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 photoworld
Joined: 10/20/2010
Msg: 1
Dating- how often?Page 1 of 1    
I am new to online dating and I have very little relationship experience, since I've never had relationships, but I've dated here and there for a few months.

How often should people who are dating see each other. I used to think that at least twice a week (maybe 3) and that seems to be a common pattern from my past. However, my best friend says it makes me seem too available and too needy and I should see guys I date less, to make them want me more. Basically I should be less available.

What's your opinion? And does unavailability makes a woman more attractive and desirerable?
 BigSpoon80
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 2
Dating- how often?
Posted: 8/26/2011 10:11:10 AM
Whatever number you are comfortable with is good. It's something you should discuss with the person you are dating and make sure you two are of like mind.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 3
Dating- how often?
Posted: 8/26/2011 10:28:14 AM
I think your friend should lay off the sauce for a while, seem to needy? good Lord.

How often you see the person depends on the couple and their needs, wants, availability, location etc, every couple is different, some couples can survive once a week to 7 days a week.

You do what makes you feel comfortable and you find someone that shares the same philosophy.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 4
Dating- how often?
Posted: 8/26/2011 11:04:19 AM

How often should people who are dating see each other.

As often as they want to see each other. If you have a very different idea of how often to see someone than the guy you're dating, it's not going to work out.

However, my best friend says it makes me seem too available and too needy and I should see guys I date less, to make them want me more. Basically I should be less available.

Your best friend is telling you how to play games that aren't going to work with anyone who has options and doesn't need to play along.

What's your opinion? And does unavailability makes a woman more attractive and desirerable?

You're desirability is directly proportional to your availability. If I couldn't see you when I wanted to see you or I had to schedule dates to see you, I wouldn't have any interest in you other than a potential sex partner to see while I looked for someone less busy. If you play games, expect to get played.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 5
Dating- how often?
Posted: 8/26/2011 11:28:10 AM

What's your opinion? And does unavailability makes a woman more attractive and desirerable?

That game may work the FIRST few times you play it with a new beau..
IF that is what you want, to feel more in control of things, then go ahead and play that..

For mature experienced men, they will see what you are doing and play it back to you, meanwhile they will be looking elsewhere for their potential "soulmate" who won't feel the need to play ANY games...

Finding and maintaining a compatible long-term SO relationship IS
the second greatest challenge in life for most people..
Since success there REQUIRES sharing about 50% power/control with another imperfect human being like yourself... S
 Melannie1
Joined: 6/4/2011
Msg: 6
Dating- how often?
Posted: 8/26/2011 5:46:50 PM
Hi photoworld! As far as I am concerned there is no 'set' timeframe of how many times a couple would like to see each other per week. If the couple discuss and want to see each other once a week then fine, if the couple discuss and want to see each other 20 times a week then that is that is fine too... it all depends on what the couple wants not what everyone outside the relationship suggests...Melannie1.
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 7
Dating- how often?
Posted: 8/26/2011 6:58:12 PM
What your friend is describing isn't a relationship. A relationship fulfils the needs of both people. If you're unavailable, then you're just dating occasionally. And it can't ever get past infatuation at best.
 Meat_Sack
Joined: 8/23/2011
Msg: 8
Dating- how often?
Posted: 8/26/2011 7:46:34 PM

What's your opinion?

My opinion is if you are counting then you really aren't interested.
If you are calling them to invite them to do things that you are going out to do because you think about them, think they would enjoy the activity or you just want to spend time with them, and you have shit to do in your life and still do it with or without them (but you do ask them), that is what matters.

It's my opinion if you try and compartmentalize your life so you try and make dating all formal and scheduled like dentist appointments you are setting yourself up for failure or making things 100 times harder than they need to be, and possibly screwing up the rest of your life if you start ignoring things you shouldn't.


does unavailability makes a woman more attractive and desirerable?

Only to people that like to play chase games.
 NS_ARTEMIS
Joined: 6/28/2010
Msg: 9
Dating- how often?
Posted: 8/27/2011 6:19:55 AM
There is no right and wrong answer to this. It boils down to availability on both parties and what they define as a happy medium. As to your BF's advice, don't take it. One should never play games as they eventually end up losing at some point. I would think if someone were truly interested in you, they would want you to express interest by making yourself available and communication.
 cinnarose
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 10
Dating- how often?
Posted: 9/1/2011 7:37:51 AM
Be yourself and do what is right for you.
 oompa-loompa
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 11
Dating- how often?
Posted: 9/1/2011 3:24:12 PM
Please don't listen to your friend. When you start manipulating your time spent with a guy in order to get a positive reaction from him then you're playing games...which is a huge turn off.

See him as much as you want, whether that be 3 days a week or 7 days. Whichever makes you happy and that you are both comfortable with.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 12
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Dating- how often?
Posted: 9/1/2011 3:37:45 PM
Acting less available comes off as game playing and I don't play by that. I want someone to want to see me, not make me want to see them by acting like they don't want to see me. I'm going to lose interest.

It's one thing to BE busy and not have a lot of time but it's another thing all together to just do something like not see someone so much.

And how often you see someone depends upon how often you and that person want to see each other. No one else should tell you how to do that or how often you want to or should want to see someone. It's between you and the person you're seeing, no one else.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 13
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Dating- how often?
Posted: 9/1/2011 5:12:25 PM
consider that if you are artificially unavailable when he would like to see you, he may find someone who is not 'too busy' to spend that time with.

shlubs can probably be played the way you are proposing, but shlubs are not the guys you want to date, are they?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 14
Dating- how often?
Posted: 9/1/2011 7:49:19 PM
Here's my take on things. You don't want to act busy or purposely avoid a guy you actually like to prove a point - that's a game. But you should have a life to some extent. If someone is going to be around, they should be a part of it, not monopolize it.

People who have things going on outside of who they're dating are healthier. How can you talk about your life with the guy you're dating if there's nothing to tell because he is your life? Yeah.

In general it will put most people off to be the sole entertainment in your life. It's not a job anyone should have to work. Entertain yourself and enjoy his company at a nice pace. I've dated men who had nothing going on outside one job and who pouted when I had things going on and it's sort of lame.

That said, you and the guy you're dating have to have the same general mindset about stuff like this. If you want to talk to a guy every day and he's good with twice a week, you'll come off as needy to that guy. If he likes to talk daily and you think twice a week is better, you'll come off as less than interested to that guy. For the most part it's all relative to the person you're talking to at the time.
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 15
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Dating- how often?
Posted: 9/1/2011 7:50:57 PM
If you want to date "players", play the disingenuous unavailability game. Otherwise, be yourself and let the chips fall where they may. Personally, I'm not going to have interest in dating an "unavailable" woman. I'll look for an available woman. Three times a week is not too much if you live in the vicinity of your partner.
 smokincigars
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 16
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Dating- how often?
Posted: 9/2/2011 1:11:59 AM

I am new to online dating and I have very little relationship experience, since I've never had relationships, but I've dated here and there for a few months.

If you have dated the same guy for a few months, even casually, I would call that a relationship ... just not one that's either serious or long term.


How often should people who are dating see each other. I used to think that at least twice a week (maybe 3) and that seems to be a common pattern from my past. However, my best friend says it makes me seem too available and too needy and I should see guys I date less, to make them want me more. Basically I should be less available.

Unless/until you know you want more than just casual dating, two to three times a week could be too often at first. Keeping in touch via computer or telephone, that's okay within reason. But you -- and he, probably -- need a little distance so you can gain perspective on what's going on and how you feel about it.

If you want to go out more often, you have two choices. Either date other guys too, and let him know about it beforehand, or go out with your girlfriends. Even when two people initially like each other and want to go out often, it can lead to early burn-out for one or both.

Just my opinion; others here will have different thoughts.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 17
Dating- how often?
Posted: 9/2/2011 3:38:44 AM
When I’m in an intimate relationship I like to spend time with my lover two or three times a week, sometimes more if time allows.

If we’re still in the early “getting acquainted” phase, once a week would be enough.

If I thought she was making herself unavailable in order to stir my desire or make herself more attractive, I would begin to lose trust (and interest) very quickly.
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