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 justjte
Joined: 12/6/2009
Msg: 1
is is reasonablePage 1 of 1    
not that we men don't read your profiles but why is it many of you expect us to write something unique when we first message you. is it really reasonable though and doesn't it just makes sense for a simple "hello how are you what's your name". i mean i just don't see a point in making all my messages special unless something in their profile really stood out. after all there is no guarantee you will even respond in the first place. maybe 1 out 15 times you might. so i ask this question is it really reasonable to want us to make our messages more than just a hello
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 2
is is reasonable
Posted: 8/28/2011 3:34:55 PM
I think it is.

If my profile interests you, then mention something in it.
If my picture is all that interests you, then move on.

Online dating is different then in real life.
You can pull off a "Hello, how are you", when you meet someone face to face.
Because that in itself includes a smile, and a glimpse of your persona.

On the internet, it puts you in the camp of all the other wackos who send out a "Hey ... how's it going?"

You gotta beat your competition.
And you know, it's really not hard to beat an idiot.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 3
is is reasonable
Posted: 8/28/2011 3:35:43 PM
you nice guys don't realize that 90% of the men say the same thing in their emails to women, How would you like to receive a ton of messages saying " hi what is your name?" or "hi you're really attractive?" or " hello , wanna chat?"

Second most of you nice guys say the same thing in your profile, which is why most women says hell with you guys, you're too boringggggggggg

You guys don't seem to understand, Women for the most part likes Confident men, not co cky, but confident , they can tell if you have confidence by looking at your profile, your pics , your emails to them.
 Lolita_LeBron
Joined: 1/12/2011
Msg: 4
is is reasonable
Posted: 8/28/2011 3:43:17 PM
Don't take it so personal. Some women will get a unique message and still overlook you. I guess it depends on the person you are emailing. Too many people get the impression that online dating is soooo much easier than trying to meet people in other places. Maybe, it is your approach to what you think is a simple "hello".
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 5
is is reasonable
Posted: 8/28/2011 3:50:08 PM
Dude, if you ever watch the show, How I met your mother you are probably familiar with the so-called, Hot/Crazy scale. On here, there is such a thing as a hot/writing scale. On the Hot/Writing scale, hotness is on the left while the amount of writing is on the bottom. It's graph is the inverse of the Hot/Crazy scale so it follows that the hotter the guy is the less he has to write. You'll find this also works for women as well.

Based on this, I'd go with the above advice, "Do what works for you".

Good luck..
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 6
is is reasonable
Posted: 8/28/2011 3:55:58 PM

is it really reasonable to want us to make our messages more than just hello
Do you respond to messages that just say "Hello"? . If that is as original as you can get then perhaps you should not be dating.

Instead of sending out 30 or 40 messages everyday maybe you should be more selective in the people you message. Limits you messages to a few well thought out messages everyday and I bet you get better results. I know most of you guys think this is a numbers game, but I think you will get better results going for quality over quantity.
 kasandroid
Joined: 3/22/2006
Msg: 7
is is reasonable
Posted: 8/28/2011 3:57:30 PM
It would be nice if guys could just be themselves and stop worrying so much about the dumbest sh1t possible. Is it so hard to say whats on your mind or are you worried about breaking some anal retentive mold all the sheep must follow?

Do you walk up to your friends and talk to them with some script? Do all your conversations sound like copy and paste dialogue? Are you so boring and unimaginative you think hi, how are you is gonna make the ladies swoon and drop their pants? Perhaps if you are a hot model thats all it takes, but some women need their minds stimulated and not just whats down below.

If you cannot spell and your sentences are code textspeak that some cannot understand, and if typing a paragraph is so damn hard and time consuming, perhaps leave the internet and try PHONE dating.

AND ONCE AGAIN, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMEN GET IGNORED WHEN THEY SEND MESSAGES AS WELL, it's just as bad on our side.
is is reasonable
Posted: 8/28/2011 3:59:12 PM
ever done sales, op? what you're talking about is pure cold call. cold-callers who bat over .100 get into the Sales Hall of Fame, so adjust your expectations accordingly.

let's put it this way: every high-school dropout with a unibrow and a b0ner writes 'hello, how r u?' and never gets a response. is that the league you want to calibrate your performance to? if not, step up. you don't have to write 'ulysses,' for goodness sake. two sentences that show you're paying attention and have a few molecules of wit are fine. of course, even then, you have zero guarantees.
 SexyKG74
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 9
view profile
History
is is reasonable
Posted: 8/28/2011 4:45:49 PM
If all you say is "hello," then how would I know if you've read or even skimmed my profile? By no means should someone have to write a book in their initial message, but what about 1 or 2 sentences as to what made you contact me in the first place?

I don't know about anyone else but if I click on a guy's profile who I find attractive and I see a nicely written profile and he mentions things that I'm interested in as well, I'm GOING to mention it in my email...

My biggest pet peeve messages are:

"How r u?" (Text speak as initial conversation?!)

"What's your name?" (I state my name at the very end of my profile. Even if you skim it, it's easy to pick out)

"Do you date outside of your race?" (I clearly state I have, at the beginning of my profile.)

"Yo ma, if you like my profile, holla at me!" (If you read my profile, do you really think I'm the type of woman who goes for a guy who speaks like this!?)

Needles to say, I have a very special relationship with the delete and block buttons!
 sj7
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 10
is is reasonable
Posted: 8/28/2011 5:10:42 PM
The hi how are message is getting rather boring ... it's getting rather mundane and we ladies can't tell a blessed thing about who you are with just a simple hi how are you message.

If I were the gal to receive a message ... the message doesn't have to be long.

Make up a general message that you can just cut and paste but then change a word or two that will make it unique to the gal you're sending the message to.

Hi my name is ____

How has your day been?

And then come up with maybe one sentence ... first write a sentence about you that is not on your profile and then write a second sentence that will show the girl you've read her profile.

All in all ... you're looking at 4 sentences for a first message...

Usually I want to know if there will be intellectual compatibility and so I'm going to be less likely drawn to reply to the hi how are message. However, I will still respond but so far ... every single time I respond to the simple hi how are you messages it's like the guy can't hold a conversation worth beans... That tells me that the two of us are not intellectually or even socially compatible. And so, if I see a trend in this I might not actually be responding to the simple hi how are you messages and that's especially if the guy can't seem to hold an online conversations.... if the guy can't hold an online conversation what's he going to be like in person? If my experience in person is exactly like my experience online then we've got an awkward experience coming up and I don't like awkward.
 Ailliss
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 11
is is reasonable
Posted: 8/28/2011 5:22:10 PM

why is it many of you expect us to write something unique when we first message you. is it really reasonable though


It is for me. This site allows you to put a “minimum” of characters you will accept in a first message; I use it. I am only interested in those who find me interesting enough to make an effort to get my attention.
 sj7
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 12
is is reasonable
Posted: 8/28/2011 5:29:30 PM
Also if you leave the message as hi how are you and leave it up to your profile alone then you've got a little problem.

You're profile was kinda awkward to read through.

Perhaps you should change it a little.

Instead of focusing on what you're wanting to improve about yourself or the negative aspects of how you feel about yourself, and instead of putting a negative slant on your profile change it to be more positive.

Everyone knows that none of us are perfect. You're either focused on your flaws or your focused on life. So, write about who you are, your good qualities now and then talk about your dreams in a positive light not in contrast to who you are now... ie. I want to be successful ... sure but that part of your profile makes me wonder if you feel like a loser and under achiever?

Make it as positive as you can... knowing that we all know none of us have actually made it .... if that were true we'd be living the life we want to live and have our dreams today and wouldn't be in need for pof.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 13
is is reasonable
Posted: 8/28/2011 5:54:10 PM
That is really a sad way of looking at things Statesshapes wow ...... how do you know they are laughing at you bud? you do know on the average women receive 4x the emails men receive right? its like everything else in life you have to put some work , some effort to it.... just because A nice guy has a job/career, pledges his allegiance to God and Country, fights communism and believes in Capitalism and social programs and rescues puppies and kitten doesn't entitle him to the pick of the litter.
 pinkoleander
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 14
is is reasonable
Posted: 8/28/2011 6:00:03 PM

Let me reveal women's dirty little secret. They ENJOY having us waste our time on them. They laugh at us and require us to put in tremendous effort, while at the same time putting in virtually none of their own.

Damn, damn, damn! How did you find out? Whoever broke the code of silence is dead when we find her. Now that it's out I'll admit, we have a secret society where we meet to share emails and laugh and laugh and laugh at you poor pathetic men and your emails. And we enjoy it!! We do.
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 15
view profile
History
is is reasonable
Posted: 8/28/2011 6:33:15 PM
Damn, damn, damn! How did you find out? Whoever broke the code of silence is dead when we find her. Now that it's out I'll admit, we have a secret society where we meet to share emails and laugh and laugh and laugh at you poor pathetic men and your emails. And we enjoy it!! We do.


Foolish female - did you think we were not aware of your evil schemes? Be warned: S.H.E.M.A.L.E has broken your control code. John Nash has been studying Cosmopolitan, Us, and Oprah magazine for four years now, and his notes have been verified by our leader, Stephen Hawking - codename, Professor Y. Our transsexual operatives have infiltrated your sad group - you have no secrets from us.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 16
is is reasonable
Posted: 8/28/2011 6:40:52 PM
OP- if you're boring and uninteresting....then you are boring and uninteresting...

why would a woman want a guy who is boring and uninteresting ??


cuz you think you're a nice guy who knows how to be good to a woman, instead of all the jerks/azzholes she's been with before you?
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 17
is is reasonable
Posted: 8/28/2011 6:53:55 PM
What christ on a crutch said:


let's put it this way: every high-school dropout with a unibrow and a b0ner writes 'hello, how r u?' and never gets a response. is that the league you want to calibrate your performance to? if not, step up. you don't have to write 'ulysses,' for goodness sake. two sentences that show you're paying attention and have a few molecules of wit are fine. of course, even then, you have zero guarantees.


If I get one of those "how r u" messages, I reply, "Fine". End of response. If they're not going to take a few seconds to show that they actually read my profile and found something that prompted them to write, then I can't be bothered to respond with anything more than a direct answer to the question.

A guy who is dating one of my friends (they met here on PoF) messaged me to say that my profile is way too long. I told him I did that for a reason: to weed out men who couldn't/wouldn't read. I don't think he got the point.
 Truth09
Joined: 7/1/2010
Msg: 18
is is reasonable
Posted: 8/28/2011 7:27:35 PM
I dont remember the last time that I got a message on here from a female that was more than 2 sentences.
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