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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?      Home login  
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 cinnarose
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 1
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
A friend of mine and her new husband are splitting up after just a few months of marriage. The relationship was always tumultuous but they got married anyway (after calling off the wedding a few times). They seemed to think that being married would make everything alright (a common misconception), but now they seem to realize that the relationship is a mistake.

Her husband feels that she should return the engagement ring he gave her since the marriage didn't last very long and they are now getting divorced. It's a beautiful and very expensive diamond. She doesn't feel she should be obligated to return it, and asked me what I thought. I don't know what to tell her. She's certainly not going to wear it, and I doubt he could take it back to the jeweler at this point. If it were me, I would probably give him back the ring as a courtesy. I don't really know what is considered proper in this regard in a short-term marriage.
 LinuxD
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 2
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Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 9/7/2011 10:28:24 AM
Personally I feel no. The ring is hers. An engagement ring is only to be returned when the engagement is broken off by the woman.

The engagement ring is an outdated idea that should have been scrapped with the rise of feminism.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Engagement_ring

They made it to Marriage. it's hers.
 BigSpoon80
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 3
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 9/7/2011 10:30:55 AM
Sell it and use the proceeds to pay for the divorce. Keeping it is just being greedy. The ring had meaning while they were together now its just another useless reminder. Get rid of it!
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 4
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 9/7/2011 10:32:01 AM
It was a gift so I don't think she HAS to return it. Should she? Yeah...probably... Did she pay for most/all of the wedding?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 5
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 9/7/2011 10:36:39 AM
Her husband feels that she should return the engagement ring he gave her since the marriage didn't last very long and they are now getting divorced. It's a beautiful and very expensive diamond. She doesn't feel she should be obligated to return it, and asked me what I thought.

Well, that sort of thinking on both their parts explains the divorce. Personally, I wouldn't want the engagement ring back if my fiancee and I split up - before or after marriage. I gave it to her. It's hers. What am I going to do with it, use it again? (And the diamond in it wasn't exactly cheap, either.) I'd say they ought to follow their instincts and fight over it.

She's certainly not going to wear it,

Then why would she want it? Oh wait, nevermind.
 inthroughtheoutdoor
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 6
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 9/7/2011 10:46:00 AM
As Linux said, I too was always under the impression that an engagement ring was only to be returned if the woman broke the engagement. After the wedding, it is hers to keep - however, nothing is written in stone and under certain circumstances, it might be best to return the ring(s), specially if there are unpaid debts/costs associated with the recent wedding not to mention the upcoming divorce.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 7
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Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 9/7/2011 11:01:34 AM
It was a gift, the marriage DID take place and it is a mutual decision to separate. It's hers.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 8
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 9/7/2011 11:14:18 AM
This is a reason I think the whole engagement ring tradition is total BS and badly outdated. Almost all women demand an engagement ring and won't marry a guy without it. But what does the guy get when he gets engaged, other than a whole in his wallet and bank account? There goes the theory of equality and women bragging they are self sufficient and don't need a man.

I assume the tradition started way back in history when men were the bread winners and women didn't work. Women stayed home and were trained to be dutiful housewives and mothers-and nothing more. But almost all women work now and many women make as much or more than their husbands/boyfriends. So why hasn't the tradition of guys being stuck paying for expensive gifts and getting nothing in return caught up with modern society?

Back to the original post: technically the ring is the woman's possession. The guy has no claim to it once it's given. But as a gesture of good faith, I think she should return it. Otherwise, she might appear to be a gold digger or a very bitter b1tch who keeps it to despise her ex. And like others said, why would she want to keep it?
 vnufall
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 9
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 9/7/2011 11:15:31 AM
no, she can do with it as she pleases...its hers.
 viper1j
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 10
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 9/7/2011 11:15:34 AM
It's a beautiful and very expensive diamond.


Here's to hoping he didn't pay cash for it.

If it was financed, the payments became a marital liability.

Let her keep the ring, and make the payments. She can buy her own damn ring.
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 11
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Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 9/7/2011 11:26:12 AM
Traditionally, an engagement ring ( or any other engagement present ) is a deposit or a " down payment " for the marriage to happen. It indicates that the man intends for the match to happen.

Technically, if the marriage happens, the man doesn't lose the ring since the woman is his property and everything she owns is his ( I didn't say I agree with this ).

If the woman breaks off the engagement she should give back the ring.
If the man breaks it off he loses the deposit .
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 12
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 9/7/2011 12:37:03 PM
Her husband is wrong and Abelian touched upon so need to repeat it.... I can see if they broke up before the marriage yes she should give it back, but this is after they are married, doesnt matter if its two hours or twenty years, its hers end of story.

The husband is being a jag off now, she should tell him flat out " hell no" or F You and bite me, talk to my lawyer end of story.
 JBael
Joined: 3/11/2011
Msg: 13
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 9/7/2011 1:08:36 PM
once he gave it to her, it was hers, once they got married, the ring is half his...
if she wants to keep it, she needs to pony up something else in exchange for his stake....or give it back to him and take something equal to half its wholesale price.

btw, if women are going to insist on engagement rings, isn't it fair for men to insist on the bride's family paying a dowry?
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 14
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 9/7/2011 1:11:18 PM
The ring is hers.

Why does he want it back?

I heard a story of a couple who were arguing about it, so she took it off her finger and threw it in the lake.
Now that was the end of that story.


 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 15
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 9/7/2011 1:24:39 PM
I think that the ring should form part of the "matrimonial property" that is to be divided 50/50. It should be appraised and then sold and the monies should be considered a matrimonial asset to be divided 50/50 like everything else.

That old-fashioned promise that the ring represents DID get fulfilled and there are likely many things that are wedding gifts that would also form part of the assets. I would just put it in with the pile that goes to assets.
 viper1j
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 16
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 9/7/2011 1:26:15 PM
I think this is true for the payments that were made during the marriage - meaning if the payments came from a joint account those funds were commingled and not attributable to either party in a divorce proceeding. The debt itself pre-existed the marriage however. He would probably have to eat the loss or (depreciation on the re-sale).


He stops making payments, they repossess.

All problems solved.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 17
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 9/7/2011 1:31:57 PM

once he gave it to her, it was hers, once they got married, the ring is half his...
if she wants to keep it, she needs to pony up something else in exchange for his stake....or give it back to him and take something equal to half its wholesale price.

btw, if women are going to insist on engagement rings, isn't it fair for men to insist on the bride's family paying a dowry?


This makes the most sense seeing as assets are supposed to be split 50/50 by law.

Time for her to either pay him her half or if there is a debt on the ring assume the debt.
 inthroughtheoutdoor
Joined: 1/1/2011
Msg: 18
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 9/7/2011 2:24:27 PM

btw, if women are going to insist on engagement rings, isn't it fair for men to insist on the bride's family paying a dowry?


Traditionally, it is the bride's family who pays for the wedding so with or without a dowry, the bride and/or her family are paying to get her "married off".

As for this "insisting" that women do...I have yet to hear of one man who had a gun held to his head in order for him to propose and/or buy an engagement ring - if a person, man or woman, doesn't believe in or approve of those or any rituals, nothing and nobody is forcing them to participate.

For the record, I don't now and have never believed in a traditional wedding - my only legal marriage (5 yrs) was done at a Justice of the Peace office and I wore a yellow hot-pant dress/outfit. My other common-law marriage was "blessed" in our living room by the two of us and lasted twenty years. Both of our rings were purchased at Consumer's Distributing for less than $200 and while years later he surprised me with a beautiful diamond solitaire, it's the first one I cherished the most.

Anyway, I agree that the ring should be made part of the common marital assets to be split equally and fairly between the two of them.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 19
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 9/7/2011 2:43:45 PM
I think it's time for men to take control of this engagement ring fiasco. When a woman insists on having an engagement ring, men should insist that a woman buy the guy a big screen TV, a year subscription to every sports channel that cost extra, and a year supply of beer. It seems like a fair trade to me.

I heard of cases where a woman flushes the engagement ring down the toilet when things go south in a relationship. You won't find a guy flushing a big screen TV or beer down the toilet when a relationship gets toxic.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 20
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 9/7/2011 2:48:35 PM
The ring is hers but, holy mother, she should sell it and split the proceeds for both of them to have counseling and figure out what's UP with both of them and get their act together.
 mysterywoman999
Joined: 3/13/2011
Msg: 21
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 9/7/2011 3:03:14 PM

his makes the most sense seeing as assets are supposed to be split 50/50 by law.

Time for her to either pay him her half or if there is a debt on the ring assume the debt.


LFMAO...this from a man who has posted repeatedly that he wants a prenup to protect the assets that he acquired before the marriage. By definition, the engagement ring was given before the marriage. Furthermore, it was a gift. It's hers both by tradition and law. She married him; she gets to keep the ring.
 JBael
Joined: 3/11/2011
Msg: 22
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 9/7/2011 3:22:12 PM
In California at least, specifically in regards to an engagement ring, the court will look at who is at fault for the divorce, and if fault is joint, so is ownership of the ring.
 Laha Math
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 23
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 9/7/2011 3:23:24 PM
OP ask what's "proper" not what's "legal". It was a mistake on a couple of levels. It's no longer a symbol of undying love. It's lost its meaning. All it has is monetary value which is a legal issue and legally it's hers. To be fair and proper the value should be shared. Since there was never much of a relationship my money is on her keeping it. If so I hope it money makes her happy because I foresee nasty divorce proceedings.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 24
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 9/7/2011 4:14:15 PM
A weird thing happened after my ex decided to leave. She left unexpectedly and returned to the house a week later, also unexpectedly. She came to the house with a couple of guys who came in a truck. I asked her what's up. She said the guys are removing half of the furniture from the house, since she's entitled to at least half. Rather than fight it, I told her to go ahead and take what ever she wants. It's just stuff. It's replaceable. (The only time I talked to her after she left).

But another thing she did was a bit of a shocker. She came in her car that was loaded up with gifts that I and my family have given her over the years and returned them to me. She wanted to cut all ties with me and my family. Included were some very expensive items, such as gold and diamond jewelry, crystal ware, leather coat, etc.

What surprised me the most is she did NOT give back the engagement ring or the wedding band. Wouldn't that be the first thing she would want to get rid of if she wants to permanently break all ties and burn the bridges behind her? I don't understand female logic.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 25
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 9/7/2011 4:17:47 PM
If they had become engaged, then called the engagment off, I would say yes, return the ring. However, since, they married, I'm going to say no. The ring was a gift & is hers to keep. She is under no obligation to return the ring.
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