when they find out i am a single dad. I am a very proud father. My 3 yr old daughter means everything to me. I would think more women would respect that in a man. Starting to think that there is no one out there for me. Are there any honest people out there anymore.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 2
what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 8/20/2011 3:41:43 PM

It seems like no one gives me the time of day when they find out i am a single dad. I am a very proud father. My 3 yr old daughter means everything to me.


I think it's great that you are taking on your responsibilities. Women are aware of the time and dedication it takes for you (and from you) to be a good dad. Unfortunately...they also realize that it is time NOT available (or as available) for them.


I would think more women would respect that in a man.


I believe MOST men and women do find it admirable.


Are there any honest people out there anymore.


I think you ARE running into honest women. Honest with you...and themselves. And the honest truth is...is that it is less complicated to date someone who doesn't need to make a small child such a huge priority in their lives.

If you were honest with yourself...you would see that point. It doesn't make them bad people. Single mother's have this same challenge. Being willing to take on that...with you...would make them exceptional.
 sammiejuk
Joined: 12/16/2010
Msg: 3
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what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 8/20/2011 3:49:32 PM
If they are not mature enough to respect that you are a single father, then they are not mature enough to be worthy of your time. There are plenty of women out there who wouldn't bat an eye lid at the fact that you are a single father, most of them will be single mothers as they will have a greater appreciation of your situation. I wouldn't worry, your miss right is out there somewhere.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 4
what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 8/20/2011 3:55:40 PM
iowa


been a single father with full time custody....never a problem finding possible dating partners...perhaps you do not realize that for a person with no children you are less of an interest due to the fact you have responsibilities.

when I was in my 20's the last thing in the world i wanted to date was someone with responsibilities..an anchor

choices in life....
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 5
what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 8/20/2011 4:09:34 PM
I'm curious ...

You are a father to a 3 year old daughter.
You state single.
Were you not married?

\/\/\/

Ok ... that makes sense.

Then I think your picker is off.
Where do you meet these women?
Do you know what your looking for,
Or will any one do?

If they are only staying for 2 months ... Why?
What's the issues?

Are you holding onto your baggage,
or have you taken the time to clean it out?
 iowachevyguy
Joined: 8/14/2010
Msg: 6
what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 8/20/2011 4:22:31 PM
I was not married engaged but not married
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 7
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what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 8/20/2011 5:02:21 PM
Do you have full custody?
Don't blame your kid. There are a million reasons why people won't date other people. We all go through that.
 Possessions
Joined: 10/3/2009
Msg: 8
what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 8/20/2011 5:18:59 PM
It seems like no one gives me the time of day when they find out i am a single dad. I am a very proud father. My 3 yr old daughter means everything to me. I would think more women would respect that in a man. Starting to think that there is no one out there for me. Are there any honest people out there anymore.


Let me break this down the best I can so maybe it helps.

A lot of times women want your full attention, especially when dating. It's hard for you to give that being you're a single father but if they're mature enough or have kids of their own they will understand.

I have the utmost respect for single fathers as now days it's all I am generally interested in dating. Because I can understand them and when they can't pay attention to me for five minutes I understand. I know where their priorities lie and a lot of the time when dating the woman wants to be your number one priority in reality; you being a single father they never will be.

My guess is you're picking the wrong girls. You just need to find someone who can understand you and what your priorities are.
 Tim0066
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 9
what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 8/20/2011 5:40:11 PM
There's a recent post about single fathers in the forums... there were a handful of women who openly stated that if you do not have custody of your children that you are not really a "single father" you're just a DNA donor and money tree for the "assumed good mom" in other single womens eyes.

It might very well be possible that many women feel that same way they just won't admit it openly... if you tell women you do not have full custody then they wont date you... they assume you're trash, a deadbeat dad and abandoned your children or didn't fight hard enough in court to win custody.

Regardless of how far from the truth it might be, single women you just met have nothing to go on so they go with what their "stereotypical" view of a father who doesn't have his kids is. They may even go by their own childrens fathers as their example of who you "must" be... and then you're just double screwed, no chance for dating them.

Keep a positive attitude tho... there's plenty of mature intelligent women out there who aren't so deluded, you may meet one eventually...

Just one possible reason for your troubles...
 delynnie10
Joined: 5/25/2010
Msg: 10
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what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 8/20/2011 6:27:15 PM
I don't think there is anything wrong with a single dad! I agree with some of the other post that some just are not ready to just into a family relationship unless they have kids of their own to understand. Some just want your attention not share it. There are women out here, like myself, that when you are a single parent know that you will be sharing your time with the kids as well as the person you are dating. In my case most men don't get it and some do.

I also had a boyfriend that with his daughter keep us very seperated and that hurt. Because I didn't know, at the time no kids, how to his rules when it came to certain situations. I did it all wrong and it made me feel unworthy. I am sure you aren't doing it to that degree but make sure that if you want to have some one in your life that you do it equaly.

Good luck!
 ItsOurRoad
Joined: 8/1/2011
Msg: 11
what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 8/21/2011 12:05:56 AM
They smell?

Yes you can assume it's because your a single dad but

it could be because you live in the middle of nowhere or

for obvious reasons the number of dateable women in your area reduces your chances of meeting someone

Maybe move to Des Moines
 meowsaidthetigress
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 12
what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 8/21/2011 12:42:21 AM
The fact is many women of all ages do not wish to be a maternal figure to a child (nor wish to have any). Dating will always be tough until you meet the right person that can accept that type of responsibility. Its a huge commitment.
 Justmytypewriter
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 13
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what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 8/21/2011 1:26:58 AM
First of all, did you try a thread search? There must be about 2837 threads out here covering the exact same topic.

iowachevyguy wrote:
It seems like no one gives me the time of day when they find out i am a single dad.

What makes you think that it is parenthood that keeps you from dating? There are tons of reasons why women turn down men. Children are one possible reason, but that might not be the main issue. Maybe you (as a man) are just not what the women you approach are interested in? Maybe your approach sucks?

Also, who do you seek to date? Are you focusing on childless women or on single mothers? Many childless (often childfree) women will probably be less interested in dating a father than many single moms. Single mothers are in a similar situation as far as juggling parenthood, work, household chores and dating is concerned, so there are common grounds right there.

I am a very proud father. My 3 yr old daughter means everything to me.

Well, that might be a valid reason indeed, and it would make it impossible for someone like me to even consider dating someone like you. If your daughter indeed "means everything" to you, there is obviously zero space left for anyone else to mean anything to you at all. Why should I (or any woman for that matter) date someone who tells from the start that I won't mean anything to him anyway? Also, that phrase make you seem like one of those many single parents who keep confusing their child's needs with their child's wants, and that is a huge turn-off (for me).

Obviously young children have many major needs that require lots of (often immediate) attendance, and everybody will understand that. But if you make it clear from the beginning, that your daughter will always and only come first, regardless of what the situation is, you're essentially telling all potential dates that they will always and only ever be second-best at best. That is not an appealing outlook for any woman.

I would think more women would respect that in a man. Starting to think that there is no one out there for me.

Well, whining about your lack of dates certainly won't make you appear more attractive...

Are there any honest people out there anymore.

I'm confused. What does the fact that you don't find a date have to do with people being honest (or not)?
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 14
what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 8/21/2011 3:33:16 AM
It seems like no one gives me the time of day when they find out i am a single dad.

maybe it has something to do with the way they find out about it. does your ex scream a lot?


I am a very proud father. My 3 yr old daughter means everything to me. I would think more women would respect that in a man.

i think i see what you did here. you said to yourself, "if i were an unproud father or or otherwise an irresponsible douchebag, no woman would want me." you simply turned that equation around and said, "if i am a very proud father, and if my daughter means everything to me, then women should want me." that's not the way it works. you remind me of that chris rock "i take care of my kids" routine. your expectations are too low, because you believe women should want you merely for doing what you SHOULD be doing; and your expectations are also too high, because you believe you should somehow be REWARDED for the most basic of YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES and you also think you should be able to get whatever you want merely because you want it. in a word, UNREALISTIC.


Starting to think that there is no one out there for me.

you are free to start thinking that, but always remember it will be a choice that you made deliberately. in other words, it wasn't really the weight of the universe lined up against you but an attitude you chose to adopt. and how does indulging in irrational, negative thoughts that reek with fatalistic self-pity FEEL? pretty good? you're benefitting from that in some way? think about it for a while and get back to us.


Are there any honest people out there anymore.

there are lots of honest people out there anymore, but what does have to do with your love life or the lack thereof?

get a grip. learn to think instead of just having an emotional reaction about life and how unsatisfactory it feels to you.
 imjustmeXOXO
Joined: 7/11/2011
Msg: 15
what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 8/21/2011 6:46:45 AM
I have great respect for all single parents men and woman. I would any appreciate a responsible man who putts his children first. Besides it just as hard for single moms. I'm looking for a dad my kids already have one. But you will have to just as possitive for my kids as well as myself. So just be patient and wait for someone who appreciates you for just who you are.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 16
what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 8/21/2011 6:47:11 AM

there are lots of honest people out there anymore, but what does have to do with your love life or the lack thereof?

get a grip. learn to think instead of just having an emotional reaction about life and how unsatisfactory it feels to you.


Well said mo...........
in dis-fused irrational thought to making it into rational sense.
 iowachevyguy
Joined: 8/14/2010
Msg: 17
what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 8/21/2011 11:41:18 AM
Ok so the women that put they like to fish and hunt and go camping and watch sports are just telling men what they want to hear. Sorry i dont play games. I am honest and up front. I am not going to tell someone what they want to hear and be fake. I want someone to like me for me. And as to some earlier posts. I am not saying all ppl are not honest, some are. Some are also fake. I also want to touch on the whole my daughter means everything comment, whos children dont mean everything to them. I am not asking anyone to assume the role of mother to my child, she has a mom(she may not be the greatest at it, but she is her mom). There is no drama there. It was agreed by both that we not get married. Anyways thankyou to those that understand what i mean and am talking about and thankyou to those that kind of gave me a womens point of view. To the ones that just told me how wrong i am and that im only thinking of myself and talking like you are sooo perfect.....question for you....if you are so damn perfect, why are you on a dating site? Take a look at yourselves before you start judging someone you dont even know anything about.....
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 18
what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 8/21/2011 11:45:27 AM
Nothing wrong with a single dad, in fact, if the dad and kids are all nice you're getting two/three/four/etc for the 'price of one' :)

anyway, at the beginning, the children really don't need to have much to do with it - they're dating you - an adult - not your kids
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 19
what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 8/22/2011 5:40:39 AM
Single parents could help themselves by stating in thier profiles what exactly the arrangments are between you and the other parent. Not too many single people without kids want to take on a ready made family, and if you have your child only every second weekend you may have more luck as it would show you have the time to date.

And remember, no matter what your arrangments are, there are aways going to be those singles who want nothing to do with a parent. Especially young singles. Put yourself in thier shoes...Im sure at 22 yrs old you were not fantasizing about dating a single Mom.

You made some choices in your past that will affect you choices in the future...just accept that and move on. Your child is your blessing. Not everyone else will see it that way...so what? Thats life.

Id think if you got involved with your childs day to day routine, such as showed up where she is babysat etc or went to any of the toddler activitites with her at local parks and libraries you would meet other single parents and do some networking. When my son was little I met way more people just through him...
 jdas83
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 20
what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 8/22/2011 7:33:00 AM
100% understand where you are coming from, it is exactly the same for me!
my son means the world to me and i'm lpud and proud about it, why should we have to keep quiet about having kids? why is it (appear) assumed that if a guy is a single father he has walked out on his family, things happen and people grow apart, doesn't make you any lesser person

they should worry about the ones not coming forward straight up about it
 azuaya
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 21
what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 8/22/2011 9:07:41 AM
I think women who see single dads ( like myself ) tend to think, they're must've been something he did in his previous relationship. I'm having the same problem, and I usually try to message women with kids, I don't know I been out the game for awhile everything is all new to me
 Justmytypewriter
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 22
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what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 8/22/2011 11:42:36 AM

Posted By: iowachevyguy

Ok so the women that put they like to fish and hunt and go camping and watch sports are just telling men what they want to hear. Sorry i dont play games. I am honest and up front. I am not going to tell someone what they want to hear and be fake. I want someone to like me for me. And as to some earlier posts. I am not saying all ppl are not honest, some are. Some are also fake. I also want to touch on the whole my daughter means everything comment, whos children dont mean everything to them. I am not asking anyone to assume the role of mother to my child, she has a mom(she may not be the greatest at it, but she is her mom). There is no drama there. It was agreed by both that we not get married. Anyways thankyou to those that understand what i mean and am talking about and thankyou to those that kind of gave me a womens point of view. To the ones that just told me how wrong i am and that im only thinking of myself and talking like you are sooo perfect.....question for you....if you are so damn perfect, why are you on a dating site? Take a look at yourselves before you start judging someone you dont even know anything about.....


And that posting, my dear, sums up beautifully why nobody wants to date you. You're angry and defensive and self-righteous and you don't (want to) listen. Instead, you're turning on those that were giving you the advice you had been asking for. Here's valuable news for you: It's not exactly futile to bite the hand that feeds you.

You're clearly not interested in advice. You're interested in blaming others for what's wrong with you and for your inability in attracting and securing a loving partner. Well, if continue down this path, prepare yourself for a long companionless walk.


 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 23
what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 8/22/2011 2:40:58 PM

There is nothing whatever wrong with who you are, what you do for a crust or what your interests are, but you need to remember that everything you write and say - you are doing for a woman's ears. A woman wants to know what's in it for her and will try to imagine herself as part of your world.but I can't imagine too many ladies being excited by sitting on a tailgate listening to loud music. Look inside before you criticize others, and good luck.


Well said db as imo, you & motown could write a good by line on any paper or mag. in America. you guys remove the bs & do a nice a Jack Nickelson!

and As more then half of the posted here or any thread for the most part, can only can tell their emotional reaction but fail in their if any,a rational sense in the big pic.

imo, only time including myself can look a life with fresh eyes every day........take that for what its worth op. and good luck
 starfishgazer
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 24
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what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 8/22/2011 4:13:16 PM
Wow brilliant I have a lot of respect for single dads and you are top of my list.
I think the comment about women wanting more of your time was made by a man who really doesn't understand single mums.
Are you local to me?
We may have things in common or not but as both are parents a mutual understanding is a given.
It wont take long for you to find someone I am sure. ;)x
 holly_g
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 25
what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 8/23/2011 1:27:32 AM
i agree but is this world really that bad now and days like really who acres what baggage he has he's still a human and think as for a man to raise a kid show commitment and loyalty to family first ! my father raise 4 as a single man and i swear to god he did a better job then most mothers i know my self and speaking as a mother i would date a guy with a kid in a heart beat as long as the mother didnt cause problems aint nothing wrong with a strong sexy man with a soft tender caring side nothing makes me melt more then that!
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