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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > Am I stuck in the friend zone?      Home login  
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 redfox21
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 1
Am I stuck in the friend zone?Page 1 of 1    
There is a girl whom I have it for bad. She came up several months ago and began talking to me at random because I "saved her" at a restaurant when some creepy guy was bugging her. Indeed, this guy could have shanked me but I acted as cool as I ever have. This girl is really gorgeous too, Spanish, dresses in tight dresses and heels and is a masseuse. I'm 23, two years older than her.

Well, I've seen her come into my work (restaurant) several times and she is always talking to me and always complimenting me and saying how much she likes my red hair (which I never hear, especially from hot, younger women) and she is always touchy feely with me and putting her hands on me.

Yet, she then leans over and kisses her boyfriend! She said I am "nice" and that I "saved" her and that I'm "stunningly gorgeous". Yet she likes me as a friend! Her boyfriend is very skinny and covered in tattoos...and he seems kinda nerdy (and I think of myself like a nerd).

How can I escape the friend zone? Also...why do I always end up in the friend zone? Should I begin treating girls more badly and be more of jerk to get them? I'd rather get them than have the humiliation of being "just a friend". Also, is it bad that I feel no sympathy when they get hurt by the "bad boys" because I think to myself, "They could have had me...now karma comes back to them"?

Thank you.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 2
Am I stuck in the friend zone?
Posted: 8/28/2011 11:20:39 AM
This is what bugs me about you " nice guys" why do you assume that you have to treat a woman like shit in order to go out with them? good Lord.

Try doing this, get some confidence, stop trying to be a Knight in white Armour and trying to save the day.

I bet that other guy she's with has confidence, that is what most of you " nice guys " are lacking, CONFIDENCE.

The more I read these forums, the more I think that "the nice guy" is just an average guy who compensates for his lack of brilliance with knight in shining armor routine, And who is much more ready to judge than the "bad boy" who's done it all and understands the hypocrisy of casting the first stone.
 redfox21
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 3
Am I stuck in the friend zone?
Posted: 8/28/2011 11:25:20 AM
So now girls don't want the protectors anymore?

Didn't the song by Bonnie Tyler ask, "isn't there a white knight upon his fiery steed?" Or is it that Bonnie Tyler was in her 30s/40s when she asked that and younger girls are just looking for any guy that isn't mature?

BTW wouldn't confidence be what I showed?
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 4
Am I stuck in the friend zone?
Posted: 8/28/2011 11:26:33 AM

How can I escape the friend zone? Also...why do I always end up in the friend zone?


you escape it by NEVER entering it...its kinda like the twilight zone man.

so how do you never get in it?

by not being some meely minded wimp around her...

if you go out with her a few times, you make a play for her pants...trust me,,,you will NOT be in the friendzone then...


btw- they night you first met and ""saved her""- why didn't you get some that night?

my thoughts are - since you did NOT go for it that night, she put you in the friend zone buddy boy...
 redfox21
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 5
Am I stuck in the friend zone?
Posted: 8/28/2011 11:27:26 AM
I tried, trust me. She has a boyfriend.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 6
Am I stuck in the friend zone?
Posted: 8/28/2011 11:41:33 AM

So now girls don't want the protectors anymore?
Oh man you don't get it, maybe its because you're young, I used to think that way when I was your age and then reality set in and I grew up and stop believing in the Tooth Fairy, especially after the government started taxing me .

If all you can offer is "protection," find a job as a body-guard. Women expect much more from their men, since they can protect themselves pretty well these days: we learn how to cross a street and avoid the cars by age 3.

Confidence is more than " saving" someone from some creep, she likes you as a friend because shes told you she has a boyfriend, why cant you accept that, if you were smart I would befriend her because she might have other friends equally " hot" and she could put in a good word for you, that's is confidence, you could of flirted with her, kept within the boundaries and she might of thought, hmmmmmmm If I wasn't with the present boyfriend perhaps( which is good that she doesn't act upon her desires) or she might think as I said earlier perhaps" I could set him up with a friend." I can speak from experience on that.

 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 7
Am I stuck in the friend zone?
Posted: 8/28/2011 11:43:10 AM

I tried, trust me. She has a boyfriend.


ok so what's the problem???


if a girl really wants to be with you - its because her ""bf"" isn't so boyfriendy so to speak...

and that means she's open.


otherwise- she's just not that attracted to you and said "gotta bf" to get you to leave her alone.


so why don't you go find someone else.

its your only recourse...
 geoffonpof1
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 8
Am I stuck in the friend zone?
Posted: 8/28/2011 12:47:45 PM
How can I escape the friend zone?
With this woman once she views you as a friend, very rarely does it change into a relationship.


Why do I always end up in the friend zone?
Becuase you let it happen, by doing whatever they want you to do all the time.

Should I begin treating girls more badly and be more of jerk to get them?
No then you just become a jerk in there eye.
 country_grl_24
Joined: 3/26/2011
Msg: 9
Am I stuck in the friend zone?
Posted: 8/28/2011 12:49:09 PM
First off..i think it is funny that guys comment on questions that are in the "Ask a Girl" category. lol Second..TELL HER YOUR FEELINGS!! Just like guys, girls cant read minds. I live by this one quote "Youll never know unless you try". Lastly, DONT EVER CHANGE WHO YOU ARE FOR SOMEONE ELSE!! Good luck sweetie!! :)
 unclezeus
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 10
Am I stuck in the friend zone?
Posted: 8/28/2011 2:03:19 PM
There is a girl whom I have it for bad.


Okay so you tell her you want to date her and go from there.

If she has a boyfriend , thats not imortant. Boyfriends are place holders, especially at her age. Means absolutely nothing.
She will tell you if she is interested in going out or she will tell you she isn't. But stick around, anyway.


Yet, she then leans over and kisses her boyfriend!


Means nothing. Thats what girls do.


How can I escape the friend zone?
.....You can't. She has to remove you from the Fz. In your case you may be able to get out if you nutup and tell her you want to take her out sometime.
She doesn't know unless you TELL her.


why do I always end up in the friend zone?
.....You lack confidence.
Remember how you saved the girl from some bonehead? You knew you could get hurt , but you stepped up anyway, ..thats confidence. Now do the samething with her, step up and tell her.


Should I begin treating girls more badly and be more of jerk to get them?


No. You could not do that. Its not your nature.
But you can stop being the listening buddy , walk away, when she starts talking about guys who turn her on, or bf problems. Learn to say "No, I'm busy". Stop answering your phone on the weekends, let it go to voice mail. If asked what did you do, just say you were out.


Also, is it bad that I feel no sympathy when they get hurt by the "bad boys"
....Nope.


now karma comes back to them"?


Forget about karma. At least those guys are trying, you have to give them credit for that.

Now its up to you to work on your confidence with women. You can do it, you've done it.
And never let a mention of a boyfriend make you back down, unless she specifically says she is not interested.
"I have a boyfriend", is not the samething as , "No".
You do still have a chance.
 MsMuscleChick
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 11
Am I stuck in the friend zone?
Posted: 8/28/2011 2:05:59 PM
Do some of us really look like we need a protector? NO, we do not. We want men who have some damn confidence and can just be himself and none of the nice guy crap. " Oh yes please save me from the horrors of this cruel cruel world" . Good God. LOL

And we need to be attracted to him as well. There is a lot that falls into play in liking someone. Geez.

She has a man. Keep going. So you did her a little favor, big deal. Why can't people just be nice without expectations ???
 Tervis
Joined: 5/18/2009
Msg: 12
Am I stuck in the friend zone?
Posted: 8/28/2011 2:28:09 PM
Nice Redfox you are like a polar opposite of me. I like to have girlfriends and by this I mean just friends. They are fun to hang out with we do stuff and all that, but unfortunately it never seems to work out that way. They always seem to start liking me or trying to make out with me when they are drunk. Then I have to deal with angry boyfriend I want nothing to do with. I can't seem to put girls in the friend zone and keep them there. Why don't you just write me a list of all the things you do so I can learn man. I know I am somewhat flirty so that has to stop, but it is kind of how I talk to women in general. So what I am getting so far is that I have to ask girls how they feel all the time and have I don't know what do you want to do wars. I think that is the just of it. Who knows maybe I am that jerk guy. I always make girls go biking and swimming with me in'stuff. One reason is I like doing that stuff and the second is I don't want them to think they can get all fat on me, double bonus.

As far as most of the comments on here go I agree. Be friends go out with her hot friends. Who cares if she is touching you I would have no problem with it nothing wrong with hot women feeling you up. Get her hot friends all to a party and start feeling them up.
 redfox21
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 13
Am I stuck in the friend zone?
Posted: 8/28/2011 9:32:43 PM
Why are they allowed to have the fun but we nice guys have to wait and have no fun and just "settle down" when the girls decide they suddenly want us? Why do we get denied the fun life?
 Tervis
Joined: 5/18/2009
Msg: 14
Am I stuck in the friend zone?
Posted: 8/28/2011 9:48:10 PM
Haha that is the problem you waiting around for them to decide you decide if they don't like you move on. Just like when I did door to door sales just keep going. You get bent up about one of them guess what affects all the rest. Or you even just be no good at it or having a crum day plugging along and get a 1,000 dollar deal doing nothing but standing there staring at the guy holding a sign. Sounds dumb but works for women too, and guess what like everything else the more you do it the better you get.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 15
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History
Am I stuck in the friend zone?
Posted: 8/28/2011 9:51:55 PM
She has a boyfriend, so what, you hope she a cheater? Then what, if she did do you, would you think you were the boyfriend now and how would you feel if she was all over some other guy? She sounds like trouble really, but I bet if you made a pass she's tell that boyfriend. But if you really must, then do her and see what happens.
 redfox21
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 16
Am I stuck in the friend zone?
Posted: 8/28/2011 10:07:29 PM
I don't cheat or sleep with girls in relationships.
 SylvanSwan
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 17
Am I stuck in the friend zone?
Posted: 8/28/2011 11:38:07 PM
Face it, this woman is hot and that is the only reason you want her. If she wasn't, you wouldn't have lifted one finger to "save" her and you wouldn't be pining away for her either.
 Such_Small_Hands
Joined: 4/15/2009
Msg: 18
Am I stuck in the friend zone?
Posted: 8/29/2011 12:47:00 AM
Once in the friend zone, you will not be able to get out, unless the female pulls you out. Ive been there, bro. Just be confident, and don't let a girl walk all over you just to get her to like you.
 sj7
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 19
Am I stuck in the friend zone?
Posted: 8/29/2011 2:11:49 AM
If you like somebody you want to be more then just friends with and you find it difficult to get out of the friend zone you really need to be direct. I wish people were more direct these days... sure it's fun to be a flirt at times but if you're in the friend category and you're stuck there and you want to be more then just a friend ... then ..

SAY SOMETHING !!!!

MAKE A MOVE !!!!

If you notice she has a bf ... it's not like they're married ... but then again, you don't want to be a rebound either but my goodness if you like a girl then SAY SOMETHING !!

And if you're more direct and they reject you then at least you save yourself from being placed in "just friends" category :)
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