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 Fightdirector
Joined: 2/16/2005
Msg: 1
Confused about "You're too old for me" responses from womenPage 1 of 24    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)
I recently turned 60 (this past June) and had a few confusing responses to ads I have responded to here and on another Internet dating site.

Three different women who listed their ages respectively as 58, 55 and 52 all responded to my initial e-mails within the last month by saying "You're too old for me".

Is there some evil magic about the number "60" that scares some women away - even when they are only 2, 5 or 8 years younger?
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 2
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Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 8:48:04 AM
Is there some evil magic about the number "60" that scares some women away - even when they are only 2, 5 or 8 years younger?


OP, it doesn't matter how old they are. It only matters how young of a guy they are looking for.
There are a lot of women out there in their 50's who are looking for guys in their 40s or even 30s.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 3
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Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 9:26:36 AM
Normally, that shouldn't be a problem.
Could be the choice of songs.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 4
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 9:34:02 AM
Your pictures are two years old, and they depict someone who doesn't appear to be his stated age. You might want to get more current pictures.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 5
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 10:04:22 AM
It's a mile marker, just like 50, and 40, I noticed that the matches that were provided for me on another site jumped 5-7 years ahead after I turned 50.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 6
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 10:13:04 AM
Everyone has preferences.
You cannot put it into one neatly packaged parcel.
It just does not work.

We may all be the same age, however each one of us is different.
That's what makes us unique.

One 60 year old may cycle, run marathons, and drive a motorcycle.
Another 60 year old may enjoy their time sunning in Florida with the rest of the snowbirds.
Another 60 year old may be old and decrepit, amusing himself while watching TV.

Do you see what I mean?

Age means NOTHING!

It is the activity and physical level of the person that is attractive to someone.

Myself, I am 53.
I'm sorry but you are too old for me.
I am still active.
I keep myself very busy, take care of own home, build, create, do things that I love to do.
And I WANT a man who can keep up with me.
You are already quite a few years older then me.
Age is on your side, and I don't want that.
 KalGrl
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 7
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Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 10:14:00 AM
Times have changed women don't have to date/marry older anymore. Since "fudging"one's age is pretty common they probably are thinking you are actually 3- 5 years older than your stated age.
I am 54 and prefer men my age or younger. Just my preference.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 8
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 10:43:46 AM
We all assume a lot when reading profiles and responding to posts. Many on here assume the OP won't date older than him - he didn't say that. He just said that those younger, by not much, think he's too old. It's a double standard for everyone, it does not play favorites with any gender. We like what we like and discard what we don't like and sometimes we may pass up a good thing because of our assumptions and double standards.

To the OP, keep trying - that's what the rest of us do.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 9
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 11:00:57 AM
For me the issue is the double standard: men assuming that a woman will automatically be cool with dating men 5 to 10+years older when they themselves would never consider dating someone even a year older and often not even as old as they are. Such men to me are :


I would take issue with this double standard as well, however, the OP has not indicated that this is the case with him---and in fact, has no age restrictions listed on his profile.

The double standard seems to be more apparent in the case of a woman in her fifties who is looking for thirty-year-old men.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 10
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Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 11:04:42 AM

Is there some evil magic about the number "60" that scares some women away - even when they are only 2, 5 or 8 years younger?

There certainly is. It's the same evil magic that makes women over 60 suddenly become invisible.... Every single profile I've looked at in the past month or so of men who are 60+ say they want a 'contemporary' - one who is 25-45.

It's all a matter of self-delusion.
 RichenLosAngeles
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 11
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 11:11:18 AM
I know some women in CT if you want.
I would think you would be picking them up right and left, maybe you aren't nice and cute in person, I don't know. I would tweak your profile a bit, , ,
But, for all these women who don't want you, just smile and keep going. Numerically the odds are greatly in your favor. All you have to do is keep healthy.
Men die sooner, reducing the number of men available, and at some point many of those hotties who shunned you will have a change of heart, suddenly you become attractive.
Hang in there, and smile !!
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 12
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 11:28:51 AM
I have to wonder whether any women 60 or older are telling you that you are too old. OP, IMO you don't look any younger than the average 60 yr old guy and most of your pictures are a couple of years old and you have a full head of hair.

If you are talking to attractive youthfull looking women in thier 50's they can find attractive guys who look their age or younger and many do not want a guy who looks or acts older than them. That being said there are guys in there 60's who are vibrant and youthful for thier age but in your profile you do not strike me as such. I would get rid of the picture with the kilt and the cane it is not doing you any justice if you are trying to appeal to a younger audience. Otherwise I would not let it bother you that you have reached a landmark and target the women who don't find this to be a problem. I am sure there are plenty of 60 or over women on here to choose from.


For the record three of the last four medium/long term relationships I have been in have been with women my age or older - so not all men refuse to date women their age or older and I have met women IRL 60 or older that look and act younger that some of the 50 yr old women I have met
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 13
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 11:44:21 AM

The whole raison d'etre of this thread is to ask why women younger than himself won't date him. If he were dating women his own age or older, he wouldn't need to pine for and worry about dating younger.


He didn't specify "younger". He only cited examples of women who told him he was too old--including one who was only two years his junior.


The double standard seems to be more apparent in the case of a woman in her fifties who is looking for thirty-year-old men


What does this have to do with this thread?????


It was you who first raised the issue of the double standard---which I don't think applies to the OP in this situation.
 pinkoleander
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 14
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 11:53:06 AM
I'd assume they wanted to date younger men and leave it at that but if it keeps happening then:
Why don't you email the women very politely, apologize for bothering them (and tell them you won't do it again) and tell them since this has happened several times if they could please explain. Tell them that you're sincere about dating and are looking for women close in age and want to know if it's really just the age or something else. I agree with the poster who said you do look much older than 60 and a lot of men lie drastically about their age on here so if you look older most would assume you're lying and not want to respond to you. I have had guys email me politely and respectfully and ask why I turned them down. And I always told them the reason.
 inthroughtheoutdoor
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 15
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 11:54:02 AM

Three different women who listed their ages respectively as 58, 55 and 52 all responded to my initial e-mails within the last month by saying "You're too old for me".


Then why don't you contact women who are 62, 65 and 68 years old and see what they think.
 Blue-Eyes-Shine
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 16
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Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 11:56:41 AM
Men die sooner


There is your answer in a nutshell. Women generally outlive men by 7 to 10 years. The women I know of all ages, 21 to 100, married men at the most 5 years older and that was when they were younger and all was equal, health, looks, etc.

The day and age of women marrying older men, over 5 years difference went out about a century ago. Yes, there are the exceptions as with everything.

If you are 60 you should be fishing in the dating age range of 58-67. There are a lot of healthy vibrant widows in that age range. My mom is a healthy vibrant widow of 83. *Go Mom!*
 andover1111
Joined: 12/2/2009
Msg: 17
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Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 12:05:40 PM

I recently turned 60 (this past June) and had a few confusing responses to ads I have responded to here and on another Internet dating site.

Three different women who listed their ages respectively as 58, 55 and 52 all responded to my initial e-mails within the last month by saying "You're too old for me".

Is there some evil magic about the number "60" that scares some women away - even when they are only 2, 5 or 8 years younger?


I think this is an interesting question. I recently read on another thread that some women our age look at men of the same age and see their uncles. I guess their own mirrors don't show their aunts.

Maybe they think that a little hair dye, possibly a nip and tuck, changes the fact that 50 or 60 is the truth of it. Maybe living in a society that shows more respect to people in their 20s than 60s has made people want to hold on to their youth as opposed to welcoming maturity. Maybe longer life spans are scary and people don't want to acknowledge that as we age illness becomes more probable. Maybe we look in the mirror and see a sixteen year old.

I think the op raises a legitimate issue.

That said, my most recent round of dating included men older and younger than myself. My sweet SO is 6 years younger, shrug, that's just the way it happened.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 18
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Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 12:11:48 PM
Msg 20

Women generally outlive men by 7 to 10 years.

That is outdated information.
According to latest USA government stats, the difference in life expectancy between men and women is steadily decreasing, and the figures from 2009 show a difference of only 4 years.

Not sure if this change is due to more women getting naughty tattoos or overusing the word LOL.
Or maybe the women who hook up with younger men get worn out prematurely and thus skew the statistics.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 19
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Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 12:16:16 PM

Is there some evil magic about the number "60" that scares some women away - even when they are only 2, 5 or 8 years younger?

op, not only do you not know if these women were being honest with you, you don't even know if their reasons have anything to do with you. they might not actually want to meet anyone, their dance cards might have just gotten full - there are a million possible reasons and you'll never know, so analysis is pointless. keep trudging and don't look back.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 20
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Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 12:24:54 PM
^^^

Then why don't you contact women who are 62, 65 and 68 years old and see what they think?
You made the point I was trying to make far more succinctly than I did.

Think about what? You mean older women are more traditional in their thinking and more likely to search for older men?
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 21
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Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 12:30:10 PM

I have to wonder whether any women 60 or older are telling you that you are too old. OP, IMO you don't look any younger than the average 60 yr old guy and most of your pictures are a couple of years old and you have a full head of hair.

Thanks to POF, I see profiles of men from their mid 40s (those are supposed to be a match for me??) to 70. IMO, he looks his age, no matter what the date on the photos might be. I see 50 somethings who look like they've put in a hard 70 years, and some who do look more like my father than my father did, I've seen some closer to 70 who - while they might not look like 50 somethings - are still working at physically demanding jobs. And I've seen a few who are sooo insistent that yes, their photos ARE current, when those photos show someone who's obviously in his 40s. I mean, give me a break... brown hair with a hint of gray at the temples, a smooth baby face? That is so not someone who is in his mid 60s.

On second or third thought, that might be why they are constantly complaining no one wants to meet, when it's themselves who don't want to meet anyone. That self-delusion wouldn't survive the first astonished reaction to the reality.
 inthroughtheoutdoor
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 22
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 12:38:07 PM
You mean older women are more traditional in their thinking and more likely to search for older men?

No, it means that if OP thinks that up to an 8 years difference is no big deal -- he used the word "only", as in they are "only" 2, 5 and 8 years younger -- then it should be no big deal to contact women who are 2, 5 and 8 years older than he is.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 23
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Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 12:50:06 PM
^^^
That's a good idea.
He was also looking for a piano player, so as long as they are dexterous with their hands, few years here or there shouldn't matter.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 24
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 12:50:07 PM

Then why don't you contact women who are 62, 65 and 68 years old and see what they think.


What makes you so certain the OP didn't contact older women? For all you know, he did contact them, but got no response.


op, not only do you not know if these women were being honest with you, you don't even know if their reasons have anything to do with you. they might not actually want to meet anyone, their dance cards might have just gotten full - there are a million possible reasons and you'll never know, so analysis is pointless.


OP, this response makes the most sense to me. The majority of people who are not interested in you are not going to give you a reason why---they simply won't reply. It could have nothing to do with your age at all---and even if they told you it was because you were too old, they might be prevaricating.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 25
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 12:55:12 PM
I mean, give me a break... brown hair with a hint of gray at the temples, a smooth baby face? That is so not someone who is in his mid 60s


I will agree with the baby faced part but my ex's mom ( who did not dye her hair ) had mostly brown hair until she was 75 and I have a picture of my grandfather at 75 who had more brown hair than grey ( and no hair dying for him either ). My ex who is 55 now still has very little grey hair. On the other hand I have a friend who was totally grey at 30.

Judging relative age by the amount and colour of your hair is not reliable ( too easy to fake ), skin, body tone and posture are a better indicator of being youthful or not.

I will agree with crutch - the women who are giving the too old excuse may just be using this as an easy excuse for why they do not want to continue, The real reason may be something else. OP the reality is even if you did know the real reason why these women did not want to continue would you be any further ahead?
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