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 Marquis_de_Michaelmas
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 20
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What messages gets you to answer themPage 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I get a lot of "Hi, How are you messages" from people with very bland typical type profiles " romantic and affectionate love going out to dinner snuggling up on sofa with DVD's" *big yawn* and they don't stimulate me to reply to them apart from maybe occasional politeness should their pictures give some semblance of personality. Even on those occasions I find that the conversations were bland and boring that I almost lose the will to live.

What will get a reply from me, is something that is a little quirky, though intelligent. Something that almost screams out it's different and that makes you want to know more and puts a smile on your face rather than just answering another the same old same old.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 51
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What messages gets you to answer them
Posted: 5/19/2012 1:34:32 AM
Outlook and pre-disposition has a massive effect on how we all respond. If that person is attractive we look for other reasons for dating them, if they are not attractive we go seeking reasons for not dating them.

I think if we are pre-disposed to avoid anything over for example a casual date or maybe a fling, then we are going to be looking hard for faults to justify this position so we can say with a clear conscience ' i only want to fvck you, or keep it casual nothing more... sorry) , where from a different mindset those faults will be ignored, or tolerated.

Personally i use the net same as real life, and if someone messages me i will answer, if i was in the position of having too many messages then i would remove my profile from search and play catch up. I see no reason, for myself to act differently online than in RL, so if i met someone in the street and they said 'Hi' i would say hi right back, make a quick assessment on weather or not an opening chat up/conversation line is on order or just move on.

i get that most use the 'no answer is an answer' mantra and if thats right for them then fabulous, all it tells me is that they are pre disposed to act in a certain way when it comes to a potential relationship, and is more telling than no answer is an answer.

I will respond to messages with just a 'HI' as i see it for what it is, a friendly greeting that we have been programmed to do since we learned to talk. Any one with a check list of requirements will drop off my radar very very quickly anyway, i focus on the connection, and not the stuff that is probably exaggerated, or left out due to shyness or inability to self promote.

Kinda reminds me of something i read where 90% of senior executives admit to lying on their CV's to get to where they are.

Just say Hi to me thanks, ill trust my intuition to do the rest :)
 Richard_of_York
Joined: 12/4/2010
Msg: 54
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What messages gets you to answer them
Posted: 5/19/2012 3:31:17 AM
I'd answer anything that doesn't look like a copy+paste spam, it just seems polite even if you're not interested. Not to do so is like blanking someone who says 'hello' to you IRL, and that's pretty rude.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 55
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What messages gets you to answer them
Posted: 5/19/2012 3:40:14 AM
^^^^ A lot of the ladies here will tell you that some guys wont take no for an answer or get abusive over being rejected, and thats fair enough, and explains why many of them dont. Of course in real life you ignore someone in the street you are lining yourself up for some face to face abuse.

We have to accept that women on the net face a different issue from us, and its hard to say this with any degree of honesty, but i would like to think i would reply in the negative and then block them at that point. removing any opportunity of abuse, i would prefer a negative response to no response at all, but then having said that in my value system rude behaviour is rude behaviour, but i certainly can see why women act the way they do, i would dislike getting abuse for telling some they are not my type even more.

Bottom line.... take real life personally but not the the net.... which is a shame really as it doesn't get anymore personal than love and dating.
 Richard_of_York
Joined: 12/4/2010
Msg: 59
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What messages gets you to answer them
Posted: 5/19/2012 4:01:44 AM

I have to wonder now if I should bother going to the effort of sending back polite "no thanks" messages when men are just as guilty of the no reply thing!

Lead by example ;)

And yes, I'm sure both sexes do it. This is a strange place, with rules of engagement that don't fully match real life (where such things are definitely rude) or the Internet (where you get bombarded with spam and typically don't reply to messages that you weren't expecting), so I'm sure different people have different attitudes to how things should be done.

I just do what I think it appropriate and don't worry if other people think that no-replying is okay, except for the minor annoyance of not being sure what the score is for a few days.
 Graffiti_Poet
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 66
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What messages gets you to answer them
Posted: 5/19/2012 5:11:39 AM
As I have mentioned previously, my success rate at getting my messages answered is, if the posts and comments of others are to be taken at face value, better than most. I have had far more messages sent to me than I have sent to others and of those I have sent I have a better than 50% success rate of receiving a reply.

I cannot help but feel that a significant part of the problem is the failure of the person sending any message to someone who catches their eye to put themselves into the position of the person they are messaging. If the recipient has good photo's that they consider shows them off to their most flattering, as most of us do, and if those photo's are accompanied by a well written and detailed profile description then it is undoubtedly the case that they will have received many messages already and in all probability will be receiving more messages on a daily or weekly basis.

Before hitting send, and in truth, before even compiling any message, it is always worth trying to put yourself in their position if possible. A significant number of the messages they will have received, and almost certainly dismissed, will be of the "Hi hun, got a web cam?" variety. If your message is to be of the same or similar, what motivation, if any, would they realistically have to respond to it?. Regardless if you are a man or a woman by the time you have received dozens of such messages then just how motivated, in all honesty, would you be to send a reply, unless it is out of a sense of good manners only?. I know I do it but I believe that I am an uncommon exception by doing that. After any length of time such messages are invariably opened with a roll of the eyes or resigned sigh and regardless of how good the photo's or profile of the sender might be, I would suggest that 99% of them are dismissed in the mind of the recipient even before any cursory glance at the profile takes place. Sending a Joey-esque "Hi hun, how you doin'?" message is almost certainly doomed to fail and quite rightly so IMO.

Given that you might be sending a message to an attractive / appealing profile then it can be taken as a certainty that they already have a number of messages and contacts that they are responding too and are quite probably in the "advanced" stages of the getting to know them / arranging a meet process. It could well be the case that the person you are messaging has five, six, seven or more messages they are responding too at some level at any one time. In my case I turn off my profile when I get to five and stop sending contacts out until one or more of those potentials "drops out" and makes room. If more girls followed my example and hid their profiles from any searches until they genuinely had the space and time for more suitors then that would, IMO, go a long way to minimising the wasted time, effort and distress that failed responses often bring.

It seems a bit strange to me that anyone who messages anyone else should be in any way surprised or deflated that their message, regardless of it's content, doesn't get them an immediate place in the top ten list of potential dates / partners. In fact, unless the message and profile just happens to bear a remarkable resemblence to the recipients fantasy of "The One", not getting a reply or positive response should be the expected response and not a "bite" of the fish they are pursuing.

Having said that though there are ways to maximise the number of responses that anyone gets and unsurprisingly I have to say that by far and away the best thing to do is to send a humorous poem to them. As I stated in my post in the now zapped "Help with my profile" thread, doing that will show that a) you have a sense of humour (something almost every female profile asks for), b) that you have read their profile (so long as you make the poem about something in their profile of course), and c) that you have given you first contact message considered thought before sending it. It should also appeal to their creativity as well as making them smile, smile & lol or even better be inspired to write one right back at ya. The primary reaction anyone can hope for from a first contact message is, IMO, that they read it and think hmmm, that's interesting, get that and a smile to boot and you are well on your way to establishing a rapore. (assuming that you meet or almost meet their prefered physical and personal characteristics of course.)

Poetry is the language of love, learn to speak it in an appropriate way and I am certain that anyone can improve their response rate by a far greater amount than most anything else they might do here on POF. HTH, cheers GP....

vvvvv I am a writer Woz, my latest book is called Internet Dating Do's & Don'ts and is about this very topic...
 Graffiti_Poet
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 70
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What messages gets you to answer them
Posted: 5/19/2012 5:28:11 AM
It would work a treat with me Jacknher, bowled over is what I would be... (mwah, mwah)


I'm in agreement with you Lusipher but some men are struggling a bit from what we read in here, my suggestion is just that, a suggestion they might try, another string to their Cupids bow as it were. It can't do any harm and might just help which is all I am trying to do if I can.



No offence to you GP but if someone sent me a poem in a message i would totally ignore the message , i would look at it as a guy trying to be a smoothtalker with his poems


Fair enough but we are looking at an overall response rate improvement say out of 100 messages sent. It's just a suggestion and I make no claims for it to be a foolproof guarantee of anything. I get just under 50% of mine unreplied to but I console myself that I bet I at least made them smile. Well I hope I did anyway .
 safaa30
Joined: 3/1/2012
Msg: 80
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What messages gets you to answer them
Posted: 5/19/2012 11:24:24 AM
I definitely reply to all messages that indicate the person has taken two minutes to read my profile. Even if it's to reply to the question, find out what type of relationship they are seeking and then take it from there. Regardless of his looks/age/location. I dont like to be rude especially to someone who has been polite to me.

Sometimes when am terribly bored and idle I reply to the odd 'Hi hun, how are you' just for a chat but never take it any further.
 gemini_lady_uk
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 85
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What messages gets you to answer them
Posted: 5/19/2012 1:46:48 PM
I tend to reply to most messages just to be polite but there are some that I am less likely to respond to. It's obvious from that the past several messages that guys are not looking at my profile and if they just send a 'hi' and I can't see anything in common in their profile, I am beginning to ignore them.

Tonight I sent two 'thanks but I am not interested' messages to guys in their early 30's. The first replied saying 'shame but to get in touch if I chnaged my mind because he really likes older women'. The second decided my rejection was an invitation to start up a discussion which included telling me that age didn't matter'. I wish I had just ignored that one in the first place.
 Richard_of_York
Joined: 12/4/2010
Msg: 86
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What messages gets you to answer them
Posted: 5/19/2012 1:56:54 PM
If someone doesn't take the no and starts writing annoying further messages, then the ignore button is probably the right answer.

@Wafta: how many of those will you get now from forum regulars I wonder :)
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 98
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What messages gets you to answer them
Posted: 5/20/2012 4:19:52 AM
heres mine :


Thanks so much for your message
But I have no wish to waste your time
your profile is somewhat lacking
so I really must decline.


The top down deep cleavage shot
only serves to hide the extra chin-o
and that pouty duck-face look
would put me off my cappuccino

you admit to getting your age all wrong
when you signed up to the site
but your honesty is in question
as your degree says you're quite bright

you demand 'normal' and sense of humour
You ask for reliable and honest
But you cant be bothered to reply to a message
as your spare time is far to modest

But you say you want to date me
But your profile says you dont have the time
you are at the gym when not working
without me your life seems just fine

you have a long list of requirements
that means that when we date
it would feel like an interview
instead of accepting fate.
 gemini_lady_uk
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 102
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What messages gets you to answer them
Posted: 5/20/2012 4:52:16 AM
^^^^ Ladyvibes - I've found that the younger a guy is than you, the more likely they are to question why you don't want to get it on with them. I'm sure they think us older women are just being coy and we should be thankful they are interested in us - therefore WE have to be wrong and cannot possibly be serious when we say sorry, not interested because you are too young.

Like you I don't have age restrictions due to chatting to people from the Forums.

I don't get a buzz out of someone my daughters age being interested in me, it doesn't make me feel good to have a youngster chasing me - I just find it sort of sad.

Each to their own I guess and I'm sure there are plenty of women are attracted to much younger men
 gemini_lady_uk
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 106
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What messages gets you to answer them
Posted: 5/20/2012 6:31:52 AM
Sportyguydave

Surely, since it's a number game with more men to women, therefore women getting a fair number of messages, doesn't it make sense to try and make yours stand out.

I also think if people took a little bit of time to look at profiles, they could save themselves a lot of ignored messages by not sending them in the first place.

Personally I am going to be ignoring a lot more messages because I have made my position clear on my profile - if guys message without checking it, that's their problem.
 soverncomfort
Joined: 11/29/2011
Msg: 113
What messages gets you to answer them
Posted: 5/20/2012 9:19:50 AM
Msg127 .....you reply when you have time and are able. It's not up to people to rush you. I'm usually quick with replies as i have the time to do so but think it's unreasonable to expect the same. And just because someone is quick, don't think that it should be expected of you. We all have different things going on in our lives.
 gemini_lady_uk
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 116
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What messages gets you to answer them
Posted: 5/20/2012 9:52:26 AM
I'm in the wrong place - I don't like sweets, I prefer savoury, I'm even going off chocolate - and that is really seriously bad.
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