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 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 3
Physically abused for the first timePage 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
alcohol lowers your inhibitions, so if he drinks enough of it he eventually becomes uninhibited enough to uncover the violent and abusive personality traits he already had.

i am not necessarily going to say that you should end the relationship, but his saying "i can't remember" is not an excuse. if i were you, i would not continue the relationship without some drop-dead serious counseling.
 1in1000000000
Joined: 10/17/2010
Msg: 4
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 8/28/2011 3:18:41 AM
Of course it could happen again. Normal men don't just get drunk and kick a woman (much less their own woman). Something is very wrong that he would get that drunk, or do something that terrible (harming you). Leave him alone, and do not look back. I know that is easy for me to say as someone on the outside looking in, but take my advice for your own sake and for the sake of your son.
 richl9548
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 6
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 8/28/2011 3:40:41 AM
I can't count the number of times that I've been drunk. NEVER ONCE HAVE I HIT SOMEONE. In my opinion, this relationship should go no further without (a) ceasing ALL drinking immediately, period; (b) alcohol counseling; (c) anger management couseling; (d) participation in a program such as AA.

This is asssault consummated with battery in a domestic violence environment...next time, call the police immediately
 RubyWaxxx
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 7
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 8/28/2011 3:43:08 AM
Alcohol-related blackouts are not uncommon, especially if he drank a lot very fast. So him saying he can't remember attacking you could easily be true.
If, as you say, this is the first and only time he attacked you and if he is truly willing to give up drinking, I would consider staying.
But what about you? Can you trust him again? I don't think I could.
Like the above poster says, I couldn't live with the fear that he might drink again -or that something else might trigger this.
What if it happens again? What if next time it's more violent? Too scary..
 Looking4aNewLife70
Joined: 3/10/2010
Msg: 9
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 8/28/2011 3:48:29 AM
well i drink when i want to but no there is no excuess for a male to hit a female and then blame it on drinking i myself got out of a 5 yr marrage cause my wife was hitting all the time and blamed it on something else but herself but hey its up to u what you want to do but it will not stop there just the once that what people always say but it will happen again but he kicked you in the ribs what will happen to you next time for you to leave you know think about your child before your self SORRY to sound nasty but im not your child needs to come first and she or he does not need to see the voilance as they say there is plenty of others out there so i would say leave and fined some1 better.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 10
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 8/28/2011 3:56:22 AM
There is always a first time.

The cemetery is full of forgiving partners, so are prisons full of women who had enough.

Foster care is full of kids that have moms with DRUNK abusive men.

You think about it, but not to long.

Does he have a gun he may forget about?

LEAVE.

Go get counseling for yourself and forget him.


Your child will be better off and you may not hate yourself for screwing up your kid
Don't be surprised if your kid has ZERO respect for you later in life.

It only tales one time for people to get hit by a car/bus and they don't step in the road anymore without looking both ways..or staying out of a busy road.

Me thinks you both may drink to much period.

 Titus_Maccius_Plautus
Joined: 6/26/2011
Msg: 11
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 8/28/2011 3:58:35 AM
How many times does it take for someone to hit you before you leave him? Once, twice, three times... What will be his excuse next time?... sleep walking.

I know you have a three year relationship with the man and you love him. But, he has demonstrated he can be abusive. Alcohol is not a defense or an excuse for his behavior. I have been drunk and have never hit anyone. I suspect that if you continue and eventually move in with him, it could get worse. Are you willing to take that risk?

The fact that he is thinking a seeking counseling is positive. But you need to think of your safety and your child’s safety. The best thing you can do for yourself, for your child and for him is to leave him.

Personally, I think the trust is broken and the relationship will never be the same. Let him get the help he needs. If he is truly honest, he will get the help and he will be better off for his next relationship.

Titus
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 12
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 8/28/2011 3:58:57 AM

alcohol lowers your inhibitions, so if he drinks enough of it he eventually becomes uninhibited enough to uncover the violent and abusive personality traits he already had.

i am not necessarily going to say that you should end the relationship, but his saying "i can't remember" is not an excuse. if i were you, i would not continue the relationship without some drop-dead serious counseling.


motown has said it quite well, as does the post directly below hers. Except I would simply end the relationship. YOU don't need counseling, UNLESS you decide to stay in the relationship.

NORMAL men do not abuse women when drunk, nor do they fail to remember something as horrid as that.

My recommendation, and it is purely mine..end the relationship and move on. There IS something in your boyfriends makeup/background that needs to be addressed professionally.

Do you think you can survive a 'next time'? Could your son, survive an assault?
 MsMuscleChick
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 13
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 8/28/2011 4:01:06 AM
He will end up doing it again. This is not some random thing. Believe me. Get your son and get out. Motown is right....alcohol lowers inhibitions. But this guy has some internal issues you do not know about....

Good for him being beside himself. He should be. He also needs help and it is not something YOU can do nor try to. People who act this way have some major issues. It can easily turn into more. He may come home drunk and hurt you again then your son.

Leave the guy. There are plenty of them out there who do not abuse women. Your son does not need to see this behavior either.

If you do stay with this guy, I would not have a profile on here. I can imagine him seeing you with all those photos posted. He may do more than hit you. There are some psycho people out there.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 14
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 8/28/2011 4:44:25 AM
I've had this happen once in my last marriage.
I packed up and left.
I saw a violent, ugly person that scared the hell out of me.

He stopped drinking and we went for counseling.
It never happened again.

However, you will never forget.

I had to then watch him deal with his drinking issue.
And was continuously reminded that he HAD to quit drinking because he hit me.
 saynotomustard
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 15
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 8/28/2011 5:26:14 AM
When I get drunk, I get FRIENDLIER. RUN, GIRL, RUN! Any man who hits you, drunk or not, is not really a man, and doesn't deserve your attention. Words are cheap. Actions are much more important!
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 16
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 8/28/2011 6:09:03 AM
Dump him or if you're into second chances, tell him to stop drinking and see if the problem goes away. I'd be inclined to doubt the problem will go away. Drinking only allows people to give themselves an excuse to do something they would do anyway.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 17
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 8/28/2011 6:13:48 AM
The first time a man hits you, it's his fault. The second time, it's your fault.

I don't care the reason or circumstances surrounding the event, if a man ever hit me, it would be the last time he had the opportunity to hit me. I don't get these women that stick around to be punching bags for years on end...

A bruise is not a sign of love.
 buckeye1332
Joined: 5/19/2011
Msg: 19
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 8/28/2011 6:21:14 AM
Sometimes alcohol brings out the worst in people, and sometimes it brings out something in that person normally locked away.

My personal opinion is to end it. Just because he was drunk does not justify what he did. No man should ever hit a woman. If he did it once, there is potential for him to do it again.

I am very biased on this because I absolutely hate to see or hear about a man hitting or abusing a woman in any way.
 viper1j
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 21
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 8/28/2011 6:53:25 AM
When I was having problems with my ex, someone said to me: "If your daughter came to you, and told that she was being treated EXACTLY they way you're being treated, what would you say to her?"

I said: "I'd tell her to get the hell out, and call a lawyer for me, since I would have buried the little ratfvcker in the backyard.."

They said: "If the advice to go is good enough for your kid, why isn't it good enough for you?"

It opened my eyes, and they've stayed open since.


The cemetery is full of forgiving partners, so are prisons full of women who had enough.


Funny you should say that... I used to have a poster behind my desk, It was a picture of a coffin with roses on top. The caption read: "He hit her lots of times, but he only brought her flowers once."
 x_file_
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 22
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 8/28/2011 7:10:05 AM

I dont know what to do


Well, it is obvious... you go back to him and apologize for provoking him and thank him for not breaking your ribs.

L
E
A
V
E
!

Isn't it damn obvious?
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 23
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 8/28/2011 7:13:01 AM
If someone is not a violent person, then adding alcohol should not incite violence, unless they are allergic to alcohol...you say he drinks socially with no issues so he is not allergic to drinking. This leaves no alcoholic excuse for his behaviour.

No amount of alocohol would make me kick anyone in the ribs. None.

OP, if your son told you his g/f got drunk and kicked him down, would you advise he give her another chance? Next time it may be a knife or something else that could end your life. His "im sorry' wont e worth much when you're on a gurney with your guts ripped out and you are dead. Think of your son and the example you set by allowing violence into your door.

I dont know how anyone can be loving towards a man who struck them...after I was hit, all I could see was his ugly/mean face every time he approached me...the trust was blown and I could never let him touch me after he struck me. It was over the second his fist touched my body. I reported him as well so did my neighbours and never looked back. Assault is assault. Now if he hits another woman, the authorities will see his pattern of behaviours and his weak excuses wont work. He is the common denominator.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 25
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 8/28/2011 7:15:20 AM
OP
I think the message is loud and clear-what your SO did is a complete and utter dealbreaker.
If he has problems with alcohol to the point where he REALLY doesn't remember what he does when he drinks-that's NOT an excuse, simply another red flag.

You have a duty to stay not only alive, but physically and emotionally healthy-because you have a child who needs you.
I cast my vote with the "end it" contingent.
Cindy O
 butterflie_1207
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 26
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 8/28/2011 7:21:53 AM
It was the first time, but it won't be the last.
 jaqi
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 27
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 8/28/2011 7:21:56 AM
OP Steer very clear of this man. This may be the first time he has showed this side to you but highly unlikely that it is the first time he has behaved this way.

These men inevitably make out they don't know what they have done and that they are sorry, handing out their apologies without real meaning.

He won't stop drinking or see a councillor once he has got you to forgive him and soon his actions will become 'your fault'. He will make the guilt yours, not his.

These men follow a pattern. End it for good now and put yourself and your son first.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 28
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 8/28/2011 7:37:43 AM

alcohol lowers your inhibitions


Yes it does. It takes away some/all of the things that prevent you from doing thing you are already capable of doing.

For me...there is a slight risk I might get up in font of a bunch of people and sing to words on a screen. But only a slight risk. Not of kicking you in the ribs while you are presumably on the ground.

It's NEVER an excuse for hitting a woman. Nor is it for cheating. You're either capable or you are not.

There are other inhibitors besides alcohol. Like those things that keep you from farting in front of your gf/bf. In time...those things that prevent us from showing those sides of us fade to the background. You'll have to wonder if/how long it will be before he doesn't require the alcohol to become uninhibited.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 29
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 8/28/2011 7:49:11 AM

I don't get these women that stick around to be punching bags for years on end...


Oh but....they just looooove these men so much, and have too much emotional attachment.

Maury: He's so abusive towards you, therefore, why are you still with him?
Lacy: ::Cries:: I love him, Maury!


OP,

Once a man hits you, he can very well do it again. The abuse will became a patten, therefore. do NOT make the mistake of sticking around and as Lint put it, becoming a punching bag. Wise up and be smart.

Good luck to you.
 sweetonvaquero19
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 30
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Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 8/28/2011 8:04:28 AM
Ohhh god! Seriously , in all reality what he said could be true, and it could be a total lie , ethier way you dont have to live in fear , no woman has to live in fear its called getting a backbone , stop playing the role of the victim, by that if you decide to go back to him just.make sure you got hot grease, or a cast iron skillet, but seriously it already seems you made up your mind , stop trying to justify going back to him ,
 waidttma
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 31
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 8/28/2011 8:08:36 AM
My advice is to leave...there's no turning back in my experience. Your relationship will never be the same.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 32
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 8/28/2011 8:10:19 AM

he kicked me in the ribs

run...don't walk...and pray that he will let you go quietly.

My very first boyfriend was abusive & my ex-husband was an alcoholic. I've heard every promise & guess what...they probably believed they were gonna change & they'd be good for a while, but in the end it was more of the same. Get out now & you won't have to explain Mommy's bruises to your son.
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