Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > On POF under false pretence      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Kitten189
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 2
On POF under false pretence Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
If he is genuine it could be a honest error but if not he knows he is luring in women by using long term etc.

So would you mention it or just ignore it as its not your problem?


Op,i doubt he'd appreciate you bringing this to his attention(as if he didnt realize?!) coz it sounds like its working for him just fine.
You added yourself to his harem.
Why would he want to change anything?
He's getting EXACTLY what he REALLY wants
*Edit* \/ \/ "He" probably doesn't have any standards.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 3
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 1:10:58 AM
^^^^lol

oh gosh....

funny....


just because someone has sex with you ONCE and that's it, does NOT mean they are not looking for long term.

it only means that you don't make the cut.

they don't want LONG TERM with you...

cuz you weren't good enough for their standards...
 UglyFroggieCritter
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 5
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 1:20:57 AM
People are on PoF under false pretenses? Says who?

He got laid, you got laid, everybody's happy. So what's the problem? You miffed cause you didn't make the top five?

Cripes.

edit to add:^^^I'm Canadian, thanks. What it all comes down to is he said/she said. Who cares what he has on his profile. You knew he was promiscuous after the first date, you slept with him on the second date, and then decided you wanted nothing to do with him. So leave it be.
 Basiate
Joined: 11/2/2010
Msg: 6
view profile
History
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 1:46:35 AM
Dang girl! Part of finding someone for a long term relationship includes dating women. He seems to be pretty upfront in that he has a few girls that are willing to have sex with him until he finds what he is looking for. You knew this, and still slept with him. Who cares? You got what you wanted and he got what he wanted. You had an Intimate Encounter with him and now you are criticizing him for it because you are pissed that he has Looking For Long Term on his profile instead of Intimate Encounter?

The issue here is that he did not want anything serious with you.

It is NOT your responsibility to tell a man who you do not know how to live and run his life.
It is NOT your job to rescue these 'poor poor girls he is luring' into having sex with.

Your coming off as a bit of a Bunny Boiler to me..Time to let it go and move on.
 oompa-loompa
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 8
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 2:46:22 AM
Yeah, he's dishonest but it really shouldn't be an issue with you since you're FWB. He should be thankful that you didn't cut him on the first date. Also there is the possibility that he is making up these fantastical stories about being with other women just to impress you and get you in bed.

Men tend to exaggerate to impress a woman, and no matter how clumsy it is sometimes it works.
 UglyFroggieCritter
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 9
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 3:14:03 AM
Dear god in heaven, if it's that almighty important for you to point out to him what you think is a discrepancy on his fricken PoF profile, then please, by all means do so.

Permission granted.

Happy now???
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 10
view profile
History
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 3:19:41 AM
Ok, so he has in his profile that he is looking for a long term.
You have under body type...prefer not to say.
Maybe you're tied in the false pretense department since you're not being upfront about it.

So he admitted he's not looking for anything serious. Maybe he was just talking about you.

And if he's upfront with these women and they still screw him willingly is it his fault or their fault?
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 12
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 4:12:48 AM
I asked WOULD YOU MENTION HIS PROFILE IN CASE IT IS A MISTAKE ON HIS PART?

sure. sit him down in front of the computer, point at the words "long term" on his profile ("see this??"), then SLAM his head HARD into the computer screen. that's what i always do.... "there's yer long-term". nyuk-nyuk


He would have just as much luck if he was honest

then why are you making a federal case out of mentioning his "mistake"??




Besides who cares as I just spoke to him and he said he didn't realise it still said long term, he thought he was looking for long term originally but isn't ready and has now changed it as it wasn't his intention to lead anyone on, and it is a shame that I have decided I don't want to see him again but understands why.

oh that's great. let's head on over to broken hearts then.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 13
view profile
History
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 4:15:50 AM
It sounds to me as though this guy DOES want a long term relationship, he just wants a long term relationship with sex, no commitments, and lots of OTHER women in the same bed.

It's one of those "point of view" things, like Obiwan Kenobi talked about.

I'd suggest that the only reason you're mildly hung up on "correcting" him, is that you resent not being able to get him to commit to you long term, on your conditions.
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 14
view profile
History
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 4:17:10 AM

then why are you making a federal case out of mentioning his "mistake"??

lol...good question.
But since none here can read or comprehend I guess we'll never know since the op isn't telling.
 meowsaidthetigress
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 15
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 4:59:10 AM
You used each other for sex. The end.

I personally dont see that as a bad thing if its what you wanted knowing he was a player.
Players are people too and want a long term relationship when they find the right person, even if they still bang half the planet.
 home_osorio
Joined: 2/12/2011
Msg: 16
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 5:02:57 AM
no, you do not have to point it out to him. he totally knows about that already. and he knows that by putting the LOOKING FOR LTR, he can get laid with loads of women.
 MsMuscleChick
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 17
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 5:10:07 AM
Sex on a second date...wow. How impressive ( really?) .

If you wanted a hook up, you got it. He sure did. He can put long term, short term, dating, you name it. He finds women who put out, period. So it doesn't matter what he said, does it? No need to mention anything. LOL Why?

LOL @ Genuine and honest error....look if someone is willing to put out that fast, it does not matter what he said he wants ! Now, if you declined, and continued to see him and he kept trying, that is when you would ask !

I hope you are being safe.
 maryjay51
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 18
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 5:12:46 AM
when i realize someone is not for me i tell them and i tell them why. im human about it but honest. i'm pretty honest about what i want or don't want in my profile so when i am talking to someone and i recognize they pretty much ignored what i said in my profile then i end the communication . i always tell them i wish them well with what they are looking for and keep it civil and then say my good byes.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 19
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 5:24:37 AM
well OP, doesn't matter what he has on his profile, most women with more than a modicum of intelligence can figure him out, heck you did after the first date. Is it false advertising , probably but he knows that and that's how he thinks he gets his women.

Is it your job to tell him about his profile, depends on the relationship you have with him, but I don't see the benefits of telling him, he's most likely will not change because you say so.
 recreator611
Joined: 1/29/2011
Msg: 20
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 7:05:03 AM
Well...as any dating sights...players are abundant....say one thig and mean another....Ive been on my share and at least can say I havnt played that kindof game and have walked away knowing she was looking for more....
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 21
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 7:30:17 AM
Sorry I meant its NOT your job to tell him about his profile...
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 22
view profile
History
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 7:36:18 AM
Honestly there is no need to feel altruistic and play good samaritan to help him re-write his profile, because he does not care. He will continue to put whatever he wants in there in order to ensure he gets laid. Who is going to stop him? The forum police are an urban legend.
If he thinks writing 'long term relationship wanted' in order to rope unsuspecting dimwits into one night stands then he's going to do it. Not all will be quite as savvy as you are.
 Meat_Sack
Joined: 8/23/2011
Msg: 23
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 8:13:49 AM

So would you mention it or just ignore it as its not your problem?

I wouldn't mention it unless it came up in conversation.
Like if we had just had sex and we were talking.
Like they said "I'm so glad I found you on POF. And all those others too. I can't wait to meet even more. Do you know how I can improve my profile to meet more people?"
And I said "Oh yeah, that's hot, you might want to change it from long term, it might help you meet more people, and put more silky smooth sexy sex pictures up (still conforming to POF rules of course)."

Otherwise it would probably not even enter my thought process.

Really though, I had to laugh at this.

he knows he is luring in women by using long term

Brings to mind the guy writing "guaranteed long term relationship here!" on a piece of paper and putting it underneath a cage held up with a stick, with women slinking out of the bushes to come get it.
Is that what you do? Read a profile and ignore everything but "long term" and go "OMG! They're the one for me! I'm lured!"

To me saying he's "luring" them in via having "long term" on his profile is like wondering if a guy should be told not to put Bon Bon manufacturer on his job title because it's luring women in.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 24
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 9:31:41 AM
Since you easily discovered his intent on your first meet, I'd assume other women will as well.

It's quite possible he is actually "looking" for something long-term, but just hasn't yet found it... much like you.

No harm, no foul.
 ilovehowiecarr
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 25
view profile
History
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 10:28:56 AM
you're being pretty judgmental considering you had sex with a total stranger and use the excuse that you "needed" it after 3 months of no sex. 3 months? seriously? that's a long time for you? you sound like you get around more than he does. at least he told you the truth, and the other truth he's probably too nice to tell you is that he IS looking for long term, just not with YOU.
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 26
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 11:04:51 AM
Well, he didn't ask you for a profile review, did he?
So why dispense unsolicited advise then?

He does have LT R with all of these women. They bang one another every time they fell like it, like you said. I bet you they all know what's going down with him.
Just up you antibiotic intake if you enjoy this risky business...


 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 27
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 12:41:08 PM
Just because he has a few lady friends to keep him company, and he slept with you, does not mean he isnt looking for long term, it just means he hasnt met a woman he would settle down with and until he does, he is going to have fun.

You cannot hold someone to what they clicked on a profile after you meet in real life. From the moment you meet them, you judge them on thier actions, not what they clicked on some old profile they set up a long time ago.

If he ASKS you your opinion on his profile, then tell him, otherwise, none of your business. As you say yourself, it doesnt matter to you anyways so let him handle his profile as he sees fit.

I am looking for long term too, doesnt mean everyone I meet is going to be long term with me.
 freethink77
Joined: 12/27/2009
Msg: 28
why all the negative judgements over her question?
Posted: 8/31/2011 8:28:34 PM
_____________________________
OP:
It is clear than on the US dominated forums users will try to pick and
have a go at the OP whatever they post about.
***
I didn't ask for judgement on me or gloating because you think I got screwed over or I'm not good enough.
***
...it could be a honest error ... I asked WOULD YOU MENTION HIS PROFILE IN CASE IT IS A MISTAKE ON HIS PART?
***
The problem here is, most of you read what you want to read to have a go at the OP, now it is not just this post I have noticed it is the same people who do it on almost every post yet don't start topics themselves.
________________________________

MESSAGE 9 "if it's that almighty important for you to point out to him what you think is a discrepancy on his fricken PoF profile, then please, by all means do so.
Permission granted. Happy now???"

MESSAGE 10-Maybe you're tied in the false pretense department since you're not being upfront about it.So he admitted he's not looking for anything serious. Maybe he was just talking about you.
_____________________________
MESSAGE 11- OP: Besides who cares as *I just spoke to him and he said he didn't realise it still said long term, ***he thought he was looking for long term originally but isn't ready and has now changed it as it wasn't his intention to lead anyone on, and it is a shame that I have decided I don't want to see him again but understands why.

***op was right...it could be an honest error _________________________________
MESSAGE12 - "why are you making a federal case out of mentioning his "mistake"??...
MESSAGE 13 "I'd suggest that the only reason you're mildly hung up on "correcting" him, is that you resent not being able to get him to commit to you long term, on your conditions."
MESSAGE 17: "Sex on a second date...wow. How impressive"
MESSAGE21: "Sorry I meant its NOT your job to tell him about his profile..."
MESSAGE 22 "Honestly there is no need to feel altruistic and play good samaritan to help him re-write his profile, because he does not care."
MESSAGE 25 "you're being pretty judgmental considering you had sex with a total stranger"
MESSAGE 26 "Well, he didn't ask you for a profile review, did he?
So why dispense unsolicited advise then?"
MESSAGE 27 "You cannot hold someone to what they clicked on a profile after you meet in real life.... If he ASKS you your opinion on his profile, then tell him, otherwise, none of your business."
------------------------------------------

----->to AngelCakes85: ....Wow ... yeah... you definitely got a lot of judgements and assumptions thrown at you-and the guy you speak of.... a lot of people don't read thoroughly enough? or just like to throw out their opinions on stuff you definitely were not asking about...so to answer your actual question, which was :
"So would you mention it or just ignore it as its not your problem?"
I personally would mention it to the person... (you already did what I would have done by message 11 !)

I have told several people about errors or contradictions on their profile
(in emails/IMs )
Example of an obvious contradiction I helped someone with:
He was 'looking for IE' on his profile, yet had a mail restriction saying 'do not contact me if you are looking for an IE'
...he was surprised when i pointed it out (-after he had IMed me)
he said: 'But i'm NOT looking for an intimate encounter! How do I change it?!?'
so I talked him through it.(-he was new to the site and new to the internet as well i think)

Wether it's a contradiction, or an obvious(to me) spelling error in a headline, ... 75% percent of the people I have pointed out errors/contradictions to, have expressed appreciation and made appropriate changes/corrections
(the other 25% either there was no concern for the error or i received no feedback)

------> to all the people I quoted above that were giving the OP unnecessary flack... why not be helpful? why not answer the actual question she asked? why make judgements and insulting remarks? jussayin... think before posting will ya?

I could see the frustration AngelCakes85 went through!!!

Anyhoo... that was my 2cents after reading the ENTIRE thread and responding to the ACTUAL question asked !!
 twelfth_dimension
Joined: 7/23/2011
Msg: 29
On POF under false pretence
Posted: 8/31/2011 9:02:22 PM
I quite agree kitten, having seen some of his conquests but at 48 he doesn't have much choice. I think he is after a toy he can have 3 somes with etc but that's just from what he was saying to me.


Let's see ...

You're 26 and in a FWB situation with a man nearly twice your age -- yet stating that he doesn't have many options. Doesn't that reflect rather poorly on you, considering you were one of those options? Might his other "conquests" have looked at you and thought the same thing? I'd say he's doing far better than you -- 6 women on the line at least one of whom is about half his age and gives him regular sex whenever he wants it. You, on the other hand, resort to casual sex with a much older man who "doesn't have much choice" -- claiming that you didn't want anything more, yet now you find yourself obsessing over his status on a dating site.

I'd worry more about that raging case of HPV that necessitated Lletz treatment -- and maybe lay off the casual sex for a while. It doesn't seem to be doing you any favors.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > On POF under false pretence