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 AngelCakes85
Joined: 8/20/2011
Msg: 1
On POF under false pretence Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Recently I met a man who on his profile he states he looking for long term etc we had 1 date and during that date I realised he is quite promiscuous and has a number of 'friends' who he pulls out when he needs a leg over which is fine if people want to live like that and I had by the decided he wasn't boyfriend material but I fancied him.

So we had a second date and had sex because I wanted to and after 3 months I needed to (basically I had Lletz treatment so needed to get back in the saddle as it was worrying me) but during that night the extent of his falsities came to light and I now realise he has about 6 of these women who he calls when he feels like it so I decided all it would be is FWB as long as I wasn't going to be one of many and wouldn't be used every 2 months. He admitted he doesn't want anything serious, which neither do I but my profile states that and I am open minded to more long term if it happens.

Now I don't have restrictions on those looking for IE contacting me etc as I believe at least they are being honest about their intent more so than many who claim to be looking for love when they just want IE so I don't think those restrictions offer much reassurance.

Now I am smart enough to realise not everyone on here are who they seem and I don't mind that all it was is 'sex' it was fun and I enjoyed it but do you think I should mention to him that he has long term on his profile and should maybe change it to prevent upsetting those women who are looking for a relationship and would be upset.

If he is genuine it could be a honest error but if not he knows he is luring in women by using long term etc.

So would you mention it or just ignore it as its not your problem?
 Kitten189
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 2
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 1:07:03 AM
If he is genuine it could be a honest error but if not he knows he is luring in women by using long term etc.

So would you mention it or just ignore it as its not your problem?


Op,i doubt he'd appreciate you bringing this to his attention(as if he didnt realize?!) coz it sounds like its working for him just fine.
You added yourself to his harem.
Why would he want to change anything?
He's getting EXACTLY what he REALLY wants
*Edit* \/ \/ "He" probably doesn't have any standards.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 3
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 1:10:58 AM
^^^^lol

oh gosh....

funny....


just because someone has sex with you ONCE and that's it, does NOT mean they are not looking for long term.

it only means that you don't make the cut.

they don't want LONG TERM with you...

cuz you weren't good enough for their standards...
 AngelCakes85
Joined: 8/20/2011
Msg: 4
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 1:20:23 AM
^^^^

Read my post properly, he was on about sex from the moment we met going on about his 'friends' and said he didn't want anything serious..

After we had sex he wanted to see me again it was me who decided he doesn't really make the grade., he didn't turn me on enough.

Does that sound like someone who wants long term with anyone? besides that the constant chat about his ex.

I quite agree kitten, having seen some of his conquests but at 48 he doesn't have much choice. I think he is after a toy he can have 3 somes with etc but that's just from what he was saying to me.

VVV

Top 5? when I told him I didn't want to see him and never saw him as relationship material. I'm not miffed at all, I got what I wanted and never planned on anything more with him BUT he has looking for long term when he admitted to me he isn't, before I did anything with him.

It is clear than on the US dominated forums users will try to pick and have a ago at the OP whatever they post about.

I didn't ask for judgement on me or gloating because you think I got screwed over or I'm not good enough.

I asked WOULD YOU MENTION HIS PROFILE IN CASE IT IS A MISTAKE ON HIS PART?

He would have just as much luck if he was honest.
 UglyFroggieCritter
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 5
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 1:20:57 AM
People are on PoF under false pretenses? Says who?

He got laid, you got laid, everybody's happy. So what's the problem? You miffed cause you didn't make the top five?

Cripes.

edit to add:^^^I'm Canadian, thanks. What it all comes down to is he said/she said. Who cares what he has on his profile. You knew he was promiscuous after the first date, you slept with him on the second date, and then decided you wanted nothing to do with him. So leave it be.
 Basiate
Joined: 11/2/2010
Msg: 6
view profile
History
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 1:46:35 AM
Dang girl! Part of finding someone for a long term relationship includes dating women. He seems to be pretty upfront in that he has a few girls that are willing to have sex with him until he finds what he is looking for. You knew this, and still slept with him. Who cares? You got what you wanted and he got what he wanted. You had an Intimate Encounter with him and now you are criticizing him for it because you are pissed that he has Looking For Long Term on his profile instead of Intimate Encounter?

The issue here is that he did not want anything serious with you.

It is NOT your responsibility to tell a man who you do not know how to live and run his life.
It is NOT your job to rescue these 'poor poor girls he is luring' into having sex with.

Your coming off as a bit of a Bunny Boiler to me..Time to let it go and move on.
 AngelCakes85
Joined: 8/20/2011
Msg: 7
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 1:59:18 AM
Are you all thick?

I DIDN'T WANT ANYTHING SERIOUS WITH HIM AFTER THE FIRST MEETING I DON'T REALLY WANT ANYTHING SERIOUS WITH ANYONE AT THIS TIME. Do not try and pretend you're all physic and know what anyone real issues are.

If I could quote myself I would, but if you read again you will notice I said I don't care what he does as it is up to him how he lives

BUT nor do I think he is a bad guy who would intentionally mislead people (as the above correctly noticed he is upfront as was upfront from the moment we spoke which is why I think he isn't doing it intentionally) which is why I wondered if I should mention it. He is good looking with a good body, no reason to pretend.

I have seen similar profiles for example looking for Long term but no commitment I mentioned it to 1 guy and he thanked me for it but explained he was baffled by all the options we are now good friends.

Why would I be pissed at him when I knew what I was doing and what I wanted from him? he is 48 I'm 26 would never work long term for me.

The problem here is, most of you read what you want to read to have a go at the OP, now it is not just this post I have noticed it is the same people who do it on almost every post yet don't start topics themselves.
 oompa-loompa
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 8
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 2:46:22 AM
Yeah, he's dishonest but it really shouldn't be an issue with you since you're FWB. He should be thankful that you didn't cut him on the first date. Also there is the possibility that he is making up these fantastical stories about being with other women just to impress you and get you in bed.

Men tend to exaggerate to impress a woman, and no matter how clumsy it is sometimes it works.
 UglyFroggieCritter
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 9
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 3:14:03 AM
Dear god in heaven, if it's that almighty important for you to point out to him what you think is a discrepancy on his fricken PoF profile, then please, by all means do so.

Permission granted.

Happy now???
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 10
view profile
History
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 3:19:41 AM
Ok, so he has in his profile that he is looking for a long term.
You have under body type...prefer not to say.
Maybe you're tied in the false pretense department since you're not being upfront about it.

So he admitted he's not looking for anything serious. Maybe he was just talking about you.

And if he's upfront with these women and they still screw him willingly is it his fault or their fault?
 AngelCakes85
Joined: 8/20/2011
Msg: 11
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 3:32:09 AM
Possibly Oompa I did wonder if he was just trying to impress but it isn't something that works with me. When I told him I didn't want to see him again he did try to chase a little and convince me.

Oh Procol another who simply can't read, he was upfront about not wanting serious before we met so it isn't just me it is a lot of women and I don't think he is looking for serious considering he is not over his ex. He knew I didn't want anything serious too.

As for my profile, I have a full length photo and as everyone's opinions on body type vary I think it is far easier just to stick a photo up but I didn't ask for a profile review.

I slept with him because I wanted to and I assume the others who agree to it do as well, I'm not talking about those women I'm talking about those who want love etc etc

Edit
Besides who cares as I just spoke to him and he said he didn't realise it still said long term, he thought he was looking for long term originally but isn't ready and has now changed it as it wasn't his intention to lead anyone on, and it is a shame that I have decided I don't want to see him again but understands why.
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 12
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 4:12:48 AM
I asked WOULD YOU MENTION HIS PROFILE IN CASE IT IS A MISTAKE ON HIS PART?

sure. sit him down in front of the computer, point at the words "long term" on his profile ("see this??"), then SLAM his head HARD into the computer screen. that's what i always do.... "there's yer long-term". nyuk-nyuk


He would have just as much luck if he was honest

then why are you making a federal case out of mentioning his "mistake"??




Besides who cares as I just spoke to him and he said he didn't realise it still said long term, he thought he was looking for long term originally but isn't ready and has now changed it as it wasn't his intention to lead anyone on, and it is a shame that I have decided I don't want to see him again but understands why.

oh that's great. let's head on over to broken hearts then.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 13
view profile
History
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 4:15:50 AM
It sounds to me as though this guy DOES want a long term relationship, he just wants a long term relationship with sex, no commitments, and lots of OTHER women in the same bed.

It's one of those "point of view" things, like Obiwan Kenobi talked about.

I'd suggest that the only reason you're mildly hung up on "correcting" him, is that you resent not being able to get him to commit to you long term, on your conditions.
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 14
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History
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 4:17:10 AM

then why are you making a federal case out of mentioning his "mistake"??

lol...good question.
But since none here can read or comprehend I guess we'll never know since the op isn't telling.
 meowsaidthetigress
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 15
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 4:59:10 AM
You used each other for sex. The end.

I personally dont see that as a bad thing if its what you wanted knowing he was a player.
Players are people too and want a long term relationship when they find the right person, even if they still bang half the planet.
 home_osorio
Joined: 2/12/2011
Msg: 16
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 5:02:57 AM
no, you do not have to point it out to him. he totally knows about that already. and he knows that by putting the LOOKING FOR LTR, he can get laid with loads of women.
 MsMuscleChick
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 17
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 5:10:07 AM
Sex on a second date...wow. How impressive ( really?) .

If you wanted a hook up, you got it. He sure did. He can put long term, short term, dating, you name it. He finds women who put out, period. So it doesn't matter what he said, does it? No need to mention anything. LOL Why?

LOL @ Genuine and honest error....look if someone is willing to put out that fast, it does not matter what he said he wants ! Now, if you declined, and continued to see him and he kept trying, that is when you would ask !

I hope you are being safe.
 maryjay51
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 18
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 5:12:46 AM
when i realize someone is not for me i tell them and i tell them why. im human about it but honest. i'm pretty honest about what i want or don't want in my profile so when i am talking to someone and i recognize they pretty much ignored what i said in my profile then i end the communication . i always tell them i wish them well with what they are looking for and keep it civil and then say my good byes.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 19
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 5:24:37 AM
well OP, doesn't matter what he has on his profile, most women with more than a modicum of intelligence can figure him out, heck you did after the first date. Is it false advertising , probably but he knows that and that's how he thinks he gets his women.

Is it your job to tell him about his profile, depends on the relationship you have with him, but I don't see the benefits of telling him, he's most likely will not change because you say so.
 recreator611
Joined: 1/29/2011
Msg: 20
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 7:05:03 AM
Well...as any dating sights...players are abundant....say one thig and mean another....Ive been on my share and at least can say I havnt played that kindof game and have walked away knowing she was looking for more....
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 21
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 7:30:17 AM
Sorry I meant its NOT your job to tell him about his profile...
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 22
view profile
History
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 7:36:18 AM
Honestly there is no need to feel altruistic and play good samaritan to help him re-write his profile, because he does not care. He will continue to put whatever he wants in there in order to ensure he gets laid. Who is going to stop him? The forum police are an urban legend.
If he thinks writing 'long term relationship wanted' in order to rope unsuspecting dimwits into one night stands then he's going to do it. Not all will be quite as savvy as you are.
 Meat_Sack
Joined: 8/23/2011
Msg: 23
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 8:13:49 AM

So would you mention it or just ignore it as its not your problem?

I wouldn't mention it unless it came up in conversation.
Like if we had just had sex and we were talking.
Like they said "I'm so glad I found you on POF. And all those others too. I can't wait to meet even more. Do you know how I can improve my profile to meet more people?"
And I said "Oh yeah, that's hot, you might want to change it from long term, it might help you meet more people, and put more silky smooth sexy sex pictures up (still conforming to POF rules of course)."

Otherwise it would probably not even enter my thought process.

Really though, I had to laugh at this.

he knows he is luring in women by using long term

Brings to mind the guy writing "guaranteed long term relationship here!" on a piece of paper and putting it underneath a cage held up with a stick, with women slinking out of the bushes to come get it.
Is that what you do? Read a profile and ignore everything but "long term" and go "OMG! They're the one for me! I'm lured!"

To me saying he's "luring" them in via having "long term" on his profile is like wondering if a guy should be told not to put Bon Bon manufacturer on his job title because it's luring women in.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 24
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 9:31:41 AM
Since you easily discovered his intent on your first meet, I'd assume other women will as well.

It's quite possible he is actually "looking" for something long-term, but just hasn't yet found it... much like you.

No harm, no foul.
 ilovehowiecarr
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 25
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History
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 10:28:56 AM
you're being pretty judgmental considering you had sex with a total stranger and use the excuse that you "needed" it after 3 months of no sex. 3 months? seriously? that's a long time for you? you sound like you get around more than he does. at least he told you the truth, and the other truth he's probably too nice to tell you is that he IS looking for long term, just not with YOU.
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